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(Metro)   Three years after theft of golden toilet, Metro reports police still have nothing to go on. I said, they have nothing to go on because it's a toilet... Hello? Is this thing on?   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Obvious, Theft, Crime, 38-year-old man, Robbery, Winston Churchill, 69-year-old man, Toilet, Burglary  
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1250 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2022 at 2:25 AM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2022-09-24 2:30:57 AM  
7 votes:

englaja: I would have thought Trump would have been Prime Suspect Individual 1 for such a crime.


His middle name is John, after all.
 
2022-09-24 2:52:09 AM  
4 votes:
Insurance scam. Someone spray painted a toilet.

I remember the first story in my C.M. Kornbluth collection was about a guy who went to steal a mail parcel from a jeweler, but instead of jewelry he found a lump of dry ice. He had stumbled on an insurance scam.
 
2022-09-24 3:23:13 AM  
2 votes:

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Hmm - even discarding the typical overinflated estimate the sheer 18k gold value on the thing was $1,726,008 and 28 cents at the time they stole it.  Assuming bottom of the barrel rates of 25% from a fence that's still $431,502 and 6 cents.  Not bad really for a night's burglary

/or someone just really wanted one and commissioned the theft


Hey look I can't math either - just realized I was plugging in the weight as if it were porcelain and converting that to gold.  Oh well, it's late and I'm dumb :)
 
2022-09-24 3:29:32 AM  
2 votes:

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Hmm - even discarding the typical overinflated estimate the sheer 18k gold value on the thing was $1,726,008 and 28 cents at the time they stole it.  Assuming bottom of the barrel rates of 25% from a fence that's still $431,502 and 6 cents.  Not bad really for a night's burglary

/or someone just really wanted one and commissioned the theft

Hey look I can't math either - just realized I was plugging in the weight as if it were porcelain and converting that to gold.  Oh well, it's late and I'm dumb :)


Where'd the extra 4 cents go, dirtbag?!!!
 
2022-09-24 6:13:34 AM  
2 votes:
Golden toilet? the drunken fool shat in my trombone!
 
2022-09-24 3:03:05 AM  
1 vote:
Feces.
 
2022-09-24 3:17:34 AM  
1 vote:

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Hmm - even discarding the typical overinflated estimate the sheer 18k gold value on the thing was $1,726,008 and 28 cents at the time they stole it.  Assuming bottom of the barrel rates of 25% from a fence that's still $431,502 and 6 cents.  Not bad really for a night's burglary

/or someone just really wanted one and commissioned the theft


You just need the right connections...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-09-24 3:37:58 AM  
1 vote:

DannyBrandt: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Hmm - even discarding the typical overinflated estimate the sheer 18k gold value on the thing was $1,726,008 and 28 cents at the time they stole it.  Assuming bottom of the barrel rates of 25% from a fence that's still $431,502 and 6 cents.  Not bad really for a night's burglary

/or someone just really wanted one and commissioned the theft

Hey look I can't math either - just realized I was plugging in the weight as if it were porcelain and converting that to gold.  Oh well, it's late and I'm dumb :)

Where'd the extra 4 cents go, dirtbag?!!!


4 cents was about what my calculations were worth there so...
 
2022-09-24 6:21:20 AM  
1 vote:

theknuckler_33: Ackshually, you SIT on a toilet. You go IN a toilet.


Not applicable to public toilets.
 
2022-09-24 6:49:39 AM  
1 vote:

DannyBrandt: theknuckler_33: Ackshually, you SIT on a toilet. You go IN a toilet.

*frantically scribbles notes*

I'm still confused. What is the trombone for?


Well, first you have to make sure it's rusty - very important
 
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