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(ABC News)   The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd   (abcnews.go.com) divider line
28
    More: Strange, Alaska, Palmer, Alaska, Injury, Moose, bear attack, Anchorage, Alaska, brown bear, Alaska State Troopers  
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5525 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Sep 2022 at 5:30 AM (25 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
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starlost
2022-09-23 6:22:48 AM  
18 votes:
There is no way i'd take a 9 year old hunting. Ok, maybe i would if he was really fat and i could outrun him.
 
berylman [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 6:36:49 AM  
13 votes:

Badafuco: Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out


But just think of the obituary potential! That is gravestone gold
 
ArcadianRefugee
2022-09-23 5:41:26 AM  
10 votes:
The child suffered serious injuries, while a man sustained humorous injuries, Alaska State Troopers said.

/ that's my story and I'm sticking to it
 
NathanAllen
2022-09-23 6:45:35 AM  
9 votes:

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 5:47:22 AM  
8 votes:
I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:40:10 AM  
8 votes:

berylman: Badafuco: Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out

But just think of the obituary potential! That is gravestone gold


I would definitely be a Fark headline.
 
assjuice
2022-09-23 7:26:20 AM  
6 votes:

Badafuco: NathanAllen: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.

I mean, there are worse ways to die, but a bear mauling while in an outhouse is up there on the list of one of the most unpleasant ways to go.


If you are living a life where you regularly use an outhouse do you really want to avoid death?
 
Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 6:59:54 AM  
5 votes:
"The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd"
Fark user imageView Full Size

/Story contained exactly zero Palins.
//Also, no snowmobiles.
///Mandatory third slashie.
 
Marcos P
2022-09-23 7:52:29 AM  
4 votes:

Badafuco: And a I'm certainly not some crazy ammophile, it's only for survival. I don't have children and I don't open carry. It's just protection against bears and tweakers.


I thought for a second to train the bears to eat the tweakers but then you would have a bunch of cranked up bears
 
Ambivalence [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:38:17 AM  
3 votes:

Don't Troll Me Bro!: Bear attacks humans, gets killed with gunz is barely recognizable as Alaskan. How about a 450 pound seal just chillin' on an airport runway like it owns the place?

https://www.adn.com/alaska-life/2017/10/24/in-utqiagvik-low-sealings-bring-a-unique-airplane-hazard/


I grew up in Alaska pre-internet and there are stories.

A bald eagle once grabbed a tourist's chihuahua in downtown anchorage while they were refueling their RV.

An airport in anchorage (fort hood, I think) installed a rubberized waterproof coating on one of their hangar roofs and a flock of ravens ate it. The whole thing. They just decided it was tasty. TONS of awesome raven stories.

And that's just anchorage.
 
Ambitwistor
2022-09-23 7:40:45 AM  
3 votes:

Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: "The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd"
[Fark user image 200x200] [View Full Size image _x_]
/Story contained exactly zero Palins.
//Also, no snowmobiles.
///Mandatory third slashie.


Snowmobile is like the third leading cause of death in Alaska.

pa1.narvii.comView Full Size
 
Marcos P
2022-09-23 7:51:09 AM  
3 votes:

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


Beth hit em with the bear mace!!
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Don't Troll Me Bro!
2022-09-23 5:42:21 AM  
2 votes:
Bear attacks humans, gets killed with gunz is barely recognizable as Alaskan. How about a 450 pound seal just chillin' on an airport runway like it owns the place?

https://www.adn.com/alaska-life/2017/10/24/in-utqiagvik-low-sealings-bring-a-unique-airplane-hazard/
 
dbirchall [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 5:55:54 AM  
2 votes:
Waiting for list of the kid's injuries.  Are we talking bites?  Scratches?  Bullet holes?
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:39:32 AM  
2 votes:

August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.


Not really the stopping power I need but it's better than nothing. Plus with a shot of bear spray, I think it will protect my pooping ass.
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:45:45 AM  
2 votes:
And a I'm certainly not some crazy ammophile, it's only for survival. I don't have children and I don't open carry. It's just protection against bears and tweakers.
 
Churchy LaFemme [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:26:38 AM  
2 votes:

Sleeper_agent: Doesn't seem very Alaskan. I was expecting a drunken moose or at least a flock of bald eagles stealing groceries in a walmart parking lot.


Or at least the involvement of some sort of serious political corruption.
 
The Smails Kid
2022-09-23 8:44:50 AM  
2 votes:

Klyukva: The uncomfortable truth is that while many calibers can do the job nothing short of an African dangerous game cartridge is guaranteed to abruptly stop a very large animal that is intent on killing you. Game warden Lou Kis unloaded his .357 magnum revolver into the head of a grizzly bear that was mauling him. It didn't stop mauling him until the last bullet by luck went into its neck and hit it in the spinal column.


aws.boone-crockett.orgView Full Size
 
Gentlequiet
2022-09-23 8:44:59 AM  
2 votes:
Truth be told, they didn't come there for the hunting.
 
MythDragon [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 10:04:14 AM  
2 votes:
Did the kid make fun of Elisha on his way to Bethel? Dude is really sensitive about his hair.
 
MooseBoy
2022-09-23 10:53:07 AM  
2 votes:

berylman: Badafuco: Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out

But just think of the obituary potential! That is gravestone gold

--
"He died doing what he loved"
 
August11 [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:32:09 AM  
1 vote:

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:43:00 AM  
1 vote:

August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Sleeper_agent
2022-09-23 7:01:39 AM  
1 vote:
Doesn't seem very Alaskan. I was expecting a drunken moose or at least a flock of bald eagles stealing groceries in a walmart parking lot.
 
Ambivalence [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:30:43 AM  
1 vote:
That's not even in the first 5 pages of most Alaskan stories.

Ravens stealing short ribs from Costco customers.
 
DRTFA
2022-09-23 8:15:57 AM  
1 vote:

ArcadianRefugee: The child suffered serious injuries, while a man sustained humorous injuries, Alaska State Troopers said.

/ that's my story and I'm sticking to it


I would have gone with "minor suffers major injuries" and prayed the adult involved held the rank of Major.
 
TheGreatGazoo
2022-09-23 8:43:46 AM  
1 vote:
The boy was just avenging his sister's m00se bite.
 
Diocletian's Last Cabbage [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 9:51:12 AM  
1 vote:

Badafuco: And a I'm certainly not some crazy ammophile, it's only for survival. I don't have children and I don't open carry. It's just protection against bears and tweakers.


i.chzbgr.comView Full Size
 
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