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(ABC News)   The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd   (abcnews.go.com) divider line
33
    More: Strange, Alaska, Palmer, Alaska, Injury, Moose, bear attack, Anchorage, Alaska, brown bear, Alaska State Troopers  
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5530 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Sep 2022 at 5:30 AM (26 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Smartest)
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Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 5:47:22 AM  
22 votes:
I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.
 
YetiRider [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 5:38:09 AM  
16 votes:
And now a cub is going to starve to death.
 
August11 [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:32:09 AM  
13 votes:

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.
 
Don't Troll Me Bro!
2022-09-23 5:42:21 AM  
12 votes:
Bear attacks humans, gets killed with gunz is barely recognizable as Alaskan. How about a 450 pound seal just chillin' on an airport runway like it owns the place?

https://www.adn.com/alaska-life/2017/10/24/in-utqiagvik-low-sealings-bring-a-unique-airplane-hazard/
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:45:45 AM  
11 votes:
And a I'm certainly not some crazy ammophile, it's only for survival. I don't have children and I don't open carry. It's just protection against bears and tweakers.
 
Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 6:59:54 AM  
5 votes:
"The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd"
Fark user imageView Full Size

/Story contained exactly zero Palins.
//Also, no snowmobiles.
///Mandatory third slashie.
 
Churchy LaFemme [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:25:07 AM  
4 votes:

August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.


Yep. You really need something with stopping power like a .357 if you don't want to be seriously mauled.
 
berylman [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 6:36:49 AM  
3 votes:

Badafuco: Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out


But just think of the obituary potential! That is gravestone gold
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:39:32 AM  
3 votes:

August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.


Not really the stopping power I need but it's better than nothing. Plus with a shot of bear spray, I think it will protect my pooping ass.
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:51:57 AM  
3 votes:

NathanAllen: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.


I mean, there are worse ways to die, but a bear mauling while in an outhouse is up there on the list of one of the most unpleasant ways to go.
 
Sleeper_agent
2022-09-23 7:01:39 AM  
3 votes:
Doesn't seem very Alaskan. I was expecting a drunken moose or at least a flock of bald eagles stealing groceries in a walmart parking lot.
 
assjuice
2022-09-23 7:26:20 AM  
3 votes:

Badafuco: NathanAllen: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.

I mean, there are worse ways to die, but a bear mauling while in an outhouse is up there on the list of one of the most unpleasant ways to go.


If you are living a life where you regularly use an outhouse do you really want to avoid death?
 
Ambivalence [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:30:43 AM  
3 votes:
That's not even in the first 5 pages of most Alaskan stories.

Ravens stealing short ribs from Costco customers.
 
craig234
2022-09-23 8:22:56 AM  
3 votes:
Neither the 'most Alaska' headline nor the strange tag are justified. It's just a sad story about hunting.
 
August11 [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:46:12 AM  
2 votes:

Badafuco: August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.

[Fark user image image 425x424]


Ha! Yeah I was thinking the same thing. Stay safe out there.
 
Ambivalence [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:38:17 AM  
2 votes:

Don't Troll Me Bro!: Bear attacks humans, gets killed with gunz is barely recognizable as Alaskan. How about a 450 pound seal just chillin' on an airport runway like it owns the place?

https://www.adn.com/alaska-life/2017/10/24/in-utqiagvik-low-sealings-bring-a-unique-airplane-hazard/


I grew up in Alaska pre-internet and there are stories.

A bald eagle once grabbed a tourist's chihuahua in downtown anchorage while they were refueling their RV.

An airport in anchorage (fort hood, I think) installed a rubberized waterproof coating on one of their hangar roofs and a flock of ravens ate it. The whole thing. They just decided it was tasty. TONS of awesome raven stories.

And that's just anchorage.
 
Rip_Rufus
2022-09-23 7:42:17 AM  
2 votes:
Friday the 13th 5 (6/9) Movie CLIP - Killer Crapper (1985) HD
Youtube OGEmY8RCF40
what dying in an outhouse really looks like.
 
Klyukva
2022-09-23 8:34:56 AM  
2 votes:

Churchy LaFemme: August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.

Yep. You really need something with stopping power like a .357 if you don't want to be seriously mauled.


The uncomfortable truth is that while many calibers can do the job nothing short of an African dangerous game cartridge is guaranteed to abruptly stop a very large animal that is intent on killing you. Game warden Lou Kis unloaded his .357 magnum revolver into the head of a grizzly bear that was mauling him. It didn't stop mauling him until the last bullet by luck went into its neck and hit it in the spinal column.
 
The Smails Kid
2022-09-23 8:44:50 AM  
2 votes:

Klyukva: The uncomfortable truth is that while many calibers can do the job nothing short of an African dangerous game cartridge is guaranteed to abruptly stop a very large animal that is intent on killing you. Game warden Lou Kis unloaded his .357 magnum revolver into the head of a grizzly bear that was mauling him. It didn't stop mauling him until the last bullet by luck went into its neck and hit it in the spinal column.


aws.boone-crockett.orgView Full Size
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:35:40 PM  
2 votes:

Mithiwithi: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Came for the "9mm? Against a bear?" dogpile, but it looks like it's been well covered. Carry on.

/grizzly bear scat has small bells in it and smells of peppers


Yeah, I'm aware a 9mm is almost useless against a bear, but with the bear spray and maybe the loud sound of a few rounds could scare it away long enough for me to run. Unless I get lucky and put six or seven rounds right between its eyes.
I could go for a nice bear rug in my cabin.
 
dbirchall [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 5:55:54 AM  
1 vote:
Waiting for list of the kid's injuries.  Are we talking bites?  Scratches?  Bullet holes?
 
NathanAllen
2022-09-23 6:15:00 AM  
1 vote:

dbirchall: Waiting for list of the kid's injuries.  Are we talking bites?  Scratches?  Bullet holes?


And I'm waiting for the relationship between the two related hunters.

Father-son, Grandpa-grandson, brother-brother, uncle-nephew, or step-father-step-son.

The possibilities are nearly endless.
 
starlost
2022-09-23 6:22:48 AM  
1 vote:
There is no way i'd take a 9 year old hunting. Ok, maybe i would if he was really fat and i could outrun him.
 
Sleeper_agent
2022-09-23 7:43:53 AM  
1 vote:

Ambivalence: Don't Troll Me Bro!: Bear attacks humans, gets killed with gunz is barely recognizable as Alaskan. How about a 450 pound seal just chillin' on an airport runway like it owns the place?

https://www.adn.com/alaska-life/2017/10/24/in-utqiagvik-low-sealings-bring-a-unique-airplane-hazard/

I grew up in Alaska pre-internet and there are stories.

A bald eagle once grabbed a tourist's chihuahua in downtown anchorage while they were refueling their RV.

An airport in anchorage (fort hood, I think) installed a rubberized waterproof coating on one of their hangar roofs and a flock of ravens ate it. The whole thing. They just decided it was tasty. TONS of awesome raven stories.

And that's just anchorage.


MOAR
 
Marcos P
2022-09-23 7:51:09 AM  
1 vote:

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


Beth hit em with the bear mace!!
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
NoGods
2022-09-23 8:29:32 AM  
1 vote:

starlost: There is no way i'd take a 9 year old hunting. Ok, maybe i would if he was really fat and i could outrun him.


I would take a 9-year-old hunting if I thought he/she was ready, but I live in South Carolina. In Alaska, the definition of "ready" would be very different.
 
Netrngr
2022-09-23 8:34:37 AM  
1 vote:

YetiRider: And now a cub is going to starve to death.


At this time of year the cub would be able to forage on its own as it should be weaned. It probably won't make it due to its age and lack of knowledge on how to do bear stuff but it should be able to find food. kind of a shiatty situation all around to be honest.
 
Netrngr
2022-09-23 8:37:16 AM  
1 vote:

starlost: There is no way i'd take a 9 year old hunting. Ok, maybe i would if he was really fat and i could outrun him.


Meh I was hunting at 9, not moose hunting but rabbits, squirrels, and such.
 
The Smails Kid
2022-09-23 8:43:42 AM  
1 vote:

Netrngr: Meh I was hunting at 9, not moose hunting but rabbits, squirrels, and such.


Squirrels & such
Youtube 7S-a3Imcz2M
 
Zeb Hesselgresser
2022-09-23 9:22:29 AM  
1 vote:

Gentlequiet: Truth be told, they didn't come there for the hunting.


One of the oldest jokes I know.  Still funny.
 
Death by Spaghettification [BareFark]
2022-09-23 9:48:06 AM  
1 vote:

assjuice: Badafuco: NathanAllen: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.

I mean, there are worse ways to die, but a bear mauling while in an outhouse is up there on the list of one of the most unpleasant ways to go.

If you are living a life where you regularly use an outhouse do you really want to avoid death?


Name def checks out
 
NINEv2
2022-09-23 10:37:45 AM  
1 vote:

Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: "The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd"
[Fark user image image 200x200]
/Story contained exactly zero Palins.
//Also, no snowmobiles.
///Mandatory third slashie.


It also contained zero meth and no unemployed persons.
 
Mithiwithi [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 5:34:29 PM  
1 vote:

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


Came for the "9mm? Against a bear?" dogpile, but it looks like it's been well covered. Carry on.

/grizzly bear scat has small bells in it and smells of peppers
 
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