Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(ABC News)   The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd   (abcnews.go.com) divider line
56
    More: Strange, Alaska, Palmer, Alaska, Injury, Moose, bear attack, Anchorage, Alaska, brown bear, Alaska State Troopers  
•       •       •

5543 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Sep 2022 at 5:30 AM (27 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



56 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
YetiRider [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 5:38:09 AM  
And now a cub is going to starve to death.
 
ArcadianRefugee
2022-09-23 5:41:26 AM  
The child suffered serious injuries, while a man sustained humorous injuries, Alaska State Troopers said.

/ that's my story and I'm sticking to it
 
Don't Troll Me Bro!
2022-09-23 5:42:21 AM  
Bear attacks humans, gets killed with gunz is barely recognizable as Alaskan. How about a 450 pound seal just chillin' on an airport runway like it owns the place?

https://www.adn.com/alaska-life/2017/10/24/in-utqiagvik-low-sealings-bring-a-unique-airplane-hazard/
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 5:47:22 AM  
I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.
 
dbirchall [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 5:55:54 AM  
Waiting for list of the kid's injuries.  Are we talking bites?  Scratches?  Bullet holes?
 
NathanAllen
2022-09-23 6:15:00 AM  

dbirchall: Waiting for list of the kid's injuries.  Are we talking bites?  Scratches?  Bullet holes?


And I'm waiting for the relationship between the two related hunters.

Father-son, Grandpa-grandson, brother-brother, uncle-nephew, or step-father-step-son.

The possibilities are nearly endless.
 
starlost
2022-09-23 6:22:48 AM  
There is no way i'd take a 9 year old hunting. Ok, maybe i would if he was really fat and i could outrun him.
 
August11 [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:32:09 AM  

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.
 
berylman [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 6:36:49 AM  

Badafuco: Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out


But just think of the obituary potential! That is gravestone gold
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:39:32 AM  

August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.


Not really the stopping power I need but it's better than nothing. Plus with a shot of bear spray, I think it will protect my pooping ass.
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:40:10 AM  

berylman: Badafuco: Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out

But just think of the obituary potential! That is gravestone gold


I would definitely be a Fark headline.
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:43:00 AM  

August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.


Fark user imageView Full Size


/the moon is made of cheese, but I prefer peanut butter.
 
NathanAllen
2022-09-23 6:45:35 AM  

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.

/one shy of an EGOT
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:45:45 AM  
And a I'm certainly not some crazy ammophile, it's only for survival. I don't have children and I don't open carry. It's just protection against bears and tweakers.
 
August11 [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:46:12 AM  

Badafuco: August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.

[Fark user image image 425x424]


Ha! Yeah I was thinking the same thing. Stay safe out there.
 
Badafuco [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 6:51:57 AM  

NathanAllen: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.


I mean, there are worse ways to die, but a bear mauling while in an outhouse is up there on the list of one of the most unpleasant ways to go.

/has an extra spleen
 
Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 6:59:54 AM  
"The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd"
Fark user imageView Full Size

/Story contained exactly zero Palins.
//Also, no snowmobiles.
///Mandatory third slashie.
 
Sleeper_agent
2022-09-23 7:01:39 AM  
Doesn't seem very Alaskan. I was expecting a drunken moose or at least a flock of bald eagles stealing groceries in a walmart parking lot.
 
Churchy LaFemme [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:25:07 AM  

August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.


Yep. You really need something with stopping power like a .357 if you don't want to be seriously mauled.
 
assjuice
2022-09-23 7:26:20 AM  

Badafuco: NathanAllen: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.

I mean, there are worse ways to die, but a bear mauling while in an outhouse is up there on the list of one of the most unpleasant ways to go.


If you are living a life where you regularly use an outhouse do you really want to avoid death?
 
Churchy LaFemme [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:26:38 AM  

Sleeper_agent: Doesn't seem very Alaskan. I was expecting a drunken moose or at least a flock of bald eagles stealing groceries in a walmart parking lot.


Or at least the involvement of some sort of serious political corruption.
 
Ambivalence [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:30:43 AM  
That's not even in the first 5 pages of most Alaskan stories.

Ravens stealing short ribs from Costco customers.
 
Ambivalence [TotalFark] [OhFark]
2022-09-23 7:38:17 AM  

Don't Troll Me Bro!: Bear attacks humans, gets killed with gunz is barely recognizable as Alaskan. How about a 450 pound seal just chillin' on an airport runway like it owns the place?

https://www.adn.com/alaska-life/2017/10/24/in-utqiagvik-low-sealings-bring-a-unique-airplane-hazard/


I grew up in Alaska pre-internet and there are stories.

A bald eagle once grabbed a tourist's chihuahua in downtown anchorage while they were refueling their RV.

An airport in anchorage (fort hood, I think) installed a rubberized waterproof coating on one of their hangar roofs and a flock of ravens ate it. The whole thing. They just decided it was tasty. TONS of awesome raven stories.

And that's just anchorage.
 
Ambitwistor [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 7:40:45 AM  

Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: "The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd"
[Fark user image 200x200] [View Full Size image _x_]
/Story contained exactly zero Palins.
//Also, no snowmobiles.
///Mandatory third slashie.


Snowmobile is like the third leading cause of death in Alaska.

pa1.narvii.comView Full Size
 
Rip_Rufus
2022-09-23 7:42:17 AM  
Friday the 13th 5 (6/9) Movie CLIP - Killer Crapper (1985) HD
Youtube OGEmY8RCF40
what dying in an outhouse really looks like.
 
Sleeper_agent
2022-09-23 7:43:53 AM  

Ambivalence: Don't Troll Me Bro!: Bear attacks humans, gets killed with gunz is barely recognizable as Alaskan. How about a 450 pound seal just chillin' on an airport runway like it owns the place?

https://www.adn.com/alaska-life/2017/10/24/in-utqiagvik-low-sealings-bring-a-unique-airplane-hazard/

I grew up in Alaska pre-internet and there are stories.

A bald eagle once grabbed a tourist's chihuahua in downtown anchorage while they were refueling their RV.

An airport in anchorage (fort hood, I think) installed a rubberized waterproof coating on one of their hangar roofs and a flock of ravens ate it. The whole thing. They just decided it was tasty. TONS of awesome raven stories.

And that's just anchorage.


MOAR
 
Marcos P
2022-09-23 7:51:09 AM  

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


Beth hit em with the bear mace!!
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Marcos P
2022-09-23 7:52:29 AM  

Badafuco: And a I'm certainly not some crazy ammophile, it's only for survival. I don't have children and I don't open carry. It's just protection against bears and tweakers.


I thought for a second to train the bears to eat the tweakers but then you would have a bunch of cranked up bears
 
DRTFA
2022-09-23 8:15:57 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: The child suffered serious injuries, while a man sustained humorous injuries, Alaska State Troopers said.

/ that's my story and I'm sticking to it


I would have gone with "minor suffers major injuries" and prayed the adult involved held the rank of Major.
 
craig234
2022-09-23 8:22:56 AM  
Neither the 'most Alaska' headline nor the strange tag are justified. It's just a sad story about hunting.

/I never met a hot dog I didn't like, but that's irrelevant to this conversation.
 
NoGods
2022-09-23 8:29:32 AM  

starlost: There is no way i'd take a 9 year old hunting. Ok, maybe i would if he was really fat and i could outrun him.


I would take a 9-year-old hunting if I thought he/she was ready, but I live in South Carolina. In Alaska, the definition of "ready" would be very different.

/I would like to go to Paris, but first I need to learn how to play the accordion.
 
Netrngr
2022-09-23 8:34:37 AM  

YetiRider: And now a cub is going to starve to death.


At this time of year the cub would be able to forage on its own as it should be weaned. It probably won't make it due to its age and lack of knowledge on how to do bear stuff but it should be able to find food. kind of a shiatty situation all around to be honest.
 
Klyukva
2022-09-23 8:34:56 AM  

Churchy LaFemme: August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.

Yep. You really need something with stopping power like a .357 if you don't want to be seriously mauled.


The uncomfortable truth is that while many calibers can do the job nothing short of an African dangerous game cartridge is guaranteed to abruptly stop a very large animal that is intent on killing you. Game warden Lou Kis unloaded his .357 magnum revolver into the head of a grizzly bear that was mauling him. It didn't stop mauling him until the last bullet by luck went into its neck and hit it in the spinal column.
 
Netrngr
2022-09-23 8:37:16 AM  

starlost: There is no way i'd take a 9 year old hunting. Ok, maybe i would if he was really fat and i could outrun him.


Meh I was hunting at 9, not moose hunting but rabbits, squirrels, and such.
 
The Smails Kid
2022-09-23 8:40:11 AM  

assjuice: Badafuco: NathanAllen: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.

I mean, there are worse ways to die, but a bear mauling while in an outhouse is up there on the list of one of the most unpleasant ways to go.

If you are living a life where you regularly use an outhouse do you really want to avoid death?


It's a step up from shiatting in a honey bucket in Shishmaref.
 
The Smails Kid
2022-09-23 8:43:42 AM  

Netrngr: Meh I was hunting at 9, not moose hunting but rabbits, squirrels, and such.


Squirrels & such
Youtube 7S-a3Imcz2M
 
TheGreatGazoo
2022-09-23 8:43:46 AM  
The boy was just avenging his sister's m00se bite.
 
The Smails Kid
2022-09-23 8:44:50 AM  

Klyukva: The uncomfortable truth is that while many calibers can do the job nothing short of an African dangerous game cartridge is guaranteed to abruptly stop a very large animal that is intent on killing you. Game warden Lou Kis unloaded his .357 magnum revolver into the head of a grizzly bear that was mauling him. It didn't stop mauling him until the last bullet by luck went into its neck and hit it in the spinal column.


aws.boone-crockett.orgView Full Size


/keeps Xmas lights up year round
 
Gentlequiet
2022-09-23 8:44:59 AM  
Truth be told, they didn't come there for the hunting.
 
Zeb Hesselgresser
2022-09-23 9:22:29 AM  

Gentlequiet: Truth be told, they didn't come there for the hunting.


One of the oldest jokes I know.  Still funny.
 
Death by Spaghettification [BareFark]
2022-09-23 9:48:06 AM  

assjuice: Badafuco: NathanAllen: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

That was the talk of the fishing camp this Summer. Allegedly (anglers so they lie) a guest of an outfitter camp had decided that the weather was so nice he'd do his morning shiat with the outhouse door open.

Bear snatched him off the shiatter and was mauled him until his friend grabbed the cabin gun and drove him off.

Though, of all the places for a bear attack the one where you don't shiat your pants is probably a good enough one.

I mean, there are worse ways to die, but a bear mauling while in an outhouse is up there on the list of one of the most unpleasant ways to go.

If you are living a life where you regularly use an outhouse do you really want to avoid death?


Name def checks out
 
Diocletian's Last Cabbage [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 9:51:12 AM  

Badafuco: And a I'm certainly not some crazy ammophile, it's only for survival. I don't have children and I don't open carry. It's just protection against bears and tweakers.


i.chzbgr.comView Full Size
 
MythDragon
2022-09-23 10:04:14 AM  
Did the kid make fun of Elisha on his way to Bethel? Dude is really sensitive about his hair.
 
NINEv2
2022-09-23 10:36:13 AM  

Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.


Did you remove the front sight from that 9? Easier insertion and all that.

/10mm minimum

/What in the name of Sweet Fanny Adams is going on here?
 
NINEv2
2022-09-23 10:37:45 AM  

Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: "The most Alaska story that ever Alaska'd"
[Fark user image image 200x200]
/Story contained exactly zero Palins.
//Also, no snowmobiles.
///Mandatory third slashie.


It also contained zero meth and no unemployed persons.
 
Latinwolf [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 10:42:33 AM  

YetiRider: And now a cub is going to starve to death.


FTA:
The brown bear was with a cub at the time of the attack. The Alaska Wildlife Troopers and Alaska Department of Fish and Game were unable to locate a cub in the area after ground and aerial searches, McDaniel said.

It's possible that the bear saw the couple as a threat to it's cub, or they did something to the cub.  Really if it was there with it's cub, protection of that cub would have been it's first priority.

/Frank Burns eats worms!
 
Latinwolf [TotalFark]
2022-09-23 10:44:30 AM  

NoGods: starlost: There is no way i'd take a 9 year old hunting. Ok, maybe i would if he was really fat and i could outrun him.

I would take a 9-year-old hunting if I thought he/she was ready, but I live in South Carolina. In Alaska, the definition of "ready" would be very different.


Indeed, more so if this was in Australia, where you have mutant beasts roaming about.
 
MooseBoy
2022-09-23 10:53:07 AM  

berylman: Badafuco: Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out

But just think of the obituary potential! That is gravestone gold

--
"He died doing what he loved"
 
dustbunnyboo
2022-09-23 11:27:14 AM  
We were on Baranof Island in July. There are about a thousand bears and 8,500 people living there, so one bear per 8.5 people. The residents somehow manage to not be eaten for the most part, so maybe figure out what those people do, and do lots of that.
 
2KanZam
2022-09-23 12:23:53 PM  

Klyukva: Churchy LaFemme: August11: Badafuco: I live up here in Fairbanks and there is not a single trip to my outhouse that I don't carry bear spray and my 9mm with me when I go. Especially right now as bears are trying to bulk up before they hibernate.

Dying outside on the sh*tter, mauled by a bear is not how I want to go out.

Is a 9mm enough? Word on the street, and by street I mean internet, is that you can shoot a bear several times before it kills you.

Yep. You really need something with stopping power like a .357 if you don't want to be seriously mauled.

The uncomfortable truth is that while many calibers can do the job nothing short of an African dangerous game cartridge is guaranteed to abruptly stop a very large animal that is intent on killing you. Game warden Lou Kis unloaded his .357 magnum revolver into the head of a grizzly bear that was mauling him. It didn't stop mauling him until the last bullet by luck went into its neck and hit it in the spinal column.



THIS

a 9mm would just piss off a grizzly, if it even feels it and as you point out even a .357 is insufficient. Then there are the guys that are so pants shiatingly scared but wanna be macho so they get a 500 S&W snubnose for bear protection... Let me tell you, those suckers KICK and if you have to draw and fire in a panic on a charging bear, there is a good chance the pistol is gonna go flying out of your hand after you pull the trigger the first time... with no guarantee it'll slow the bear down if you were lucky enough to hit it.

Bear spray is the best defense.
 
Displayed 50 of 56 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Redisplay/refresh comments
This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

Want to see behind the curtain? Try

TotalFark

It's how we feed the squirrel

learn more | sign up
On Twitter

  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.