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A message from Drew Curtis:  
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Hey everyone, hope your week's been well.  

Happy equinox to those who celebrate.  This is my second favorite equinox of the year. While I do I just wish we had longer days all year around as opposed to longer nights, sometimes Kentucky can have some pretty great autumns. I also love Halloween, it's my favorite holiday.  

My neighborhood goes all-out nuts for Halloween.  Multiple haunted houses, scary displays, you name it.  One year one of my neighbors even attached a tow cable to a drone, put a dementor on the other end and chased trick-or-treaters up and down the block with it.  Two houses in particular, across the street from each other, seem to be locked in some sort of contest over who can outdo the other.  One of them held a yard sale Labor Day weekend, after which one of those 15-foot-tall Home Depot skeletons appeared in the yard.  The house across the street started putting decorations out the following weekend.  It's a full-on race now - multiple gravestones, spiderwebs, you name it.  

I only this year realized I don't care if they put up Halloween decorations at Labor Day.  Technically it's too early but whatever, it's fun to look at.  But somehow November 1 seems too early for Xmas decorations.  At least in the U.S., that is. In the U.K. they launch right into Xmas by mid November because they don't have Thanksgiving in the way.  For years I've considered, and this year I am still considering, putting up Xmas lights the day of Halloween and pretending my house is in costume.  I think my neighbors would revolt though.  

Mike, Fark's server admin, came up with what I think is a fun alternative - he has programable LEDs on the outside of his house.  He can celebrate every holiday.  Green for St Patrick's Day, red white and blue for the Fourth of July, whatever the hell color Presidents' Day is.  Just keep your house lit up year round, change the color every holiday.  Not a bad plan.  

No Fark News Livestream this week - we'll be back next week!    

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End Drew transmission
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Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
I Ate Shergar gave advice on how not to get containers of deodorant stuck up your butt
The Smails Kid had a name for people who posted images of themselves in a waterfall pool that's contaminated with fecal matter
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That responded to the assertion that GIFs are for boomers
educated would have made both an excellent and terrible doctor
I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise figured out why King Charles was having problems with pens
Hawk the Hawk considered how one would measure the amount of data in ejaculate
Ragin' Asian questioned an elderly nursing home resident being inappropriate with an inappropriate visitor
Dr.Fey had an idea for a quick update to a home that's for sale
NewportBarGuy noticed that one airline seems to have upgraded their flights
WhippingBoi issued a warning about dating a much younger person

Smart:
scobee1210 revealed this one weird trick for converting an old church into a mansion
educated argued for sending more exotic dancers to entertain residents in nursing homes
HotWingConspiracy wanted you to know something important before you consider cosmetic leg lengthening
adamatari told us something about rich-people houses
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That responded to the assertion that GIFs are for boomers
Ken VeryBigLiar shared how police officers sometimes verify someone's identity
WilderKWight discussed how Teen Vogue has been tackling serious topics for years
sleze gave advice on estate planning

CSB Sunday Morning theme: Stories involving boats
Smart: TwowheelinTim fought the water and The Man
Funny: stoolpigeon did not feel especially appreciated

Politics Funny:
khitsicker found one thing that's improved since 9/11
Bootleg learned something from the tendency of Ukrainian tractors to tow away Russian tanks
Bootleg was surprised by what Senate Republicans reportedly were planning
OdradekRex read from Mike Lindell's memoirs
Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Testicle was upset with Joe Biden

Politics Smart:
NewportBarGuy pointed out how democracy can be so trippy sometimes
physt discussed how 9/11 affected politics
edmo addressed the hope that bigotry will wane when the older generation dies off
wademh figured someone should use the fact that Trump had top secret materials at Mar-a-Lago to get another politician out of office
Weaver95 should've checked with Judge Aileen Cannon before wasting so much time and effort


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba did a Photoshop that's technically SFW, but it's very bad for your eyes
artifishy ensured every passenger had a spectacular view
whatsupchuck found a pair of cousins who were spying on each other
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this poor soul a ship face
Yammering_Splat_Vector added the woman making horns with her fingers
Yammering_Splat_Vector continued the tradition of putting royalty on money
Yammering_Splat_Vector reminded us that now's the time when we dance
RedZoneTuba definitely did not bury anything
markie_farkie completed Guy Fieri's drawing
Yammering_Splat_Vector combined two wise creatures in a frightening way

Farktography theme: Vertical Orientation
common sense is an oxymoron didn't photograph some mediocre blue heron


Fark Headlines of the Week

A selection of some of the top headlines from last week

Man accidentally shoots himself in the buttocks. No word on if he sustained head trauma

For some unknown reason, calls to the new 988 number for mental health emergencies is getting more calls than 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3 did

Looks like the Bundy Ranch won't be getting their delivery on time

Rapper PnB Rock receives lethal dose of Pb

Imagine being denied parole for the 12th time. It's easy if you try

Dr. Sam Beckett never returned home

♬ Since 1988, it's gained acclaim / But Broadway musicals, cannot sustain / Though some regard it schlock, while some admire / "The Phaaantom of the Opera" next yearrr... will now retire ♬

That's one hell of a breakup text

A Starr that shines twice as corrupt, burns out in 76 years

Germany's gift of 50 Dingoes to Ukraine should put a dent on Putin's plan to bolster his forces by mobilizing Russian babies

Okapi, mykapi

Phallic rocket blows its load

Is the Ducati thagomizer useful or not?

Archeologists find ancient tools from mystery stone-age civilization. 10mm rock still missing

At long last, engineers have created liquid metal morphing robots, from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create the Torment Nexus


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on last week's Quiz, where we learned it's better just to say "eggplant" when you mean "eggplant" than to use the eggplant emoji. Unfortunately, no one made the 1000 Club so I get this nice 🍆 parmesan all to myself. On the Quiz itself, mrs. badcrumble came out on top with 953, followed by KumquatMay in second with 942 and sgarri7777 in third with 921, Denjiro made fourth with 915, and whither_apophis broke into the top 5 with 890. 

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about what got two fans kicked out of the US Open tennis tournament last week. Only 35% of quizakers caught the article about the quarterfinal battle between Nick Kyrgios and Karen Khachanov, an extended match that lasted more than three hours, and apparently one had someplace to be afterwards so the other whipped out a chair cloth and some clippers and tidied up his 'do. It seems that sort of thing is frowned upon in professional tennis, so the pair were escorted out for "disruption of play."

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about what traditional dish served to British royalty must now be sourced from Michigan in the US. 75% of quiztakers knew that lampreys have all but disappeared from British waters, while in the US they are a despised invasive species and we're more than happy to send them all they want. Personally, I would find having to eat eel pie a dealbreaker, and I can't help but wonder if that might have a little bit to do with Prince Harry distancing himself from the Royals. 

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about what was banned in the US for about 7 weeks in 1943, ostensibly to save wax paper for the war effort. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that it was the novel convenience of pre-sliced bread, which required a thicker wrapper to keep it fresh. Through discontent and straight up disobedience by bakers who had purchased expensive slicing machines, the rationing board caved rather quickly on that one and it went the way of Prohibition and politicians who ban silly things.

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about where you can find New Guinea. If you guessed "on a map," you're not wrong, but the 90% of people who knew that "just north of Australia" are a bit more correct. The Western half of the island is part of Indonesia, while the Eastern half (where a large 7.6 magnitude earthquake occurred two weeks ago) is an independent state. FWIW, "old" Guinea is the region of the southern coast of West Africa. 

If you missed out last week, it's a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday.