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(Some Fair Man)   Why couldn't Napoleon ride the big rides at the carnival? Because he's dead. It is your Bad Joke Thursday thread, where there is no height requirement to post   (jokojokes.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, elderly couple John, carnival circus, helicopter ride, Janice, carnival fun jokes, Weight booth, compromise Janice, funny jokes  
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119 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 18 Aug 2022 at 7:05 AM (14 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-08-18 1:15:48 AM  
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
 
2022-08-18 1:16:24 AM  
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German.
 
2022-08-18 3:41:36 AM  
It's a joke thread...
Please post all of the jokes.
Don't care about the format, nor the poster.
Just give us a little respite from the sh*tshow we call reality.
/:)
 
2022-08-18 5:09:28 AM  
A variation sort of possibly might be dad-joke funny in French:

Pourquoi Napoleon ne peux pas faire les tours au carnival?

Parce-qu'il est trop mourt. ("Because he's too short/dead." "Mourt" is the pivot; "Mort" would be dead and "court" is close-enough to mean short, but is technically wrong).
 
2022-08-18 5:13:58 AM  
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2022-08-18 7:21:31 AM  
What is Medusa's favorite cheese?


Gorgonzola!
 
2022-08-18 7:24:40 AM  
There are two types of farkers in this thread:

Those who proofread their posts, and those who do
 
2022-08-18 7:26:22 AM  
Why didn't R. Kelly make it as a hockey player?

He was never interested in scoring after the first period.
 
2022-08-18 7:27:05 AM  
What do you find in a pig's nose?
Hamboogers!
 
2022-08-18 7:28:26 AM  
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet." The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"
 
2022-08-18 7:30:45 AM  
An old guy sits in a bar and drinks 3 beers one after the other every Sunday. When the barman asked him why he always drinks 3 he says his 2 brothers are doing the same around the world at the same time. This way we are all having a beer together. Very nice said the barman.  
One day the old guy only orders 2 beers. The barman suddenly gets concerned and asks if one of his brothers has died? After finishing the beers the old guy says oh no nothing like that its because I've given up drinking.
 
2022-08-18 7:49:37 AM  
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2022-08-18 8:36:22 AM  
Inside joke for guitar players.

Leo Fender and Les Paul were both friends and rivals their whole careers, and were so close that despite passing 14 years apart, they had the same pallbearers....and at Les' funeral, they were all complaining. Why?


Because a Les Paul is just too damn heavy.
 
2022-08-18 10:35:56 AM  
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2022-08-18 11:38:58 AM  

KC Dutchman: What is Medusa's favorite cheese?


Gorgonzola!


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2022-08-18 1:43:04 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:44:07 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:44:35 PM  
It is amazing that Beethoven was never struck by lightning. He was, after all, such a good conductor.
 
2022-08-18 1:44:54 PM  
My music teacher refused to help me write the melody for my final class project. He saw I was upset and said that I needed to compose myself.
 
2022-08-18 1:45:17 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:46:52 PM  
I thought the baker lived in a modest ranch home. It turns out he resides in a fancy high rise.
 
2022-08-18 1:48:44 PM  
Just had a door to door salesman trying to sell me a coffin, I said to him "that's the last thing I need."
 
2022-08-18 1:49:01 PM  
An orange in our fruit bowl began talking. I could not understand it though. It was speaking Mandarin.
 
2022-08-18 1:49:25 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:49:49 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:50:22 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:50:51 PM  
I asked some chickens why they were walking underneath the cow. They said, "To get to the udder side."
 
2022-08-18 1:51:11 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:52:11 PM  
I hated it when my mom dressed my brother and me in the same clothes when we were kids.
We could hardly walk.
 
2022-08-18 1:53:49 PM  
Not sure if you heard, but the Energizer bunny was arrested last night.

He was charged with battery.
 
2022-08-18 1:54:14 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:54:51 PM  
When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, "You missed work yesterday, didn't you?"

I said, "No, not particularly."
 
2022-08-18 1:56:19 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:56:32 PM  
I must have told one too many stupid jokes, because my friends just had me placed in Witless Protection!
 
2022-08-18 1:57:48 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:58:16 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:58:44 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:59:08 PM  
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2022-08-18 1:59:34 PM  
My friend says she wants to study burrowing rodents when she grows up.

I told her to gopher it.
 
2022-08-18 1:59:49 PM  
I'm having a hard time thinking of a subject for my pencil sketch about pirates. I'm just drawing a plank.
 
2022-08-18 2:00:40 PM  
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2022-08-18 2:00:55 PM  
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2022-08-18 2:02:12 PM  
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2022-08-18 2:13:37 PM  
An old joke updated for these modern times:

2 guys were hiking in the woods and one of them stops to take a leak behind a tree. As he does so a rattlesnake bites him on his junk. He runs back to his friend, "a rattlesnake bite me on my dick!  What do we do!"
His friend tells him to calm down and he'll call a doctor. He pulls out his cell phone, calls a doctor and explains the situation. The doctor tells him they need to suck the poison out.  He thanks the doctor for the information and hangs up.
"What did the doctor say?"
"The doctor says you need to download Grindr"
 
2022-08-18 2:20:59 PM  

kdawg7736: It is amazing that Beethoven was never struck by lightning. He was, after all, such a good conductor.


I haven't heard any new music from Beethoven lately, what's he doing these days?

Oh.  Right.   Decomposing.


What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?


Banana-na, banana-na.
 
2022-08-18 3:49:13 PM  

kdawg7736: I thought the baker lived in a modest ranch home. It turns out he resides in a fancy high rise.


How much dough did it cost him?
 
2022-08-18 4:13:45 PM  
Many years ago a few hosers were sitting around their campfire in the Great White North.

One of them says, "You know, we need a name for this country."

Another says, "Yeah, lets all suggest a letter and maybe we can come up with a name. Henri, you go first."

Henri, "C, eh."

Benoit, "N, eh."

and finally, Wayne, "D, eh."
 
2022-08-18 9:10:36 PM  
A philosopher says to a linguist "What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?"
The linguist replied, "They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions."
 
2022-08-18 9:11:13 PM  
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
 
2022-08-18 9:11:59 PM  
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
 
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