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(Santa Fe New Mexican)   Cowboy cosplayer trial, opening scene: he tries to get his insurrection case thrown out, motion filed by some dude (whose last name he doesn't know) practicing law without a license   (santafenewmexican.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Jury, Otero County commissioner, Couy Griffin, Judge, Bench, Trial, Court, first day of a bench trial  
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2845 clicks; posted to Politics » on 16 Aug 2022 at 8:03 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-08-16 11:55:50 AM  
When the trial began, [Judge] Mathew asked [Defendant] Griffin who had prepared a motion to quash the complaint.
"A friend of mine in Roswell, New Mexico, whose name is Hiram," Griffin replied. "As God as my witness, I do not know his last name."
Mathew told Griffin he planned to refer his friend for discipline for practicing law without a license.
In his opening statement, Griffin said he wasn't as prepared as he should be, having expected the judge to throw the case out based on his motion to quash the complaint.


Miraculously, the trial only went downhill from there.
 
2022-08-16 12:13:47 PM  
"I can only trust and have faith ... that the next court will be less judgmental towards me."

You're in court. THAT'S LITERALLY THEIR FARKING JOB.
 
2022-08-16 6:08:11 PM  
In his opening statement, Griffin said he wasn't as prepared as he should be, having expected the judge to throw the case out based on his motion to quash the complaint.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-16 8:04:31 PM  
Aw, jeez, that's terrible. Almost as bad as that time I found that Death Note.
 
2022-08-16 8:07:43 PM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-16 8:08:43 PM  
He didn't go with the " Only god can judge me" defense?
 
2022-08-16 8:09:53 PM  
I reckon you're f*cked
 
2022-08-16 8:10:12 PM  
This is what we get when we don't invest in education.

People with substandard faculties believe that because they understood every legal term used on Law & Order last night, they're just as smart as a real-life lawyer.
 
2022-08-16 8:11:50 PM  

THX 1138: This is what we get when we don't invest in education.

People with substandard faculties believe that because they understood every legal term used on Law & Order last night, they're just as smart as a real-life lawyer.


That's why I only watch Legal Eagle. I have my GED in law.
 
2022-08-16 8:14:07 PM  
Thank God for the opportunity to appeal

There needs to be a limit to how many of those a person can do.
 
2022-08-16 8:14:28 PM  
How do you pronounce Couy?

Japanese names, Spanish names, Martian names, etc. Those I get.

What's up with these foreigners named Couy?
 
2022-08-16 8:16:50 PM  

THX 1138: This is what we get when we don't invest in education.

People with substandard faculties believe that because they understood every legal term used on Law & Order last night, they're just as smart as a real-life lawyer.


Well judging by the parade of lawyers I see representing their heroes, I'm pretty convinced I am smarter than a fourth grader lawyers willing to represent this trash.
 
2022-08-16 8:17:09 PM  
I'm curious...

How can someone determine that someone in a completely different state, and who you only know the first name of, is "practicing law without a license"? I mean, are they just gonna arrest everyone named Hiram until they get the right guy? Sure, there aren't MANY Hirams out there, but still...
 
2022-08-16 8:18:14 PM  
"A friend of mine in Roswell, New Mexico, whose name is Hiram," Griffin replied.

That is an obvious plea to any secret alien freemasons, that may have been in the courtroom.
 
2022-08-16 8:18:31 PM  
Can anyone with law knowledge explain if the complainants have standing or not? i.e. if an actual lawyer has some chance of convincing a judge they do not if this goes to appeal? Lets assume a neutral competent judge.
 
2022-08-16 8:29:06 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

...it would be "unfair" and "un-American" to allow the trial to go forward.

You don't say.
 
2022-08-16 8:29:31 PM  
Did he call Saul?
 
2022-08-16 8:30:54 PM  

talkertopc: Can anyone with law knowledge explain if the complainants have standing or not? i.e. if an actual lawyer has some chance of convincing a judge they do not if this goes to appeal? Lets assume a neutral competent judge.


Law GED here.

My understanding is that is a criminal case, and "having standing" (i.e. being harmed and having a legal reason to sue) is a question in civil cases, so it doesn't apply.

/an idiot for a client, indeed
 
2022-08-16 8:33:20 PM  
Here's the cowboy, when do we get the sailor, the chief, and the construction worker?
 
2022-08-16 8:34:18 PM  

Demetrius: "I can only trust and have faith ... that the next court will be less judgmental towards me."

You're in court. THAT'S LITERALLY THEIR FARKING JOB.


I'm getting an inkling that he doesn't know that not every case is appealed, or appealable.
 
2022-08-16 8:35:47 PM  

Demetrius: "I can only trust and have faith ... that the next court will be less judgmental towards me."

You're in court. THAT'S LITERALLY THEIR FARKING JOB.


I can see it now.

I want to appeal!
On what grounds?
Uh...you ruled against me?
 
2022-08-16 8:36:25 PM  
Someone tell Colbert this guy stole his ear.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-16 8:36:40 PM  

brainlordmesomorph: talkertopc: Can anyone with law knowledge explain if the complainants have standing or not? i.e. if an actual lawyer has some chance of convincing a judge they do not if this goes to appeal? Lets assume a neutral competent judge.

Law GED here.

My understanding is that is a criminal case, and "having standing" (i.e. being harmed and having a legal reason to sue) is a question in civil cases, so it doesn't apply.

/an idiot for a client, indeed


You still need standing in criminal case, if you are trying to process a case you of jurisdiction, it's out of jury. No standiyfor you!

Soup optional
 
2022-08-16 8:37:58 PM  

THX 1138: This is what we get when we don't invest in education.

People with substandard faculties believe that because they understood every legal term used on Law & Order last night, they're just as smart as a real-life lawyer.


They might well be as smart.  Good luck without the education, training and experience.
 
2022-08-16 8:38:13 PM  
So was the motion some sovcit nonsense? A bunch of legal madlibs and weird capitalizations all covered with cancelled stamps and bloody thumbprints and signatures in red ball point?
 
2022-08-16 8:44:22 PM  

talkertopc: Can anyone with law knowledge explain if the complainants have standing or not? i.e. if an actual lawyer has some chance of convincing a judge they do not if this goes to appeal? Lets assume a neutral competent judge.


IANAL but the provision is clear in the 14th amendment. I would think the case might try for a writ of mandamus.  As to standing, it could be argued that the actions taken by the defendant had a statewide effect on several matters.
 
2022-08-16 8:50:25 PM  

EnderWiggnz: brainlordmesomorph: talkertopc: Can anyone with law knowledge explain if the complainants have standing or not? i.e. if an actual lawyer has some chance of convincing a judge they do not if this goes to appeal? Lets assume a neutral competent judge.

Law GED here.

My understanding is that is a criminal case, and "having standing" (i.e. being harmed and having a legal reason to sue) is a question in civil cases, so it doesn't apply.

/an idiot for a client, indeed

You still need standing in criminal case, if you are trying to process a case you of jurisdiction, it's out of jury. No standiyfor you!

Soup optional


Yes, but if a DA files charges, and a Grand Jury indicts, hasn't they already figured all that out?

Texas DAs aren't wasting time filing charges in Oklahoma.
 
2022-08-16 8:54:41 PM  

brainlordmesomorph: EnderWiggnz: brainlordmesomorph: talkertopc: Can anyone with law knowledge explain if the complainants have standing or not? i.e. if an actual lawyer has some chance of convincing a judge they do not if this goes to appeal? Lets assume a neutral competent judge.

Law GED here.

My understanding is that is a criminal case, and "having standing" (i.e. being harmed and having a legal reason to sue) is a question in civil cases, so it doesn't apply.

/an idiot for a client, indeed

You still need standing in criminal case, if you are trying to process a case you of jurisdiction, it's out of jury. No standiyfor you!

Soup optional

Yes, but if a DA files charges, and a Grand Jury indicts, hasn't they already figured all that out?

Texas DAs aren't wasting time filing charges in Oklahoma.


DAs only have district jurisdiction. They can't prosecute a crime in the next county
 
2022-08-16 8:55:20 PM  

Mikey1969: I'm curious...

How can someone determine that someone in a completely different state, and who you only know the first name of, is "practicing law without a license"? I mean, are they just gonna arrest everyone named Hiram until they get the right guy? Sure, there aren't MANY Hirams out there, but still...


The genius defendant actually told the judge that the guy was "not a licensed attorney...he's a friend of mine who knows the law." Also the judge just said he'd refer it for investigation.


EnderWiggnz: brainlordmesomorph: talkertopc: Can anyone with law knowledge explain if the complainants have standing or not? i.e. if an actual lawyer has some chance of convincing a judge they do not if this goes to appeal? Lets assume a neutral competent judge.

Law GED here.

My understanding is that is a criminal case, and "having standing" (i.e. being harmed and having a legal reason to sue) is a question in civil cases, so it doesn't apply.

/an idiot for a client, indeed

You still need standing in criminal case, if you are trying to process a case you of jurisdiction, it's out of jury. No standiyfor you!

Soup optional


He was previously convicted of a misdemeanor in federal court. If I understand correctly this is a civil case in state court where some randos are trying to get him disqualified on the basis of the disqualification clause of the 14th Am.


talkertopc: Can anyone with law knowledge explain if the complainants have standing or not? i.e. if an actual lawyer has some chance of convincing a judge they do not if this goes to appeal? Lets assume a neutral competent judge.


https://theconversation.com/forgotten-insurrection-clause-of-14th-amendment-used-to-force-gop-members-of-congress-to-defend-their-actions-on-jan-6-181905
 
2022-08-16 8:58:36 PM  

Valter: How do you pronounce Couy?

Japanese names, Spanish names, Martian names, etc. Those I get.

What's up with these foreigners named Couy?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-16 9:02:05 PM  
"I had no intention of breaking the law on that day," he said. "We used to call it 'The People's House.' I thought it still was."  Griffin said he never saw any signs telling him he couldn't go to certain areas and didn't participate in any unruly activity that day.

Gosh.  The metal barricades and line of uniformed police officers in riot gear might have been a hint.

That said, it would have been nice if -- after outside fell to pieces -- they drew a literal red line inside the entrances (side note: aren't there already 'do not cross' lines on the floors at the security stations for routine visitors?) and blared it on loudspeakers that those were "lethal force" lines or whatever the proper terminology is.  After that one woman took a bullet to the chest, the crowd around her stopped.
 
2022-08-16 9:04:03 PM  

Mike_1962: THX 1138: This is what we get when we don't invest in education.

People with substandard faculties believe that because they understood every legal term used on Law & Order last night, they're just as smart as a real-life lawyer.

They might well be as smart.  Good luck without the education, training and experience.


Some of the scariest words to hear in a courtroom are when you ask "are you a lawyer" and they answer "I have no formal legal education "

Worse still is when you don't get what they said to a question they didn't know the answer to.
 
2022-08-16 9:12:22 PM  
Shoulda hired Harvey Birdman
 
2022-08-16 9:22:21 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Not to be taken seriously.

gannett-cdn.comView Full Size

Dressed like a real ruff, tuff cowboy. THIS IS a serious cowboy.
 
2022-08-16 9:30:01 PM  

Mikey1969: I'm curious...

How can someone determine that someone in a completely different state, and who you only know the first name of, is "practicing law without a license"? I mean, are they just gonna arrest everyone named Hiram until they get the right guy? Sure, there aren't MANY Hirams out there, but still...


Griffin is the county commissioner for Otero County New Mexico, Hiram Is allegedly in Roswell New Mexico, and the trial is in Santa Fe New Mexico. What "different state" are you referring to?
 
2022-08-16 9:35:46 PM  

Tailspin Tommy: Mikey1969: I'm curious...

How can someone determine that someone in a completely different state, and who you only know the first name of, is "practicing law without a license"? I mean, are they just gonna arrest everyone named Hiram until they get the right guy? Sure, there aren't MANY Hirams out there, but still...

Griffin is the county commissioner for Otero County New Mexico, Hiram Is allegedly in Roswell New Mexico, and the trial is in Santa Fe New Mexico. What "different state" are you referring to?


is he the widows son?
 
2022-08-16 9:37:00 PM  

Tailspin Tommy: Mikey1969: I'm curious...

How can someone determine that someone in a completely different state, and who you only know the first name of, is "practicing law without a license"? I mean, are they just gonna arrest everyone named Hiram until they get the right guy? Sure, there aren't MANY Hirams out there, but still...

Griffin is the county commissioner for Otero County New Mexico, Hiram Is allegedly in Roswell New Mexico, and the trial is in Santa Fe New Mexico. What "different state" are you referring to?


The state of inebriation obviously.
 
2022-08-16 9:39:21 PM  

I-K-Rumba: [Fark user image 276x183]
Not to be taken seriously.

[gannett-cdn.com image 660x442]
Dressed like a real ruff, tuff cowboy. THIS IS a serious cowboy.


Fun fact:  He started his career as a 'cowboy' that dressed up and entertained people at DisneyLand Paris.  I feel like anytime his group Cowboys for Trump gets mentioned, it should always be preceded with (Costumed European Disney) Cowboys for Trump.  It goes a long way to explaining his crazy get-ups.

Mikey1969: I'm curious...

How can someone determine that someone in a completely different state, and who you only know the first name of, is "practicing law without a license"? I mean, are they just gonna arrest everyone named Hiram until they get the right guy? Sure, there aren't MANY Hirams out there, but still...


In Roswell there probably aren't too many Hirams.  But Los Alamos, Santa Fe (plaintiffs locations),  this trial, and Roswell are all in New Mexico.
 
2022-08-16 10:05:15 PM  

EnderWiggnz: Tailspin Tommy: Mikey1969: I'm curious...

How can someone determine that someone in a completely different state, and who you only know the first name of, is "practicing law without a license"? I mean, are they just gonna arrest everyone named Hiram until they get the right guy? Sure, there aren't MANY Hirams out there, but still...

Griffin is the county commissioner for Otero County New Mexico, Hiram Is allegedly in Roswell New Mexico, and the trial is in Santa Fe New Mexico. What "different state" are you referring to?

is he the widows son?


Hang him from the underside of Blackfriars Bridge, with his pockets stuffed full of rocks and maybe we will find out.
 
2022-08-16 10:06:28 PM  

UltimaCS: [Fark user image 425x270]
...it would be "unfair" and "un-American" to allow the trial to go forward.

You don't say.


I am not well versed in the Confederacy, but I do believe that dunce is flying his heritage flag upside down.
 
2022-08-16 10:16:31 PM  
FTA: Griffin: Should peaceful protesters be punished for exercising their 1st Amendment rights?

Capitol Police officer on the stand: If they broke the law they should.

Me: This was not a peaceful protest you asshole!
 
2022-08-16 10:17:54 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Pictured with his friend Hiram.
 
2022-08-16 10:20:30 PM  
Actually I'm going to guess that this is his friend Hiram in Roswell.
https://casetext.com/case/city-of-roswell-v-hudson

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-16 10:28:49 PM  

thorpe: [Fark user image 850x541]

Pictured with his friend Hiram.



A HORSE?
NO, LEGAL EXPERTISE!

"Wait... yer honor, I think I've been reading Hiram's business card wrong."
 
2022-08-17 1:17:43 AM  

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: thorpe: [Fark user image 850x541]

Pictured with his friend Hiram.


A HORSE?
NO, LEGAL EXPERTISE!

"Wait... yer honor, I think I've been reading Hiram's business card wrong."


<lewisblackhorse.gif>
 
2022-08-17 2:25:20 AM  
Glen Campbell - Rhinestone Cowboy (Official Music Video)
Youtube 8kAU3B9Pi_U
 
2022-08-17 3:26:03 AM  

MusicMakeMyHeadPound: When the trial began, [Judge] Mathew asked [Defendant] Griffin who had prepared a motion to quash the complaint.
"A friend of mine in Roswell, New Mexico, whose name is Hiram," Griffin replied. "As God as my witness, I do not know his last name."
Mathew told Griffin he planned to refer his friend for discipline for practicing law without a license.
In his opening statement, Griffin said he wasn't as prepared as he should be, having expected the judge to throw the case out based on his motion to quash the complaint.

Miraculously, the trial only went downhill from there.


He thought turkeys could fly.
 
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