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(Listverse)   Stopping gunfire with an upturned table and other movie lies that will get you killed   (listverse.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Martial arts, Want, Best, worst and average case, Analysis of algorithms, much fun, Martial artists, case of most movies, lot of these movie lies  
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1477 clicks; posted to Fandom » on 16 Aug 2022 at 5:42 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-08-16 6:20:41 AM  
My old kitchen table probably would have worked. It was something like this

i.pinimg.comView Full Size


About 2.25" thick.
 
2022-08-16 6:20:42 AM  
Concealment isn't cover, but it is concealment.
 
2022-08-16 6:25:33 AM  
For #1, the table thing: a big, super thick table top (>2") made from hard wood is likely to be able to resist one or two bullets. That is provided said munitions are .22 long rifle or anything lower in power and caliber. Any round with more powder and mass won't give two soggy shiats and will add flying shrapnel to the mix.

Plus, if your table is thick enough to stop a bullet and you stop to flip it you're liable to get both a back injury and a bullet wound for your stupidity. And I don't know about you but my table is like 1" thick and made of some pretty cheap wood that even a .22 short would blaze through. And that is an upgrade from even thinner particle board before it.

The best way to survive a shoot out is to not be there at the start, middle, or end. Barring that, because crazy farks with guns trying to kill large amounts of people is most definitely a thing in the US, serpentine your ass to some real cover.
 
2022-08-16 6:44:33 AM  
"Martial artists are more likely than most to believe in concepts such as honor and respect"

Lololol
 
2022-08-16 7:20:35 AM  
Cow boys never take the dead guy's stuff.
 
2022-08-16 7:27:13 AM  
11)  Women don't require foreplay and orgasm instantly upon dry penetration.
 
2022-08-16 7:29:22 AM  
Cutting the bomb wire by correct colour will always work.
 
2022-08-16 7:34:02 AM  
This article was much, much better in its previous incarnation as several Mythbusters episodes.

And several TV tropes pages.
 
2022-08-16 7:45:14 AM  

Madeup Farkname: This article was much, much better in its previous incarnation as several Mythbusters episodes.

And several TV tropes pages.


I liked your comment better last time too.
 
2022-08-16 8:22:32 AM  
You won't look the same after a fist fight
 
2022-08-16 8:44:32 AM  
If you're the hero, you can duck behind a small fern and it becomes bulletproof. If you're a villain, even the most advanced body armor can shatter like glass if it's time for the movie to end and the hero throws so much as a spork in your direction.
 
2022-08-16 8:59:01 AM  
Yeah people don't understand tables are not good cover from an AR-15. You need something really thick and its going to work on the first couple of bullets. 5 rounds later and something will be hitting you unless the person is a terrible shot. Even bullet proof glass doesn't hold up under sustained fire.
 
2022-08-16 9:23:32 AM  
Shoot, I can go on for quite a while over the ridiculousness of most high speed car chases.
 
2022-08-16 9:40:51 AM  

Chief Superintendent Lookout: Shoot, I can go on for quite a while over the ridiculousness of most high speed car chases.


Hollywood Homicide had a great one.
 
2022-08-16 9:43:47 AM  
Our active shooter training gives the difference between cover and concealment. Because this is how we live now
 
2022-08-16 9:53:10 AM  

BafflerMeal: "Martial artists are more likely than most to believe in concepts such as honor and respect"

Lololol


This.  Most martial artists I've ever met, including a few "sensei" seemed to be braggarts about how easily they could disable me, if I were ever to step out of line.  Or just because.  Every martial artist I've ever met was a conservative pr*ck looking for a fight, but maybe my experiences are randomly skewed.
 
2022-08-16 10:08:17 AM  
I'm more intrigued by slow car chases, the slower, the better, actually.
 
2022-08-16 10:15:59 AM  

Chief Superintendent Lookout: Shoot, I can go on for quite a while over the ridiculousness of most high speed car chases.


Here's one that bothers me for low speed chases. The car's tire goes flat and they are getting away from zombies. They instantly ditch the car. BUT YOU CAN DRIVE ON A FLAT ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE DISPOSING OF THE CAR AFTERWARD.
There's more than a few movies where they should have hung onto the car for a while longer.
Of course, in movies everyone drops their gun the second they are out of ammo, as though they can never find more, or as soon as they think they've dropped the bad guy.
 
2022-08-16 10:22:23 AM  

Decorus: Yeah people don't understand tables are not good cover from an AR-15. You need something really thick and its going to work on the first couple of bullets. 5 rounds later and something will be hitting you unless the person is a terrible shot. Even bullet proof glass doesn't hold up under sustained fire.


Oh come on. Everyone knows that the average desk in an elementary school can stop any kind of round, ranging from a pea shooter up to a 155 mm howitzer. Just ask your friendly neighborhood NRA member!
 
2022-08-16 10:55:35 AM  
11. Cars can take as much damage as a tank and still run.
https://youtu.be/2ETruidd5lQ
https://youtu.be/B67yQmg8xVE
12. From the 80s, you never have to aim a gun.  Just shoot in the general direction and the bad guys die.
https://youtu.be/sfObcMWpub4
13. In a fight, most people get knocked out and/or stay down.
14. Hacking a system (even if they state is the most protected system on the planet) requires 1 person and takes less than 3 minutes.
15. Falling in love.

\What else am I missing?
 
2022-08-16 11:06:23 AM  
Getting knocked unconscious has absolutely no after effects other than possibly feeling like a slight hangover.
 
2022-08-16 11:35:55 AM  

sid244: 11. Cars can take as much damage as a tank and still run.
https://youtu.be/2ETruidd5lQ
https://youtu.be/B67yQmg8xVE
12. From the 80s, you never have to aim a gun.  Just shoot in the general direction and the bad guys die.
https://youtu.be/sfObcMWpub4
13. In a fight, most people get knocked out and/or stay down.
14. Hacking a system (even if they state is the most protected system on the planet) requires 1 person and takes less than 3 minutes.
15. Falling in love.

\What else am I missing?


My favorite one is "searching a database shows the entirery of every single record flashing on the screen in a sequential order", most of the time with pictures and stuff.
 
2022-08-16 11:37:08 AM  

Muzzleloader: Getting knocked unconscious has absolutely no after effects other than possibly feeling like a slight hangover.


When the good guy tries to knock someone out, they never accidentally kill them.
 
2022-08-16 11:46:21 AM  
My favorite thing ever is the buddy cop moment where the two heroes are completely pinned down and take that time to have a personal talk about something unrelated to their current situation. Meanwhile the army of bad guys just stay where they are, shooting blindly into the TV dinner tray Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are hiding behind.
 
2022-08-16 12:06:43 PM  
The nerdy guy getting the girl

Also, this was a cool video in the article

RC-XD with Real C4: The Breakdown COD Black Ops
Youtube hSYDvIXlrGo
 
2022-08-16 12:09:12 PM  

sid244: 11. Cars can take as much damage as a tank and still run.
https://youtu.be/2ETruidd5lQ
https://youtu.be/B67yQmg8xVE
12. From the 80s, you never have to aim a gun.  Just shoot in the general direction and the bad guys die.
https://youtu.be/sfObcMWpub4
13. In a fight, most people get knocked out and/or stay down.
14. Hacking a system (even if they state is the most protected system on the planet) requires 1 person and takes less than 3 minutes.
15. Falling in love.

\What else am I missing?


16. Fighting multiple people doesn't hurt your hands/body
 
2022-08-16 12:14:04 PM  

sid244: sid244: 11. Cars can take as much damage as a tank and still run.
https://youtu.be/2ETruidd5lQ
https://youtu.be/B67yQmg8xVE
12. From the 80s, you never have to aim a gun.  Just shoot in the general direction and the bad guys die.
https://youtu.be/sfObcMWpub4
13. In a fight, most people get knocked out and/or stay down.
14. Hacking a system (even if they state is the most protected system on the planet) requires 1 person and takes less than 3 minutes.
15. Falling in love.

\What else am I missing?

16. Fighting multiple people doesn't hurt your hands/body


17. Grenades always explode 10 seconds later, with a tremendous amount of flame and bodies flying everywhere.....
 
2022-08-16 12:20:23 PM  
18. Explosions can be outrun.
 
2022-08-16 1:13:25 PM  
Any bad guy knocked into any body of water is permanently out of the picture. Unless it's the main bad guy.
 
2022-08-16 1:59:06 PM  
If a man and a woman get thrown together for an adventure, even if it only lasts about a half hour and they have zero chemistry together, they'll be hopelessly in love with each other by the end. (In older films it might just end in sex, with some question over whether there was any real emotional connection, but as movies have gotten more puritanical it's important to show true love has blossomed, and maybe skip the intimacy entirely.)
 
2022-08-16 3:47:46 PM  
Bullets vs car doors
Is it bulletproof? Episode 6: Old and modern car door.
Youtube hFJZzRv4fC8
 
2022-08-16 5:10:48 PM  

EdgeRunner: If a man and a woman get thrown together for an adventure, even if it only lasts about a half hour and they have zero chemistry together, they'll be hopelessly in love with each other by the end. (In older films it might just end in sex, with some question over whether there was any real emotional connection, but as movies have gotten more puritanical it's important to show true love has blossomed, and maybe skip the intimacy entirely.)


Except that studies have shown that the heightened adrenaline of being in a pickle together often leads to mutual attraction, at least in the moment.
 
2022-08-16 6:51:33 PM  

Cafe Threads: EdgeRunner: If a man and a woman get thrown together for an adventure, even if it only lasts about a half hour and they have zero chemistry together, they'll be hopelessly in love with each other by the end. (In older films it might just end in sex, with some question over whether there was any real emotional connection, but as movies have gotten more puritanical it's important to show true love has blossomed, and maybe skip the intimacy entirely.)

Except that studies have shown that the heightened adrenaline of being in a pickle together often leads to mutual attraction, at least in the moment.


Well that's what they said in Speed, and surely a movie wouldn't lie.

/waitaminute...
 
2022-08-16 10:57:02 PM  

Bob Down: Cutting the bomb wire by correct colour will always work.


But removing the blasting caps/detonators or cutting a wire to them is inconceivable. You need to let the clock run down to 3 seconds and then grit your teeth and cut some random wire.
 
2022-08-17 5:33:03 AM  

MythDragon: Bullets vs car doors
[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/hFJZzRv4fC8]


give "burn notice" credit he filled the doors with phone books to help stop the bullets
 
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