Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
This article wasn't approved by the admins, so it would normally only be available to TotalFark subscribers. However, because some TotalFarkers have upvoted this submission, we're letting you see it. Posting new comments is still only available to TotalFark subscribers.

If you are a paid TotalFark subscriber, you must have cookies enabled in your browser. You can reset your cookie by logging in.

(Twitter)   Crudité or Death   (twitter.com) divider line
    More: Murica, shot  
•       •       •

2599 clicks;  Favorite

174 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2022-08-15 9:38:38 AM  
Original Tweet:

 
2022-08-15 9:53:54 AM  
TIL what Crudite is rich for veggie tray
 
2022-08-15 9:54:52 AM  
I mean, I do like a nice bowl of carrots.
 
2022-08-15 9:56:07 AM  

question_dj: I mean, I do like a nice bowl of carrots.


I looked at 5lbs of Carrots for 4 bucks and thought that it was a good deal?
 
2022-08-15 9:56:19 AM  
Who the fark eats raw asparagus?  And who dips them in salsa and guac?  Get a nice spinach or ranch dip like normal human beings.    You know normal human beings, right?  They're the ones not voting for you.
 
2022-08-15 10:01:28 AM  

SVC_conservative: question_dj: I mean, I do like a nice bowl of carrots.

I looked at 5lbs of Carrots for 4 bucks and thought that it was a good deal?


Seems to be about the right price for that many conventional carrots. But really, who the fark needs 5lbs of carrots for their crudite for 2 people? I use half a carrot for me.
 
2022-08-15 10:02:11 AM  

question_dj: SVC_conservative: question_dj: I mean, I do like a nice bowl of carrots.

I looked at 5lbs of Carrots for 4 bucks and thought that it was a good deal?

Seems to be about the right price for that many conventional carrots. But really, who the fark needs 5lbs of carrots for their crudite for 2 people? I use half a carrot for me.


It's a Carrot, what could it cost, $10?
 
2022-08-15 10:03:07 AM  
His PR crew must hate him. Lol.
 
2022-08-15 10:07:13 AM  
Stop shopping in New Jersey.
 
2022-08-15 10:07:26 AM  

shastacola: His PR crew must hate him. Lol.


Apparently this was from April but is just now hitting it big in Opposition-land...

My Goodness he's freaking out of touch in every way, shape, or form.

Wrong name of the store, doesn't seem to get the concept of per-pound shopping, grabbing his shopping list items in a row, store brand salsa, thinking you can buy Tequila at a grocery store in PA....
 
2022-08-15 10:08:01 AM  
I don't know how to explain that Biden is not responsible for a world wide shipping apocalypse brought on by a global pandemic that was mishandled for 2 years prior to him taking office.

This is "Why didn't Obama stop 9/11?" levels of thinking

But hey, the Red Caps will lap it up, because that's what they do. Exactly what they're told. You know, like a person with maximum Freedom.
 
2022-08-15 10:09:24 AM  
Show me you haven't gone to a grocery store and shopped for yourself in 20 years without saying you haven't gone to a grocery store and shopped for yourself in 20 years.
 
2022-08-15 10:15:43 AM  
This man has never been in a grocery store.
 
2022-08-15 10:16:09 AM  

HerptheDerp: I don't know how to explain that Biden is not responsible for a world wide shipping apocalypse brought on by a global pandemic that was mishandled for 2 years prior to him taking office.


You don't.  He knows it's bullshiat, but he also knows the far-right derp squad that might vote for him will believe every word of it because they don't understand the first thing about economics or logistics, and half of them still think the pandemic is fake.  He also knows not a single one of them knows what a crudite is, and many of them have never seen a vegetable before, but he's talking about how expensive stuff is and how it's Biden's fault, and that's bad.
 
2022-08-15 10:21:38 AM  
His wife before he left:

"Honey...  Chef needs to prepare some Crudité for some campaign contributors coming over for a dinner party. Get Philip to drive you down to Wegmans and film you buying some vegetables. I only need one head of broccoli but make sure you get a family sized bag of carrots.  Then just go down the aisle and grab whatever is next.  Don't forget to complain about how much it costs. And don't use a basket.  Better if you look like Steve Martin in the Jerk just walking around holding onto random stuff. LOL. Then throw it all back and have chef worry about food.  And wash your hands before you come home!  At the club, not some dirty public place!"
 
2022-08-15 10:25:20 AM  

Raymond Perjurytrap: His wife before he left:

"Honey...  Chef needs to prepare some Crudité for some campaign contributors coming over for a dinner party. Get Philip to drive you down to Wegmans and film you buying some vegetables. I only need one head of broccoli but make sure you get a family sized bag of carrots.  Then just go down the aisle and grab whatever is next.  Don't forget to complain about how much it costs. And don't use a basket.  Better if you look like Steve Martin in the Jerk just walking around holding onto random stuff. LOL. Then throw it all back and have chef worry about food.  And wash your hands before you come home!  At the club, not some dirty public place!"


Phillip to Oz-

"Hey Wegman's had some flooding issues, we're going to go over to Redners Warehouse Market though, just remember it's RED-Ners, not Wegman's, and we don't have time to do a second take."
 
2022-08-15 10:36:40 AM  
The legion of Fark bluebloods will never understand the importance of the elegantly-appointed crudite tray paired with the current trendy bottle of vodka at the infield of the local NASCAR event. You're so wrapped up in your elitist east coast trends that you have entirely lost touch with the decent, humble needs of the salt of the Earth who built this sacred country. Time was when a man got up at 3 AM so that he made the walk of six miles and was in the mine shaft when it descended at 6 AM to a hellish world of darkness and dust and early death, but the one thing he could hold onto with the firm grasp of a real man was the thought of that dainty tray laid out by his loving wife and garnished with watercress and arugula--

Hold on. Hold on. I've just been informed that arugula is a doubleplusungood word.

--garnished with watercress and pork rinds, just as his ancestors have always enjoyed.
 
2022-08-15 10:41:46 AM  
Liberté, Egalité, Crudité

/That's the French motto, right?
 
2022-08-15 10:48:22 AM  

SVC_conservative: Raymond Perjurytrap: His wife before he left:

"Honey...  Chef needs to prepare some Crudité for some campaign contributors coming over for a dinner party. Get Philip to drive you down to Wegmans and film you buying some vegetables. I only need one head of broccoli but make sure you get a family sized bag of carrots.  Then just go down the aisle and grab whatever is next.  Don't forget to complain about how much it costs. And don't use a basket.  Better if you look like Steve Martin in the Jerk just walking around holding onto random stuff. LOL. Then throw it all back and have chef worry about food.  And wash your hands before you come home!  At the club, not some dirty public place!"

Phillip to Oz-

"Hey Wegman's had some flooding issues, we're going to go over to Redners Warehouse Market though, just remember it's RED-Ners, not Wegman's, and we don't have time to do a second take."


I thought he said Regman's
 
2022-08-15 10:49:25 AM  
Dude, get a basket.
i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-15 10:51:14 AM  

SVC_conservative: TIL what Crudite is rich for veggie tray


We've always called it that, and my family was working class, rural Southerners.
 
2022-08-15 10:52:10 AM  

SVC_conservative: shastacola: His PR crew must hate him. Lol.

Apparently this was from April but is just now hitting it big in Opposition-land...

My Goodness he's freaking out of touch in every way, shape, or form.

Wrong name of the store, doesn't seem to get the concept of per-pound shopping, grabbing his shopping list items in a row, store brand salsa, thinking you can buy Tequila at a grocery store in PA....


I thought that too.  Wegner's?  I thought it was Wegman's.  And that's not a pound of broccoli.  He has no f*cking idea what goes on a veggie tray.  PA booze laws are... complicated.

I hope Fetterman's team puts out a counter.
 
2022-08-15 10:52:23 AM  
I just realized that he's serving raw asparagus with salsa. What the fark, lol.
 
2022-08-15 10:57:44 AM  
NEW at Taco Bell! Cool Ranch Raw Asparagus XTREME gordita with THREE POUNDS of deep-fried cheese wrapped inside a deep-dish broccoli pizza!

*dong*

/I have no idea what "gordita" means
 
2022-08-15 11:01:26 AM  

Scanty Em: I have no idea what "gordita" means


Dunno, but the suffix "-ita" means "small," so we have to presume the existence of a larger "Gord."
 
2022-08-15 11:05:25 AM  
Didn't Oz do this a few months ago? The fact that it is making the rounds again is not a great sign for him.
 
2022-08-15 11:09:58 AM  

adamgreeney: Didn't Oz do this a few months ago? The fact that it is making the rounds again is not a great sign for him.


Yes, but there's nothing wrong with dunking on Oz again and again.
 
2022-08-15 11:19:52 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: adamgreeney: Didn't Oz do this a few months ago? The fact that it is making the rounds again is not a great sign for him.

Yes, but there's nothing wrong with dunking on Oz again and again.


Yeah and his campaign fired the "Fetterman likes Pot" shot, so this retort about Crudite seems appropriate- https://www.newsweek.com/dr-oz-campaign-ad-bong-fetterman-head-1733563
 
2022-08-15 11:20:52 AM  
It is like the writers of Arrested Development was writing a show where they had to make the mom appear down to earth.
 
2022-08-15 11:22:26 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Scanty Em: I have no idea what "gordita" means

Dunno, but the suffix "-ita" means "small," so we have to presume the existence of a larger "Gord."


When this is all over, I'll write a sardonic play about Oz's campaign titled, "Waiting for Gord."
 
2022-08-15 11:26:53 AM  

Scanty Em: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Scanty Em: I have no idea what "gordita" means

Dunno, but the suffix "-ita" means "small," so we have to presume the existence of a larger "Gord."

When this is all over, I'll write a sardonic play about Oz's campaign titled, "Waiting for Gord."


There is no Gord
 
2022-08-15 11:27:16 AM  

Psychopusher: Who the fark eats raw asparagus?  And who dips them in salsa and guac?  Get a nice spinach or ranch dip like normal human beings.    You know normal human beings, right?  They're the ones not voting for you.


I'm not sure, I think a bunch of people in New Jersey dipping asparagus in salsa and guac, would be a good political ad.

Or, a made unpacking the asparagus with salsa and guac, "Saying, WTF?" would work also.  In the background "How's that crudite coming?"

/most of my friends don't even say "crudité", and they are f$cking French
 
2022-08-15 11:35:26 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: adamgreeney: Didn't Oz do this a few months ago? The fact that it is making the rounds again is not a great sign for him.

Yes, but there's nothing wrong with dunking on Oz again and again.


I could not agree more. Fetterman can just run a greatest hits list of Oz's spectacular failing during this campaign. It's insane how many examples we have.
 
2022-08-15 11:49:25 AM  

Psychopusher: Who the fark eats raw asparagus?


I've had it on occasion, but only ever a few spears on the spot when harvesting from a patch in the wild.

I'd agree, though, if more than five meters away from where it's growing it usually seems preferable to have it cooked (I understand it's like spinach in that cooking releases more of the nutritional value) and with some manner of sauce/dip. Salsa or guac seem odd choices, but not inherently terrible; contrariwise, served cooked with a chipotle crema would seem better. (Nohow, I've not tried that.)
 
2022-08-15 11:59:40 AM  
Theres now an effort to fundraise for a food pantry via the headline...

https://www.customink.com/fundraising/real-food-for-real-pennsylvanians
 
2022-08-15 12:02:05 PM  

abb3w: Psychopusher: Who the fark eats raw asparagus?

I've had it on occasion, but only ever a few spears on the spot when harvesting from a patch in the wild.

I'd agree, though, if more than five meters away from where it's growing it usually seems preferable to have it cooked (I understand it's like spinach in that cooking releases more of the nutritional value) and with some manner of sauce/dip. Salsa or guac seem odd choices, but not inherently terrible; contrariwise, served cooked with a chipotle crema would seem better. (Nohow, I've not tried that.)


Aren't they kind of hard and stringy raw though?  Maybe the tips are fine, but the stalk I'd have thought would be pretty tough before cooking.
 
2022-08-15 12:37:06 PM  
Does he... does he know you're allowed to use the carts they have up front?
 
2022-08-15 12:38:23 PM  
Trumpistes: If I like it, then it's true.  If I don't like it, then it's not true.
 
2022-08-15 12:38:28 PM  
As Jim Gaffigan said in one of his specials,"crudités is French for throw away later".
 
2022-08-15 12:38:35 PM  

Olympic Trolling Judge: Does he... does he know you're allowed to use the carts they have up front?


I could see if it was an Aldi....

No way to put a platinum card in the Quarter-slot
 
2022-08-15 12:38:43 PM  
That man is painfully out of touch with reality.
 
2022-08-15 12:38:48 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-15 12:39:30 PM  
Everyone knows that the most affordable salsa is the refrigerated stuff in the produce section, not the stuff kept in glass jars in the condiment aisle, and CERTAINLY not the stuff displayed with the tortilla chips on the bumpers.
 
2022-08-15 12:40:28 PM  

SVC_conservative: question_dj: I mean, I do like a nice bowl of carrots.

I looked at 5lbs of Carrots for 4 bucks and thought that it was a good deal?


This. That idiot grabbed a 5 pound bag of carrots & whined that they're 20% cheaper than what I pay here, normally.
 
2022-08-15 12:40:34 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Scanty Em: I have no idea what "gordita" means

Dunno, but the suffix "-ita" means "small," so we have to presume the existence of a larger "Gord."


I always assumed it meant "little fatty."
 
2022-08-15 12:40:44 PM  
"This is outrageous."

Yes....but in ways that you didn't intend for it to be.
 
2022-08-15 12:40:56 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-15 12:41:11 PM  
Biden expensivitized my crudite!
 
2022-08-15 12:41:59 PM  

SVC_conservative: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: adamgreeney: Didn't Oz do this a few months ago? The fact that it is making the rounds again is not a great sign for him.

Yes, but there's nothing wrong with dunking on Oz again and again.

Yeah and his campaign fired the "Fetterman likes Pot" shot, so this retort about Crudite seems appropriate- https://www.newsweek.com/dr-oz-campaign-ad-bong-fetterman-head-1733563


Wait... I can get a bong shaped like fetterman's head?  ...dude.
 
2022-08-15 12:42:00 PM  

Stopheles: Everyone knows that the most affordable salsa is the refrigerated stuff in the produce section, not the stuff kept in glass jars in the condiment aisle, and CERTAINLY not the stuff displayed with the tortilla chips on the bumpers.


Dr. Oz doesn't know shiat. That's the problem, really.

This is the snake oil diet pill salesperson, grabbing a 5-pound bag of carrots, salsa, and guac, and exclaiming "OMG LOOK HOW EXPENSIVE MY CRUDITE IS, PLEBES!" as if you'd eat broccoli & carrots with salsa and call it "crudite."

Dude's as fake as a wedding cake.
 
Displayed 50 of 174 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.