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(East Hampton Star)   This week on the ever boring East Hampton Star police blotter: An Amagansett man called the cops to report a police cone in the middle of his street. The police determined there was no hazard to be marked and removed the cone   (easthamptonstar.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, East Hampton, town police cone, Monday night, Mr. Rizwan, make of the cars, Mr. Loja-Illescas, Peter Welling of Monroe Street, evening of Aug.  
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890 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2022 at 1:50 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



21 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-08-12 1:20:57 PM  
But did they mark the potholes in the road?

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2022-08-12 1:32:59 PM  
"Rocio Quito of Queens left her belongings at the Maidstone Beach Pavilion on Saturday afternoon while she took a swim. She returned to find $700 missing from a pair of shorts."

Who the f*ck leaves $700 in their shorts they take off at the beach? This is the Hamptons, fer chrissake. $2500, minimum, you dirty prole!
 
2022-08-12 1:38:43 PM  
I once called the police(non-emergency line) to report a dead skunk in the road.


Yes there is more to the story
I went outside to walk the dogs and saw a skunk in the street, not a big deal went back outside skunk still there. Skunk is walking in circles in the street, for over an hour. Go outside with the dogs skunk sitting under my car just staring. Later look out skunk again walking in circles, continues for several hours. Go to bed, the next morning, a school day, the skunk is lying dead in the street, so concerned the skunk could have had rabies and not wanting any dumbass kids to say oh a kitty I called the cops
 
2022-08-12 1:52:15 PM  
The streets are safe so long as Fife is on patrol
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2022-08-12 1:54:53 PM  
The police blotter in the weekly paper for the bumfark areas of SW Oregon was good for a laugh at times.

One week had the following entry: "Something happened in Selma."

Cave Junction was every bit as exciting as it sounds.
 
2022-08-12 1:59:20 PM  
Sneer all you want but I personal hope for a day when this kind of shiat is the most exciting news we see.
 
2022-08-12 2:01:07 PM  

flucto: Sneer all you want but I personal hope for a day when this kind of shiat is the most exciting news we see.


You mean, like in the before times?  Just prior to when satire attained sentience?
 
2022-08-12 2:03:34 PM  
So they gave the guy illegally walking his dog a warning when he knew he shouldn't be doing it but gave the Uber
driver taking a nap a summons even though he probably had no idea he shouldn't be doing it.

Excellent police work there.
 
2022-08-12 2:04:46 PM  
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2022-08-12 2:05:56 PM  
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2022-08-12 2:07:44 PM  
I actually spent a summer in Amagansett once.  There was a really dangerous turtle crossing nearby.
 
2022-08-12 2:07:54 PM  
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2022-08-12 2:11:48 PM  
I once called 911 because I couldn't find a "fire department" number.
"Yeah, this really isn't an 'emergency', but my neighbors are burning things in their back yard that are putting out huge plumes of noxious black smoke."
Fire engine showed up, sprayed copious amounts of fire hose water on it. "Is it OK if we run this hose through your property?" OMG YES PUT IT OUT.
They thanked me for calling it in, because neighbors were burning RAILROAD TIES and other junk. Like, household trash. AND OILY LOGS OF WOOD.
I don't live there anymore.
 
2022-08-12 2:17:35 PM  

DarksideHalo: I once called 911 because I couldn't find a "fire department" number.
"Yeah, this really isn't an 'emergency', but my neighbors are burning things in their back yard that are putting out huge plumes of noxious black smoke."
Fire engine showed up, sprayed copious amounts of fire hose water on it. "Is it OK if we run this hose through your property?" OMG YES PUT IT OUT.
They thanked me for calling it in, because neighbors were burning RAILROAD TIES and other junk. Like, household trash. AND OILY LOGS OF WOOD.
I don't live there anymore.


A neighbor once called the fire department on my brother. The truck showed up and they saw he was using his fire pit to barbecue. They looked and saw that all was in order and gave colouring books and stickers to his kids. I imagine the next stop was the neighbor who obviously had a critical case of twisted panties.
 
2022-08-12 2:17:43 PM  

spongeboob: I once called the police(non-emergency line) to report a dead skunk in the road.


Yes there is more to the story
I went outside to walk the dogs and saw a skunk in the street, not a big deal went back outside skunk still there. Skunk is walking in circles in the street, for over an hour. Go outside with the dogs skunk sitting under my car just staring. Later look out skunk again walking in circles, continues for several hours. Go to bed, the next morning, a school day, the skunk is lying dead in the street, so concerned the skunk could have had rabies and not wanting any dumbass kids to say oh a kitty I called the cops


Yeah that walking in circles thing... that's animal control time right there

/or if you're really out in the sticks, varmint gun time
//although you'd probably want to let it move out from under your car in that case
///unless the car has rabies, then you just need to throw a grenade in there and run - stay off the roads
 
2022-08-12 2:21:12 PM  

Russ1642: A neighbor once called the fire department on my brother. The truck showed up and they saw he was using his fire pit to barbecue. They looked and saw that all was in order and gave colouring books and stickers to his kids. I imagine the next stop was the neighbor who obviously had a critical case of twisted panties


CSB and it happened on Long Island...

Lake Grove, NY Circa 1980 (age 16)

My dad asked me to rake the lawn and i hated doing yard work. So I raked the lawn but was too lazy to put them in bags. Instead, I raked them all into the sewer drain in front of the house. Well that wasn't good enough for me. I decided to burn them while in the sewer. Tossed a lit match and VROOOMMMMFFFFF!


There was smoke coming out of each sewer and manhole cover on my street. I quickly went into the house.

About 30 mins later, a fireman knocks on my door,

Fireman: Did you light any leafs on fire in the sewer? Neighbors called us to let us know smoke was coming out of the sewer in front of your house.

Me: Uhm. No. Been inside all day.

Fireman: Uh huh...Just noticed your house is the only house on the street with a clean lawn...

Me: yeah, My dad takes good care of it, doesn't he?
 
2022-08-12 2:26:31 PM  
Wyandanch! I lived right around the corner as a kid. It's in the Dunes, and Wyandanch is an actual dirt road.  That road cone was there probably because the asshole who reported it has been driving 40 in a 15, and all his neighbors with kids want him to slow the fark down.  Encyclopedia Me also solved the Case Of The Missing Fence Parts: "Benjamin Gober summoned police to his Hand's Creek house on Aug. 1 to report that numerous wooden spindles had gone missing from a fence"  --I am happy to report that the spindles were used in a bonfire, alcohol was consumed there by minors, and a young woman may very well have been "heavily petted," during the event.

The best part of the Star (besides their calendar, printed on a newspaper half-sheet-sized heavy stock on their original presses) was the "50, 75, 100... years ago" blotter and column, we got to read about the nazis who tried landing spies there from an offshore submarine.
 
2022-08-12 2:27:58 PM  

beezeltown: "Rocio Quito of Queens left her belongings at the Maidstone Beach Pavilion on Saturday afternoon while she took a swim. She returned to find $700 missing from a pair of shorts."

Who the f*ck leaves $700 in their shorts they take off at the beach? This is the Hamptons, fer chrissake. $2500, minimum, you dirty prole!


She actually wasn't robbed.  She only came to the beach with $1800 and had to explain the shortfall to her peers...
 
2022-08-12 2:52:02 PM  

Russ1642: DarksideHalo: I once called 911 because I couldn't find a "fire department" number.
"Yeah, this really isn't an 'emergency', but my neighbors are burning things in their back yard that are putting out huge plumes of noxious black smoke."
Fire engine showed up, sprayed copious amounts of fire hose water on it. "Is it OK if we run this hose through your property?" OMG YES PUT IT OUT.
They thanked me for calling it in, because neighbors were burning RAILROAD TIES and other junk. Like, household trash. AND OILY LOGS OF WOOD.
I don't live there anymore.

A neighbor once called the fire department on my brother. The truck showed up and they saw he was using his fire pit to barbecue. They looked and saw that all was in order and gave colouring books and stickers to his kids. I imagine the next stop was the neighbor who obviously had a critical case of twisted panties.


I called the fire department (for and on) one of my best friends.  His 4th of July fireworks display got ambitious and ignited the grass on the property across the street.  This property had just had its house burned to the ground about a month prior, unrelated to my friends shenanigans.  The fire captain who pulled up looked the fire around the house that had formerly been there then at my friend and said, "Again?!?"
 
2022-08-12 2:58:31 PM  

drayno76: Russ1642: DarksideHalo: I once called 911 because I couldn't find a "fire department" number.
"Yeah, this really isn't an 'emergency', but my neighbors are burning things in their back yard that are putting out huge plumes of noxious black smoke."
Fire engine showed up, sprayed copious amounts of fire hose water on it. "Is it OK if we run this hose through your property?" OMG YES PUT IT OUT.
They thanked me for calling it in, because neighbors were burning RAILROAD TIES and other junk. Like, household trash. AND OILY LOGS OF WOOD.
I don't live there anymore.

A neighbor once called the fire department on my brother. The truck showed up and they saw he was using his fire pit to barbecue. They looked and saw that all was in order and gave colouring books and stickers to his kids. I imagine the next stop was the neighbor who obviously had a critical case of twisted panties.

I called the fire department (for and on) one of my best friends.  His 4th of July fireworks display got ambitious and ignited the grass on the property across the street.  This property had just had its house burned to the ground about a month prior, unrelated to my friends shenanigans.  The fire captain who pulled up looked the fire around the house that had formerly been there then at my friend and said, "Again?!?"


2 more and the next fire is free
 
2022-08-12 8:06:11 PM  

deadsanta: Wyandanch! I lived right around the corner as a kid. It's in the Dunes, and Wyandanch is an actual dirt road.  That road cone was there probably because the asshole who reported it has been driving 40 in a 15, and all his neighbors with kids want him to slow the fark down.  Encyclopedia Me also solved the Case Of The Missing Fence Parts: "Benjamin Gober summoned police to his Hand's Creek house on Aug. 1 to report that numerous wooden spindles had gone missing from a fence"  --I am happy to report that the spindles were used in a bonfire, alcohol was consumed there by minors, and a young woman may very well have been "heavily petted," during the event.

The best part of the Star (besides their calendar, printed on a newspaper half-sheet-sized heavy stock on their original presses) was the "50, 75, 100... years ago" blotter and column, we got to read about the nazis who tried landing spies there from an offshore submarine.


Those were the times, my 85-year-old mom lives in Sag Harbor and I read it whenever I go out.
/family has been there since the 70s
 
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