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(The Onion)   The Onion: still prophetic   (theonion.com) divider line
    More: Satire, Palm Beach, Florida, Rooms, PALM BEACH, dining room, assistant manager Chris Mahoney, press time, bottom of the bin, nuclear briefcase  
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4147 clicks; posted to Politics » on 12 Aug 2022 at 7:18 AM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



31 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-08-12 7:26:03 AM  
So we've gone from illegal search, to just getting some files, to Trump declassified them but didn't put the paperwork through, to the worst nuclear proliferation since A Q Kahn
 
2022-08-12 7:36:31 AM  
"Who stuffed this case full of cheese and ketchup omelettes?"
 
2022-08-12 7:42:20 AM  
Can you imagine if this orange coont actually stole nuclear secrets to sell to the saudis? Like do we think mayyyybe at that point he would lose a little support?
 
2022-08-12 7:46:08 AM  

Baron Krelve: Can you imagine if this orange coont actually stole nuclear secrets to sell to the saudis? Like do we think mayyyybe at that point he would lose a little support?


*looks at the drooling hordes of R voters*

nnnnnnnope.
 
2022-08-12 7:46:32 AM  
Now that we suspect what the warrant was looking for, is it coincidental that the search was executed soon after Trump hosted a LIV Golf Tournament at his course in New Jersey?
 
2022-08-12 7:46:35 AM  

Baron Krelve: Can you imagine if this orange coont actually stole nuclear secrets to sell to the saudis? Like do we think mayyyybe at that point he would lose a little support?


Nope. The deflection would only grow harder. You cannot beat sense into the braincase of people whose skull is solid bone from decades of AM radio, Faux "nooz", OAN, farcebook and hard right youtube channels like Shatiro and Pederphileson.

At least their all meat diets will eventually shunt them into comas.

/wanders off grumbling to make ramen
 
2022-08-12 7:47:36 AM  
If the tiny fingered orange treason weasel actually stole nuclear secrets, he should be executed as a traitor.
Unfortunately, he's a cult leader and a full 35% of Americans and half of Congress will not only defend him, they'll attack America's defenders for having the audacity to stop his evil plans.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-12 7:57:06 AM  
fark Nostradamus.

It's The Onion over here running a masterclass at prognostication and reading the farking room.

Long live Uncle Joe's Trans Am.

You know, I heard ol Joes got the boys in the lab working on a new nuclear/electric hybrid Corvette "Eagle" model to replace The Beast with, and the docs Trump stole says it's basically the car from Spy Hunter. That's why the FBI moved in, he was trying to sell the plans to China.
 
2022-08-12 7:58:28 AM  

bittermang: Long live Uncle Joe's Trans Am.


What do you think Dark Brandon drives?  I've got an idea but I want to toss the question out there first.
 
2022-08-12 7:58:54 AM  

Baron Krelve: Can you imagine if this orange coont actually stole nuclear secrets to sell to the saudis? Like do we think mayyyybe at that point he would lose a little support?


There aren't really any nuclear secrets. It just takes a certain level of education in physics. One that is grade school, or high school education, in first world countries. The only thing that saves us from teenagers building nukes is their own damn laziness and the good sense of teachers everywhere. (Sleep tight!)

The real secrets are delivery systems. ICBM's are hard, as Best Korea keeps proving in their relentless, unforgiving assault upon the Sea of Japan. Presumably, because the find the licking of their shores insulting.
 
2022-08-12 8:01:43 AM  
Wasn't that the name of a regular farker once upon a time?
 
2022-08-12 8:08:46 AM  

starsrift: Baron Krelve: Can you imagine if this orange coont actually stole nuclear secrets to sell to the saudis? Like do we think mayyyybe at that point he would lose a little support?

There aren't really any nuclear secrets. It just takes a certain level of education in physics. One that is grade school, or high school education, in first world countries. The only thing that saves us from teenagers building nukes is their own damn laziness and the good sense of teachers everywhere. (Sleep tight!)

The real secrets are delivery systems. ICBM's are hard, as Best Korea keeps proving in their relentless, unforgiving assault upon the Sea of Japan. Presumably, because the find the licking of their shores insulting.


That and you need enough actual fissile material to achieve critical mass.
Or, in the case of the "Fat Man" bomb, perfectly timed explosives all facing inwards towards a sub-critical mass that can compress it long enough (fractions of a second) to behave as though it were critical mass.

But yeah, by "nuclear secrets" they mean secrets pertaining to the military applications of nuclear science, not the nuclear science itself.

And THAT sentence I just typed should make it clear why they just call it "nuclear secrets".
 
2022-08-12 8:12:19 AM  

starsrift: Baron Krelve: Can you imagine if this orange coont actually stole nuclear secrets to sell to the saudis? Like do we think mayyyybe at that point he would lose a little support?

There aren't really any nuclear secrets. It just takes a certain level of education in physics. One that is grade school, or high school education, in first world countries. The only thing that saves us from teenagers building nukes is their own damn laziness and the good sense of teachers everywhere. (Sleep tight!)

The real secrets are delivery systems. ICBM's are hard, as Best Korea keeps proving in their relentless, unforgiving assault upon the Sea of Japan. Presumably, because the find the licking of their shores insulting.


Most concepts behind modern items are easily understood. However, understanding the concept, and executing it in real life are wildly different things.
Functionality lives in the tolerances - get it wrong and you waste all the effort. That's why people steal plans.
 
2022-08-12 8:12:54 AM  

Baron Krelve: Can you imagine if this orange coont actually stole nuclear secrets to sell to the saudis? Like do we think mayyyybe at that point he would lose a little support?


Or give to pooty
 
2022-08-12 8:16:37 AM  

ProdigalSigh: bittermang: Long live Uncle Joe's Trans Am.

What do you think Dark Brandon drives?  I've got an idea but I want to toss the question out there first.


KITT.
 
2022-08-12 8:21:39 AM  

ProdigalSigh: bittermang: Long live Uncle Joe's Trans Am.

What do you think Dark Brandon drives?  I've got an idea but I want to toss the question out there first.


A 1978 Lada 2106 with the right turn signal stuck permanently on and a garbage bag serving as the back window.  

Fark user imageView Full Size


Just because he knows how much this will piss you off.
 
2022-08-12 8:27:28 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Well folks, pack it in; Trump has denied the allegation that the documents they were looking for had anything to do with nukes. And considering we should be getting the warrant in like 7 hours, it would be pointless to tell an obvious lie at this point, right?
 
2022-08-12 8:29:36 AM  
The more Onion stories come true the less relevant it becomes.  How unfortunate.
 
2022-08-12 8:30:58 AM  

Grungehamster: [Fark user image 425x480]

Well folks, pack it in; Trump has denied the allegation that the documents they were looking for had anything to do with nukes. And considering we should be getting the warrant in like 7 hours, it would be pointless to tell an obvious lie at this point, right?


That just means it Was about nuclear secrets, and he's counting on them to redact that part
 
2022-08-12 8:33:41 AM  
fwiw...........

It's an older code, sir, but it checks out...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-12 8:46:59 AM  

schecter: fwiw...........

It's an older code, sir, but it checks out...

[Fark user image 685x621]


You do realize that's how prophesy works, right? You predict things BEFORE they happen.
 
2022-08-12 9:06:54 AM  

Private_Citizen: schecter: fwiw...........

It's an older code, sir, but it checks out...

[Fark user image 685x621]

You do realize that's how prophesy works, right? You predict things BEFORE they happen.


Be fair, it's much easier to prophecize things that have already happened.
 
2022-08-12 9:19:51 AM  

Private_Citizen: schecter: fwiw...........

It's an older code, sir, but it checks out...

[Fark user image 685x621]

You do realize that's how prophesy works, right? You predict things BEFORE they happen.



you do realize comments starting with 'you do realize...' may stroke your ego, but have a far less impact when viewed by others?

apparently not.
switch to decaf dude.
 
2022-08-12 9:25:40 AM  
Okay, I LOLed at that one, got a weird look from a coworker.
 
2022-08-12 9:34:20 AM  

Baron Krelve: Can you imagine if this orange coont actually stole nuclear secrets to sell to the saudis? Like do we think mayyyybe at that point he would lose a little support?


No - his supporters will never stop sucking him off.  Buuut the chances of Dumpy dying in prison do improve ever so slightly.
 
2022-08-12 9:36:07 AM  

Grungehamster: [Fark user image 425x480]

Well folks, pack it in; Trump has denied the allegation that the documents they were looking for had anything to do with nukes. And considering we should be getting the warrant in like 7 hours, it would be pointless to tell an obvious lie at this point, right?


Counter point:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-12 10:44:59 AM  

Erek the Red: Now that we suspect what the warrant was looking for, is it coincidental that the search was executed soon after Trump hosted a LIV Golf Tournament at his course in New Jersey?


I read somewhere that the FBI didn't find ALL of the documents that they were expecting to be in Florida. I wonder if a couple of them found their way up to New Jersey. For a summer vacation and a little golf. We should start a rumor. It's almost impossible to come up with a conspiracy involving Pinocchio** that can't be seen as plausible. This guys entire life seems to be an ongoing sequel of "Catch Me If You Can".
 
2022-08-12 1:23:49 PM  
My totally not made up scenario is that some documents that were supposed to be in trumps secret stash were found under a seat cushion in Riyadh.

They're literally giving him enough rope to hang himself.
 
2022-08-12 5:38:16 PM  

Erek the Red: Now that we suspect what the warrant was looking for, is it coincidental that the search was executed soon after Trump hosted a LIV Golf Tournament at his course in New Jersey?


Or shortly after Biden returned from Saudi Arabia.

I believe it's been well-established that MBS plays a ruthless game. I wouldn't doubt that he'd sell out a prior administration to improve his position with the current one.
 
2022-08-12 7:07:47 PM  

Al Tsheimers: Erek the Red: Now that we suspect what the warrant was looking for, is it coincidental that the search was executed soon after Trump hosted a LIV Golf Tournament at his course in New Jersey?

I read somewhere that the FBI didn't find ALL of the documents that they were expecting to be in Florida. I wonder if a couple of them found their way up to New Jersey. For a summer vacation and a little golf. We should start a rumor. It's almost impossible to come up with a conspiracy involving Pinocchio** that can't be seen as plausible. This guys entire life seems to be an ongoing sequel of "Catch Me If You Can".


Check Ivana's grave.
 
2022-08-13 12:30:25 AM  

Jacobite_55: Al Tsheimers: Erek the Red: Now that we suspect what the warrant was looking for, is it coincidental that the search was executed soon after Trump hosted a LIV Golf Tournament at his course in New Jersey?

I read somewhere that the FBI didn't find ALL of the documents that they were expecting to be in Florida. I wonder if a couple of them found their way up to New Jersey. For a summer vacation and a little golf. We should start a rumor. It's almost impossible to come up with a conspiracy involving Pinocchio** that can't be seen as plausible. This guys entire life seems to be an ongoing sequel of "Catch Me If You Can".

Check Ivana's grave.


I assume you mean that that is the drop site. Tonight I was reading that the FBI found 11 of the 12 documents that they were looking for. Truth really is stranger than fiction.
 
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