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(Fox 5 Atlanta)   The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a "massager" in the boys' bathroom at school is a good ... wait, what?   (fox5atlanta.com) divider line
    More: Stupid, Sheriff, High school, Gun, Upson County Sheriff's deputies, Sheriffs in the United States, Coroner, Cannon, male student  
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3898 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Aug 2022 at 10:20 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



55 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2022-08-10 9:05:27 AM  
I think those things *are* cause for a lock down in Japan.

/So I've heard...
 
2022-08-10 10:09:17 AM  
Makes sense. The police have been using guns as penis substitutes for so long, they now mistake a penis substitute for a gun.
 
2022-08-10 10:22:01 AM  
It's important to remember to refer to it as _a_ massager, and not _his_ massager. Don't imply ownership.
 
2022-08-10 10:22:57 AM  
The student in possession of the massager admitted that he possessed it in the restroom and pointed it at another student," Thomson-Upson County officials said.

Sounds like he was threatened with a good time!
 
2022-08-10 10:25:03 AM  
I mean, they ARE called massage guns.

hips.hearstapps.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 10:26:06 AM  
flickfeast.co.ukView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 10:26:09 AM  
i.ebayimg.comView Full Size

Sure....it's for your neck
 
2022-08-10 10:26:12 AM  
The student in possession of the massager admitted that he possessed it in the restroom and pointed it at another student

"Admitted" implies that he did something wrong.
 
2022-08-10 10:26:14 AM  
So the boys are using vibrators on each other in the boys rooms now.
Times have sure changed since I went to high school in the 80's,
 
2022-08-10 10:29:50 AM  

Walker: So the boys are using vibrators on each other in the boys rooms now.
Times have sure changed since I went to high school in the 80's,


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 10:29:59 AM  
No....I haven't seen this movie....
 
2022-08-10 10:34:52 AM  
Damn look at that response. Everyone in the county is like I'm not looking like those TX guys, let's shoot this sob.

Kids these days. We just smoked in the boys room. They wrote a song about it. Way cooler than this shiat.

Sittin' in the classroom thinkin' it's a drag
Listening to the teacher rap-just ain't my bag
When two bells ring you know it's my cue
Gonna meet the boys on floor number 2
Vibrator'n the boys room
Vibrator'n the boys room
 
2022-08-10 10:39:27 AM  

Private_Citizen: Makes sense. The police have been using guns as penis substitutes for so long, they now mistake a penis substitute for a gun.


Fark user imageView Full Size


Could be a Theragun. You would NOT want to masturbate with one of those.
I have the smallest one, and it bruises my shoulder sometimes when I use it on high.
 
zez
2022-08-10 10:40:16 AM  
A massaged society is a polite society
 
2022-08-10 10:41:28 AM  

dywed88: The student in possession of the massager admitted that he possessed it in the restroom and pointed it at another student


"Hear that buzzing?  That's my deadly Ray-Gun!  Ha-Ha!"

/ probly confused it with his Harry Potter wand
 
2022-08-10 10:41:51 AM  
Well, that went In a very different direction than I expected.
 
2022-08-10 10:42:13 AM  
Giggity?
 
2022-08-10 10:43:13 AM  
On the plus side, two sets of parents are now having a very important conversation about the Bees and the Bees.
 
2022-08-10 10:44:32 AM  

Natalie Portmanteau: Private_Citizen: Makes sense. The police have been using guns as penis substitutes for so long, they now mistake a penis substitute for a gun.

[Fark user image 225x224]

Could be a Theragun. You would NOT want to masturbate with one of those.
I have the smallest one, and it bruises my shoulder sometimes when I use it on high.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 10:45:41 AM  

Walker: So the boys are using vibrators on each other in the boys rooms now.
Times have sure changed since I went to high school in the 80's,


I was just made aware today that eating ass is a really popular thing among young people right now.

Also, pubes are making a comeback.
 
2022-08-10 10:47:57 AM  
A well relaxed Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Muscle Massagers, shall not be infringed.

/ I'm looking at you TX
// 6 Massager limit? For shame!
// Actually, 6 Dildo Limit is my 90's alt rock cover band.
 
2022-08-10 10:49:02 AM  

a perfectly serviceable can of spooge: Walker: So the boys are using vibrators on each other in the boys rooms now.
Times have sure changed since I went to high school in the 80's,

I was just made aware today that eating ass is a really popular thing among young people right now.

Also, pubes are making a comeback.


Eating ass wasn't already a thing?

Subby's mom lied to me again!
 
2022-08-10 10:49:46 AM  

Walker: So the boys are using vibrators on each other in the boys rooms now.
Times have sure changed since I went to high school in the 80's,


You don't have to find a bathroom with a wall outlet to plug it into these days.
 
2022-08-10 10:50:50 AM  

Kalyco Jack: Walker: So the boys are using vibrators on each other in the boys rooms now.
Times have sure changed since I went to high school in the 80's,

[Fark user image image 350x264]


They didn't have battery operated models in the 80s. That's his point
 
2022-08-10 10:53:47 AM  

Natalie Portmanteau: Private_Citizen: Makes sense. The police have been using guns as penis substitutes for so long, they now mistake a penis substitute for a gun.

[Fark user image image 225x224]

Could be a Theragun. You would NOT want to masturbate with one of those.
I have the smallest one, and it bruises my shoulder sometimes when I use it on high.


If yours is so small, why are you applying the massager to parts of your body that are so far away from it when you masturbate?
 
2022-08-10 10:56:35 AM  

a perfectly serviceable can of spooge: Walker: So the boys are using vibrators on each other in the boys rooms now.
Times have sure changed since I went to high school in the 80's,

I was just made aware today that eating ass is a really popular thing among young people right now.

Also, pubes are making a comeback.


Eating ass is a really popular thing for some of us older people too.

As for pubes, I'm hairy enough as it is so I prefer my junk to be smooth. Don't care about anybody else's that's on them to worry about.
 
2022-08-10 10:57:48 AM  

Natalie Portmanteau: Private_Citizen: Makes sense. The police have been using guns as penis substitutes for so long, they now mistake a penis substitute for a gun.

[Fark user image image 225x224]

Could be a Theragun. You would NOT want to masturbate with one of those.
I have the smallest one, and it bruises my shoulder sometimes when I use it on high.


Don't kink shame!
 
2022-08-10 11:05:40 AM  
Massager, massacre; potayto, potahto.
 
2022-08-10 11:09:42 AM  

justanotherfarkinfarker: Damn look at that response.


It looks like a cross between a chase scene from Blues Brothers and Dukes of Hazard. I assume the school is somewhere out of the frame...
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 11:14:31 AM  

a perfectly serviceable can of spooge: Walker: So the boys are using vibrators on each other in the boys rooms now.
Times have sure changed since I went to high school in the 80's,

I was just made aware today that eating ass is a really popular thing among young people right now.

Also, pubes are making a comeback.


Women wearing leggings and bike shorts as daily fashion. Makes a person hungry for eating some ass. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Mullets are big again too. Not just middle aged lesbians. Teens and college students.
 
2022-08-10 11:23:25 AM  

Natalie Portmanteau: Private_Citizen: Makes sense. The police have been using guns as penis substitutes for so long, they now mistake a penis substitute for a gun.

[Fark user image 225x224]

Could be a Theragun. You would NOT want to masturbate with one of those.
I have the smallest one, and it bruises my shoulder sometimes when I use it on high.


Anything can be a dildo if you're brave enough.
 
2022-08-10 11:30:06 AM  

TheGreenMonkey: As for pubes, I'm hairy enough as it is so I prefer my junk to be smooth.


The problem is if you just remove the pubes on your junk, then do you leave a sharp border for your leg and belly hair, so it looks like an alien crop circle? Or do you try to feather the edges for a smooth transition?
 
2022-08-10 11:39:52 AM  
TheGreenMonkey: I'm hairy enough as it is so I prefer my junk to be smooth

It's all down to personal taste and your junk is obviously none of my business... But in my experience, shaved-smooth groins are... not attractive on dudes. As another poster says above it often contrasts starkly with the surrounding body hair, and there are without exception lots of red bumps and other blemishes which result from shaving it clean. Just a trim is all a dude needs IMO. Shaving clean is really more for women. Again, you do what you like - just expressing my personal take.
 
2022-08-10 11:40:28 AM  

Natalie Portmanteau: Could be a Theragun. You would NOT want to masturbate with one of those.


You're not my supervisor!

/ Owwwww!
// Oh, oh oh owwwww, oh, ohhh!
/// Ahhhhhhhhhh
 
2022-08-10 11:45:07 AM  
When we describe it we have to use the indefinite article "a" dildo - never "your" dildo.
 
2022-08-10 11:51:24 AM  
I assume he'll get off on a technicality
 
2022-08-10 11:58:14 AM  

menschenfresser: As another poster says above it often contrasts starkly with the surrounding body hair, and there are without exception lots of red bumps and other blemishes which result from shaving it clean.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 12:05:24 PM  
This makes me very Randi !

i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 12:07:33 PM  

xanadian: Natalie Portmanteau: Private_Citizen: Makes sense. The police have been using guns as penis substitutes for so long, they now mistake a penis substitute for a gun.

[Fark user image 225x224]

Could be a Theragun. You would NOT want to masturbate with one of those.
I have the smallest one, and it bruises my shoulder sometimes when I use it on high.

Anything can be a dildo if you're brave enough.


PAIGE NO
 
2022-08-10 12:08:23 PM  

Kalyco Jack: Walker: So the boys are using vibrators on each other in the boys rooms now.
Times have sure changed since I went to high school in the 80's,

[Fark user image image 350x264]


well worth the belly laugh
 
2022-08-10 12:55:49 PM  

DRTFA: justanotherfarkinfarker: Damn look at that response.

It looks like a cross between a chase scene from Blues Brothers and Dukes of Hazard. I assume the school is somewhere out of the frame...[Fark user image 425x240]


"...and they was using up all kinds of cope equipment they had hanging around the police officers' station. They took pictures of the northwest corner, the southwest corner, the approach, the getaway, and that's not to mention the aerial photography!"
 
2022-08-10 1:12:35 PM  

Warthog: Natalie Portmanteau: Private_Citizen: Makes sense. The police have been using guns as penis substitutes for so long, they now mistake a penis substitute for a gun.

[Fark user image image 225x224]

Could be a Theragun. You would NOT want to masturbate with one of those.
I have the smallest one, and it bruises my shoulder sometimes when I use it on high.

If yours is so small, why are you applying the massager to parts of your body that are so far away from it when you masturbate?


Jerking off from the wrist is for the weak. Do it fron the shoulder.
 
2022-08-10 1:13:01 PM  

xanadian: Natalie Portmanteau: Private_Citizen: Makes sense. The police have been using guns as penis substitutes for so long, they now mistake a penis substitute for a gun.

[Fark user image 225x224]

Could be a Theragun. You would NOT want to masturbate with one of those.
I have the smallest one, and it bruises my shoulder sometimes when I use it on high.

Anything can be a dildo if you're brave enough.


Yeah, but only once.
 
2022-08-10 1:14:03 PM  
thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 1:30:46 PM  
Remember its a Massager, not a vibrator.
 
2022-08-10 2:09:43 PM  
Goddamit' Fark.  My peen is already down to a raw nub 'cause of the Trump threads. How do you expect me to wank to this, too???

#irresponsiblejournalism
 
2022-08-10 3:06:54 PM  
Still tool 3hrs before the cops went in to the bathroom.
 
2022-08-10 6:48:55 PM  
I feel like people in this thread are assuming that what the police describe as "a hand-held massager that resembled a gun" is in fact something that a reasonable person would say resembled a gun, rather than "we have to to come up with some way to justify our over-reaction to an everyday object, especially given our recent history of running away from actual danger".
 
2022-08-10 7:17:42 PM  
If that thing has a bump stock that kid is in real trouble!!!
 
2022-08-11 1:07:00 AM  

Warthog: I mean, they ARE called massage guns.

[hips.hearstapps.com image 640x427]


Thank goodness this story had a happy end... no wait
 
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