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(SFGate)   I guarantee your family does not have a funeral story crazier than this one   (sfgate.com) divider line
    More: Strange, Family, Sibling, family members, Headstone, Cemetery, physical fight, Damage, instance of family drama  
•       •       •

5203 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Aug 2022 at 4:30 AM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



67 Comments     (+0 »)
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2022-08-09 11:38:56 PM  
I could hear the bluegrass music playing as I read the article. 

But No I found out my grandma's maternal family came from Dartmouth UK and were transported to Canada for the crime of running a whorehouse selling illegal drink and gambling. Yeah, so I am the proud descendant of a family of drunken whores.
 
2022-08-09 11:51:02 PM  
I own the .32 revolver that my great grand-dad used to scare off hobos from the train yards. He was a rail road cop until he slipped and got runover and lost his leg. The railroad fired him after that and gave him a small pension. This left our family in desperate poverty for several generations. We were Irish.
 
2022-08-09 11:56:13 PM  

IgG4: I own the .32 revolver that my great grand-dad used to scare off hobos from the train yards. He was a rail road cop until he slipped and got runover and lost his leg. The railroad fired him after that and gave him a small pension. This left our family in desperate poverty for several generations. We were Irish.


The pistol.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-09 11:57:17 PM  
Oh, I guarantee you my family has many, many stories crazier than this one.  Within my lifetime, even.

/They're all in Middle Georgia, except for a few who escaped
//I live about as far as I can get from those assholes and still remain in the country
///Slashies in honor of Uncle Erasmus.  You don't want to know why.
 
2022-08-10 12:51:15 AM  
Nothing is quite as farked up as watching my father's coffin being lowered into the ground as my sociopathic sister and her equally crazy son screaming and yelling at the gravediggers to bring him back up because they weren't 100% convinced he was dead, and were clawing at the lid to set him free.
 
2022-08-10 1:24:34 AM  

IgG4: I own the .32 revolver that my great grand-dad used to scare off hobos from the train yards. He was a rail road cop until he slipped and got runover and lost his leg. The railroad fired him after that and gave him a small pension. This left our family in desperate poverty for several generations. We were Irish.


I bet you still are.
 
2022-08-10 1:29:55 AM  
"He attempted to drive toward his sister in an aggressive way, but instead he struck another female and sent her to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries," he said. The victim is 33 years old.

In the car, the brother also damaged the grass, knocked over and damaged headstones and vases, and broke a water main that ejected copious amounts of water and flooded the funeral plot, Lt. Matt Stonebraker, a spokesperson for the department, said.


Putting the fun in funeral.
 
2022-08-10 2:10:57 AM  
This story is from Richmond, so I doubt it even broke into the Top 10 of crazy trashy local stories from that day alone.
 
2022-08-10 2:32:23 AM  
Not much was as farking amazing as my grandmother's funeral. My grandmother was a pretty toxic alcoholic and angry person who had alienated just about everyone in her life.  She also had a ton of money and real estate. This brought out the absolute worst in that side of the family.
So after she had written my mother out of her will, her estate was to be divided between my aunt and uncle. So two days after my grandmother died my Uncle was killed in a car accident. My Uncle only slightly worse in temperament than my grandmother had no will or heirs so this meant that my Uncle's estate now had to be split between my Aunt and my Mom. My Aunt took issue with this and made no bones about how her Mom wanted that side of the family to get nothing.
This all came to a screaming and yelling shiat show at the graveside funeral where my now cremated Uncle was tucked into my Grandmother's casket in a small postmarked cardboard box as a "good enough" way to get rid of him. Somewhere in the family who showed up crowd someone started talking about money.  This ignited some pretty amazing pushing and yelling. The police were called, my cousin was arrested for being drunk in public and resisting arrest, then additionally having a concealed weapon without a permit. The whole thing was a god damn mess. As far as I know a headstone was never installed or paid for.
 
2022-08-10 4:46:12 AM  
Looks like an Asian section of the cemetery. I've convinced myself it was an awesome martial arts throw down.
 
2022-08-10 4:46:37 AM  
The driver also reportedly knocked over the casket, but Stonebraker said the body didn't fall out.

Well there goes a perfectly good "Hollywood" cliche.
 
2022-08-10 4:56:00 AM  
So my sister going outside to vomit in the bushes during our grandmother's funeral while my dumpy relatives biatched about Killary doesn't count?

FINE

Nomination withdrawn.
 
2022-08-10 5:00:53 AM  

alice_600: I could hear the bluegrass music playing as I read the article. 

But No I found out my grandma's maternal family came from Dartmouth UK and were transported to Canada for the crime of running a whorehouse selling illegal drink and gambling. Yeah, so I am the proud descendant of a family of drunken whores.


Idea business location. Dartmouth is and was the site of the Navy officer training college. Young gentlemen with money to spend before going off to sea.
 
2022-08-10 5:16:24 AM  
Fighting over the inheritance already?
 
2022-08-10 5:18:56 AM  
Well ok, this one beats mine.

My grandmother passed six years ago.  She had been with my grandfather for many years but seperated.  They eventually reconciled and became friends, but my grandmother had wanted to get back with my grandfather, but he has the emotional awareness of a rabid squirrel, and had no idea and got himself a girlfriend (both in their late 70s at the time), which made my grandmother upset.  For reasons only known to him, he attended gram's funeral with said girlfriend but not the gathering afterward, but his girlfriend decided she'd attend the gathering on her own.  She started trying to talk to everyone and such, but we were all wondering "Why are you here?  She hated you."  It was bizarre.
 
2022-08-10 5:31:57 AM  

IgG4: I own the .32 revolver that my great grand-dad used to scare off hobos from the train yards. He was a rail road cop until he slipped and got runover and lost his leg. The railroad fired him after that and gave him a small pension. This left our family in desperate poverty for several generations. We were Irish.


Well that's unfair, firing a disabled railroad employee like that.  Couldn't they have gotten him a helper baboon?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_(baboon)
 
2022-08-10 5:57:41 AM  
Sounds like the brother needs to get a lifetime ban from that cemetery. After that it's all fine.
 
2022-08-10 6:05:16 AM  
Where did they bury the survivors?
 
2022-08-10 6:17:22 AM  
Subby obviously doesn't live in the bay area. Funerals like this happen all the time.

https://www.mercurynews.com/2011/10/15/hells-angels-member-gunned-down-at-san-jose-funeral/
 
2022-08-10 6:38:12 AM  

markie_farkie: Nothing is quite as farked up as watching my father's coffin being lowered into the ground as my sociopathic sister and her equally crazy son screaming and yelling at the gravediggers to bring him back up because they weren't 100% convinced he was dead, and were clawing at the lid to set him free.


An undertaker could make a really compelling ad out of that.
 
2022-08-10 6:52:42 AM  
Stuart Saves His Family cut
Youtube TRlH2AT1ic8
 
2022-08-10 7:02:06 AM  
Well this certainly beats my "mass fainting" story in a primitive Baptist church funeral
 
2022-08-10 7:03:39 AM  

IgG4: I own the .32 revolver that my great grand-dad used to scare off hobos from the train yards. He was a rail road cop until he slipped and got runover and lost his leg. The railroad fired him after that and gave him a small pension. This left our family in desperate poverty for several generations. We were Irish.


Fark user imageView Full Size


Somebody, something, blah blah blah.
 
2022-08-10 7:06:38 AM  

markie_farkie: Nothing is quite as farked up as watching my father's coffin being lowered into the ground as my sociopathic sister and her equally crazy son screaming and yelling at the gravediggers to bring him back up because they weren't 100% convinced he was dead, and were clawing at the lid to set him free.


WAS he 100% gone?
 
2022-08-10 7:12:54 AM  
Brawl, vehicular assault at funeral. Hundreds dead.  Film at 11.
 
2022-08-10 7:13:51 AM  
Supposedly a distant family funeral was held in one of their homes.  Attendance was "heavy" and the dilapidated floor collapsed beneath them.  The body did come out of the coffin.
 
2022-08-10 7:24:37 AM  

alice_600: I could hear the bluegrass music playing as I read the article. 

But No I found out my grandma's maternal family came from Dartmouth UK and were transported to Canada for the crime of running a whorehouse selling illegal drink and gambling. Yeah, so I am the proud descendant of a family of drunken whores.


Welcome!
 
2022-08-10 7:40:24 AM  
"The driver also reportedly knocked over the casket, but Stonebraker said the body didn't fall out."

See, seat belts save lives.
 
2022-08-10 7:42:39 AM  

Kat09tails: Not much was as farking amazing as my grandmother's funeral. My grandmother was a pretty toxic alcoholic and angry person who had alienated just about everyone in her life.  She also had a ton of money and real estate. This brought out the absolute worst in that side of the family.
So after she had written my mother out of her will, her estate was to be divided between my aunt and uncle. So two days after my grandmother died my Uncle was killed in a car accident. My Uncle only slightly worse in temperament than my grandmother had no will or heirs so this meant that my Uncle's estate now had to be split between my Aunt and my Mom. My Aunt took issue with this and made no bones about how her Mom wanted that side of the family to get nothing.
This all came to a screaming and yelling shiat show at the graveside funeral where my now cremated Uncle was tucked into my Grandmother's casket in a small postmarked cardboard box as a "good enough" way to get rid of him. Somewhere in the family who showed up crowd someone started talking about money.  This ignited some pretty amazing pushing and yelling. The police were called, my cousin was arrested for being drunk in public and resisting arrest, then additionally having a concealed weapon without a permit. The whole thing was a god damn mess. As far as I know a headstone was never installed or paid for.


Having rich grandparents sucks and your issue might be more common than you think. My grandmother had money and took extreme pride in holding grudges. She had 3 kids. When her baby boy(my uncle) died of cancer she went on warpath shutting out my great-aunt (grandmothers sister), writing my aunt out of the will and ending communication with her kids. then tried to do the same thing with my mom. the last 5 years of my grandmothers life, she did everything she could to fark everything up for our family. Writing my cousins out of it and then putting me and my bro and sis in the will. Just really everything she could do to cause problems for the rest of us. There's 7 grankids total, and my grandmother told me(the oldest) that her youngest grandchild was better than anyone else in the family, i guess cuz my youngest cousin didn't want any real world responsibilities and chose not to work but instead live with my grandparents and wipe their asses till they die. My grandmother then gave my 21 yo cousin of two babies and her rich brother 75% of the will. with my grandmother dead, my aunt wanted to reestablish her relationship with her dad. My younger cousin allowed her over a few times, then banned her from the property and seeing her dad(because she's not in the will). Keep in mind my cousins dad died of cancer, and her she is not letting my aunt see her own dad. My cousin is likely borderline personality disorder or whatever condition her dad had. things will be much better after my grandfather dies.
 
2022-08-10 7:51:06 AM  
crazy families love nutty funerals I guess
 
2022-08-10 7:51:12 AM  
I Think You Should Leave - Spectrum and Funerals
Youtube 0Rn5QdO07d8
 
2022-08-10 7:56:09 AM  
Challenge accepted, subby:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 7:57:27 AM  
How to Know if They Are Really Dead // The Office US
Youtube 9j7O5QswhRQ
 
2022-08-10 8:07:29 AM  

Kat09tails: Not much was as farking amazing as my grandmother's funeral. My grandmother was a pretty toxic alcoholic and angry person who had alienated just about everyone in her life.  She also had a ton of money and real estate. This brought out the absolute worst in that side of the family.



I have wisely budgeted to die penniless so all the people I've alienated won't even show up at the funeral.
 
2022-08-10 8:09:03 AM  
When I was fourteen years old, my hillbilly second cousin made a serious effort to get me to f#ck her in a funeral home chapel during my uncle (her grandfather's) wedding.
 
2022-08-10 8:11:49 AM  
The driver also reportedly knocked over the casket, but Stonebraker said the body didn't fall out."
clerks casket
Youtube Rsd2eT9Ih-4
 
2022-08-10 8:32:07 AM  
Not that crazy. No one died...no one else.
 
2022-08-10 8:42:40 AM  
I don't know that they ever identified where the cane came from.

That's kind of an amazing quote to include.
 
2022-08-10 8:48:25 AM  
I did not RTFA. I just came to post this. 
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 8:57:14 AM  
My idiot sister and her side of the family are gun toting alcoholic Trumpers with poor decision making skills.  I've had a few of them threaten to kick my ass for being "mean" to my idiot sister.  You know, for pointing out that Lebanese refugees are not trying to infiltrate our country with weapons to institute Sharia law, and for reminding her that her best friends growing up included Lebanese refugees.  That kind of "cruelty."

We get along just well enough to mutually care for my elderly dad.  Absolutely no contact beyond those bounds.  None.

So, when dad finally dies, I will not be attending his funeral.  She'll be a drunken angry wreck, all her people will be drunken angry wrecks, and some of them will certainly be armed and/or drunk driving large pickup trucks, to protect their freedumbs.  Which basically means, they'll finally have an excuse to violently vent against me for cutting social ties with my idiot sister and making her sad.  She'll then call me in a drunken rage, and call me "mean" for not wanting to be there, with zero self awareness that it's her drunken hate that's the problem.
 
2022-08-10 9:01:32 AM  
Here in Atlanta a funeral isn't complete until someone gets murdered at it and thus requires another funeral.

/Circle of life.
 
2022-08-10 9:07:05 AM  
When my grandmother passed, she was living in one of those senior citizen communites. Naturally a ton of her friends wanted to come, and none of them drove. I suggested we get some type of shuttle service, but with everything else going on, there just wasn't time to put it together.

So 17 year old me who had just got his drivers license like 2 months prior, was tasked with driving my uncle's Expedition shuttling old people back and forth.

Now, the old people were free to come and go for the most part, but the place insisted that we had to essentially sign out each person, because there were problems in the past, and they wanted to ensure everyone got back safely. I in turn kept a running count of how many geriatrics i took, and returned, as some would like to stay for like one loop, others the whole time.

You get where the story is going. We lost an old person which lead to a several hour police search.

Turns out they had decided to just fark off after paying their respects, and walk home, and fell asleep in a coffee shop along the way.
 
2022-08-10 9:13:10 AM  

LineNoise: When my grandmother passed, she was living in one of those senior citizen communites. Naturally a ton of her friends wanted to come, and none of them drove. I suggested we get some type of shuttle service, but with everything else going on, there just wasn't time to put it together.

So 17 year old me who had just got his drivers license like 2 months prior, was tasked with driving my uncle's Expedition shuttling old people back and forth.

Now, the old people were free to come and go for the most part, but the place insisted that we had to essentially sign out each person, because there were problems in the past, and they wanted to ensure everyone got back safely. I in turn kept a running count of how many geriatrics i took, and returned, as some would like to stay for like one loop, others the whole time.

You get where the story is going. We lost an old person which lead to a several hour police search.

Turns out they had decided to just fark off after paying their respects, and walk home, and fell asleep in a coffee shop along the way.


That sounds like a couple of Cub Scout field trips I've been on.
 
2022-08-10 9:32:43 AM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Oh, I guarantee you my family has many, many stories crazier than this one.  Within my lifetime, even.

/They're all in Middle Georgia, except for a few who escaped
//I live about as far as I can get from those assholes and still remain in the country
///Slashies in honor of Uncle Erasmus.  You don't want to know why.


No.
 
2022-08-10 9:33:09 AM  

markie_farkie: Nothing is quite as farked up as watching my father's coffin being lowered into the ground as my sociopathic sister and her equally crazy son screaming and yelling at the gravediggers to bring him back up because they weren't 100% convinced he was dead, and were clawing at the lid to set him free.


What.

The.

Fark.
 
2022-08-10 9:33:32 AM  

educated: IgG4: I own the .32 revolver that my great grand-dad used to scare off hobos from the train yards. He was a rail road cop until he slipped and got runover and lost his leg. The railroad fired him after that and gave him a small pension. This left our family in desperate poverty for several generations. We were Irish.

I bet you still are.


In poverty? Or irish? Both?
 
2022-08-10 9:33:53 AM  

covfefe: "He attempted to drive toward his sister in an aggressive way, but instead he struck another female and sent her to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries," he said. The victim is 33 years old.

In the car, the brother also damaged the grass, knocked over and damaged headstones and vases, and broke a water main that ejected copious amounts of water and flooded the funeral plot, Lt. Matt Stonebraker, a spokesperson for the department, said.

Putting the fun in funeral.


Fun-eral
 
2022-08-10 9:33:54 AM  
FTFA: At some point during the physical fight, the brother got into the vehicle with the intention of driving over his sister, Pomeroy said.

That is dangerous and highly irresponsible, everybody knows the only appropriate reason you get into your vehicle to run others over is due to issues with three teenagers during a pick-up football game at the park.
 
2022-08-10 9:36:13 AM  

BrerRobot: Kat09tails: Not much was as farking amazing as my grandmother's funeral. My grandmother was a pretty toxic alcoholic and angry person who had alienated just about everyone in her life.  She also had a ton of money and real estate. This brought out the absolute worst in that side of the family.
So after she had written my mother out of her will, her estate was to be divided between my aunt and uncle. So two days after my grandmother died my Uncle was killed in a car accident. My Uncle only slightly worse in temperament than my grandmother had no will or heirs so this meant that my Uncle's estate now had to be split between my Aunt and my Mom. My Aunt took issue with this and made no bones about how her Mom wanted that side of the family to get nothing.
This all came to a screaming and yelling shiat show at the graveside funeral where my now cremated Uncle was tucked into my Grandmother's casket in a small postmarked cardboard box as a "good enough" way to get rid of him. Somewhere in the family who showed up crowd someone started talking about money.  This ignited some pretty amazing pushing and yelling. The police were called, my cousin was arrested for being drunk in public and resisting arrest, then additionally having a concealed weapon without a permit. The whole thing was a god damn mess. As far as I know a headstone was never installed or paid for.

Having rich grandparents sucks and your issue might be more common than you think. My grandmother had money and took extreme pride in holding grudges. She had 3 kids. When her baby boy(my uncle) died of cancer she went on warpath shutting out my great-aunt (grandmothers sister), writing my aunt out of the will and ending communication with her kids. then tried to do the same thing with my mom. the last 5 years of my grandmothers life, she did everything she could to fark everything up for our family. Writing my cousins out of it and then putting me and my bro and sis in the will. Just really everything she could do to cause problems for the rest of us. There's 7 grankids total, and my grandmother told me(the oldest) that her youngest grandchild was better than anyone else in the family, i guess cuz my youngest cousin didn't want any real world responsibilities and chose not to work but instead live with my grandparents and wipe their asses till they die. My grandmother then gave my 21 yo cousin of two babies and her rich brother 75% of the will. with my grandmother dead, my aunt wanted to reestablish her relationship with her dad. My younger cousin allowed her over a few times, then banned her from the property and seeing her dad(because she's not in the will). Keep in mind my cousins dad died of cancer, and her she is not letting my aunt see her own dad. My cousin is likely borderline personality disorder or whatever condition her dad had. things will be much better after my grandfather dies.


Who cares?

So you can't have someone else's money that doesn't belong to you?

Get over it.
 
2022-08-10 9:46:55 AM  

WilderKWight: When I was fourteen years old, my hillbilly second cousin made a serious effort to get me to f#ck her in a funeral home chapel during my uncle (her grandfather's) wedding.


So, did you?
 
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