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(Yahoo)   Putin has deployed Steven Seagal to Ukraine. They better hope he really is Hard to Kill, as he may very well be Marked for Death   (news.yahoo.com) divider line
    More: Sad, Russia, Vladimir Putin, Russian invasion of Ukraine, interesting thing, actor Steven Seagal, outlandish information, Russian news site TVZVEZDA, Ukraine  
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3801 clicks; posted to Politics » and Entertainment » on 10 Aug 2022 at 2:35 AM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



132 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2022-08-10 2:37:15 AM  
Don't worry. He's bringing plenty of carrots
 
2022-08-10 2:38:18 AM  
Steven Seagal Is Out Of His Mind | Tom Segura Stand Up Comedy | "Completely Normal" on Netflix
Youtube isNRZJ6icwc
 
2022-08-10 2:39:45 AM  
Revoke his US citizenship and sanction him.  When he runs to moscow, nuke him.

Problem solved.
 
2022-08-10 2:40:38 AM  
Hey Ukraine, you know why we sent you those HIMARS?  It was so you would take out this fat fark.
 
mjg
2022-08-10 2:41:21 AM  
Segura's stand-up and this video are REQUIRED viewing in any Seagal threads.

Cum Town - Steven Seagal
Youtube BzIHyF7UWY4
 
2022-08-10 2:41:24 AM  
Considering how bad Russia has been about secure communications, the Ukrainians have probably already located him and are moving in for the kill.
 
2022-08-10 2:43:36 AM  
This guy never ceases to impress me with his insanely poor decision making.
 
2022-08-10 2:45:03 AM  

Alphax: Considering how bad Russia has been about secure communications, the Ukrainians have probably already located him and are moving in for the kill.


Ham sammich at 4000 m/s?

/s
 
2022-08-10 2:45:44 AM  
Tom Arnold Tells A Crazy Steven Seagal Story
Youtube dhITLxD595c
 
2022-08-10 2:49:10 AM  
Come on Joe.  Tactical strike, NOW.
 
2022-08-10 2:49:33 AM  
$150 a day, $30 per-diem, AND a trip to Europe and my agent didn't accept this immediately?
 
2022-08-10 2:50:14 AM  
If Steven Seagal dies in Ukraine, he will deserve it.
 
2022-08-10 2:52:23 AM  

Alphax: Considering how bad Russia has been about secure communications, the Ukrainians have probably already located him and are moving in for the kill.


The world could only be so lucky.
 
2022-08-10 2:54:37 AM  
He shows up in unexpected situations, like how Dennis Rodman suddenly became best pals with Kim Kong Un while in a wedding dress lol!

Somebody give Segal a job, come on!
 
2022-08-10 2:54:55 AM  
imgs.search.brave.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 2:57:08 AM  
Meanwhile, Russian deathcore band Slaughter to Prevail released a new song yesterday with a strong anti-war message.

/but they are a deathcore band, so be warned that even their fans say listening to the song is like being run over by a train... and you'll probably need subtitles.

Slaughter To Prevail - 1984 (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO) NEW
Youtube C7OTUNqAIwY
 
2022-08-10 3:01:58 AM  

Alphax: Considering how bad Russia has been about secure communications, the Ukrainians have probably already located him and are moving in for the kill.


They probably don't want to use artillery or missiles. The chemicals released by incinerating Steven Seagal could render that area of Ukraine uninhabitable for centuries.

They need to set up a fake low budget film set, with a well stocked craft services table. Once the target starts to feed you flood the set with fast setting concrete. Then you remove to a special facility for vitrification and long term storage.
 
2022-08-10 3:06:23 AM  
Send in Gene LeBell to make that fat bastard shiat himself again.
 
2022-08-10 3:10:51 AM  
They just rolled him down...What next? Are they going to roll Gerard DePardieu' down there too to
stink bomb them with his Frenchy fop sweat?
 
2022-08-10 3:13:30 AM  

Mr. Shabooboo: They just rolled him down...What next?


bugs bunny, segal, and putin, throwing down NBA style
 
2022-08-10 3:13:49 AM  
Haven't they suffered enough
 
2022-08-10 3:15:50 AM  
There's only one way to respond. We must deploy Jean-Claude Van Damme. It's our only hope.
 
2022-08-10 3:21:41 AM  
So that's what happened to all of August's rations for the Russian Army
 
2022-08-10 3:25:51 AM  
He's already on Deadly Ground.
 
2022-08-10 3:27:14 AM  
We should send Ahnold over there to kick his farking ass.

wallpaperup.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 3:27:20 AM  

Rage Against the Thorazine: There's only one way to respond. We must deploy Jean-Claude Van Damme. It's our only hope.


The Van Damme series that was on Amazon Prime a few years ago was pretty entertaining. He played himself, but it turns out the actor was a real-life super spy all along. It was self-deprecating-- I think in the first fight scene he says something like, "I've got one move. I've got this!" <Old Van Damme fails to do splits. Gets ass kicked>
 
2022-08-10 3:38:01 AM  
None of these videos even touched on that he plays in shiatty blues bands.

external-content.duckduckgo.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 3:39:23 AM  
Putin: Get the most famous is celebrity we have!!
 
2022-08-10 3:47:16 AM  

You'd turn it off when I was halfway across: Alphax: Considering how bad Russia has been about secure communications, the Ukrainians have probably already located him and are moving in for the kill.

They probably don't want to use artillery or missiles. The chemicals released by incinerating Steven Seagal could render that area of Ukraine uninhabitable for centuries.

They need to set up a fake low budget film set, with a well stocked craft services table. Once the target starts to feed you flood the set with fast setting concrete. Then you remove to a special facility for vitrification and long term storage.


Excellent plan, though if you've seen any recent Seagal appearances/shows, you'll agree that fast setting concrete is an expense that's unnecessary. Standard set will do fine.
 
2022-08-10 4:01:11 AM  

Get Your Dick Out Of My Food: None of these videos even touched on that he plays in shiatty blues bands.

[external-content.duckduckgo.com image 450x300]


You know when your parents would say you shouldn't make that face, 'cause it'll get stuck that way?
 
2022-08-10 4:02:12 AM  
What a piece of shiat he is.
 
2022-08-10 4:03:16 AM  

maxandgrinch: $150 a day, $30 per-diem, AND a trip to Europe and my agent didn't accept this immediately?


Just as a fyi, "a day" and "per diem" mean the same thing, really. Per diem is latin for "per day"
 
2022-08-10 4:04:43 AM  

Get Your Dick Out Of My Food: None of these videos even touched on that he plays in shiatty blues bands.

[external-content.duckduckgo.com image 450x300]


I know someone who used to work for him.  He has a fairly extensive and impressive guitar collection, which he uses to play in shiatty blues bands.  I think he has/had his own band.  It was shiatty.

What a waste of guitars.
 
2022-08-10 4:12:28 AM  

ISO15693: maxandgrinch: $150 a day, $30 per-diem, AND a trip to Europe and my agent didn't accept this immediately?

Just as a fyi, "a day" and "per diem" mean the same thing, really. Per diem is latin for "per day"


A per diem, while paid each day, is supposed to compensate a person for the extra travel, dining and lodging expenses, that is added on top of the regular salary. It is categorized differently in the tax code and I believe it is not taxed. Or, the recipient can expense out the actual expenses for travel, lodging and dining against the income earned via the per-diem to determine net taxes. Typically, if you're traveling, you can't expense the travel/lodging/dining against your regular income.
 
2022-08-10 4:22:37 AM  
Wow, what a total piece of shiat!  I mean we knew he was a piece of shiat, but FFS.  I hope someone takes him out.
 
2022-08-10 4:24:30 AM  
They should send him to the front lines to fight Ukrainians using his "no touch" technique. Should be more entertaining than his entire "film" oeuvre.
 
2022-08-10 4:35:50 AM  

IRestoreFurniture: Get Your Dick Out Of My Food: None of these videos even touched on that he plays in shiatty blues bands.

[external-content.duckduckgo.com image 450x300]

I know someone who used to work for him.  He has a fairly extensive and impressive guitar collection, which he uses to play in shiatty blues bands.  I think he has/had his own band.  It was shiatty.

What a waste of guitars.


His band is/was called Thunderbox. In Australia a thunderbox is an outside toilet, usually found on old farms. Seems a perfect name to use.
 
2022-08-10 4:39:41 AM  

Kalashinator: Send in Gene LeBell to make that fat bastard shiat himself again.


I got myself the box-set of Reno 911 dvd's and was listening to a commentary track and Gene LeBell appears in a couple of scenes where they need to smack a senior citizen with a chair. Robert Ben Garrant was doing the commentary and he said "I can't name the guy here, but go and google Gene LeBell choked out a famous marshall arts actor until he shiat himself" so I googled and laughed so hard that I nearly crapped my pants.
 
2022-08-10 4:44:54 AM  
Seagall is phoney sack of crap anyways.
 
2022-08-10 4:52:34 AM  

Burra: [YouTube video: Tom Arnold Tells A Crazy Steven Seagal Story]


He's a great guy, though.  Very sensitive.  Which we can clearly tell by our little story about him doing propaganda for war criminals.
 
2022-08-10 4:57:00 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-10 5:08:13 AM  

vrax: Burra: [YouTube video: Tom Arnold Tells A Crazy Steven Seagal Story]

He's a great guy, though.  Very sensitive.  Which we can clearly tell by our little story about him doing propaganda for war criminals.


Yes, that's the joke.
 
2022-08-10 5:28:53 AM  

Rage Against the Thorazine: There's only one way to respond. We must deploy Jean-Claude Van Damme. It's our only hope.


In JCVD's credit, at least he's learned to laugh at himself and his corny 80s-90s action persona.

Seagal still thinks he's a big deal.
 
2022-08-10 5:34:54 AM  
Seagals make a lot of noise and shiat over everything.
 
2022-08-10 5:38:46 AM  
Hey! He married into a martial arts school then divorced his wife and later bought himself the reincarnated soul of a lama. Totally legit!
 
2022-08-10 5:39:01 AM  
... totally legit piece of shiat
 
2022-08-10 5:48:24 AM  
I guess the combat plan is to have Seagal eat all of Ukraine's crops?
 
2022-08-10 5:49:34 AM  
It's incredible that Steven Segal was once a movie star but now acts exactly like the creepiest loser you knew in high school.
 
2022-08-10 5:51:00 AM  

odinsposse: It's incredible that Steven Segal was once a movie star but now acts exactly like the creepiest loser you knew in high school.


I'm sure he was creepy behind the scenes, too.
 
2022-08-10 5:54:07 AM  
Thom Tuck Straight To DVD - Steven Seagal
Youtube qem5bKlUHqI
 
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