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(The New Yorker)   Being a professional cuddler is a very intense job that requires a lot of patience, not everyone is cut out for this line of work   (newyorker.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Physical intimacy, name Trevor James, Hug, Kiss, different positions, classic cuddle, Free Hugs Campaign, professional cuddler  
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2206 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Aug 2022 at 2:36 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



57 Comments     (+0 »)
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2022-08-08 1:31:20 PM  
Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle?
Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.
Requirements:
-You have a photo to attach.
-You can be affectionate to anyone.
-You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
-You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
-You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.
 
2022-08-08 2:38:41 PM  
Nobody social distances anymore. I don't
 
2022-08-08 2:39:03 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle?
Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.
Requirements:
-You have a photo to attach.
-You can be affectionate to anyone.
-You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
-You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
-You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.


images-cdn.9gag.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-08 2:40:11 PM  

Pocket Ninja: The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.


At any point is the term, "Cuddle Puddle" used?
If not, I'm out.
 
2022-08-08 2:41:19 PM  
The guy in the article sounds like an amateur.  How are you supposed to hide your boner in athletic shorts?
 
2022-08-08 2:43:39 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle?
Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.
Requirements:
-You have a photo to attach.
-You can be affectionate to anyone.
-You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
-You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
-You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.


22. Cuddlers may carry and use a non-lethal personal defense item to defend themselves, subject to local laws and regulations.

I'm cuddling with nunchucks!
 
2022-08-08 2:43:52 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle?
Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.
Requirements:
-You have a photo to attach.
-You can be affectionate to anyone.
-You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
-You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
-You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.


Damn it.
 
2022-08-08 2:44:50 PM  
I'm basically already a professional cuddler to my cats. They never pay me.
 
2022-08-08 2:45:06 PM  

RogermcAllen: How are you supposed to hide your boner in athletic shorts?


Tuck and roll.
 
2022-08-08 2:45:46 PM  

RogermcAllen: The guy in the article sounds like an amateur.  How are you supposed to hide your boner in athletic shorts?


See, this is the generational gap.

Jock straps are like 240p for a 1080 unit. Mashing and blurring is the way. 

Do they even still sell jock straps? My dad bought me one but then my gym teacher in 7th grade was like 'bro nobody's worn those since the 80s'
 
2022-08-08 2:47:09 PM  
my point is that maybe in 2022 we're under-utilizing the mash/blur factor that jock straps have to offer
 
TWX
2022-08-08 2:48:37 PM  

Solty Dog: RogermcAllen: How are you supposed to hide your boner in athletic shorts?

Tuck and roll.


Sounds painful.
 
2022-08-08 2:48:47 PM  
sounds creepy
 
2022-08-08 2:49:18 PM  
"not everyone is cut out for this line of work"

for example, porcupines.
 
2022-08-08 2:51:23 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle?
Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.
Requirements:
-You have a photo to attach.
-You can be affectionate to anyone.
-You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
-You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
-You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.


I read this entire post in Nathan Fielder's voice.
 
2022-08-08 2:52:43 PM  
This is an ableist career. What's being done for the armless cuddlers?
 
2022-08-08 2:57:59 PM  

A Mutiny of Clowns: Do they even still sell jock straps? My dad bought me one but then my gym teacher in 7th grade was like 'bro nobody's worn those since the 80s'


I think with modern compression shorts they went out. But they do still sell them. Just like chaps, and buggy whips. Sure there's people still using them, but most are umm... recreational.
 
2022-08-08 3:00:11 PM  

bighairyguy: Pocket Ninja: Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle?
Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.
Requirements:
-You have a photo to attach.
-You can be affectionate to anyone.
-You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
-You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
-You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.

Damn it.


What about cuddling in the Champagne Room, though?
 
2022-08-08 3:03:29 PM  
I'm not a cuddler.  I've been described as a 'curdler'.
 
2022-08-08 3:05:22 PM  
That sounds really nice, actually. :/

/Single introvert living with/taking care of high-risk for COVID parents (requiring a lot of isolation) who are not physically affectionate people during the pandemic has been a little rough
 
2022-08-08 3:11:57 PM  
They do this for NICU babies, although it's usually volunteers.  It's usually older grandparent-types or young women and all they do is snuggle the babies to get them some human contact.  It's very sweet.
 
2022-08-08 3:13:45 PM  
What the fark? I'm gonna cuddle with some random dude? Sounds desperate at best.
 
2022-08-08 3:14:12 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

...

The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.


ah, so... not your thing then
 
2022-08-08 3:19:23 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle?
Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.
Requirements:
-You have a photo to attach.
-You can be affectionate to anyone.
-You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
-You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
-You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.



Soon to be added:

-You have received a Monkeypox Vaccination.
 
2022-08-08 3:22:33 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle?
Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.
Requirements:
-You have a photo to attach.
-You can be affectionate to anyone.
-You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
-You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
-You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.


I was just thinking that a certain infamous (i.e. more than famous) NFL quarterback would be very interested in these services
 
2022-08-08 3:24:29 PM  

Solty Dog: Pocket Ninja: The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.

At any point is the term, "Cuddle Puddle" used?
If not, I'm out.


If you show up and the therapist says that he specializes in the struggle cuddle position, RUN!
 
2022-08-08 3:25:48 PM  
Do not try platonic cuddling, that's impossible.  Instead, you should realize the truth....there is no spoon.
 
2022-08-08 3:26:55 PM  

Hawk the Hawk: Do not try platonic cuddling, that's impossible.  Instead, you should realize the truth....there is no spoon.


Spooning leads to forking.
 
2022-08-08 3:29:42 PM  
The price is a bit high.  I think the going rate for a good massage has risen to $70 and I'd give a $15 tip.  Being a masseuse would be much more physical effort and skill.
 
2022-08-08 3:37:16 PM  
Look, you do you but I find that whole business creepy as fark.
 
2022-08-08 3:40:05 PM  

whisper in the wind: Nobody social distances anymore. I don't


Most people I see do.
But most people did before the pandemic too.
Perhaps not 6 feet between people in line, but a few feet.
Sometimes there's no choice, if there's just too many people in one area.
But "social distancing fatigue" seems to be a mental illness affecting very few people - just the weirdos who don't understand personal space. Like the people who walk into a theater with lots of empty seats, and sit right next to someone already there. I do my best to avoid those people.
 
2022-08-08 3:40:26 PM  
I can't give the guy a hard time if there's demand. I would not be able to do this job.
 
2022-08-08 3:44:52 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-08 3:48:21 PM  

Begoggle: whisper in the wind: Nobody social distances anymore. I don't

Most people I see do.
But most people did before the pandemic too.
Perhaps not 6 feet between people in line, but a few feet.
Sometimes there's no choice, if there's just too many people in one area.
But "social distancing fatigue" seems to be a mental illness affecting very few people - just the weirdos who don't understand personal space. Like the people who walk into a theater with lots of empty seats, and sit right next to someone already there. I do my best to avoid those people.


I loved social distancing, and even before covid, at least in America, we tend to keep a small bubble around each other.  Games different in other countries where people routinely walk right up your ass instead of just saying excuse me.  I'm in London right now and vaguely annoyed to report that in addition to about a .01 masking rate on public transit, people are still right up your ass as you walk.
 
2022-08-08 4:10:46 PM  

tricycleracer: Pocket Ninja: Huh. I was intrigued and wondered if I had what it takes to be a Professional Cuddler. The Cuddle Comfort website, where you can hire professional cuddlers in your local area, has some pretty rigid standards:

Are you a kind, caring, and understanding person who loves to cuddle?
Become a Professional Cuddler with Cuddle Comfort and earn great money as an independent contractor. Be your own boss and get paid after each session with flexibility of your own schedule.
Requirements:
-You have a photo to attach.
-You can be affectionate to anyone.
-You are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
-You should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
-You understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

The Cuddler Contract, which I did read, consists of 32 separate points to which you must agree. About 1/4 of them were dedicated to reiterating the point that professional cuddling is not about providing sexual services.

I read this entire post in Nathan Fielder's voice.


I misread your post and re-read this post in Nathan Fillion's voice.
 
2022-08-08 4:13:52 PM  
I could use a good cuddle about now. A nice poke wouldn't be amiss either. But neither with Mr "i know seventy positions" over here.
 
2022-08-08 4:21:31 PM  
Huh huh...rigid standards.
 
2022-08-08 4:22:14 PM  

IRestoreFurniture: Look, you do you but I find that whole business creepy as fark.


cuddling, or paying for cuddling?
 
2022-08-08 4:24:26 PM  
c.tenor.comView Full Size

Better call Tairy Greene.
 
2022-08-08 4:31:54 PM  
I'm more of a diddler than a cuddler....

Fark user image
 
2022-08-08 4:44:29 PM  
I have known some folks in my life who receive little to no human contact (be it from bad family situations to just being socially awkward) - I can see how this could be therapeutic.

Human touch is a valuable and precious commodity these days.

Most folks I know are pretty big on hugging and contact, even more so post (main wave) Covid. The touch is worth the risk at this point.
 
2022-08-08 4:49:48 PM  
There was a Roy Blount Jr. (the writer not the politician) fantasy about the Marxian ideal -- from each according to his ability. His own great talent was for petting Labrador puppies. He imagined himself having to catch the Red Eye from the coast to get back for some important pups.
 
2022-08-08 4:51:39 PM  

Sum Dum Gai: I'm basically already a professional cuddler to my cats. They never pay me.


Sucker.
 
2022-08-08 4:52:19 PM  

Lady J: IRestoreFurniture: Look, you do you but I find that whole business creepy as fark.

cuddling, or paying for cuddling?


Yes
 
2022-08-08 5:26:20 PM  

IRestoreFurniture: Lady J: IRestoreFurniture: Look, you do you but I find that whole business creepy as fark.

cuddling, or paying for cuddling?

Yes


Actually, let me reiterate.

I have OCD.  Like actual diagnosed OCD, and not just "Oh wow, look at me and how neat my desk is, I'm SO OCD LOL!" and one of my things is that I don't like to be touched by or to touch other people unless I'm very, very close to them.  Not a hugger, not a cheek kisser, I still have issues hugging my own family.

The only person I would want to "cuddle" with is my wife.  Cuddling with strangers is creepy I guess, and that includes paying for it.  But those "cuddle parties" that were written about a few years back?  Money or not...weird.
 
2022-08-08 6:33:08 PM  
20 bucks, same as in town.
 
2022-08-08 6:47:59 PM  
"I enjoy cuddling pussies," he said misleadingly.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-08 7:06:02 PM  
If it's anything like my job the industry is filled with people who demand you cuddle two people in two places at the same time.
 
2022-08-08 7:06:26 PM  

justanotherfarkinfarker: A Mutiny of Clowns: Do they even still sell jock straps? My dad bought me one but then my gym teacher in 7th grade was like 'bro nobody's worn those since the 80s'

I think with modern compression shorts they went out. But they do still sell them. Just like chaps, and buggy whips. Sure there's people still using them, but most are umm... recreational.


I remember having to wear one in 7th/8th grade basketabll. Someone stole mine out of my gym bag.
 
2022-08-08 7:10:25 PM  
It's not that hard to find someone to cuddle with.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
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