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(Slate)   Dear Prudie, can I use my dead wife's vibrator with my new girlfriend? One of those rare Fark headlines in the form of a question that can be answered 'OH GOD, YES, YES, YES'   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Giggity, Sexual intercourse, Human sexuality, Human sexual behavior, Masturbation, Orgasm, Marriage, wonderful new homes, late wife  
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525 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 08 Aug 2022 at 3:50 AM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



59 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2022-08-07 11:07:20 PM  
As long as it wasn't the vibrator that killed her.
 
2022-08-07 11:22:51 PM  
Only on the condition that it is in fact haunted.
 
2022-08-07 11:25:17 PM  
Jesus Christ.  No.

Have a little respect and buy a new one.
 
2022-08-07 11:28:32 PM  

labman: Jesus Christ.  No.

Have a little respect and buy a new one.


This.  You wouldn't give your new girl your wife's old merkin.  Splurge and get the newbie her own happy toy
 
2022-08-07 11:30:00 PM  

aleister_greynight: Only on the condition that it is in fact haunted.


"Haunted vibrator, my ass!"
 
2022-08-07 11:32:17 PM  

aleister_greynight: Only on the condition that it is in fact haunted.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-07 11:41:12 PM  
Just don't tell her? I mean... I have a vibrator for "visitors" and I've never volunteered how many clams that thing has seen 🤷🏼‍♂
 
2022-08-08 12:10:54 AM  

labman: Jesus Christ.  No.

Have a little respect and buy a new one.


So I can only use the dead wife's vibrator with a prostitute?
 
2022-08-08 12:12:23 AM  

Naido: labman: Jesus Christ.  No.

Have a little respect and buy a new one.

So I can only use the dead wife's vibrator with a prostitute?


Especially with a prostitute
 
2022-08-08 12:50:12 AM  
c.tenor.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-08 12:53:37 AM  

Cubansaltyballs: Just don't tell her? I mean... I have a vibrator for "visitors" and I've never volunteered how many clams that thing has seen 🤷🏼‍♂


It's like guest towels, but battery operated?
 
2022-08-08 1:13:11 AM  

BizarreMan: Cubansaltyballs: Just don't tell her? I mean... I have a vibrator for "visitors" and I've never volunteered how many clams that thing has seen 🤷🏼‍♂

It's like guest towels, but battery operated?


This guy gets it
 
2022-08-08 3:02:31 AM  

gopher321: aleister_greynight: Only on the condition that it is in fact haunted.

[Fark user image 570x760]


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2022-08-08 4:26:17 AM  
Something something butt stuff.
 
2022-08-08 4:42:57 AM  

labman: Jesus Christ.  No.

Have a little respect and buy a new one.


By that logic you shoulf throw out every last thing belonging to a dead loved one when you find someone else because of reasons that only a brain damaged monkey could come up with

Its farking plastic. Wash it and call it good
 
2022-08-08 4:50:22 AM  
perhaps a rinse is in order.
 
2022-08-08 5:07:03 AM  

sinko swimo: perhaps a rinse is in order.


But not with hand sanitizer.  Like cutting jalapenos and not washing afterwards.
 
2022-08-08 5:14:31 AM  
So here's the thing...

In my experience, most of the women I've slept with, had a vibrator or dildo; and out of almost all of those women, they had more than one.
And they didn't mix and match between vaginal and anal toys.
The butt toys were butt toys, and the pussy toys were allowed for the vagina, the tits and sometimes the armpits. ;)

That being said, if you want to bring toys into your new sexual relationship. Either buy them together, or let her bring her own toys.

Pro tip time:
If you're a man with a dildo or vibrator, your new gal knows its been in your ass at some point. She doesn't want that dirty thing in her vagina!

So to recap,
/keep the ass and pussy toys separate.
//keep the toys clean.
///and if you like a lot of assplay, you'd best learn how to perform an enema.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-08 5:45:32 AM  

Redh8t: keep the ass and pussy toys separate


But I only have one penis.
 
2022-08-08 5:57:30 AM  

bughunter: Redh8t: keep the ass and pussy toys separate

But I only have one penis.


Fark user imageView Full Size

Keep the ass outta the vagina.
 
2022-08-08 6:08:53 AM  

bughunter: aleister_greynight: Only on the condition that it is in fact haunted.

"Haunted vibrator, my ass!"


I don't care where you store it, get her a new one.
 
2022-08-08 6:09:24 AM  

Cubansaltyballs: Just don't tell her? I mean... I have a vibrator for "visitors" and I've never volunteered how many clams that thing has seen 🤷🏼‍♂


I hope you wash it properly between clams
 
2022-08-08 6:55:03 AM  

Redh8t: ...and sometimes the armpits. ;)


WTF?
 
2022-08-08 7:15:55 AM  

BMFPitt: Redh8t: ...and sometimes the armpits. ;)

WTF?


What?
You've never tickled a woman during sex?

Give it a try sometime.
Similar to a sneeze, but lasts as long as they giggle.
 
2022-08-08 7:26:53 AM  

Cubansaltyballs: Just don't tell her? I mean... I have a vibrator for "visitors" and I've never volunteered how many clams that thing has seen 🤷🏼‍♂


Did similar things in my youth. Honestly, when a visitor shows up and things start getting good and you whip a vibrator out from under the bed, does she tell herself it's a brand new one you keep there just in case of emergency?
 
2022-08-08 7:31:46 AM  
Be sure to do it on your late wife's grave.
 
2022-08-08 7:34:22 AM  

Redh8t: The butt toys were butt toys, and the pussy toys were allowed for the vagina, the tits and sometimes the armpits. ;)

If you're a man with a dildo or vibrator, your new gal knows its been in your ass at some point. She doesn't want that dirty thing in her vagina!



No one's using a vibrator on their armpits, and plenty of men keep a "visitor" vibrator that's never been in their own ass. This reads like excited commentary from a 23-year-old whose sexual experience is entirely derived from pornography and the blurb on the back of the package the vibrator came in.
 
2022-08-08 7:42:30 AM  

Barricaded Gunman: Redh8t: The butt toys were butt toys, and the pussy toys were allowed for the vagina, the tits and sometimes the armpits. ;)

If you're a man with a dildo or vibrator, your new gal knows its been in your ass at some point. She doesn't want that dirty thing in her vagina!


No one's using a vibrator on their armpits,....


Yeah! That "foreplay" stuff is for SIMPS!

/s
 
2022-08-08 8:01:46 AM  

Redh8t: Pro tip time:


Oh thank God a Fark Sexpert™ is here to give us The Facts.
 
2022-08-08 8:02:07 AM  

Barricaded Gunman: Redh8t: The butt toys were butt toys, and the pussy toys were allowed for the vagina, the tits and sometimes the armpits. ;)

If you're a man with a dildo or vibrator, your new gal knows its been in your ass at some point. She doesn't want that dirty thing in her vagina!


No one's using a vibrator on their armpits, and plenty of men keep a "visitor" vibrator that's never been in their own ass. This reads like excited commentary from a 23-year-old whose sexual experience is entirely derived from pornography and the blurb on the back of the package the vibrator came in.

"The Farker doth protest too much, methinks"


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-08 8:07:16 AM  

Fear the Clam: Redh8t: Pro tip time:

Oh thank God a Fark Sexpert™ is here to give us The Facts.


Heh! Hardly.

Just common sense.
 
2022-08-08 9:13:44 AM  
FTA: I understand there is a piece of equipment, one permanently attached to you, that has been washed and used again with your new love.

Also, you constantly shed dead skin and new skin grows. So the same skin that touched the old love is probably gone by the time you get to your new love. I mean, unless the old love's body is still warm.
 
2022-08-08 9:16:45 AM  

jaylectricity: FTA: I understand there is a piece of equipment, one permanently attached to you, that has been washed and used again with your new love.

Also, you constantly shed dead skin and new skin grows. So the same skin that touched the old love is probably gone by the time you get to your new love. I mean, unless the old love's body is still warm.


She'll last longer if you keep her on ice.
 
2022-08-08 9:41:45 AM  
I guess my answer hinges on one bit of information.  When you say it's your "dead wife's vibrator", does that mean it was hers when she was alive? Or that you used it on her after she was dead. Because in only one of these situations is it appropriate to use with a new partner.
 
2022-08-08 9:50:20 AM  
Hey those short circuits don't fix themselves!
 
2022-08-08 9:53:56 AM  

eKonk: I guess my answer hinges on one bit of information.  When you say it's your "dead wife's vibrator", does that mean it was hers when she was alive? Or that you used it on her after she was dead. Because in only one of these situations is it appropriate to use with a new partner.


It means batteries are dead
 
2022-08-08 9:55:02 AM  
Batteries that power the vibrator that is
 
2022-08-08 9:56:44 AM  
Fark is not your personal fetish website... wait a minute... is it?!?
 
2022-08-08 9:57:34 AM  

bughunter: As long as it wasn't the vibrator that killed her.


Voodoo Dick, MY ASS!
 
2022-08-08 10:05:51 AM  

Redh8t: Pro tip time:If you're a man with a dildo or vibrator, your new gal knows its been in your ass at some point.

4.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

 
2022-08-08 10:32:24 AM  
I had far more sex paraphernalia when I was single because you need to keep a variety on hand. I also had a dishwasher and a jug of sanitizer. And a shiat ton of different condoms too, since allergies etc.
 
2022-08-08 10:40:58 AM  

Laobaojun: Barricaded Gunman: Redh8t: The butt toys were butt toys, and the pussy toys were allowed for the vagina, the tits and sometimes the armpits. ;)

If you're a man with a dildo or vibrator, your new gal knows its been in your ass at some point. She doesn't want that dirty thing in her vagina!


No one's using a vibrator on their armpits,....

Yeah! That "foreplay" stuff is for SIMPS!

/s


If your version of foreplay consists of an armpit vibrator, "simp" isn't the descriptor I'd go with.
 
2022-08-08 10:55:25 AM  

Barricaded Gunman: Laobaojun: Barricaded Gunman: Redh8t: The butt toys were butt toys, and the pussy toys were allowed for the vagina, the tits and sometimes the armpits. ;)

If you're a man with a dildo or vibrator, your new gal knows its been in your ass at some point. She doesn't want that dirty thing in her vagina!


No one's using a vibrator on their armpits,....

Yeah! That "foreplay" stuff is for SIMPS!

/s

If your version of foreplay consists of an armpit vibrator, "simp" isn't the descriptor I'd go with.


Not taking advice from someone who can't tie a double column without looking.
Simp.
 
2022-08-08 11:13:29 AM  

Concrete Donkey: labman: Jesus Christ.  No.

Have a little respect and buy a new one.

By that logic you shoulf throw out every last thing belonging to a dead loved one when you find someone else because of reasons that only a brain damaged monkey could come up with

Its farking plastic. Wash it and call it good


Yes, because the exact same amount of intimacy is involved with red solo cups and your dead wife's vibrator.
 
2022-08-08 11:15:33 AM  
C'mon buddy, shoot the wad and buy a new one.
 
2022-08-08 11:17:16 AM  

Laobaojun: Not taking advice from someone who can't tie a double column without looking.  Simp.


I guess I'm a simp, then, because I have zero idea what the f*ck this even means.
 
2022-08-08 11:27:03 AM  

LL316: Concrete Donkey: labman: Jesus Christ.  No.

Have a little respect and buy a new one.

By that logic you shoulf throw out every last thing belonging to a dead loved one when you find someone else because of reasons that only a brain damaged monkey could come up with

Its farking plastic. Wash it and call it good

Yes, because the exact same amount of intimacy is involved with red solo cups and your dead wife's vibrator.


Red Solo Cup, you help me schtupp, I fill you up

/with semen
 
2022-08-08 11:27:27 AM  

Barricaded Gunman: Laobaojun: Not taking advice from someone who can't tie a double column without looking.  Simp.

I guess I'm a simp, then, because I have zero idea what the f*ck this even means.


It's bondage crap. Which sounds cool until you see the dudes into the scene. It's a repository of bad facial hair decisions.
 
2022-08-08 11:28:34 AM  

eKonk: I guess my answer hinges on one bit of information.  When you say it's your "dead wife's vibrator", does that mean it was hers when she was alive? Or that you used it on her after she was dead. Because in only one of these situations is it appropriate to use with a new partner.


It's the second situation, right?

/unless the new partner's still alive?
 
2022-08-08 11:34:26 AM  

LL316: Concrete Donkey: labman: Jesus Christ.  No.

Have a little respect and buy a new one.

By that logic you shoulf throw out every last thing belonging to a dead loved one when you find someone else because of reasons that only a brain damaged monkey could come up with

Its farking plastic. Wash it and call it good

Yes, because the exact same amount of intimacy is involved with red solo cups and your dead wife's vibrator.


Coincidentally enough, though, both of these things have been the subjects of Toby Keith songs.
 
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