Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Metro)   "How do I tell my child I can't afford what they want?"   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Sad, Money, Want, Anxiety, Tell, Child, Payment, Money supply, financial coach Emma Gosling  
•       •       •

428 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 07 Aug 2022 at 5:36 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



47 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-08-07 10:47:39 AM  
"we can't get you that or you'll have to go live in the orphanage. We don't have any money"
 
2022-08-07 10:55:45 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-07 11:09:10 AM  
"I can't afford that" is how you say it.
 
2022-08-07 11:25:27 AM  

optikeye: [Fark user image 385x255]


This meme right here, was when I first knew for certain that the internet would be something special.
 
2022-08-07 11:26:54 AM  
No
 
2022-08-07 11:34:58 AM  
It is the UK, so telling the child it is because Boris Johnson hates you and conservatives are evil and don't want you to have anything nice could be a good opening.
 
2022-08-07 11:58:30 AM  

shastacola: "I can't afford that" is how you say it.


WE.  if you say I, they could think its you that is the problem. make sure they understand its a team effort they cant have the pony.
 
2022-08-07 12:14:45 PM  
"It's my job to make money to cover all the big expensive things. That's the roof over our heads, the electricity, the water, the heat and air conditioning, keeping the car on the road, putting gas in the car, keeping food on the table, clothes and shoes for the family, medicines, school stuff."

"How much does that pony cost? Well, go find out."

"Okay, where's your money. Let's count out and roll those coins."

"How much do you have? Twenty-three dollars and fifty cents. Okay, divide the cost of the pony by $23.50 and that will tell you how many more times you need to fill that piggy bank to afford a pony."

"Sure, you can cry. Let me show you some photos of a house in Niagara-on-the-Lake that I'll never in, I'll join you."
 
2022-08-07 12:50:05 PM  
"Get a job, you bum!"
 
2022-08-07 1:45:43 PM  

shastacola: "I can't afford that" is how you say it.


I really don't like that one.

It will create anxiety about the family's stability, and the unspoken part is "if we had the money, I'd buy it."

Better to get the kids to start thinking about wise choices early.  "It's not a wise way to spend money."  As they get old older, you can start bringing in discussions of opportunity costs, compound interest, and hopefully help them develop a sense that money isn't something to be afraid of but rather something to be managed and cultivated.  Help them start thinking more about the medium and long term, not just short term desires.
 
2022-08-07 2:18:16 PM  

optikeye: [Fark user image 385x255]


Fark user imageView Full Size

You were saying?
 
2022-08-07 3:28:31 PM  
Take them to the fair and let 'em ride the ponies. Teach them it's affordable to leave the maintenance costs with the owners of the pony.
 
2022-08-07 4:06:39 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-07 4:09:24 PM  

blacknite: "we can't get you that or you'll have to go live in the orphanage. We don't have any money"


Yeah, my parents had dozens of either/or scenarios. Usually they'd just pick something I already owned and liked and would tell me I'd have to give THAT up if I wanted something. That usually worked. "Oh, you want a new Atari system? Well we're going to have to sell your bike AND all your Millennium Falcon. OK?"

Kids are stupid, it is easy to crush their dreams with logic.
 
2022-08-07 5:50:57 PM  
Tell them to put it on their wishlist to Santa. And on December 25, when that present isn't there, blame Santa for being a jerk.

You're welcome.
 
2022-08-07 6:24:01 PM  

squidloe: Tell them to put it on their wishlist to Santa. And on December 25, when that present isn't there, blame Santa for being a jerk.

You're welcome.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-07 6:26:36 PM  
If it's about something they want, point out all the things they need that you're paying for. Needs are more important than wants.

Then backhand them.
 
Izo [TotalFark]
2022-08-07 6:44:40 PM  

shastacola: "I can't afford that" is how you say it.


And "you can save up and spend your own money for it"
 
2022-08-07 6:48:40 PM  

Jake Havechek: "Get a job, you bum!"


I remember many years ago running into the teenage daughter of my employers when she was working at walmart.

She told me "don't tell my parents but I just bought a horse."

They found out eventually.
 
Izo [TotalFark]
2022-08-07 6:53:49 PM  

Izunbacol: shastacola: "I can't afford that" is how you say it.

I really don't like that one.

It will create anxiety about the family's stability, and the unspoken part is "if we had the money, I'd buy it."

Better to get the kids to start thinking about wise choices early.  "It's not a wise way to spend money."  As they get old older, you can start bringing in discussions of opportunity costs, compound interest, and hopefully help them develop a sense that money isn't something to be afraid of but rather something to be managed and cultivated.  Help them start thinking more about the medium and long term, not just short term desires.



When i was a teenager, Mom made me work out  practice budgets.......and figure out what stuff cost, like gas/ groceries/ furniture etc.

Also going thru a couple of spells when Dad was laid off made it real.
 
2022-08-07 7:20:37 PM  
th.bing.comView Full Size


Tell 'im 'e's dreamin'....
 
2022-08-07 7:22:20 PM  

ElPrimitivo: Jake Havechek: "Get a job, you bum!"

I remember many years ago running into the teenage daughter of my employers when she was working at walmart.

She told me "don't tell my parents but I just bought a horse."

They found out eventually.


My brother bought one. Worse than a boat as a money sink.
 
2022-08-07 7:24:09 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-08-07 7:29:58 PM  
'If they know that now we don't buy lunch on trips out, but always take our own sandwiches and drinks, they will soon accept this as the norm if everyone does the same with them every time.'


Haha, Jesus wept. That runs counter to every poor and/or immigrant kid seeing what their peers get to do and how acutel aware they are about the norm in your house
 
2022-08-07 7:42:10 PM  

Flowery Twats: ElPrimitivo: Jake Havechek: "Get a job, you bum!"

I remember many years ago running into the teenage daughter of my employers when she was working at walmart.

She told me "don't tell my parents but I just bought a horse."

They found out eventually.

My brother bought one. Worse than a boat as a money sink.


You can't eat a boat when it gets too expensive/you tire of it.
 
2022-08-07 7:47:12 PM  
We knew not to ask.
 
2022-08-07 8:05:52 PM  
You tell them that inhuman right wingers designed the economy so that only aristocrats and oligarchs get to have things. They lie to you and tell you that education and hard work will get you ahead, but that's really a statistical anomaly and the biggest indicator of you not having a shiatty life is being born to an oligarch and being white. It's pretty much true everywhere right wingers leave their demoniac taint on humanity. Removing their corruption root and branch is your mission, little Timmy. May their blood flow in rivers from your hand.
 
2022-08-07 8:13:20 PM  
Well, my answer is to pull out a box of parental sayings and dust off the one that says, "Maybe someday" and present it with a sigh.

If you think you are clever and try to pin on "".....if you are good" or present some deal or semi-negotiated point with the child, you have lost. They will try to do whatever it is and then accuse you of renegging. You want to leave the child with the idea that maybe anything is possible given the necessary time and effort, but having what they want right now is just not possible. That is how the world works, after all.

But I have another take that is likely to lead to more reflection.
 
2022-08-07 8:34:51 PM  
A man of my grandfather's generation had a rather large family and a pretty large tract of land that was pretty fertile. It could have supported any number of crops or ranch animals. He had many sons, a wife and daughters, all of whom worked their hardest and asked for almost nothing. And yet they were always poor. Because every day, this man required, as his due, a bottle of Coca Cola, a pack of cigarettes, and that he be known as a cattle rancher. The first two were granted religiously and routinely. They were expensive. The latter of those requirements was ruinous.

You see, on that land, he could have grown one or two crops to have a more or less diversified and stable income. He could have had a large private garden for canning, with chickens and some pigs, with pork and egg production. Plenty of hay for horses. Plenty of grain and produce to sell.

But then he would have been known in town as a pig farmer, a chicken farmer, or whatever. No. He chose instead to raise some cattle. And not many. They trampled the place, all except for a little garden  and a few chicken coops that managed to raise enough money that the family made it through the winters without starving. All of the sons were dealing with the cattle and losing money at it. All the land went to fodder production. He held his head up high while his daughters had to share dresses to go to school.

And that is the point. Parents must be prepared to humble themselves to give children what they "want," which might be actually what they "need." I don't know what this has to do with having the newest Iphone, or a 65 inch TV or whatever, and maybe "relying on women and children to produce food for subsistence" is much worse than "denying your child a BMW for their 20th birthday." I guess we have to rely on faith that there will always be enough if we have a heart that is willing to share, and a sense of what is fair and what is selfish.
 
2022-08-07 8:35:08 PM  
THE SILHOUETTES - "GET A JOB" (1957)
Youtube ysKhbaLyIFw
 
2022-08-07 8:44:44 PM  

Billy Liar: [YouTube video: THE SILHOUETTES - "GET A JOB" (1957)]


Oh, I'd rather go with:

The Offspring - Why Don't You Get A Job? (Official Music Video)
Youtube LH-i8IvYIcg
 
2022-08-07 8:58:35 PM  

Izunbacol: shastacola: "I can't afford that" is how you say it.

I really don't like that one.

It will create anxiety about the family's stability, and the unspoken part is "if we had the money, I'd buy it."

Better to get the kids to start thinking about wise choices early.  "It's not a wise way to spend money."  As they get old older, you can start bringing in discussions of opportunity costs, compound interest, and hopefully help them develop a sense that money isn't something to be afraid of but rather something to be managed and cultivated.  Help them start thinking more about the medium and long term, not just short term desires.


I beg to differ...my mom struck a delicate balance between having me think we were perpetually low on cash, but also showing me we had enough for important things.

I can't know if that kept me from being a whiny brat about toys and junk...but I've genuinely never been one obsessed with "things".

That said, my dad started a business just before I was born...and there were genuinely some very lean times. As I said though, I never saw any evidence of tough times.
 
2022-08-07 9:59:45 PM  
I grew up in a near bankrupt NYC in the 1970s with a laid off NYC teacher mother and a library that was closed for a few years after construction was halted due to the budget crisis (the lease on the older one expired) and we had the discussion how a one paycheck family no longer allowed for luxuries (though it did allow for my father to go to the track and play poker).

I learned long ago about things not being in our budget and though better off used that with our children. Made them grateful when we "splurged."
 
2022-08-07 10:51:08 PM  
Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut.

When I was in second grade, my mother woke me up one morning and told me happy birthday. Then, she explained that I would not get any birthday presents that year because she and my father could not afford any. She said I would still have cake and my grandparents and cousins were coming over to eat cake with us.

At school, I burst into tears. After speaking to me, my teacher sent me to the next building to sit in class with my older sister a while which I loved because I normally wasn't allowed to do that. When I got back to class, the teacher had allowed every student to draw a picture for me. She sewed it together to form a kind of book.

In the evening, we my grandparents and cousins came over. I received one gift each from both groups. So, I actually got two more birthday presents in addition to the little book. When my grandmother learned what happened, she was ticked off. She asked me outright if I'd known it was my birthday when I woke up. I had not known it was my birthday. As my grandmother correctly noted, if my mother hadn't said anything, I would never have gotten upset.
 
2022-08-07 11:13:09 PM  
An inability to afford something your child asks for can feel truly awful. For about a decade, our children attended a school where the majority of the students went on at least three vacations a year. Most of the families went on at least one outdoorsy trip that involved hiking, canoeing, and camping each year; one domestic trip; and one international trip. The children brought back souvenirs and photographs to share with their classes from Great Britain, Canada, France, Italy, Jamaica, Costa Rica, Bulgaria, India, and so on. Families watched whales in Alaska, went skiing in the Rockies, and lobster at a picnic table outside a shack in Maine. Annual skiing and snowboarding trips were widely popular.

One of our kids asked to go on a family skiing trip. We couldn't afford it. Both kids asked "where are we going on break?" We had a yard so full of clay that little would grow. So, we built a mud oven. The kids enjoyed that. Nonetheless, the one kid asked to go skiing three years in a row. My S.O. was not on board with stretching to get such a trip into the budget because S.O. believed, if we went once, the kids would expect a trip like that every year. Both my kids are in their twenties and I still feel bad that we never took them on a skiing trip.  I think it would have been less bad if they had thrown a tantrum and been brats about it, but they were always really understanding.
 
2022-08-07 11:29:54 PM  
Tell the child that you're thinking of a number between one and ten and you'll buy the thing if the child can guess the number. Then no matter what the child guesses, tell the child they guessed incorrectly and it was some other number.
 
2022-08-08 12:24:02 AM  
You go to the bank and get between $1000 and $2000 in cash in smaller bills ($5, $10, $20, etc).

Then, when they ask for the money, make a huge sigh, like it's the biggest inconvenience in the world.   Pull out your wallet, ask how much it is (lol, it doesn't matter), then start counting out the money like you have that on you, in your wallet, as a daily occurrence.   Trust me, if a kid thinks you can literally whip out your wallet and pay for a new Tesla in cash because you just walk around with that kind of fat stack in your back pocket, they all call you "mister" and "go to his dad to solve problems".

Now, when you're at half the stack, you stop and go "wait a minute", tilt your head like a dog when someone says "let's go for a walk", look at them and ask these questions three.  "Is this for school? ", "does your mom know?", and the third question is super hard that you make up on the spot ("what is the curing time for type II moderate sulfate resistant cement at high altitude").

Then you can't give them the money, because they couldn't pass the questions.
 
2022-08-08 1:52:01 AM  

Izo: shastacola: "I can't afford that" is how you say it.

And "you can save up and spend your own money for it"


Careful that this can backfire though.

My parents tried that on me when I was 13 and wanted my nose pierced. They said, "You have to be 16 and pay for it yourself."

Okay!

At 16 I got a babysitting gig that paid me exactly what I needed. Put the money on the table and went, "when are we going?" They were hoping in three years I'd get over it. Haha no way.

/but the OP is correct, that's how you do it
//helps if you don't give in to everything they want beforehand too
 
2022-08-08 2:25:52 AM  
why the fark would you even tell a child such a thing? that's ridiculous. let a child live in a child's world. they will soon enough be grown into a world of misery and want. when they're small just make it clear what Mick Jagger said. you can't always get what you want.
 
2022-08-08 6:50:53 AM  
you don't have to explain anything.  you just say "no" you can't have it.  your the parent and dictator.  the power is yours, you need to just reach out and take it.
 
2022-08-08 8:38:02 AM  

Peki: Izo: shastacola: "I can't afford that" is how you say it.

And "you can save up and spend your own money for it"

Careful that this can backfire though.

My parents tried that on me when I was 13 and wanted my nose pierced. They said, "You have to be 16 and pay for it yourself."

Okay!

At 16 I got a babysitting gig that paid me exactly what I needed. Put the money on the table and went, "when are we going?" They were hoping in three years I'd get over it. Haha no way.

/but the OP is correct, that's how you do it
//helps if you don't give in to everything they want beforehand too


My mom told us that there were 5 people in our family and she had to stick to the budget,  sorry, X is outside that budget.  You get an allowance,  we can split the cost if you want.

And that's the story of how I flew to New Zealand alone,  at age 16 to meet my pen pal.

Mom thought we'd only use that trick for the "cool" clothes....
 
2022-08-08 10:02:39 AM  

ProcrastinationStation: Peki: Izo: shastacola: "I can't afford that" is how you say it.

And "you can save up and spend your own money for it"

Careful that this can backfire though.

My parents tried that on me when I was 13 and wanted my nose pierced. They said, "You have to be 16 and pay for it yourself."

Okay!

At 16 I got a babysitting gig that paid me exactly what I needed. Put the money on the table and went, "when are we going?" They were hoping in three years I'd get over it. Haha no way.

/but the OP is correct, that's how you do it
//helps if you don't give in to everything they want beforehand too

My mom told us that there were 5 people in our family and she had to stick to the budget,  sorry, X is outside that budget.  You get an allowance,  we can split the cost if you want.

And that's the story of how I flew to New Zealand alone,  at age 16 to meet my pen pal.

Mom thought we'd only use that trick for the "cool" clothes....


My dad liked the "you're 14 and can legally work, you want something, get a job" thing (we'd just be told 'no' if we wanted something and either it couldn't be afforded or was something deemed unnecessary).

So I did that, dishes at the restaurant up the street after school for 4 hours a night.

Which led to the problem of now I'm starting to get nice things (a diskman with antiskip! New games! This was 1993 btw) and the younger siblings aren't getting new nice things and starting to throw fits about it.

...Things weren't really great growing up...
 
2022-08-08 10:31:08 AM  
That's a very important point, it was very useful.
 
2022-08-08 10:48:42 AM  
My parents made my brother and I sit at the table while they did the bills, back in the checkbook balance days.

If something could not be afforded, they were blunt about it.

/my credit score is over 800
 
2022-08-08 12:29:47 PM  
You probably can, you cheapskate
 
2022-08-08 12:40:13 PM  
My parents would call attention to a note on the Christmas tree around New Years, which would point to a present "from Santa" behind the tree.  It was always something really cool, but also a little more expensive than most of my other presents.  (Yes, I didn't catch on the first time they'd ripped off A Christmas Story...I was 7.)  So, yeah, layaway was a regular thing for a long time when I was a kid, and my NES box still has the layaway tag on it.

I didn't have what most of my friends did, but I was realistic about what we could afford.  I wasn't starving, and my parents busted their asses.  I also wasn't needy.  I read a lot, wrote a lot, and drew a lot.  If I could have a few bucks every so often for a copy of Mad or Cracked, a little candy, or the occasional game or movie rental, it was enough.  Riding my bike two miles to the store with $5 - more often less - in my pocket to get any of those things made me feel like king of the world.
 
2022-08-08 4:14:45 PM  

shastacola: "I can't afford that" is how you say it.


Yep. My parents had it down.
 
Displayed 47 of 47 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.