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(CNN)   "Assassin skills" "How to be stealthy"   (cnn.com) divider line
    More: Followup, Supreme Court of the United States, Roe v. Wade, Nicholas Roske, search warrant application, Sandra Day O'Connor, Samuel Alito, John G. Roberts, Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh  
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3473 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jul 2022 at 2:48 PM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



57 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2022-07-28 1:46:33 PM  
Roske has pleaded not guilty to the charge of attempting to assassinate a US justice.

Man, here's your chance to really shine in the annals of US history. Plead that you had a 2nd Amendment right to do it. Make the court say how stupid that is.
 
2022-07-28 2:12:28 PM  
i.gifer.comView Full Size
 
2022-07-28 2:21:33 PM  
Well I just Googled "Assassin Skills" and from what I can see you can learn pretty much everything you need to know by playing Diablo 2, Assassin's Creed, or something called Guild Wars. There's also some pretty detailed information from Quora that I think would really round out your skillset.
 
2022-07-28 2:52:07 PM  
You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills, assassin skills...
 
2022-07-28 2:52:33 PM  
Again I say, leave the terrorism to the GQP.
 
2022-07-28 2:57:28 PM  

bluorangefyre: Again I say, leave the terrorism to the GQP.


A lot of success they had storming Congress. Even with inside help from politicians, the massive number of people marching on the Capitol, and maybe the Secret Service, they still got no politician to harm.
 
2022-07-28 2:58:25 PM  
Skills required to be an assassin

1. Don't leave an electronic or paper trail.
2. See #1.
 
2022-07-28 2:58:26 PM  
More liberal incompetence. Do better next time
 
2022-07-28 2:58:44 PM  
He was shooting for 3. Man's pregnant with twins! Talk about burying the lede.
 
2022-07-28 2:59:11 PM  
If you have to google how to do something and it's not a minor house repair like a faucet. You shouldn't be googling how to do it, you're a farking idiot. Also if you're posting on boards, you're talking to the FBI or someone who works for them. And how'd you not learn where to stab someone in high school biology like a normal person?
 
2022-07-28 2:59:49 PM  

bluorangefyre: Again I say, leave the terrorism to the GQP.


Which, again, I feel the need to say this: I get the impulse, but I believe it's wrong. If someone on the right planned to murder Supreme Court judges, Fox and the network formerly known as OAN would be falling all over themselves to explain why the assassinations were justified, and really, the judges were actually terrorists, so it's our patriotic duty to exercise our 2A rights.
 
2022-07-28 3:00:03 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Well I just Googled "Assassin Skills" and from what I can see you can learn pretty much everything you need to know by playing Diablo 2, Assassin's Creed, or something called Guild Wars. There's also some pretty detailed information from Quora that I think would really round out your skillset.


If there's any one universal truth that video games have taught me, it's that anyone can be virtually invisible and silent by simply crouching.
 
2022-07-28 3:00:29 PM  
I have had some questionable searches that I'm sure got me on a list somewhere (what steel is a rifle barrel made out of, melting point of 1095 steel, thermite temperature, etc). But at least I didn't come right out and ask google to get me on the FBI's radar.
 
2022-07-28 3:03:23 PM  
FTFA: ...the man accused of attempting to murder Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh researched how to assassinate individuals and said he would be "shooting for 3" justices...

Before I pass sentence, I'd like to know specifically which three justices he was "shooting for."
 
2022-07-28 3:05:40 PM  
In other words, "how not to be seen" ?
 
2022-07-28 3:07:14 PM  
Too bad he wasn't a Milford man...

64.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2022-07-28 3:07:33 PM  
Monty Python- How Not to be Seen
Youtube VokGd5zhGJ4
 
2022-07-28 3:07:36 PM  
looked up terms like "most effective place to stab someone" and "quietest semi auto rifle,"

Sheesh.
Either just above the Atlas vertabra if you're sneaking up behind them, or two ribs down just above heart and do a sideways motion to sever the aorta from the front.
Use a bolt action/break-open if you're worried about noise.  All semi-autos vent gas out the ejection port.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-28 3:08:34 PM  

DOCTORD000M: You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills, assassin skills...


wompampsupport.azureedge.netView Full Size
 
2022-07-28 3:15:13 PM  
I mean, if I were on the jury for this guy....just sayin'
 
2022-07-28 3:15:37 PM  
Young grasshopper will NEVER be Cricket.
 
2022-07-28 3:16:46 PM  

syrynxx: two ribs down just above heart


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-28 3:18:06 PM  
Apparently this is one of those lesser known pro tips but:

If you are planning on murdering a federal official you really shouldn't be talking about that.
 
2022-07-28 3:20:49 PM  
"How to be stealthy 101: Shut the fark up about your crimes"

102 is learning not to be greedy.
 
2022-07-28 3:21:37 PM  
I'm not sure calling the police on yourself before you come within sight of your target really counts as attempted murder. Maybe conspiracy considering he conspired (planned) to do it.

But failing to go through with a planned action isn't really attempting.

But I am not an attorney.
 
2022-07-28 3:24:21 PM  

Wily Wombat: I'm not sure calling the police on yourself before you come within sight of your target really counts as attempted murder. Maybe conspiracy considering he conspired (planned) to do it.

But failing to go through with a planned action isn't really attempting.

But I am not an attorney.


Not an attorney either, but when you write something like this, your going to have a bad time:


Roske replied: "yeah but I could get at least one, which would change the votes for decades to come, and I am shooting for 3."
 
2022-07-28 3:27:28 PM  

RobotSpider: bluorangefyre: Again I say, leave the terrorism to the GQP.

Which, again, I feel the need to say this: I get the impulse, but I believe it's wrong. If someone on the right planned to murder Supreme Court judges, Fox and the network formerly known as OAN would be falling all over themselves to explain why the assassinations were justified, and really, the judges were actually terrorists, so it's our patriotic duty to exercise our 2A rights.


Why stop there? There's plenty of district judges and state legislators that are prime examples of what this ONE PERSON could accomplish. Imagine if the left took up arms. Happiness, since the right is a bunch of scared simps only worried about their own lives.
 
2022-07-28 3:32:45 PM  

Madman drummers bummers: Skills required to be an assassin

1. Don't leave an electronic or paper trail.
2. See #1.


Hang on, let me write this down.
 
2022-07-28 3:36:47 PM  

RobotSpider: syrynxx: two ribs down just above heart

[Fark user image image 540x304]


To be fair I got that from a Clancy novel. I prefer unarmed techniques.
 
2022-07-28 3:39:12 PM  

Eightballjacket: Wily Wombat: I'm not sure calling the police on yourself before you come within sight of your target really counts as attempted murder. Maybe conspiracy considering he conspired (planned) to do it.

But failing to go through with a planned action isn't really attempting.

But I am not an attorney.

Not an attorney either, but when you write something like this, your going to have a bad time:


Roske replied: "yeah but I could get at least one, which would change the votes for decades to come, and I am shooting for 3."


That's true. But still doesn't fit the plain language definition of an "attempt."

Otherwise, I attempted to mow my lawn this weekend, which is definitely more than my lazy ass accomplished.
 
2022-07-28 3:41:14 PM  

scanman61: DOCTORD000M: You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills, assassin skills...

[wompampsupport.azureedge.net image 640x960]


Looks like the head's fallen off his broom, again. Tell him to get another one from the supply closet and dock his pay for that.
 
2022-07-28 3:44:45 PM  
I don't know if to be grateful or not that he's incompetent... 🤔
 
2022-07-28 3:44:55 PM  
They didn't mention many hours of assassin training on YouTube he watched
 
2022-07-28 3:55:05 PM  

hobnail: Madman drummers bummers: Skills required to be an assassin

1. Don't leave an electronic or paper trail.
2. See #1.

Hang on, let me write this down.


idriselbaconspiracy.gif
 
2022-07-28 4:12:19 PM  

Madman drummers bummers: Skills required to be an assassin

1. Don't leave an electronic or paper trail.
2. See #1.


Too bad he didn't get to the "stealthy" part first. Next time consider correspondence course?
 
2022-07-28 4:25:54 PM  

hobnail: Madman drummers bummers: Skills required to be an assassin

1. Don't leave an electronic or paper trail.
2. See #1.

Hang on, let me write this down.



Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-28 4:35:22 PM  
"How to learn special ops tactics, which people spend years or decades practicing before they become proficient, in 2-3 easy Google searches."

Seriously, this guy is a f*cking moron.
 
2022-07-28 4:36:59 PM  

RolfBlitzer: hobnail: Madman drummers bummers: Skills required to be an assassin

1. Don't leave an electronic or paper trail.
2. See #1.

Hang on, let me write this down.

idriselbaconspiracy.gif


Idrisel Bacons Piracy?
 
2022-07-28 4:46:04 PM  

LurkerSupreme: RolfBlitzer: hobnail: Madman drummers bummers: Skills required to be an assassin

1. Don't leave an electronic or paper trail.
2. See #1.

Hang on, let me write this down.

idriselbaconspiracy.gif

Idrisel Bacons Piracy?


Yes.
 
2022-07-28 4:55:19 PM  
I'm surprised this news made it to Fark. What next, the Hunter Biden story?
 
2022-07-28 4:59:14 PM  
Can't be an Assassin - no references to stylish dress or inhuming with elegance and panache.


/ Nil mortifi sin lucre!
 
2022-07-28 5:05:04 PM  

awruk!: Madman drummers bummers: Skills required to be an assassin

1. Don't leave an electronic or paper trail.
2. See #1.

Too bad he didn't get to the "stealthy" part first. Next time consider correspondence course?


I'm going for a career in butchering, TV repair, on-air radio personality or stealthy assassin. It only costs 35 cents for further information so either way, I'm golden.
 
2022-07-28 5:20:46 PM  
"Ninja skills"... well, these days, it would be dress in a down-at-the-heels office casual, and carry your weapons in a briefcase (a violin case is *so* last century). And don't ask questions online (or anywhere), just do searches, then clear your cache (your what?).

Or you could just drive a white delivery van....
 
2022-07-28 5:59:18 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-28 6:00:44 PM  
Every country has ninjas, but you only hear about the Japanese ones 'cause they're rubbish.
 
2022-07-28 6:52:02 PM  

Wily Wombat: I'm not sure calling the police on yourself before you come within sight of your target really counts as attempted murder. Maybe conspiracy considering he conspired (planned) to do it.

But failing to go through with a planned action isn't really attempting.

But I am not an attorney.


he should have just gone home when he chickened out.  not turn himself in.  that was really dumb.  i bet he regrets doing that.  he's sitting in the slammer thinking... "how stupid am I?"
 
2022-07-28 7:19:12 PM  

DOCTORD000M: You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills, assassin skills...


Bow hunting is something everyone should have at least a cursory knowlage of. It's right up there with fishing, making fire, swiming, reading, and tending a garden.
Whenever I meet someone who doesn't know how to swim, I can't help but think "Your parents didn't really love you." Reading back through the list, I kinda feel that sentiment applies to everything on it. I mean, if you're going to bring another human being into the world, you should probably teach them the basics of how to be one.
 
2022-07-28 7:22:06 PM  
Oh, and considering the article, we can probably add "how to use a VPN" to that list.
 
2022-07-28 7:36:23 PM  
You're probably not going to get a SCOTUS justice as a specific individual with a plan.

When enough people want them dead badly enough, they won't be able to leave their bunkers.  And there will be a window before they realize enough people want them dead badly enough that they won't hide in a bunker, and some random will kill them in a moment of opportunity.

There's no practical security system in the world that can let you freely roam when half the population is willing to kill you.
 
2022-07-28 7:46:37 PM  
quickmeme.comView Full Size
 
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