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(Fark)   So I quit my job and start a new one next Monday. How do I make a good first impression?   (fark.com) divider line
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144 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 06 Jul 2022 at 9:22 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



101 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2022-07-06 7:50:50 PM  
Spell check.
 
2022-07-06 7:51:43 PM  
bring enough booze for everyone
 
2022-07-06 7:52:11 PM  
coffee and doughnuts.
 
2022-07-06 7:53:02 PM  
Make sure your fly is zipped.
 
2022-07-06 7:56:17 PM  

aleister_greynight: Spell check.



That wouldn't have helped.

Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
 
2022-07-06 7:58:37 PM  
Bathe
 
2022-07-06 8:00:45 PM  
Wear a tux.
 
2022-07-06 8:02:10 PM  
Stick it in her butt
 
2022-07-06 8:04:19 PM  
Be competent and show up on time. Doesn't sound like a high bar, but I'm amazed at the number of people that just can't seem to pull it off.
 
2022-07-06 8:05:21 PM  
First day you gotta start shiat with the biggest guy in the office or you'll end up someone's cube biatch right away
 
2022-07-06 8:09:41 PM  
Try to get at least a few names in your head.  Like the receptionist, who can make your life easy or really really really hard.

Be kind.  It costs nothing to use please and thank you.
 
2022-07-06 8:09:44 PM  
Wear a backless ballroom gown and twirl into the office
 
2022-07-06 8:10:02 PM  
Hookers and blow, baby.  The answer is always hookers and blow.
 
2022-07-06 8:10:40 PM  
Stage a bloody coup d'etat and lord over your new dominion
 
2022-07-06 8:11:22 PM  
Heat up some fish for lunch in the microwave.
 
2022-07-06 8:22:11 PM  
Brag about the time you saw The Commitments in Dublin in 1992, and how impressed you were with the opening act--And And! And.

/The posters were deadly.
 
2022-07-06 8:25:22 PM  
Lots of really great ideas of what to do.

But when being interviewed should you pick your nose or not?
Would it be helpful to stare really intently at the interviewer while breathing heavily through your mouth?
Will it help my chances of getting the job if I pretend I have extremely loud vocal tourettes?
 
2022-07-06 8:31:46 PM  
Find the biggest guy there, and make him your biatch.  Shank him the kidney and bash him in the back of the head with something heavy.
 
2022-07-06 8:32:21 PM  
Give a 90 minute PowerPoint presentation and lecture on the Norwegian leather industry.
 
2022-07-06 8:32:54 PM  

no1curr: Stage a bloody coup d'etat and lord over your new dominion


i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2022-07-06 8:33:45 PM  
F*ck the boss' dad.
 
2022-07-06 8:41:12 PM  
Wear an argyle sweater vest and make informed comments about local billiards tournaments.
 
2022-07-06 8:49:56 PM  
Show up naked, pull a fifth of cheap vodka out of your prison pocket, chug it, then walk into your bosses office, spread your cheeks, and fart in his coffee mug. They'll admire your go getter attitude.
 
2022-07-06 9:06:06 PM  
spend all day on Fark.com
 
2022-07-06 9:10:07 PM  
Sh*t on Deborah's desk.
 
2022-07-06 9:16:16 PM  
Insert "By the power of Grayskull!" in casual conversation.
 
2022-07-06 9:29:02 PM  
Pants are good.
 
2022-07-06 9:29:02 PM  

cretinbob: spend all day on Fark.com


Doesn't one save that for Day 2?
 
2022-07-06 9:43:30 PM  
Find the biggest guy in the room and kick his ass.
 
2022-07-06 9:45:13 PM  
Wear pants.
 
2022-07-06 9:45:45 PM  
Learn people's names.

Look them in the eye, listen to their name, make some association with the name(*), and remember it.  Nothing impresses people more about YOU than that YOU remembered their name and called, "Good morning, Jill!  Hey, Hunter, how's it going!"

*  Look at their face.  Make some word play in your mind to tie the name to the face.  Name Clay, think of their face squashed like a clay statue.  Pam, think their shiny face was sprayed with Pam.  Harry, think they look like they hurry to the next job.  And so on.
 
2022-07-06 9:45:46 PM  
I start a new job on Monday as well so I'm getting a kick out of these responses.  I'd use some of them but it's a work-from-home gig. and my boss is an old friend of mine who I met in a bar years ago so - yeah, he knows me...

anyway - good luck with the new job subby
 
2022-07-06 9:50:05 PM  
Too many people here saying take out the biggest guy. They have it backward.

What you need to do is Identify which low level person in the office everybody pushes around and start bullying them. You'll automatically raise your place in the pecking order and prove you're a team player, too.
 
2022-07-06 9:51:28 PM  
Show up dressed as your favorite member of The Village People.
 
2022-07-06 9:54:44 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-06 9:54:56 PM  

cherryl taggart: Try to get at least a few names in your head.  Like the receptionist, who can make your life easy or really really really hard.

Be kind.  It costs nothing to use please and thank you.


Always make friends with the janitor. He has keys to everything and knows all the office dirt.
 
2022-07-06 10:09:03 PM  

MrBallou: cherryl taggart: Try to get at least a few names in your head.  Like the receptionist, who can make your life easy or really really really hard.

Be kind.  It costs nothing to use please and thank you.

Always make friends with the janitor. He has keys to everything and knows all the office dirt.


Depending on the place, the same can go for security.

I made friends with them early on with my current contract.

They will open doors for me anywhere.
 
2022-07-06 10:11:02 PM  
Harumph when ever the boss says something.
 
2022-07-06 10:11:34 PM  
I presume farking the bosses wife and leaving a spiral turd on his desk has already been mentioned?
 
2022-07-06 10:15:04 PM  
Call in sick the second day
 
2022-07-06 10:20:00 PM  
Protip: You don't need to wear pants on Zoom calls.
 
2022-07-06 10:20:12 PM  
As already stated, show up on time. If you have to be there by 8:30, be there BEFORE 8:30.

Don't suck up to the boss. Instead, make friends with the receptionist. She (or he) can get things done for you if you are nice to them.

And look busy, even if you are not.
 
2022-07-06 10:20:37 PM  
you're supposed to interview for that second job and receive an offer.  You can't just show up any old place that you want to work.

I mean, you go ahead and bring that mop to the gloryhole, but you won't see a dime, that I can promise you.
 
2022-07-06 10:29:02 PM  
Crop-dusting......
 
2022-07-06 10:30:10 PM  
Seriously - show up on time, be humble, don't talk too much about your previous job unless it's very relevant and don't bad mouth your former employer no matter how bad they were. Plenty of time for that once they know your reliable and a good person. Be flexible, but have boundaries.
 
2022-07-06 10:39:27 PM  
piss in the coffee to assert your dominance.
 
2022-07-06 10:40:11 PM  
fark her Dad!
 
2022-07-06 11:09:49 PM  
I wouldn't ask for time off. At least wait for the second week.
 
TWX
2022-07-06 11:17:15 PM  

blondambition: cretinbob: spend all day on Fark.com

Doesn't one save that for Day 2?


And to think I waited a full month!

/salaried
//they're still getting 40 out of me even with a few minutes a week
 
2022-07-06 11:20:42 PM  
Have an actual work ethic.Don't be a dick.Be willing to learn.If you can manage these three things, you're going to succeed in most jobs, regardless of industry or what the position actually entails.
 
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