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(The Takeout)   "Generally, the more filler you have in your burrito, the harder it is to achieve a good suckle." But you already knew that   (thetakeout.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Burrito, Taco Bell, Tortilla, Chipotle Mexican Grill, Cuisine of the Southwestern United States, Taco, New Mexican cuisine, Mexican cuisine  
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703 clicks; posted to Food » on 06 Jul 2022 at 8:45 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



34 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-07-06 9:06:06 AM  
Welp, that was the weirdest "Dear Penthouse" article I've seen in a while.

/taco bell fellation instructions. No.
 
2022-07-06 9:13:08 AM  
It's a tortilla not a teat.
 
2022-07-06 9:14:57 AM  
I was expecting an article about how make-your-own burrito bars always result in burritos that cannot be closed up and have to be eaten with a knife and fork.
 
2022-07-06 9:20:34 AM  
it would have cost her $0 not to write that
 
2022-07-06 9:24:06 AM  
Sh*t. I know sh*t's bad right now with all that starvin' bullshiat. And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French Fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.


external-content.duckduckgo.comView Full Size
 
2022-07-06 9:25:28 AM  
Just relax your jaw and open wider.
 
2022-07-06 9:40:15 AM  
Gross. She's gross. This article is gross.
 
2022-07-06 9:49:46 AM  
Nasty article aside, I sure could go for a breakfast burrito right about now.
 
2022-07-06 9:54:51 AM  

Copperbelly watersnake: It's a tortilla not a teat.


Well, it's definitely not a sandwich.
 
2022-07-06 9:58:14 AM  
The author has talents that match well with my interests. Have her brought to my chambers after she rinses the Taco Bell essence out of her mouth,
 
2022-07-06 10:22:54 AM  

UberDave: Nasty article aside, I sure could go for a breakfast burrito right about now.


With beans, I'm assuming.
 
2022-07-06 10:34:03 AM  

NewportBarGuy: Just relax your jaw and open wider.


Fark user imageView Full Size


T
 
2022-07-06 10:58:14 AM  
OK, Miss Trying Too Hard. Next tell us about your Canadian Boyfriend.
 
2022-07-06 11:00:06 AM  

hubiestubert: OK, Miss Trying Too Hard. Next tell us about your Canadian Boyfriend.


Well, it's a similar sucking technique, except poutine instead of beans.
 
2022-07-06 11:06:07 AM  
That's just gross. A BEAN burrito from Taco Bell? Yurch. Smells like Skippy Dog food.
Now let me tell you all about MY shameful eating habits.
 
2022-07-06 11:15:33 AM  

red5ish: That's just gross. A BEAN burrito from Taco Bell? Yurch. Smells like Skippy Dog food.
Now let me tell you all about MY shameful eating habits.


That was my reaction as well.  The best fast food bean burrito is clearly a Crisp Pinto Burrito from Taco Time.
 
2022-07-06 11:37:04 AM  
The burrito eating woman in the accompanying photograph looks like she's having an orgasm. Not that I would know what that would look like.
 
2022-07-06 11:39:49 AM  
That's enough Internet for today.
 
2022-07-06 11:49:02 AM  

Kitty2.0: Gross. She's gross. This article is gross.


I feel sorry for your boyfriend.
 
2022-07-06 12:06:11 PM  

Tyrone Slothrop: Kitty2.0: Gross. She's gross. This article is gross.

I feel sorry for your boyfriend.


Weird flex, but ok bro.
 
2022-07-06 12:15:25 PM  

red5ish: The burrito eating woman in the accompanying photograph looks like she's having an orgasm. Not that I would know what that would look like.


I'll have what she's having?
 
2022-07-06 12:22:22 PM  
Fine. I'll do it.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-06 1:06:49 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

"Grip should be firm, but forgiving. The way you'd hold a misbehaving ferret." - Lillian Stone
 
2022-07-06 1:22:22 PM  
She's trolling.  lillianstone.com
 
2022-07-06 1:38:57 PM  
> 1. Acquire burrito. The burrito must be a Taco Bell bean burrito. The suck doesn't work with hefty Mission-style burritos like the kind you see at Chipotle. Generally, the more filler you have in your burrito, the harder it is to achieve a good suckle.

Ages ago when I first moved to Los Angeles, someone introduced me to proper burritos. They were made at tacos al carbon joints and were the size of egg-rolls.

Fark user imageView Full Size


The filling was mostly flame grilled meat that was then cut up along with some cheese, pico de gallo, and guacamole. Maybe a small smear of refried beans or sour cream.

None of these monster burritos the size of a cat that are almost all beans or rice filler.

I would be unable to suck one of those.
 
2022-07-06 3:09:22 PM  
Sounds like a great way to scald your mouth.
 
2022-07-06 4:12:39 PM  

NobleHam: Sounds like a great way to scald your mouth.


Taco Bell food is never over room temperature
 
2022-07-06 4:46:21 PM  
She's not alone in this. One year Dell Taco offered like 8 free combo meals if you bought a $100 gift card. Since there was one close to work I went for it. Hell of a deal, but I had to space it out. I developed the burrito suck eating lunch and farking at my desk.
 
2022-07-06 4:53:09 PM  

knbwhite: She's not alone in this. One year Dell Taco offered like 8 free combo meals if you bought a $100 gift card. Since there was one close to work I went for it. Hell of a deal, but I had to space it out. I developed the burrito suck eating lunch and farking at my desk.


So a $100 fark and suck?
 
2022-07-06 5:01:43 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: knbwhite: She's not alone in this. One year Dell Taco offered like 8 free combo meals if you bought a $100 gift card. Since there was one close to work I went for it. Hell of a deal, but I had to space it out. I developed the burrito suck eating lunch and farking at my desk.

So a $100 fark and suck?


Yep. A couple times cleaning burrito filling out of your keyboard will make you search for solutions.
 
2022-07-06 5:13:48 PM  

HairBolus: > 1. Acquire burrito. The burrito must be a Taco Bell bean burrito. The suck doesn't work with hefty Mission-style burritos like the kind you see at Chipotle. Generally, the more filler you have in your burrito, the harder it is to achieve a good suckle.

Ages ago when I first moved to Los Angeles, someone introduced me to proper burritos. They were made at tacos al carbon joints and were the size of egg-rolls.

[Fark user image image 550x404]

The filling was mostly flame grilled meat that was then cut up along with some cheese, pico de gallo, and guacamole. Maybe a small smear of refried beans or sour cream.

None of these monster burritos the size of a cat that are almost all beans or rice filler.

I would be unable to suck one of those.


The huge ones are called Mission Style. I believe they had their origin in SF's Mission District. They come wrapped in foil.
 
2022-07-06 6:34:58 PM  

red5ish: HairBolus: > 1. Acquire burrito. The burrito must be a Taco Bell bean burrito. The suck doesn't work with hefty Mission-style burritos like the kind you see at Chipotle. Generally, the more filler you have in your burrito, the harder it is to achieve a good suckle.

Ages ago when I first moved to Los Angeles, someone introduced me to proper burritos. They were made at tacos al carbon joints and were the size of egg-rolls.

[Fark user image image 550x404]

The filling was mostly flame grilled meat that was then cut up along with some cheese, pico de gallo, and guacamole. Maybe a small smear of refried beans or sour cream.

None of these monster burritos the size of a cat that are almost all beans or rice filler.

I would be unable to suck one of those.

The huge ones are called Mission Style. I believe they had their origin in SF's Mission District. They come wrapped in foil.


Best burrito of my life was Mission style.

Half a pound of carne asada plus sour cream, fresh avocado slices, lettuce, cheese -- no rice or beans. It was the size of a baby's leg.


But this thread did inspire me to have soft tacos for lunch so I guess she wins.
 
2022-07-07 4:59:55 AM  

HairBolus: > 1. Acquire burrito. The burrito must be a Taco Bell bean burrito. The suck doesn't work with hefty Mission-style burritos like the kind you see at Chipotle. Generally, the more filler you have in your burrito, the harder it is to achieve a good suckle.

Ages ago when I first moved to Los Angeles, someone introduced me to proper burritos. They were made at tacos al carbon joints and were the size of egg-rolls.

[Fark user image image 550x404]

The filling was mostly flame grilled meat that was then cut up along with some cheese, pico de gallo, and guacamole. Maybe a small smear of refried beans or sour cream.

None of these monster burritos the size of a cat that are almost all beans or rice filler.

I would be unable to suck one of those.


In New Mexico, burritos are large but are knife and fork food, virtually always served smothered in chile sauce (which is not the same as salsa.) There are claims the dish originated here, in which case this would be the right way to eat them.

/don't confuse Mexican food and New Mexican food, these are sworn enemies to anyone but tourists
 
2022-07-07 1:54:19 PM  
I have been using the suck method for as long as I can remember... It was a learned behavior.
If you dont, every bite pushes the filling back a little bit until it eventually shiats out the other end.

I never thought it was weird, it just works.   I dont do it all sensually like she was describing it as tho...
 
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