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(Slate)   "My fiancé uses too much toilet paper. What do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Asinine, Toilet paper, Q. Desk Necked, best friend's birthday getaway, school-age kids, King Midas, 5-foot length of toilet paper, Q. Re, square of toilet paper  
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466 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 06 Jul 2022 at 4:05 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-07-05 10:32:54 PM  
If that pisses you off, leave her.  Do both of you a favor.
 
2022-07-05 10:34:44 PM  
Get a bidet.
 
2022-07-05 10:35:59 PM  
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Or a gas station squeegee, if you're really cheap.
 
2022-07-05 10:36:32 PM  
Get his dad a bidet.

Iykwimaityd.
 
2022-07-05 10:38:44 PM  
What do is a Prudie dopeslap.
 
2022-07-05 10:41:22 PM  
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2022-07-05 10:43:47 PM  
If you can't handle someone using a different amount of toilet paper than you, how do you expect to manage the daily compromise of a committed relationship.

What the f*ck is the matter with people.
 
2022-07-05 10:49:41 PM  
Did I read that right? Does the dude use a single square THREE TIMES?

What a tight arse.
 
2022-07-05 10:51:49 PM  
I'm pretty sure "they" is a "she" so what's with the pronoun game?
 
2022-07-05 10:53:09 PM  
"My fiancé uses too much toilet paper. What do?"


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-05 11:17:29 PM  
That is the fakest advice letter I've ever seen.
 
2022-07-05 11:22:26 PM  
Buy the good stuff. None of your two-ply crap.
 
2022-07-05 11:35:41 PM  
This guy is going to die alone.
 
2022-07-06 12:45:49 AM  
First thing, get a large glass mixing bowl and a glass top coffee table...
 
2022-07-06 3:05:04 AM  
Buy it at Costco. Wait for your preferred brand to go on sale if you're really cost-sensitive.
 
2022-07-06 3:24:49 AM  

Quasar: That is the fakest advice letter I've ever seen.


Yes.  I know people accuse Prudie of making up the letters, but this one definitely seems like the letter writer is having a bit of fun at her expense.

Exhibit A-"I carefully explained how one square of toilet paper is fine for wiping,"

I don't think even the cheapest person would use one square.
 
2022-07-06 3:43:54 AM  

bearded clamorer: [Fark user image image 600x308]

Or a gas station squeegee, if you're really cheap.


That poor sponge.
 
2022-07-06 3:44:45 AM  
As long as your partner places the roll correctly....over the top....who gives a damn?
 
2022-07-06 3:45:59 AM  

Ivo Shandor: Buy it at Costco. Wait for your preferred brand to go on sale if you're really cost-sensitive.


And the Kirkland Signature toilet paper is absolutely fine.
 
2022-07-06 4:16:22 AM  

The_Sponge: As long as your partner places the roll correctly....over the top....who gives a damn?


I'll be over here, waiting for the people with kids and/or pets to see this :P

/<Tom Hardy that's bait.jpg>
//gets popcorn
///Lister says 3 squares
 
2022-07-06 4:33:44 AM  
/Gross story, bro.

Probably in par with people who have lids, but I am childless.

Me and my ex would probably use those big bulk rolls about once every 3 months. I have the IBS and eat greazzy food because that's what smart people do. The bathroom was just fun time full of books and phone browsing.

Then when that was over, I moved in with 2 room mates. farking buffalo shiatters, both of them. Toilet paper was hot commodities. Usually I had to buy TP as they always left the last shiat ticket for me. Big bulk pack lasts maybe 3 weeks.

Bought a house last September. Buy a big bulk pack like normal. Had to rebuy a bulk pack in March.

I swear to christ, they must have been degreasing engine parts in the bathroom. farking how?

Buying a bidet toilet when I redo my bathroom this next year. Then I can make a toilet paper pack last years!
 
2022-07-06 4:36:52 AM  
They're both nuts. One square is useless, five feet of the roll is ridiculous.
 
2022-07-06 4:43:41 AM  
You don't want to watch your lover pee? What the hell is wrong with you?
 
2022-07-06 5:58:48 AM  
This guy should marry her and she needs to bear him three daughters.

In 13 years, he'll be in his own personal hell.

/just desserts
 
2022-07-06 6:04:33 AM  
Get a bidet.
 
2022-07-06 6:52:16 AM  
Incorporate wiping into your lovemaking.
 
2022-07-06 6:53:44 AM  
Sears Catalog.
 
2022-07-06 7:23:21 AM  
FTFARecently I happened to be in the bathroom working on maintaining my beard...

Oh, this guy is a f*cking BAG.
 
2022-07-06 7:55:47 AM  
Clearly "they" have to grow a penis thus making it unnecessary to wipe after urinating - unless wet flatulence occurred at the same time.
 
2022-07-06 8:32:19 AM  
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TWX
2022-07-06 8:33:20 AM  

brap: Incorporate wiping into your lovemaking.


odditymall.comView Full Size
 
2022-07-06 8:52:44 AM  
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2022-07-06 8:54:00 AM  

Nick Nostril: [Fark user image 355x200] [View Full Size image _x_]


That's the cat owner's fault. That looks like an adult cat. They should know by now to put the toilet paper the other way around and they wouldn't have that problem.
 
2022-07-06 9:12:39 AM  
Put her in charge of purchasing and managing the household TP inventory. Keep a secret stash for your own self. Allow the process to take its course.
 
2022-07-06 9:54:58 AM  
Oh man, I could tell stories -- the "oven mitt" technique:  she wraps her hand like she's planning mummification, then makes one tiny dab.  The "inch thick" method: she spends a solid minute making an accordion fold, so she ended up with square a normal size but hundreds of ply thick - again, for a single dab.  

But instead, I'll just point and laugh and say: "fake fake fakety fake fake fake"
 
2022-07-06 10:15:52 AM  
1) And When You Wipe Do You Look At The Tissue? Most Folks Do, It Ain't Even An Issue: STFU and GTHOI.

2) Hold On A Minute, Just One More Jelly Donut. They'll Never Miss It, No, They'll Never Miss It: I like my work confined to my office so when I clock out and leave, my job stays in there.  I suspect you are similar.  Your spouse is apparently not.  Start simply that when he works outside his office, it's disturbing you.  If he won't be reasonable, DTMFA.

3) Come On, Get Down With The Sickness: STFU and GTHOI.

4) Baby Please Don't Go: Cancel now and GTHOY.

5) These Boots Are Made For Walking: Tell them they can take that hike, just not on your time.  Plan your own trip with blackjack and hookers.

1a) I'm Just A Human Being II: If you're asking me if I think this coupling with last, I agree the answer is likely no.  But any chance at endurance begins with the original LW learning to STFU and GTHOI.

1b) I'm Just A Human Being III: Why do I suspect the original LW is pennywise and pound stupid?  Nether regions need proper care.

1c) I'm Just A Human Being IV: I will risk the wrath of big TP.  Single ply should not exist.

6) Why Don't We Get Drunk, And Screw (Classic): Drunk sex or DTMFA.  That's your choice.  I know which I'd pick.
 
2022-07-06 10:22:51 AM  

Mugato: I'm pretty sure "they" is a "she" so what's with the pronoun game?


Slate always does that for these columns. You might just not have noticed it before. Either Slate only publishes letters from the lgbt crowd, or the people writing don't know the pronouns of their respective significant others.

Either way is incredibly unlikely, so my guess is they do it because of some bullshiat reason.
 
2022-07-06 10:27:13 AM  
This has always been an asinine (lol) discussion to me.

Get a bidet, or buy toilet paper from a brand that either uses bamboo or recycled paper.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-06 10:32:11 AM  
A co-worker is married to an eco-nut.  He complained that she used too much toilet paper and she didn't buy the nature friendly paper.  She got a bidet installed.  Now he complains that she wastes water.  She got so pissed on day that she used bidet water to make his coffee.
 
2022-07-06 11:36:48 AM  

crzybtch: A co-worker is married to an eco-nut.  He complained that she used too much toilet paper and she didn't buy the nature friendly paper.  She got a bidet installed.  Now he complains that she wastes water.  She got so pissed on day that she used bidet water to make his coffee.


I'm sure some people are willing to pay extra for that.
 
2022-07-06 11:38:55 AM  

The_Sponge: As long as your partner places the roll correctly....over the top....who gives a damn?


Cat owners have realized that " pull from the back" is best, as cats pull from the front...  doesn't work for "destroy in place" cats....
 
2022-07-06 11:52:19 AM  
There is an obvious solution to his dilemma.

Butt stuff!

She can heel it down the drain afterwards.

/understands his frustration
//lives with a selfish asshole who's wasteful of everything, not just tp
///let it go or kick them to the curb
 
2022-07-06 12:09:44 PM  
Who needs more than 1 square?
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2022-07-06 12:20:31 PM  
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2022-07-06 1:03:38 PM  

AppleOptionEsc: . farking buffalo shiatters, both of them.


The worst Bob Marley song in the entire catalogue.
 
2022-07-06 1:57:49 PM  
Buy Scott's
 
2022-07-06 3:07:21 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: Buy Scott's


You mean 60 grit sandpaper ?
 
2022-07-06 3:43:32 PM  

no1curr: Did I read that right? Does the dude use a single square THREE TIMES?

What a tight arse.


Yeah, I'm starting to think that he uses as much as he wants, but thinks he should be able to dictate what others use.

This is actually an example of "mansplaining" for once, yet subby left it out of the headline.
 
2022-07-06 3:44:21 PM  

Mugato: I'm pretty sure "they" is a "she" so what's with the pronoun game?


Seriously? Who are you to assume pronouns? That's been a thoughtcrime now for about 5 years.
 
2022-07-06 3:46:02 PM  

The_Sponge: As long as your partner places the roll correctly....over the top....who gives a damn?


No. Underneath. Over the top, and I need two hands, one to hold the roll, one to tear. Underneath, and you can shear it off, using the bottom of the roll as your tear point. One hand.

Bottom actually works. Top is more likely to have me pull and spool it on the floor.
 
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