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(Cracked)   They forgot "playing a character who deliberately screws with the party", like the thief who steals from them or the wizard who dumps fireballs on his own party   (cracked.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Game, WANT, fundamental gimmick of D&D, members of your party, end of Girl, Dragon Tattoo, ongoing game, party members  
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1912 clicks; posted to Fandom » on 03 Jul 2022 at 8:53 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-07-03 4:23:15 PM  
somethingpositive.netView Full Size
 
2022-07-03 4:25:21 PM  
shamusyoung.comView Full Size

shamusyoung.comView Full Size
 
2022-07-03 4:58:30 PM  
(10) Antagonize the DM

(7) Argue the rules



How to tell when the author has never played a single RPG in their entire lives.
 
2022-07-03 5:06:13 PM  
They also missed "Playing with a shiatty DM". That's what killed it for me.
 
2022-07-03 6:43:41 PM  
"Never attack a Gazebo."
 
2022-07-03 7:20:31 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-03 7:31:19 PM  
It's a story the group is telling together.

If everyone is committed to that it goes well.

/unfortunately everyone involved is human which means it can be awesome and can also fall short.
 
2022-07-03 8:22:04 PM  

bloobeary: (10) Antagonize the DM

(7) Argue the rules


How to tell when the author has never played a single RPG in their entire lives.


One of my college friends created his own Nintendo character based RPG, and one of the things he showed me, since I wasn't a player, was his table of justice he used whenever antagonized by the players, as well as the giant metal d20 he would roll to get their attention.  Basically, it was a boss fight with 1 of 19 of the most difficult Nintendo bosses ever.  Rolling a 20 meant re-rolling 3 more times.  It wasn't quite "Rocks fall; everyone dies" but it may as well have been.
 
2022-07-03 8:24:11 PM  

harleyquinnical: bloobeary: (10) Antagonize the DM

(7) Argue the rules


How to tell when the author has never played a single RPG in their entire lives.

One of my college friends created his own Nintendo character based RPG, and one of the things he showed me, since I wasn't a player, was his table of justice he used whenever antagonized by the players, as well as the giant metal d20 he would roll to get their attention.  Basically, it was a boss fight with 1 of 19 of the most difficult Nintendo bosses ever.  Rolling a 20 meant re-rolling 3 more times.  It wasn't quite "Rocks fall; everyone dies" but it may as well have been.


"Consult the Wandering Damage Table."
 
2022-07-03 9:01:00 PM  
64.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2022-07-03 9:08:30 PM  
Or the buddy playing a necromancer constantly gets shiatfaced during sessions, and blurts out shiat like "I can summon ghosts for you!" when your party members are listing their skills while trying to get hired on as caravan guards by the very conservative townsfolk.
 
2022-07-03 9:26:41 PM  

olrasputin: Or the buddy playing a necromancer constantly gets shiatfaced during sessions, and blurts out shiat like "I can summon ghosts for you!" when your party members are listing their skills while trying to get hired on as caravan guards by the very conservative townsfolk.


I'm just trying to raise a family
 
2022-07-03 9:27:53 PM  
D&D is supposed to be fun. Have fun. Most game groups are composed of friends to begin with, so have fun with your friends.

One of the more perniciously funny players always played magic-users, and just loved the spells Ventriloquism and Telekinesis. He often used these in combination to distract or annoy enemies, but occasionally pranked the other players. These pranks never took place where it would get the party captured or killed, but were frequently side-splitting funny.

For example: The party was on the way to the latest McGuffin Hunt, and had camped for the night. This player waited until the lead fighter player (he always played fighters, paladins, or barbarians) went into the bushes for some relief, then used his two favorite spells to have a small pile of poo follow the fighter back into camp, all the while saying, "I want to go back. It's cold out here." Everyone at the table collapsed from laughter. It took about ten minutes to get the game back on track, but it was funny- and fun.

One of the characters was an extremely strong Dwarf. Whenever he made a successful Strength check, the player tried to play it up for laughs as well. Once, when he made a successful Bend Bars roll to open an iron gate, he mimed the Dwarf ripping the door out of the wall, crumpling it up like tin foil, then eating it. When we all rolled our eyes and groaned at him, he said, "What? Dwarves LIKE iron."

Both of these episodes happened more than 30 years ago, and we all still remember them whenever we get together. There are loads of similar stories from a decade of gaming with the same collection of Unusual Suspects. Just play, and have fun.
 
2022-07-03 9:28:09 PM  
Also, subby...

MAXIM 20: If you're not willing to shell your own position, you're not willing to win.
 
2022-07-03 9:32:57 PM  

leviosaurus: They also missed "Playing with a shiatty DM". That's what killed it for me.


This.

I've left more campaigns because the DM was either a sadist or unprepared or just not a good story teller, than I've left because of toxic players.

/In DM's defense, it's a lot of work.
 
2022-07-03 9:44:42 PM  

leeksfromchichis: olrasputin: Or the buddy playing a necromancer constantly gets shiatfaced during sessions, and blurts out shiat like "I can summon ghosts for you!" when your party members are listing their skills while trying to get hired on as caravan guards by the very conservative townsfolk.

I'm just trying to raise a family


Sir, this is a Green Dragon Inn...
 
2022-07-03 9:47:06 PM  
the only thing that really matters:
curate your table to have a like minded/in alignment group about what RP fun is/can be.

as long as what anyone dose is what the others find fun/entertaining then it is, and everyone is having a good time.
 
2022-07-03 9:51:33 PM  

Moose out front: leviosaurus: They also missed "Playing with a shiatty DM". That's what killed it for me.

This.

I've left more campaigns because the DM was either a sadist or unprepared or just not a good story teller, than I've left because of toxic players.

/In DM's defense, it's a lot of work.


Seconded. I miss playing tabletop RPGs, sometimes, but then I remember the assholes and I miss it a bit less. Thank goodness for MMOs. It's not the same, but it helps.
 
2022-07-03 9:52:31 PM  

Wenchmaster: D&D is supposed to be fun. Have fun. Most game groups are composed of friends to begin with, so have fun with your friends.


Bingo. If you wouldn't hang out with them, then don't play with them.

When I was in college, I joined a gaming club, and it introduced me to some good friends along the way, and yes, some of them were super geeky--and mind, you I was a theater geek who did radio--but gamed with some great folks who turned into some of the best friends I've ever had. In high school, it was always with friends. As an adult, I gamed with friends. Met a few, and drew them into the group, but the key is to game with folks you want to be with for extended periods of time, playing pretend. If it's someone you don't feel comfortable slagging off a little, don't game with them, as simple as that. A good gaming group is like playing in a band no one comes out to see. But you have fun getting together and doing your thing, so have fun with it.
 
2022-07-03 9:54:08 PM  
Last words before table banishment.

"It's what my character would do!"
 
2022-07-03 9:55:11 PM  

I Ate Shergar: [shamusyoung.com image 600x777]
[shamusyoung.com image 600x770]


fellowship of the ring, but it's D&D
Youtube rJ0_Ro3ls3U
 
2022-07-03 9:56:07 PM  

bloobeary: (10) Antagonize the DM

(7) Argue the rules


How to tell when the author has never played a single RPG in their entire lives.


Sit them down. Let them play 1st ed. Rolemaster. Watch the fun. Watch the panic.
 
2022-07-03 9:56:14 PM  
"It's not cannibalism -- they're halflings."
-- Athas proverb
 
2022-07-03 9:58:26 PM  

FormlessOne: Moose out front: leviosaurus: They also missed "Playing with a shiatty DM". That's what killed it for me.

This.

I've left more campaigns because the DM was either a sadist or unprepared or just not a good story teller, than I've left because of toxic players.

/In DM's defense, it's a lot of work.

Seconded. I miss playing tabletop RPGs, sometimes, but then I remember the assholes and I miss it a bit less. Thank goodness for MMOs. It's not the same, but it helps.


I used to play in high school. There was only one guy in our group whose parents would sponsor his playing. The rest of us could barely afford our players manuals, but this guy had every book TSR put out, along with all the supplies. He insisted on being DM. It was about six months later that we all came to the conclusion he was only interested in farking with us.

So we all got together and bought Car Wars. No DM, just regular dice and rampage.

Eventually I decided I'd rather chase girls, and I quit. Never played again.
 
2022-07-03 10:00:36 PM  
Also missing:

Keep pulling cards from that Deck of Many Things...
 
2022-07-03 10:21:36 PM  
Farador D&D
Youtube eCWOCPxPmus
 
2022-07-03 10:23:22 PM  
I did intentionally walk right up to an obvious succubus and (gently) tried to block/fight the party from killing it (after a failed charm save roll) during the Halloween game but my tiefling is meant to be just a bit of a rich, self absorbed jerk so I thought why not? I only almost died. That said I watch my spells' line of fire/area of effect like a hawk to make sure everyone is clear (and when enemies are conveniently bunched or lined up.) It's just common courtesy
 
2022-07-03 10:27:41 PM  
leviosaurus:There was only one guy in our group whose parents would sponsor his playing. The rest of us could barely afford our players manuals, but this guy had every book TSR put out, along with all the supplies.

Ha! In my group, that guy had a huge collection of really nice dice he never used and a bunch of those hand-painted figurines.
 
2022-07-03 10:39:46 PM  
That one player who insists on flirting with everyone at the table, including the DM.
 
2022-07-03 10:41:31 PM  

2wolves: That one player who insists on flirting with everyone at the table, including the DM.


aka "the bard"

/"I seduce the dragon"
 
2022-07-03 10:45:40 PM  

hubiestubert: leeksfromchichis: olrasputin: Or the buddy playing a necromancer constantly gets shiatfaced during sessions, and blurts out shiat like "I can summon ghosts for you!" when your party members are listing their skills while trying to get hired on as caravan guards by the very conservative townsfolk.

I'm just trying to raise a family

Sir, this is a Green Dragon Inn...


I hate franchises...
 
2022-07-03 11:01:22 PM  
Back before everyone started having kids, we played a lot of B/X D&D. Open admission, so we had a core group of players and then some people popping in to try it. In that rule-set, Thieves really suck ass, but inevitably newcomers would try to play one. Fortunately no one tried stealing from the party, but they'd often hide in shadows and slink off. Such a headache for everyone, not to mention the DM trying to handle everybody.

(OSR stuff like B/X is also super deadly at low levels, so going off on your own is profoundly dumb.)

A big thing to remember is Rule of Cool. A good DM is even-handed and tries to be fair, even when characters are dying or in trouble. But a good DM lets something cool happen, almost no matter what.
 
2022-07-03 11:06:05 PM  
Oh, yeah, I forgot those disgusting people who think Bards are for seducing everything all over the place. Gross.
 
2022-07-03 11:20:21 PM  
Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste:

Oh, they don't think. They know!

Dandelion from the Witcher is the apotheosis of bards.
 
2022-07-03 11:24:02 PM  
Someone should get a dog-eared copy of this if they want a few okay movies about how I have started every pickup campaign with, "I take first watch and stab the thief in their sleep."

Please reroll to a Paladin, Bard or a Druid if you have to be an asshole. At least those those have range.

I fark you over in the early (snatch gear you need later), mid (fark off in a fight to save pots), or late (I activate the master plan my pet DM and I cooked up during that break) it's all so farking predictable.

Basic idiots.
 
2022-07-03 11:52:24 PM  
I do not have the patience for table top.

I'm an MMO player.

I can be in a fantasy world fighting people or monsters while talking with my friends in seconds and I don't need to be wearing pants to do it.

I don't raid in MMOs because I don't even have the patience for the pre and post raid bullshiat.
 
2022-07-04 12:00:43 AM  
since I've started playing the old AD&D games on PC, I've found it occasionally necessary for my MUs to blast my party members with a fireball spell, if only because it's the best way to maximize damage to the enemy units.
 
2022-07-04 12:11:27 AM  

germ78: since I've started playing the old AD&D games on PC, I've found it occasionally necessary for my MUs to blast my party members with a fireball spell, if only because it's the best way to maximize damage to the enemy units.


A competent wizard will know about how much damage his party can handle and know when a fireball can be dropped on top of his battle mates.

A professional wizard will cast protections on his party mates before dropping fireballs or other spell on top of them.

A true wizard manipulates reality in such a way that no fireballs are needed.
 
2022-07-04 12:13:02 AM  

wingnut396: germ78: since I've started playing the old AD&D games on PC, I've found it occasionally necessary for my MUs to blast my party members with a fireball spell, if only because it's the best way to maximize damage to the enemy units.

A competent wizard will know about how much damage his party can handle and know when a fireball can be dropped on top of his battle mates.

A professional wizard will cast protections on his party mates before dropping fireballs or other spell on top of them.

A true wizard manipulates reality in such a way that no fireballs are needed.


i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size

/puts on robe and wizard hat
 
2022-07-04 12:42:53 AM  

leviosaurus: FormlessOne: Moose out front: leviosaurus: They also missed "Playing with a shiatty DM". That's what killed it for me.

This.

I've left more campaigns because the DM was either a sadist or unprepared or just not a good story teller, than I've left because of toxic players.

/In DM's defense, it's a lot of work.

Seconded. I miss playing tabletop RPGs, sometimes, but then I remember the assholes and I miss it a bit less. Thank goodness for MMOs. It's not the same, but it helps.

I used to play in high school. There was only one guy in our group whose parents would sponsor his playing. The rest of us could barely afford our players manuals, but this guy had every book TSR put out, along with all the supplies. He insisted on being DM. It was about six months later that we all came to the conclusion he was only interested in farking with us.

So we all got together and bought Car Wars. No DM, just regular dice and rampage.

Eventually I decided I'd rather chase girls, and I quit. Never played again.


Oh god... Car Wars... I did not have the mathematical capacity to deal with that game's crazy complicated rules. Each turn is a tenth of a second. Each maneuver applies speed, maneuverability class, and previous maneuver difficulty ratings. Environmental effects. Acceleration per tenth of second. Just. No.

There was an even more complex game a friend and I tried, I think it was called Air Superiority and they really tried to get the physics and aeronautics true to real life and good lord we needed scientific calculators just to finish each turn.

Those kind of games are best left to computers!
 
2022-07-04 1:09:19 AM  

Moose out front: leviosaurus: FormlessOne: Moose out front: leviosaurus: They also missed "Playing with a shiatty DM". That's what killed it for me.

This.

I've left more campaigns because the DM was either a sadist or unprepared or just not a good story teller, than I've left because of toxic players.

/In DM's defense, it's a lot of work.

Seconded. I miss playing tabletop RPGs, sometimes, but then I remember the assholes and I miss it a bit less. Thank goodness for MMOs. It's not the same, but it helps.

I used to play in high school. There was only one guy in our group whose parents would sponsor his playing. The rest of us could barely afford our players manuals, but this guy had every book TSR put out, along with all the supplies. He insisted on being DM. It was about six months later that we all came to the conclusion he was only interested in farking with us.

So we all got together and bought Car Wars. No DM, just regular dice and rampage.

Eventually I decided I'd rather chase girls, and I quit. Never played again.

Oh god... Car Wars... I did not have the mathematical capacity to deal with that game's crazy complicated rules. Each turn is a tenth of a second. Each maneuver applies speed, maneuverability class, and previous maneuver difficulty ratings. Environmental effects. Acceleration per tenth of second. Just. No.

There was an even more complex game a friend and I tried, I think it was called Air Superiority and they really tried to get the physics and aeronautics true to real life and good lord we needed scientific calculators just to finish each turn.

Those kind of games are best left to computers!


I agree with all your criticisms of Car Wars. The fact that we preferred it will tell you how bad our DM was.
 
2022-07-04 2:20:57 AM  

2wolves: That one player who insists on flirting with everyone at the table, including the DM.


Their character doing that, or the player doing that? One is meh/tolerable, the other is looking for drama.

Also, the couples in a group can be great or awful. The DM who lets the SO get away with everything is bad. The player who has a gripe with one half of a couple, so then has a character flirt constantly with the liked half or (this is a true story from a few campaigns), set things up so their 2 characters become a "couple" or mind controlled into it.

Then there is the player who calls someone up that's not in the campaign, and gives blow by blow of every bloody session. I don't want a farking 4 hour phone call 11 at night because you're giving a recap of the game and your hurt feelings about it, Sue, it's a work night.  Nor do I want you sending 20 multi-paragraph long texts about the game but start at 1 a.m. "so you can wake up to the full story in the morning". Some of us leave our phones on.
 
2022-07-04 2:40:01 AM  
Not playing by the sacred improv rule of "Yes, And..."

That is a lousy rule. If the first person to state a plan goes "I'm going to run up to the dragon and stuff my dagger up its ass" I'm not going to actually build on that "plan".

As for arguing the rules, that depends on the situation. I've had sessions where I plan something out for my character to do, only to hear at the moment of execution that the GM didn't fully understand the mechanic, decided he didn't like it, and house rule it then and there. Well, that made my well thought out plan now being borderline suicidal. You'd better believe I argued that.

/Not to mention he houseruled healing to be way less effective to the point where he decides at seemingly random how many hitpoints are regenerated
//Our healer doesn't even state how much healing is done anymore, just state how succesful the roll was, and wait for the GM to state how much healing was done
 
2022-07-04 2:44:18 AM  

leviosaurus: Moose out front: leviosaurus: FormlessOne: Moose out front: leviosaurus: They also missed "Playing with a shiatty DM". That's what killed it for me.

This.

I've left more campaigns because the DM was either a sadist or unprepared or just not a good story teller, than I've left because of toxic players.

/In DM's defense, it's a lot of work.

Seconded. I miss playing tabletop RPGs, sometimes, but then I remember the assholes and I miss it a bit less. Thank goodness for MMOs. It's not the same, but it helps.

I used to play in high school. There was only one guy in our group whose parents would sponsor his playing. The rest of us could barely afford our players manuals, but this guy had every book TSR put out, along with all the supplies. He insisted on being DM. It was about six months later that we all came to the conclusion he was only interested in farking with us.

So we all got together and bought Car Wars. No DM, just regular dice and rampage.

Eventually I decided I'd rather chase girls, and I quit. Never played again.

Oh god... Car Wars... I did not have the mathematical capacity to deal with that game's crazy complicated rules. Each turn is a tenth of a second. Each maneuver applies speed, maneuverability class, and previous maneuver difficulty ratings. Environmental effects. Acceleration per tenth of second. Just. No.

There was an even more complex game a friend and I tried, I think it was called Air Superiority and they really tried to get the physics and aeronautics true to real life and good lord we needed scientific calculators just to finish each turn.

Those kind of games are best left to computers!

I agree with all your criticisms of Car Wars. The fact that we preferred it will tell you how bad our DM was.


Yeah, but, as a counterpoint... Uncle Albert.
 
2022-07-04 7:24:09 AM  

Summoner101: wingnut396: germ78: since I've started playing the old AD&D games on PC, I've found it occasionally necessary for my MUs to blast my party members with a fireball spell, if only because it's the best way to maximize damage to the enemy units.

A competent wizard will know about how much damage his party can handle and know when a fireball can be dropped on top of his battle mates.

A professional wizard will cast protections on his party mates before dropping fireballs or other spell on top of them.

A true wizard manipulates reality in such a way that no fireballs are needed.

[i.kym-cdn.com image 500x664]
/puts on robe and wizard hat


No, but I play one on TV P&P.  So if you have serious fight, you need an adult potion, like Mick's 44H for Haste and Mick's 44I for Invis.  Micks also makes 44GS, for those special encounters where you need to be the size of a giant.
 
2022-07-04 7:59:46 AM  

NathanAllen: Someone should get a dog-eared copy of this if they want a few okay movies about how I have started every pickup campaign with, "I take first watch and stab the thief in their sleep."

Please reroll to a Paladin, Bard or a Druid if you have to be an asshole. At least those those have range.

I fark you over in the early (snatch gear you need later), mid (fark off in a fight to save pots), or late (I activate the master plan my pet DM and I cooked up during that break) it's all so farking predictable.

Basic idiots.


Whoops, this book.

Fark user imageView Full Size


Mage farks up everything then thief makes everything else go sideways.
 
2022-07-04 8:49:52 AM  
Hey, while we're slagging on thieves, one of my favorite campaigns, ever, was one where we rolled up 0 level halflings. Just regular schmoes who got drafted to be arrow fodder to fight a goblin horde, and we wound up leveling into either rangers or thieves. It was glorious.

We had six of us, and we wound up spotting a group of scouts for the horde, and being the stealthy little hobbits that we were, we got back to the chuckwagon, and loaded up as many crossbows as we found--something like 12--and four of us shot, while the other two kept reloading. The woodworker with us even modified them to mount quickly to cut down on the weight, so we didn't have any minuses because they were oversized for us. Considering we were level 0 at the time, it was hilarious to be genuinely threatened by six goblins, but tricksy hobbits that we were, we vanquished our foes, and then wound up using the chuck wagon to race behind the goblin line as the battle with the Big Folk was going on, and using our cooking grease, set fire to the woods behind the goblins, and then hid in the undergrowth taking our shots with the supply train with all those modified crossbows and spare ammunition. Blessed are the cabinet makers and cooks.
 
2022-07-04 9:38:36 AM  
Me: I'm picking the elf wizard's pocket for his "Orc'sh Thunder" and putting it in the dwarven berserker's sleeping bag.
DM: Roll.
*20*
Me: Woooo!
 
2022-07-04 1:14:16 PM  

leviosaurus: They also missed "Playing with a shiatty DM". That's what killed it for me.


Thank you for saying this.

I've completely given up on all RPGs. The farkwad DM I've been made to endure for the past 15 years has:
1. Told me that my fighter doesn't need to talk, he only needs to fight
2. His wifey parroted the above statement
3. He thought I'd find it ever-so-fun to give my fighter a thoughtless, self-centered rogue girlfriend who's cursed by the goddess of bad luck
4. New skills and characteristics are ignored
5. Took away a flame-tongue sword that he gave to my fighter because it was no fun for him that it improved the fighter's abilities
6. If he makes an NPC so that he can both play and run, the game is only about his NPC
7. He is a whiz at enforcing his vague interpretations of the rules
8. He gets tired very quickly of his own stories, thus he'll hamstring all characters in the party and happily announce that we all get to make up new characters for his new story. Most of his games last an average of five sessions.
9. If he's not DMing the game, he is more than happy to bully the person who is DMing and is always delighted to stomp on everything the other players do.

And, no, this is only a small part of how much this guy is a control freak. When I attempt to stand up for myself or other players, it "triggers" my husband (another long story), so I'm then dismissed and derided by two men at the same time.

I can't do much about this. I'm homeless & jobless, thus forced to live in this guy's home. He may not charge me & my husband rent, but we have to pay in different ways.

Thanks for letting me get this out. I'm so sad that something that was such a joy at one time has now become an ugly, toxic cesspool. </end rant>
 
2022-07-04 1:47:40 PM  
How bout the 'your PC is not you and the game is not your wish fulfillment fantasy.'

Look, your character may die. That's part of the 'game' aspect of it. That's why you don't taunt the dynamite monkey or seduce the married immortal barmaid. It's not an attack on you as a person, you're not getting kicked out if Darkleaf dies, you just frigging reroll and you'll be rewritten into the story next session.
 
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