Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(UPI)   Merrick Garland to undergo surgery to hopefully remove head from ass so he can go do something   (upi.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Prostate, Benign prostatic hyperplasia, benign prostatic hyperplasia, Prostate cancer, U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland, general anesthesia, part of a routine medical procedure, 69-year-old attorney general  
•       •       •

2870 clicks; posted to Main » and Politics » on 01 Jul 2022 at 12:18 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



81 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2022-07-01 9:32:21 AM  
It is my understand that the success rate of cranial rectalectomies is pretty low.
 
2022-07-01 10:29:54 AM  
It is my understand that the success rate of cranial rectalectomies is pretty low.

c.tenor.comView Full Size


Then we can get a real AG in there.
 
2022-07-01 11:37:55 AM  

AdmirableSnackbar: It is my understand that the success rate of cranial rectalectomies is pretty low.

[c.tenor.com image 460x250] [View Full Size image _x_]

Then we can get a real AG in there.


McTurtleTraitor isn't going to allow that.  He'll just tell his stooges Manchin and Sinema to block everything.
 
2022-07-01 12:13:22 PM  
I hope his surgery goes well.
 
2022-07-01 12:20:51 PM  
At least they won't have to put him under since he spends most of his time unconscious anyways.
 
2022-07-01 12:21:26 PM  
Is he having a spine installed?
 
2022-07-01 12:22:10 PM  
When you're 70(ish), there's really no such thing as routine surgery.
 
2022-07-01 12:23:53 PM  
What kind of something would you like him to do?  Assume his rightful Supreme Court seat while wearing Gorsuch's skin?
 
2022-07-01 12:24:09 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-01 12:25:29 PM  

Snapper Carr: When you're 70(ish), there's really no such thing as routine surgery.


Routine in the sense of "minor", maybe.  Routine in the sense of "with regularity", maybe not.  Lot of things wearing down at that age.
 
2022-07-01 12:30:01 PM  
Where in the body do you find the Federest Society in order to remove it?
 
2022-07-01 12:31:05 PM  
If it takes you 19 months to write an indictment, you're in the wrong profession.
 
2022-07-01 12:31:14 PM  
Spinal implant?
 
2022-07-01 12:33:11 PM  

Ambitwistor: What kind of something would you like him to do?  Assume his rightful Supreme Court seat while wearing Gorsuch's skin?


Mueller left him a detailed tutorial on how to get started at his new job.
Fark user imageView Full Size

[...]
"Was there sufficient evidence to convict President Trump or anyone else with obstruction of justice?" Buck asked.

"We did not make that calculation," Mueller said, citing the OLC opinion.

Buck later asked, "Could you charge a president with a crime after he left office?"

"Yes," Mueller replied.

"You believe that he committed - you could charge the President of the United States with obstruction of justice after he left office?" Buck continued.

"Yes," Mueller answered.


Or he could start from the other side. It's well established that the DOJ comes down like a ton of bricks on someone who steals a single classified NSA memo about Russian election interference. Former President Trump had a whole truckload of classified material stashed away at Mar-a-Lago for months, documents so highly classified that we can't even be told what topics they cover. Crickets.
 
2022-07-01 12:33:15 PM  

Summoner101: Snapper Carr: When you're 70(ish), there's really no such thing as routine surgery.

Routine in the sense of "minor", maybe.  Routine in the sense of "with regularity", maybe not.  Lot of things wearing down at that age.


Yeah but when you get to a certain point, you have to weigh the risk of invasive procedures against the consequences of letting those things wear down.
 
2022-07-01 12:33:20 PM  

wooden_badger: AdmirableSnackbar: It is my understand that the success rate of cranial rectalectomies is pretty low.

[c.tenor.com image 460x250] [View Full Size image _x_]

Then we can get a real AG in there.

McTurtleTraitor isn't going to allow that.  He'll just tell his stooges Manchin and Sinema to block everything.


"Mr. Smith, you seem to have a legal defense history of zealously representing your client...and during your time as a prosecutor you repeatedly declined to pursue cases that lacked sufficient evidence even though you were aware the defendant was indeed black. I'm sorry but in good conscious and duty to America I cannot support your nomination."
 
2022-07-01 12:35:38 PM  
I think Mr Garland has done an outstanding job working with the Biden Administration and has perfectly echoed their strategy for dealing with far right extremism that threatens our democracy

Standing haplessly aside while shaking their heads and doing nothing of consequence at all

I hope to get a fruit basket of condolence as we see the Washington Monument transformed into a cross and the internment camps for gays, minorities and liberals are opened up
 
2022-07-01 12:35:39 PM  
Deslothification procedures are safe and common.
 
2022-07-01 12:35:40 PM  
Yeah, I don't think this will help.  In fact, this will only slow things down even more.

Because, you can't write up indictments for anyone while you are recovering from surgery.  That will no be the excuse until the midterms.
 
2022-07-01 12:37:11 PM  
Look, you guys remember that poem Casey at the Bat?
This is just like that.  Garland is waiting for that perfect pitch so he can hit a grand slam home run and save the day, just like Casey does in the poem!
 
2022-07-01 12:38:22 PM  

Ivo Shandor: [Fark user image 850x1113]


God, that comic used to be cool.

Fark that noise.
 
2022-07-01 12:39:52 PM  
Sweet... everybody go out and rob a bank while americas one and only "law king" is away & cant enforce the law.

If Merrick Garland didnt see it, it didnt happen.
 
2022-07-01 12:40:22 PM  

Ivo Shandor: Ambitwistor: What kind of something would you like him to do?  Assume his rightful Supreme Court seat while wearing Gorsuch's skin?

Mueller left him a detailed tutorial on how to get started at his new job.
[Fark user image image 850x566]
[...]
"Was there sufficient evidence to convict President Trump or anyone else with obstruction of justice?" Buck asked.

"We did not make that calculation," Mueller said, citing the OLC opinion.

Buck later asked, "Could you charge a president with a crime after he left office?"

"Yes," Mueller replied.

"You believe that he committed - you could charge the President of the United States with obstruction of justice after he left office?" Buck continued.

"Yes," Mueller answered.

Or he could start from the other side. It's well established that the DOJ comes down like a ton of bricks on someone who steals a single classified NSA memo about Russian election interference. Former President Trump had a whole truckload of classified material stashed away at Mar-a-Lago for months, documents so highly classified that we can't even be told what topics they cover. Crickets.


Well there's your problem right there: Was Reality Winner at any time a rich white guy?

/case closed
 
2022-07-01 12:42:10 PM  

durbnpoisn: Yeah, I don't think this will help.  In fact, this will only slow things down even more.

Because, you can't write up indictments for anyone while you are recovering from surgery.  That will no be the excuse until the midterms.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Deputy_Attorney_General

https://www.justice.gov/jmd/file/822056/download
 
2022-07-01 12:43:58 PM  
Would we even notice if he was out? He communicates like someone under anesthesia anyway.
 
2022-07-01 12:44:03 PM  
Ivo Shandor: [snip]
Or he could start from the other side. It's well established that the DOJ comes down like a ton of bricks on someone who steals a single classified NSA memo about Russian election interference. Former President Trump had a whole truckload of classified material stashed away at Mar-a-Lago for months, documents so highly classified that we can't even be told what topics they cover. Crickets.

Maybe he's just afraid of crickets.  Scary little jumping machine monsters
 
2022-07-01 12:44:05 PM  
Yeah, what a coinkeydink.  The Jan 6th committee is holding its testimony right before midterms.

And DOJ's investigation is 'deep' into Jan 6th crimes per the Deputy, and no doubt will start indictments before Trump can be selected as the 2024 candidate.

It's almost like it was all planned.
 
2022-07-01 12:45:10 PM  
Am I in before the Fark Pollyannas white-knighting Garland?
 
2022-07-01 12:48:57 PM  

Blathering Idjut: Am I in before the Fark Pollyannas white-knighting Garland?

Someone has to cut through the bullshiat.
Sorry you think that means "everything is fine."   That's kind of the disconnect here.
 
2022-07-01 12:49:27 PM  

demiurgex: And DOJ's investigation is 'deep' into Jan 6th crimes per the Deputy


Like this shiat.

Cut it out.
 
2022-07-01 12:49:37 PM  
I've been getting into a lot of spats with doomsday progressives here lately, but even I can't defend Garland.  He needs to go.

He's left a giant vacuum of accountability during one of the most dire crises our democracy has ever endured, which has been filled by the ain't nothin' gonna happen narrative, plunging public confidence in the justice system to an all-time low.

A lot of his defenders say that he's just "following protocol" but J6 is the kind of thing you shred old protocols for and create new ones.  FFS, a sitting president publicly planned a violent coup to stay in power with the aid of sitting members of congress.

That's exactly the kind of shiat a competent AG would make very public examples out of some motherfarkers.  But Garland refuses to speak to the public, dismissing his critics as "people on Twitter" without the slightest awareness that social media is actually a pretty good gauge of public opinion.

Maybe he's complicit.  Maybe he's just incompetent.  But he does not understand the gravity of the situation.
 
2022-07-01 12:52:03 PM  

blackminded: Well there's your problem right there: Was Reality Winner at any time a rich white guy?


Snowden was a reasonably well-off white guy. They grounded the plane of a foreign head of state looking for him.
 
2022-07-01 12:53:15 PM  

The Exit Stencilist: I think Mr Garland has done an outstanding job working with the Biden Administration and has perfectly echoed their strategy for dealing with far right extremism that threatens our democracy

Standing haplessly aside while shaking their heads and doing nothing of consequence at all

I hope to get a fruit basket of condolence as we see the Washington Monument transformed into a cross and the internment camps for gays, minorities and liberals are opened up


This gets Top Derp.

Congrats.
 
2022-07-01 12:53:34 PM  
Nicely done, trollmitter.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-07-01 12:54:16 PM  

Blathering Idjut: Am I in before the Fark Pollyannas white-knighting Garland?


Better luck next time.
 
2022-07-01 12:54:31 PM  
Enlarged prostate, huh?

No wonder he doesn't leak.
 
2022-07-01 12:54:51 PM  

whidbey: Blathering Idjut: Am I in before the Fark Pollyannas white-knighting Garland?
Someone has to cut through the bullshiat.
Sorry you think that means "everything is fine."   That's kind of the disconnect here.


I'm sure you're a legend in your own mind, but it's obvious how nervous you're getting.
 
2022-07-01 12:55:39 PM  

Zerochance: I've been getting into a lot of spats with doomsday progressives here lately, but even I can't defend Garland.  He needs to go.

He's left a giant vacuum of accountability during one of the most dire crises our democracy has ever endured, which has been filled by the ain't nothin' gonna happen narrative, plunging public confidence in the justice system to an all-time low.

A lot of his defenders say that he's just "following protocol" but J6 is the kind of thing you shred old protocols for and create new ones.  FFS, a sitting president publicly planned a violent coup to stay in power with the aid of sitting members of congress.

That's exactly the kind of shiat a competent AG would make very public examples out of some motherfarkers.  But Garland refuses to speak to the public, dismissing his critics as "people on Twitter" without the slightest awareness that social media is actually a pretty good gauge of public opinion.

Maybe he's complicit.  Maybe he's just incompetent.  But he does not understand the gravity of the situation.


Have to agree. We are where we are because, for decades, not one republican shiatheel has faced any significant consequences for their f*ckery. Nixon for Watergate, Reagan for Iran-Contra, Shrub for invading Iraq, and now TFG for hatef*cking the very foundations of democracy. Slap them down, now, and hard, or next they'll be straight up shooting peple they don't like and daring anyone to do anything about it.

F*ck Garland. Anyone with stones would be an improvement.
 
2022-07-01 12:56:00 PM  

iodized attic salt: whidbey: Blathering Idjut: Am I in before the Fark Pollyannas white-knighting Garland?
Someone has to cut through the bullshiat.
Sorry you think that means "everything is fine."   That's kind of the disconnect here.

I'm sure you're a legend in your own mind, but it's obvious how nervous you're getting.


Not even. I enjoy calling this shiat out.

Putin's quite a number on some of you.  This is exactly what he wants.
 
2022-07-01 12:56:55 PM  

PirateKing: Is he having a spine installed?


Yes. After an extensive search his spine was found in Mitch McConnell's house along with Manchin's testicles and a brain that supposedly belongs to Boebert. The "supposedly" part is because there is still considerable doubt as to whether she was even born with a brain.
 
2022-07-01 12:57:45 PM  
While they're in there, cut him open and install one of these

innerbody.imgix.netView Full Size
 
2022-07-01 1:00:13 PM  

S'moreSchnapps: PirateKing: Is he having a spine installed?

Yes. After an extensive search his spine was found in Mitch McConnell's house along with Manchin's testicles and a brain that supposedly belongs to Boebert. The "supposedly" part is because there is still considerable doubt as to whether she was even born with a brain.


Is this one it?

vhistory.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2022-07-01 1:01:48 PM  

chewd: Sweet... everybody go out and rob a bank while americas one and only "law king" is away & cant enforce the law.

If Merrick Garland didnt see it, it didnt happen.


It's a damn shame, really.  If only we had some sort of department that could cover for him while he was away.  Maybe even a bureau or two.  Well, too bad.

Crimes are ok everybody.  Eagle out front should have told you.
 
2022-07-01 1:01:57 PM  
Just imagine had he made it to the Supreme Court, he'd rule on the same lines with all the other conservatives, but he'd be just so heartbroken to do so!
 
2022-07-01 1:10:53 PM  

whidbey: demiurgex: And DOJ's investigation is 'deep' into Jan 6th crimes per the Deputy

Like this shiat.

Cut it out.


Secret Grand Juries are by definition secret. 

If you want to express your frustration at the politicization by the Democrats of the process, that's valid.  

But it's pretty apparent that they are following a game plan that they hope will lead to greater political power.
 
2022-07-01 1:13:42 PM  

Zerochance: I've been getting into a lot of spats with doomsday progressives here lately, but even I can't defend Garland.  He needs to go.

He's left a giant vacuum of accountability during one of the most dire crises our democracy has ever endured, which has been filled by the ain't nothin' gonna happen narrative, plunging public confidence in the justice system to an all-time low.

A lot of his defenders say that he's just "following protocol" but J6 is the kind of thing you shred old protocols for and create new ones.  FFS, a sitting president publicly planned a violent coup to stay in power with the aid of sitting members of congress.

That's exactly the kind of shiat a competent AG would make very public examples out of some motherfarkers.  But Garland refuses to speak to the public, dismissing his critics as "people on Twitter" without the slightest awareness that social media is actually a pretty good gauge of public opinion.

Maybe he's complicit.  Maybe he's just incompetent.  But he does not understand the gravity of the situation.


Prosecutors are always mindful of whether they'll be able to convince a jury to find a defendant guilty. I know what I'm about to say is speculation, but I feel that a lot of hesitancy on the part of federal prosecutors when it comes to going after high-level politicians is a fear that a jury will not convict. They're paralyzed by fear. If Trump was charged and a jury hung or found him not guilty, then it would essentially mean there are no consequences for the types of crimes these people commit. Don't get me wrong, failing to prosecute does lead to the same "no consequences" result, but a prosecutor will just try and convince themself that every day they wait to charge someone like Trump is an extra chance to obtain more evidence which can increase the chances of convincing a jury to return a guilty verdict.
 
2022-07-01 1:19:31 PM  

S'moreSchnapps: Prosecutors are always mindful of whether they'll be able to convince a jury to find a defendant guilty. I know what I'm about to say is speculation, but I feel that a lot of hesitancy on the part of federal prosecutors when it comes to going after high-level politicians is a fear that a jury will not convict.


Well maybe they should care a bit more about fighting for Western democracy and a bit less about padding their performance metrics for the quarter. Quit playing T-ball and take a swing at a real pitch.
 
2022-07-01 1:23:27 PM  

Ivo Shandor: S'moreSchnapps: Prosecutors are always mindful of whether they'll be able to convince a jury to find a defendant guilty. I know what I'm about to say is speculation, but I feel that a lot of hesitancy on the part of federal prosecutors when it comes to going after high-level politicians is a fear that a jury will not convict.

Well maybe they should care a bit more about fighting for Western democracy and a bit less about padding their performance metrics for the quarter. Quit playing T-ball and take a swing at a real pitch.


Right, and what was encouraging while the Mueller report/investigation was in it's early stages was we were seeing low level people get arrested.  Ultimately, we got farked on that one but at least some assholes went to jail.

IANAL so I don't know shiat, and even though this last testimony was very encouraging at least in it's horrific revelations, I'm going to remain very pessimistic that anything will happen until it actually does.
 
2022-07-01 1:25:56 PM  

demiurgex: whidbey: demiurgex: And DOJ's investigation is 'deep' into Jan 6th crimes per the Deputy

Like this shiat.

Cut it out.

Secret Grand Juries are by definition secret. 

If you want to express your frustration at the politicization by the Democrats of the process, that's valid.  

But it's pretty apparent that they are following a game plan that they hope will lead to greater political power.


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2022-07-01 1:29:10 PM  
See?

Something's happening!
 
Displayed 50 of 81 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.