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(Slate)   So here's an interesting creative exercise for the morning: Try to imagine what Donald Trump would have done if Mommy and Daddy Secret Service Agent *had* let him go to the Capitol   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, United States Secret Service, Donald Trump, President of the United States, Automobile, Wheel, Washington, D.C., Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Ivana Trump  
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1945 clicks; posted to Politics » on 29 Jun 2022 at 9:22 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



103 Comments     (+0 »)
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2022-06-29 8:49:07 AM  
He would have made a sh*tty speech that would have been clear evidence of incitement, and hustled out as the crowd surged ahead. And likely would have called in the National Guard earlier, because the crowd would have scared him.
 
2022-06-29 8:57:40 AM  
He would have been able to stride into the Senate chambers uninvited, finally getting revenge for Pelosi making him ask nicely.
 
2022-06-29 8:57:45 AM  
I prefer the thought experiment of what it would be like if Merrick Garland did his farking job.
 
2022-06-29 8:57:45 AM  

hubiestubert: He would have made a sh*tty speech that would have been clear evidence of incitement, and hustled out as the crowd surged ahead. And likely would have called in the National Guard earlier, because the crowd would have scared him.


CBA to find a link, but dumbdumb** was definitely whining that day about the clothes hoi polloi were wearing.

also there would have been some YMCA-dancing and the usual airing of grievances.
 
2022-06-29 8:59:24 AM  
 
2022-06-29 9:14:55 AM  
Knife fight between him and Pelosi. Like in Dune.
 
2022-06-29 9:24:53 AM  

IgG4: Knife fight between him and Pelosi. Like in Dune.


Wrong character.

miro.medium.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 9:25:14 AM  
"I'm coming!  <gasp> wait for <gasp> me"

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 9:26:26 AM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 9:26:41 AM  
DNRTFA but I assume the sight of DT would've driven the insurrectionists into even more of a frenzy and they'd likely have straight up murdered anyone who got in their way.

It might also have given the Met and Capitol cops pause as the seas parted and DT strode through.

Bad. Very bad.

And he knew this which is why he wanted so badly for it to happen.

Once in the chambers he would've probably demanded TV time and declared himself still President until the "fraud" was dealt with, martial law, etc etc.

DNRTFA but if they land anywhere short of that they're half-steppin.
 
2022-06-29 9:26:42 AM  
Blazing Saddles - The ol' Number 6
Youtube 35m90eQvvNM
 
2022-06-29 9:26:57 AM  
I just want to remind you guys that for all the mockery we're throwing, more than a few people have theorized that this thing would have actually worked if he'd been at the head of the crowd personally.

The idea that trump wanted to actually lead the crowd is one of the only actual "I didn't even imagine that" bombshells the committee has dropped.
 
2022-06-29 9:27:36 AM  
He would have lead a roaring rendition of God Bless America, then panhandled for campaign donations then implored folks to vote, vote like they mean it.
 
2022-06-29 9:28:01 AM  
He would've had a heart attack climbing the stairs then been trampled by his own acolytes.
 
2022-06-29 9:28:10 AM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 9:29:03 AM  

Greil: I just want to remind you guys that for all the mockery we're throwing, more than a few people have theorized that this thing would have actually worked if he'd been at the head of the crowd personally.

The idea that trump wanted to actually lead the crowd is one of the only actual "I didn't even imagine that" bombshells the committee has dropped.


Right.  I assumed his plan all along was to rope-a-dope the crowd into doing his dirty work while he hunkered and bunkered in the WH as he usually does.

This new info about his furious reaction to being thwarted, and his insistence on weapons getting through, rises to the level of FAILED ARMED REBELLION.

In many countries he'd have been arrested and dealt with as such already.
 
2022-06-29 9:29:05 AM  
The cops that stood aside and let the protestors enter at some of the doors would have been a scene repeated elsewhere rather than pitched battles on the steps. If the president tells a low-level security guard to stand aside, they do it.

The mob would then have descended on the Senate chamber and, well...
 
2022-06-29 9:29:06 AM  
My hope is he would have pushed Ashli Babbitt out of the way to show her how it should be done.
 
2022-06-29 9:29:33 AM  
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2022-06-29 9:31:19 AM  
He thinks he would have been lifted on their shoulders and carried in, but I think he would have been mobbed by the excited, ginned-up crowd excited to see their "hero" and would have been trampled/crushed to death.

/I'll be in my bunk
 
2022-06-29 9:31:26 AM  
He probably would have gotten himself hurt or killed.
 
2022-06-29 9:32:06 AM  
Trump being exposed as a petulant nitwit will have no effect on his base...since they are also petulant nitwits.  The only thing that surprises me about this the percentage of petulant nitwits in this country.  Prior to Trump's presidency I never would have believed that nearly 50% of Americans have the emotional development of a 12 year old.
 
2022-06-29 9:32:34 AM  
He would have hoisted an upside-down bible up with one hand, stared right into the sun, and stunbled down the first stretch of pavement that was angled ever so slightly downward.
 
2022-06-29 9:33:02 AM  
so, in the end a coup was avoided because secret service was trying to protect the president from himself and his own supporters.
 
2022-06-29 9:33:31 AM  
s.wsj.netView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 9:34:06 AM  
I meant stumbled, but stunbled also works.
 
2022-06-29 9:34:19 AM  

TrainingWheelsNeeded: so, in the end a coup was avoided because secret service was trying to protect the president from himself and his own supporters.


The coup was not avoided.
 
2022-06-29 9:34:55 AM  
Just think, somewhere out there in the multiverse, he did.
Likely the same timeline that involves clowns chasing Wong.
 
2022-06-29 9:35:50 AM  
He thinks it was a wrasslin' match......

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2022-06-29 9:35:59 AM  

Saiga410: He would have lead a roaring rendition of God Bless America, then panhandled for campaign donations then implored folks to vote, vote like they mean it.


What a roaring Trump rendition of "God Bless America," the National Anthem, or Lee Greenwood's song (they're all the same thing) might sound like:

From the shakes of McDonald's
To buckets of KFC...
Mmm mmm mmm
God blesssssss MEEEEEE!
 
2022-06-29 9:36:53 AM  

Fissile: Trump being exposed as a petulant nitwit will have no effect on his base...since they are also petulant nitwits.  The only thing that surprises me about this the percentage of petulant nitwits in this country.  Prior to Trump's presidency I never would have believed that nearly 50% of Americans have the emotional development of a 12 year old.


It's weird that you think politics exists in a vacuum
 
2022-06-29 9:37:50 AM  
It would have been great for ratings so a victory for him on that point.  Never mind the 30-40 of his supporters he'd he's have mowed down on the way.  He's just spin it as them being ANTIFA provocateurs.
 
2022-06-29 9:38:12 AM  
SCOTUS would have moved the reveal of their coup up about eight months.
 
2022-06-29 9:38:23 AM  
I considered this yesterday evening after this story came out. Two things occurred to me:

1) I am completely certain that people wind up murdered if Trump had been there to escalate and incite the mob.

2) I am also completely certain Trump is taken hostage by the mob if/when their plans go south.
 
2022-06-29 9:38:35 AM  

sniderman: He thinks he would have been lifted on their shoulders and carried in, but I think he would have been mobbed by the excited, ginned-up crowd excited to see their "hero" and would have been trampled/crushed to death.

/I'll be in my bunk


Depends. If he had gotten there late after the assault had begun, probably. 

If he had gone there right away and started with a speech, probably not. It be more like the Wicked Witch sending out her Flying Monkeys.
 
2022-06-29 9:40:20 AM  

70Ford: [i.imgur.com image 552x494]


At just about the moment he had his tiny little hand around the SS's neck, Ivanka Bots 1 & 2 walked by...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 9:40:48 AM  
I'm disappointed that they never got to Pence.
 
2022-06-29 9:40:57 AM  
I have my own little micro-conspiracy theory going.
By now you've probably encountered the fact that he wasn't riding in The Beast but a different SS SUV. Hmmm. Why?

Maybe they wanted The Beast to go to the Capitol and have it be swarmed by Aunty Phau. The rumor of a direct attack on Fearless Leader would have absolutely enraged the crowd. They would have attacked the Capitol like a swarm of Ents attacking a stone wall. Afterwards, He Who Shall Not Be Named would have miraculously survived the attack on The Beast --- a sign from Gawd. And rather than a Biden inauguration, we could have had the first US Coronation.
 
2022-06-29 9:43:22 AM  
Trump makes a speech, and the crowd tears him apart* (with love). After a short delay, Acting President Pence appoints Ron DeSantis as VP (Congress, figuring "it's only two weeks, what could go wrong", humors him). Mike Pence overturns the election to keep himself in power.

Also, somehow Dick Cheney has returned. Mike Pompeo and Chris Miller fight to the death, barehanded, over who gets to be SecDef. Dick Cheney eats the winner and gains his power.

Justices Thomas, Gorsuch, Alito, Kavanaugh, and Barrett erect a pyre on the Capitol steps, with three human-sized divots in the wood labeled "The Libs". Roberts gives them a raised eyebrow for a full .25 seconds before shrugging his shoulders and grabbing some gas cans. Bystanders later claim they heard him wonder aloud what this will mean for his legacy and the Court's legitimacy.

* I forget which dictator this happened to (at his funeral IIRC) - Dave Barry used to joke about it. I don't think it was Marcos, but for some reason that's who comes to mind
 
2022-06-29 9:44:15 AM  
He would have went into the House chambers and gave a speech to his MAGA crowd and it would have been scary looking out into that crowd. Where people who normally wear suits sit would be shirtless guys wearing buffalo horns, people wearing racist t-shirts, and people waving giant confederate flags.
 
2022-06-29 9:44:24 AM  
More wrasslin'....


Fark user imageView Full Size


I really think this is Trump's happy place. Vince should have hired him in a long term contract-hang out with Mean Gene, maybe put on a pair of tights, do a rope a dope. This is who and what Trump really is.
I have no beef with wrasslin' at all. Knew a few guys who were training and trying out to get into the biz.
 
2022-06-29 9:44:46 AM  
Did he have a plan?  Or did he think everything would fall into place once the "potus" walked in?  Perhaps he just wanted to feel the endorphin rush from watching "his people" cheering him and tearing up stuff for him?
 
2022-06-29 9:45:44 AM  
i'm really surprised he wanted to go that bad.
 
2022-06-29 9:46:19 AM  
Sorry I didn't tag my last post as a CSB or Thread jack!
 
2022-06-29 9:47:05 AM  
Trump walking down to the Capitol is the real life version of the only way to win is to not play. He'd have died on the walk.
 
2022-06-29 9:47:16 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 9:47:31 AM  
After the assault had begun, I can't imagine him getting out of the car.
 
2022-06-29 9:48:51 AM  
Close you eyes and imagine classic statues of leaders on horseback going into battle.
Now replace the horse with a golf cart and the military hat with a baseball cap. Leading from the rear
 
2022-06-29 9:49:40 AM  
Accidental death by tazing the testicles?

/Yes the story isn't true, but if Repub filth can believe the election was stolen then I can have a little fun.
 
2022-06-29 9:51:00 AM  
Here's a visual metaphor instead:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
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