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(Mental Floss)   Ranking all six Jurassic movies from worst to best only to get it wrong. That is one big pile of shiat   (mentalfloss.com) divider line
    More: Followup, Jurassic Park, Michael Crichton, Dinosaur, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic World sequel trilogy, Jurassic Worldmovies, Ian Malcolm  
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960 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 28 Jun 2022 at 9:30 PM (13 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-06-28 8:16:37 PM  
So what's the correct order?
 
2022-06-28 8:30:21 PM  

aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?


1) Jurassic Park (1993)
2) none. The rest stink

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-28 8:52:10 PM  

aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?


IMO (not subby), The Lost World should be at or near last.

Jurassic Park - Duh
*massive cliff fall*
Jurassic World - Showed realized park
JP3 - Sam Neill always fun
Dominion - Meh
Fallen Kingdom - Dumb clone girl angle
The Lost World - Only memorable in any capacity for the Schiffening

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-28 9:42:56 PM  
We all went to the 1st. Our son was at the age when dinosaurs rule the Earth. So he liked it. Our daughter was bullied by the preposterous noise level and spent half the movie leaning her head into my shoulder to dampen the roar. I only remember 2 set pieces: the chase and the final hunt. Around 10 years later, though, we passed by the Hawaiian valley where a lot of it was set. So that was cool.
 
2022-06-28 9:47:32 PM  
There's only one good Jurassic Park movie.
 
2022-06-28 9:51:57 PM  

aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?


Read the actual book, with the Twin Peaks soundtrack on low in the background.  Late at night.

That gave me a hell of a movie experience in my head.  And probably the first page-turner book I'd read for years.
 
ecl
2022-06-28 9:54:18 PM  
1,3,the rest, 2 should have been aborted.
 
2022-06-28 9:55:33 PM  

aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?


1.  The first movie
2. The toys
3-end. Everything else.
 
2022-06-28 9:57:33 PM  
Wait. There's been 6 jurassic park movies? So, what's fast and furious on, 3734?
 
2022-06-28 9:59:42 PM  
First one was great.
The second one had that stupid rampage through the city sequence
Third one I can't remember anything about other than Sam Neill and a plane crash or something?
I haven't seen the Jurassic Pratt ones
 
2022-06-28 10:08:28 PM  
6. Jurassic Park
5. Jurassic Park
4. Jurassic Park
3. Jurassic Park
2. Jurassic Park
1. Jurassic Park
 
2022-06-28 10:10:27 PM  

hammettman: aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?

Read the actual book, with the Twin Peaks soundtrack on low in the background.  Late at night.

That gave me a hell of a movie experience in my head.  And probably the first page-turner book I'd read for years.


The Jurassic Park book was great! Just great. And so was the first movie. But, you knew the movie sequels would be a mountain of suck. You just KNEW it.

You knew it right at the first few pages of The Lost World (book 2) when Michael Crichton started with Ian Malcolm jokingly saying he almost died (he actually died in the book, but was resurrected in the sequel),

That was just awful. Turrible.

My personal ranking is

#1. Jurassic Park
#2 Jurassic World (enjoyable popcorn summer flick)

...
A pile of vomit

#3 The Lost World
#4 Fallen Kingdom
#5 Jurassic Park III
#6 Jurassic World Dominos
 
2022-06-28 10:11:08 PM  

Social Justice Warlock: hammettman: aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?

Read the actual book, with the Twin Peaks soundtrack on low in the background.  Late at night.

That gave me a hell of a movie experience in my head.  And probably the first page-turner book I'd read for years.

The Jurassic Park book was great! Just great. And so was the first movie. But, you knew the movie sequels would be a mountain of suck. You just KNEW it.

You knew it right at the first few pages of The Lost World (book 2) when Michael Crichton started with Ian Malcolm jokingly saying he almost died (he actually died in the book, but was resurrected in the sequel),

That was just awful. Turrible.

My personal ranking is

#1. Jurassic Park
#2 Jurassic World (enjoyable popcorn summer flick)

...
A pile of vomit

#3 The Lost World
#4 Fallen Kingdom
#5 Jurassic Park III
#6 Jurassic World Dominos


#6 Jurassic World Dominion (not Dominos)
 
2022-06-28 10:12:58 PM  
I enjoyed the hell out of the first as a young teenager. I'll never know how much of that love is nostalgia and how much was genuinely earned by the movie.

The second one had two pretty okay acts but completely fell apart in the third.

The third was a fascinating exercise in the amount of on-screen talent that ended up in such a bad movie. In some ways it outdid the Star Wars prequels.

The fourth felt like a fun work of fan fiction. You just have to assume it isn't trying to be 100% faithful to the original films, but it's still a nice love letter. I enjoyed it as a whole.

The fifth recycled the dumbest parts of the second and mixed in a bit of Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Some fun scenes but overall it just didn't work.

I'll see the sixth at some point just because I like the cast so much. But I don't expect it to have anywhere near the impact of the original.
 
2022-06-28 10:16:04 PM  
I recently read "Dragon Teeth" which is a spiritual successor to Jurassic Park.
It was a lot of fun.

But I like that sort of thing.
 
2022-06-28 10:24:38 PM  

Social Justice Warlock: Social Justice Warlock: hammettman: aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?

Read the actual book, with the Twin Peaks soundtrack on low in the background.  Late at night.

That gave me a hell of a movie experience in my head.  And probably the first page-turner book I'd read for years.

The Jurassic Park book was great! Just great. And so was the first movie. But, you knew the movie sequels would be a mountain of suck. You just KNEW it.

You knew it right at the first few pages of The Lost World (book 2) when Michael Crichton started with Ian Malcolm jokingly saying he almost died (he actually died in the book, but was resurrected in the sequel),

That was just awful. Turrible.

My personal ranking is

#1. Jurassic Park
#2 Jurassic World (enjoyable popcorn summer flick)

...
A pile of vomit

#3 The Lost World
#4 Fallen Kingdom
#5 Jurassic Park III
#6 Jurassic World Dominos

#6 Jurassic World Dominion (not Dominos)


The first way was better; imagine Raptors delivering pizzas under Chris Pratt's command
 
2022-06-28 10:25:17 PM  
This was the best Jurassic Park movie:

upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


/you may remember him from such films as...
 
2022-06-28 10:29:23 PM  

clkeagle: I enjoyed the hell out of the first as a young teenager. I'll never know how much of that love is nostalgia and how much was genuinely earned by the movie.

The second one had two pretty okay acts but completely fell apart in the third.

The third was a fascinating exercise in the amount of on-screen talent that ended up in such a bad movie. In some ways it outdid the Star Wars prequels.

The fourth felt like a fun work of fan fiction. You just have to assume it isn't trying to be 100% faithful to the original films, but it's still a nice love letter. I enjoyed it as a whole.

The fifth recycled the dumbest parts of the second and mixed in a bit of Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Some fun scenes but overall it just didn't work.

I'll see the sixth at some point just because I like the cast so much. But I don't expect it to have anywhere near the impact of the original.


The second one fell apart because the main characters were insufferable self righteous assholes.
Watch it again and you'll see that, whatever your opinion on hunting, the South African dude who wanted to hunt a T-Rex made it a priority to keep everybody on that island safe.

Dude saves Uh uh Goldblum, Moore, and Vaughn's lives and gives them security so they can get somewhere to call for help, and all they give him are eye rolling animal rights lectures that would nauseate PETA members and they steal his ammunition when maneating predators are chasing after them.

In fact, most of the characters in the sequels are either completely vapid or they're written to do things completely out of character from the previous entry.
 
2022-06-28 10:37:29 PM  
I'll never forget when they announced Jurassic World and I realized the completely bizarre and stupid super-smart hybrid raptor squad plot that got floated/leaked online in the early-mid 00s not only somehow got filmed but also revitalized the franchise and made a hojillion dollars

/not even mad
//but what in the fark
 
2022-06-28 10:41:09 PM  

stoli n coke: clkeagle: I enjoyed the hell out of the first as a young teenager. I'll never know how much of that love is nostalgia and how much was genuinely earned by the movie.

The second one had two pretty okay acts but completely fell apart in the third.

The third was a fascinating exercise in the amount of on-screen talent that ended up in such a bad movie. In some ways it outdid the Star Wars prequels.

The fourth felt like a fun work of fan fiction. You just have to assume it isn't trying to be 100% faithful to the original films, but it's still a nice love letter. I enjoyed it as a whole.

The fifth recycled the dumbest parts of the second and mixed in a bit of Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Some fun scenes but overall it just didn't work.

I'll see the sixth at some point just because I like the cast so much. But I don't expect it to have anywhere near the impact of the original.

The second one fell apart because the main characters were insufferable self righteous assholes.
Watch it again and you'll see that, whatever your opinion on hunting, the South African dude who wanted to hunt a T-Rex made it a priority to keep everybody on that island safe.

Dude saves Uh uh Goldblum, Moore, and Vaughn's lives and gives them security so they can get somewhere to call for help, and all they give him are eye rolling animal rights lectures that would nauseate PETA members and they steal his ammunition when maneating predators are chasing after them.

In fact, most of the characters in the sequels are either completely vapid or they're written to do things completely out of character from the previous entry.


Vaughn is a flat-out villain. He's the one that gets everyone killed. He deserved to die, but nope just karma Houdini's at the 3rd act.

The hunter and Schiff are the only two decent people in the film. He tries to save the dickhead Goldblum family, who brought everything on themselves, and they repay him by making McDonalds jokes, delaying him enough to literally get torn in half.
 
2022-06-28 10:43:22 PM  
The first Jurassic Park is the only one I'd want to watch more than once.
 
2022-06-28 10:54:43 PM  
I had to watch Jurassic World with my grandson, and it was the most horrid dreck I've seen out of Hollywood in some time.  I'd insist on removing my name from the credits if I had worked on that stinker.
 
2022-06-28 11:03:14 PM  
I was wrong. Dragon Teeth isn't a spiritual successor....it's a spiritual predecessor!
 
2022-06-28 11:03:44 PM  

weddingsinger: aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?

1) Jurassic Park (1993)
2) none. The rest stink

[Fark user image image 400x219]


This.
 
2022-06-28 11:08:02 PM  
Is this some kind of "reverse troll" thing Subby?
 
2022-06-28 11:08:55 PM  
no1curr:

Third one I can't remember anything about other than Sam Neill and a plane crash or something?

Tea Leoni just stunk up that whole experience. My guess is the director kept commanding her to BE MORE SHRILL

MORE ANNOYING!

MOOOOOOOAAAAR SHRIIIIIILLLL!!!
 
2022-06-28 11:09:42 PM  

scottydoesntknow: aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?

IMO (not subby), The Lost World should be at or near last.

Jurassic Park - Duh
*massive cliff fall*
Jurassic World - Showed realized park
JP3 - Sam Neill always fun
Dominion - Meh
Fallen Kingdom - Dumb clone girl angle
The Lost World - Only memorable in any capacity for the Schiffening


Not bad, though I'd swap Jurassic Park III and Jurassic World. (Also, I haven't watched Dominion or Fallen Kingdom and have no plans to change this.) I think I liked Jurassic Park III more than most people because The Lost World was one of the most disappointing sequels I've ever seen (and deserves its bottom position on your list.) I went into JP3 on a whim one weekend afternoon with very low expectations and was pleasantly surprised. And the "Allen!" scene is actually pretty funny in the context of the movie.

/ In the Mouth of Madness is a must watch if you love Sam Neill
 
2022-06-28 11:13:46 PM  
I do not know how there are so many Jurassic Park movies. It should have been done after the first one. Yeah, you get some super rich asshole to bring back dinosaurs on an isolated, then it goes south when you realize you can't control them, and you carpet bomb the island, never revisiting the idea again.

That is how Jurassic Park ends, there is no need for any sequels.
 
2022-06-28 11:48:24 PM  
Damn, you all sound pissed.
 
2022-06-28 11:52:05 PM  
Jurassic Park - Main Theme | Rubber Chicken Cover 【Chickensan】
Youtube GoqBKlRrIv8
 
2022-06-28 11:54:07 PM  
Do you want to read the lyrics I wrote for the main theme?

jur-ass-ic par-arr-ark
jur-ass-ic par-arr-ark
jur-ass-ic park park park park parrrrrk park

DINO SAURS
DINO SAURS
DINO SAURS
DINO SAURS
DINO SAURRRRS
 
2022-06-29 12:06:23 AM  

Gooch: Social Justice Warlock: Social Justice Warlock: hammettman: aleister_greynight: So what's the correct order?

Read the actual book, with the Twin Peaks soundtrack on low in the background.  Late at night.

That gave me a hell of a movie experience in my head.  And probably the first page-turner book I'd read for years.

The Jurassic Park book was great! Just great. And so was the first movie. But, you knew the movie sequels would be a mountain of suck. You just KNEW it.

You knew it right at the first few pages of The Lost World (book 2) when Michael Crichton started with Ian Malcolm jokingly saying he almost died (he actually died in the book, but was resurrected in the sequel),

That was just awful. Turrible.

My personal ranking is

#1. Jurassic Park
#2 Jurassic World (enjoyable popcorn summer flick)

...
A pile of vomit

#3 The Lost World
#4 Fallen Kingdom
#5 Jurassic Park III
#6 Jurassic World Dominos

#6 Jurassic World Dominion (not Dominos)

The first way was better; imagine Raptors delivering pizzas under Chris Pratt's command


And if you don't tip, they chew your hands off.

Clever girls.
 
2022-06-29 12:31:34 AM  

WhippingBoi: This was the best Jurassic Park movie:

[upload.wikimedia.org image 255x389]

/you may remember him from such films as...


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 12:55:03 AM  
I remember being SOOO dissapointed in JP2.... They left a lot out from the Crichton book. But in hindsite, its probably better than most of what followed. I did think the raptors in JP3 were extremely well done... 

I'd probably go:

1. JP1
2. JW1
3. (forget it..i'm tired).
 
2022-06-29 12:58:29 AM  

T.rex: I remember being SOOO dissapointed in JP2.... They left a lot out from the Crichton book.


Didn't Hammond and Malcom die in the Jurassic Park book? So how did he write the JP2 book so that it fit the movie at all?
 
2022-06-29 1:04:06 AM  

Mugato: T.rex: I remember being SOOO dissapointed in JP2.... They left a lot out from the Crichton book.

Didn't Hammond and Malcom die in the Jurassic Park book? So how did he write the JP2 book so that it fit the movie at all?


if i recall, correctly, (but its been 25 years), its turns out Malcolm didn't really die, Hammond stayed dead.  The main action sequence in that book involved the "high hide"... They depict it in the film, but in the book, its attacked by raptors, which was the whole point of Crichton concocting it in the first place. Just a really cool part... and the main dino was i think a Carnotaurus, which the Jurassic World films used a bit later on, and it was also camaflage, which the JW films also reused.
 
2022-06-29 1:07:15 AM  
As long as #1 is #1 there's no real arguing since the rest are all varying degrees of okay-to-bad
 
2022-06-29 1:08:08 AM  
Now that I think of it the ultimate clickbait list would be ranking the Jurassic Park movies and not making the first one the best. Extra credit if you say it's the worst
 
2022-06-29 2:30:58 AM  
i.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 3:01:08 AM  
th.bing.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-29 3:09:34 AM  

buntz: I was wrong. Dragon Teeth isn't a spiritual successor....it's a spiritual predecessor!


If you ever want to blow your mind read a book called "old man's war".

Then tell me if it had anything to do with inspiring avatar

/ except the story was.considerably better
 
2022-06-29 3:29:42 AM  
I remember getting fired from my job and catching 3 at the theater next door so I didn't have to think too much on it and maybe cheer myself up a little. Watching Sam Neil question Tim-lite on how he filled a mason jar with tyrannosaurus piss was the lowest point of that entire day and the worst single moment of the series. Slightly edging out the frankenraptor breaking the fourth wall before eating Buffalo Bill.
 
2022-06-29 3:35:19 AM  
Like there should have been an after credits scene where Allen gets back to Ellie and let's her know that he hates children again.
 
2022-06-29 4:40:27 AM  
Spielberg's least favorite scene in Jurassic Park (1993)
Youtube PiaMHV58rms
 
2022-06-29 5:03:34 AM  

Spartapuss: I remember getting fired from my job and catching 3 at the theater next door so I didn't have to think too much on it and maybe cheer myself up a little. Watching Sam Neil question Tim-lite on how he filled a mason jar with tyrannosaurus piss was the lowest point of that entire day and the worst single moment of the series. Slightly edging out the frankenraptor breaking the fourth wall before eating Buffalo Bill.


Allegedly, not long before shooting started, Spielberg reread the script for 3 and told the director to trash most of it. The script that ended up being what ended up on screen was still being written when shooting began and it shows.
 
2022-06-29 6:38:35 AM  

T.rex: I remember being SOOO dissapointed in JP2.... They left a lot out from the Crichton book


There was very little in common between them
 
2022-06-29 7:46:28 AM  
Where does "jurassic park is frightening in the dark" fall on this list?
 
2022-06-29 8:26:12 AM  
I'm going with the one that Karen Gillian was in.

Damn, that's one fine redhead.
 
2022-06-29 8:43:49 AM  
OST/BSO - EL ÚLTIMO DINOSAURIO (THE LAST DINOSAUR, 1975) SONG BY NANCY WILSON
Youtube CkUtI7deVY0
 
2022-06-29 10:52:31 AM  
I give Lost World points for two really inspired moments: one involving glass, the other involving grass. As well as Jeff Goldblum's delivery of: "Yeah...'Ooooooh..Aaaaaaaah'. That's how it always starts. Then later there's running...and screaming."

But apart from that, I consider it worse than even Crystal Skull. Spielberg's propensity for Kid Power moments hits rock bottom with that gymnastics crap. There was zero excuse for Julianne Moore's scientist character being as dumb as she was. And that's not even getting into trying to sell Vince Vaughn as an environmentalist hero when his actions are resonpsible for pretty much every single death in the movie untl they get to San Diego.

I'd give the movie more points if it had ended with Pete Postlethwaite's character going to Vince Vaughn's home and beating the shiat out of him for at least five minutes of screen time.
 
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