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    More: Unlikely, Need, Parent, Want, Psychology, Parenting, Feeling, three-step framework, According to Jim  
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449 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 27 Jun 2022 at 9:05 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-06-27 8:27:40 AM  
TL;DR:Article is BS (and what the hell is a "parenting coach"?). If you want to talk so your kids will listen, you first have to listen so your kids will talk.


FTFA: Rather than imposing your judgement on your child's behavior, resist the urge to react and quite literally vocalize what you see. ... "You're feeling frustrated about this situation."

How is guessing at the child's feelings / telling the child what they are feeling not "imposing your judgement"?

Absolutely you should listen, but you show understanding and listening by reflecting what you see and hear: "I see you're very unhappy about this, can you tell me why?". (Note that "unhappy" is an externally visible state, "frustration" is an internal cause.)

FTFA: When you have deescalated the situation and reached a compromise, conclude the discussion by highlighting a strength your child has displayed.

Known in business circles as the "shit sandwich" (praise, criticism*, praise) and demonstrably unsuccessful with employees as much as it is with kids.

*Yes, the article says "compromise", but I guarantee you that a small child hears "what you did wrong".
 
2022-06-27 9:12:31 AM  
i.gr-assets.comView Full Size

This is the real deal, great parenting book.
 
2022-06-27 9:15:02 AM  
How about,
"Use the rod. Beat the child."

Has that been tried?
 
2022-06-27 9:32:34 AM  
Me and my son were estranged, but when his mother was in the hospital, she requested that I be there for his graduation from military academy.  After I picked him up in my semi truck, he ridiculed my workman lifestyle, but I once I showed him my signature arm-wrestling finishing move, he was able to defeat a bully at a truck stop and gain a lot of self-confidence.  He went over the top.
 
2022-06-27 9:40:53 AM  
c.tenor.comView Full Size


/Parent to a 17-year old.
//Listening not on the table.
///Nor is basic cleanliness
 
2022-06-27 10:03:45 AM  

Rapmaster2000: Me and my son were estranged, but when his mother was in the hospital, she requested that I be there for his graduation from military academy.  After I picked him up in my semi truck, he ridiculed my workman lifestyle, but I once I showed him my signature arm-wrestling finishing move, he was able to defeat a bully at a truck stop and gain a lot of self-confidence.  He went over the top.


My son and I were similarly estranged. My wife took both kids and I thought they were all dead, but it turns out she had been hiding them from me for years. When I confronted my son, he didn't even know I was his father, and then I was forced to cut his hand off because he lacked the training necessary to understand the dark side of the force.

Wish I'd been around when he was younger, so I could give him some pro tips. He was kind of a whiner.
 
2022-06-27 10:18:31 AM  
Speak to the belt.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-27 10:19:49 AM  

bdub77: Rapmaster2000: Me and my son were estranged, but when his mother was in the hospital, she requested that I be there for his graduation from military academy.  After I picked him up in my semi truck, he ridiculed my workman lifestyle, but I once I showed him my signature arm-wrestling finishing move, he was able to defeat a bully at a truck stop and gain a lot of self-confidence.  He went over the top.

My son and I were similarly estranged. My wife took both kids and I thought they were all dead, but it turns out she had been hiding them from me for years. When I confronted my son, he didn't even know I was his father, and then I was forced to cut his hand off because he lacked the training necessary to understand the dark side of the force.

Wish I'd been around when he was younger, so I could give him some pro tips. He was kind of a whiner.


smbc-comics.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-27 11:32:54 AM  

Ambitwistor: bdub77: Rapmaster2000: Me and my son were estranged, but when his mother was in the hospital, she requested that I be there for his graduation from military academy.  After I picked him up in my semi truck, he ridiculed my workman lifestyle, but I once I showed him my signature arm-wrestling finishing move, he was able to defeat a bully at a truck stop and gain a lot of self-confidence.  He went over the top.

My son and I were similarly estranged. My wife took both kids and I thought they were all dead, but it turns out she had been hiding them from me for years. When I confronted my son, he didn't even know I was his father, and then I was forced to cut his hand off because he lacked the training necessary to understand the dark side of the force.

Wish I'd been around when he was younger, so I could give him some pro tips. He was kind of a whiner.

[smbc-comics.com image 468x519]



I've often found myself thinking that Vader could have converted Luke by taking a more diplomatic approach to their conflict.

What reason would Luke have to decline?  Had Vader reached out right away, Luke might not have been so entrenched in the Rebel Alliance.

But more importantly, had he just reached out nonviolently when they first met (and perhaps after luring Luke by doing something other than torturing his friends), Luke might have wanted to join the Empire as a high-ranking government official who could change things for the better.

Finding out that Obi-wan lied to him about his father might have been enough to flip Luke right then and there.

Vader would have to blame Alderaan on Tarkin, but at this point, Luke has probably killed more innocent people than Vader has.
 
2022-06-27 3:53:56 PM  
Ah, the joys of having a toddler who doesn't talk, listen, or react to his name like 80% of the time is truly the epitome of parenthood.
 
2022-06-27 4:03:29 PM  
have you tried counting to three?

ooooooone!    i hope i don't get to three, stop that right now
twooooooooo!  grayson im not kidding
two and a haaaaaaaaafff   grayson listen to me
two and three quaGODDAMNIT GRAYSON WHAT DID I SAY   you're gonna be in b8g trouble if i get to three
two and seven eeeeeee  GRAYSON!
(grayson continues ignoring parents and ironically learning nothing about fractions)
 
2022-06-28 2:06:39 AM  
not sure if these are limited to parenting. I use them all the time in teaching.

student: i feel this grade is unfair
me: explain why you feel that way
student: i studied hard and tried hard and thought I would do better
me: I can understand how that would lead you do feel this way, let us explore your study habits...

acknowledge their emotion (as wrongly placed as it may be, they are feeling it), it is their valid emotion to the situation. don't diminish it. recognize it then analyze. Once they feel heard, start to explore behaviors that led to this event and try to find a plan to rectify moving forward.

it is amazing how well it works to de-escalate a situation.
 
2022-06-28 2:13:59 AM  

Anastacya: Ah, the joys of having a toddler who doesn't talk, listen, or react to his name like 80% of the time is truly the epitome of parenthood.


check their hearing.  i was effectively deaf until age 3-4 until i had tubes inserted into my ears.

apparently i was a great child until then, could drop pots and pans around me and wouldn't jump.

was starting to read lips at ome point, but couldn't speak before the tube insertion surgery. still remember the car ride home. i could hear my mom whispering, the car humming and birds in the area on the walk to the car. magical. like a whole new world opened up.

/then had a kid who wouldn't talk
//het got therapy
///speaks much better now to the point he wont shut up about roblox
...so proud of him
 
2022-06-28 9:43:40 AM  

Hyjamon: Anastacya: Ah, the joys of having a toddler who doesn't talk, listen, or react to his name like 80% of the time is truly the epitome of parenthood.

check their hearing.  i was effectively deaf until age 3-4 until i had tubes inserted into my ears.

apparently i was a great child until then, could drop pots and pans around me and wouldn't jump.

was starting to read lips at ome point, but couldn't speak before the tube insertion surgery. still remember the car ride home. i could hear my mom whispering, the car humming and birds in the area on the walk to the car. magical. like a whole new world opened up.

/then had a kid who wouldn't talk
//het got therapy
///speaks much better now to the point he wont shut up about roblox
...so proud of him


We have checked his ears and learned it's a cognitive delay. We started him in a "playgroup" that has speech, physical (he's beast mode there), and cognitive therapists to help him overcome wherever the wiring is crossed.

And I can only imagine having a world of sound presented to you. That is amazing how much that one moment has lived with you :)
 
2022-06-28 1:05:46 PM  

Fano: [i.gr-assets.com image 309x475]
This is the real deal, great parenting book.


Yes it is - especially the listening so kids will talk part. I read it before I needed it, fortunately. Sadly I could never get my Mrs. Mistake to read it and here we are 18 years later and she has still not figured out how to talk to our son so he'll listen.
 
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