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(Fark)   What would make the most ideal campfire?   (fark.com) divider line
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152 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 27 Jun 2022 at 7:05 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-06-27 3:23:26 AM  
Combustion of some sort. Preferably outdoors.
 
2022-06-27 4:28:17 AM  
Fire. And tents. And rocks because they're better than those metal rings.
 
2022-06-27 5:16:31 AM  
Church parts, olive branches, and myrrh.
 
2022-06-27 5:24:01 AM  
MAGA hats and shirts that are on.
 
2022-06-27 5:35:45 AM  
The fat lard general that the Russians just pulled out of retirement.
 
2022-06-27 7:04:18 AM  
A large pile of Christian Bibles.
 
2022-06-27 7:09:37 AM  
Any dry wood will do but I prefer birch to get things started
 
2022-06-27 7:25:22 AM  
Sorry, I'd like to stay out of jail.
 
2022-06-27 7:29:18 AM  
Being 17, having 5 friends over, smores, beer, tequila, folding gravity chairs, and some smoke.
 
2022-06-27 7:43:36 AM  
Mosquitoes, lots of mosquitoes.

/oak is the wood of my childhood, so therefore it smells best.
 
2022-06-27 7:56:10 AM  

offacue: MAGA hats and shirts that are on.


Do you not understand the cheap, Chinese made materials they make those things out of? Smoking two packs of cigarettes would probably be healthier than the being around a campfire made from the stuff.
 
2022-06-27 8:02:50 AM  

kittyhas1000legs: Sorry, I'd like to stay out of jail.


Yeah, I had an answer typed up, but I think it might not be entirely legal to post the collective funeral pyre that I'd list as an honest answer to this question.
 
2022-06-27 8:39:20 AM  
Mushrooms.
 
2022-06-27 8:49:18 AM  
Hardwoods like oak or ash, a ring of stones, a battered coffee pot on the stones, big hunk of meat broiling on the coals, your mom, ass-up, bent over a fallen tree
 
2022-06-27 9:32:15 AM  
"SCOTUS"
 
2022-06-27 9:42:30 AM  
Smoke that drifts AWAY from you, even if you move around the fire.
 
2022-06-27 9:44:01 AM  
A properly ventilated stack of "Fahrenheit 451".
 
2022-06-27 9:50:42 AM  
sharecopia.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-27 9:51:06 AM  
littlefamilyadventure.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-27 9:53:23 AM  
cdn.memes.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-27 10:07:34 AM  
The ideal campfire is far enough into the woods that the occasional pop from the fire is the loudest thing around.
 
2022-06-27 10:23:22 AM  
c.tenor.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-27 10:27:52 AM  
Making s'mores over the burning carcasses of justices pubic hair, I love beer, handmaiden, and Roberts
 
2022-06-27 10:33:19 AM  
We had a stack of old driftwood that was all bug eaten, made a fire with it.  The fire was spectacular, and lasted all of five minutes.
 
2022-06-27 10:44:57 AM  

Petite Mel: Smoke that drifts AWAY from you, even if you move around the fire.


[TheMoreYouKnow.jpg]
 
2022-06-27 11:50:26 AM  
One where the consequences of climate change doesn't make it a possibility a campfire starts a 300,000 acre wildfire.  That'd be ideal.
 
2022-06-27 11:52:30 AM  
Mesquite wood, baked potatoes cooking in the coals and some nice steaks on a grill. My kids playing with burning sticks, looking for animals that come out at night, good beer in hand, and having a conversation with a certain someone after the kids retire to the tent for the night.
 
2022-06-27 12:54:27 PM  
1. The road behid mny house, which used to be a sleepy back road but is now a thouroughfare, is closed to all traffic
2. Every sportsbike, Harley, and rice burner driver is whisked to another dimension, so that I can't hear them expressing their personality defects two or three miles away
3. Mosquitoes on vacation
4. The neighbors don't have one of their frequent shindigs featuring blaring modern "music" of the worst kind
5. Thelma (the chipmunk) doesn't have to come and take peanuts from my fingers (I get that fire makes her nervous), but she scurries out from under the woodpile to get ones I toss to her

So really all I want is peace and quiet, no bug bites, and a bonus is my critter grooving with me.
 
2022-06-27 5:49:45 PM  

Weaver95: A large pile of Christian Bibles.


No Korans or Torahs?
 
2022-06-27 6:06:53 PM  

vonster: Weaver95: A large pile of Christian Bibles.

No Korans or Torahs?


No. The light and fluffy New Testament is needed for proper tinder.
 
2022-06-27 7:53:22 PM  
You take a magnesium engine block and put a club soda bottle full of gasoline in each cylinder.  Screw on a metal cap with a hole poked in the center.  Build a bonfire over the whole thing.  When it starts roaring, the gasoline will boil and send gouts of flame into the air before the magnesium lights and turns the whole thing into a giant sparkler.  That's the proper way to build a fire.
 
2022-06-27 7:56:38 PM  

vonster: Weaver95: A large pile of Christian Bibles.

No Korans or Torahs?


The Gideons give out kindling for free.
 
2022-06-27 8:57:57 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: You take a magnesium engine block and put a club soda bottle full of gasoline in each cylinder.


Okay, but I tell you that it's being awfully difficult to get a bottle in each cylinder. Should the caps be on or off?
 
2022-06-27 9:25:49 PM  
Metal garbage can with some holes poked in the bottom. Pile of dry wood. Some lawn chairs and a cooler with beverages.

Assemble in the driveway and enjoy!
 
2022-06-28 10:46:05 AM  
Late August weather, hot during the day, nice and cool at night.  Proper wood, not just broken skids that pollute the air, some friends with beverages of choice, maybe a guitar... all of it should allow for conversation across the fire but not be heard much further than that.

Include a clear sky, minimal light pollution, bird/frog noise, gentle lapping of water, glo bugs
 
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