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(CNN)   Abducted woman convinces her captor to let her order food on GrubHub, promptly puts in a side order of "please call the police"   (cnn.com) divider line
    More: Repeat, Rape, Sexual intercourse, Human sexual behavior, Alice Bermejo, Sexual assault, 32-year-old Kemoy Royal, CNN Wednesday, Legal terms  
•       •       •

2859 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jun 2022 at 12:50 PM (13 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



39 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-06-23 11:43:32 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-23 12:55:58 PM  
So 'extra bacon'.
 
2022-06-23 12:57:18 PM  
That's not going to arrive in 30 minutes or less.
 
2022-06-23 1:00:33 PM  
It worked out for her this time, but she is gonna forget, like most grubhub users, to take that off of her special instructions, and the police are gonna get called all the time on her when she orders in the future.
 
2022-06-23 1:01:17 PM  
"NYPD officers responded to the address about an hour later and arrested 32-year-old Kemoy Royal at the scene."

Kemoy Quarter-Pounder, surely?
 
2022-06-23 1:01:30 PM  
Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.
 
2022-06-23 1:02:36 PM  
I have a code arranged with all of my kids. If they text "I'm going to be later than usual", watch daddy turn into Liam Neeson.
 
2022-06-23 1:02:42 PM  

Pert: "NYPD officers responded to the address about an hour later and arrested 32-year-old Kemoy Royal at the scene."

Kemoy Quarter-Pounder, surely?


I can't figure out if that is a slow police response or a fast Grubhub delivery?
 
2022-06-23 1:03:26 PM  

Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.


I've found if you just mentally replace "quick thinking" with "free advertising", it still works...
 
2022-06-23 1:03:40 PM  

Chemlight Battery: That's not going to arrive in 30 minutes or less.


I mean, it's the cops...

NYPD officers responded to the address about an hour later
 
2022-06-23 1:06:14 PM  

mekkab: Chemlight Battery: That's not going to arrive in 30 minutes or less.

I mean, it's the cops...

NYPD officers responded to the address about an hour later


If she wanted faster service she should have ordered from a doughnut shop.
 
2022-06-23 1:06:44 PM  

Hey Nurse!: I have a code arranged with all of my kids. If they text "I'm going to be later than usual", watch daddy turn into Liam Neeson.


Ted 2 - Best Scene in Movie - Liam Neeson Buying a Box of Trix
Youtube PL7IoRjVHJQ

He's going shopping?
 
2022-06-23 1:06:53 PM  

Hey Nurse!: I have a code arranged with all of my kids. If they text "I'm going to be later than usual", watch daddy turn into Liam Neeson.


You're going to grow old and kill your wife in a skiing accident?
 
2022-06-23 1:11:59 PM  

Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.


Well she had to call her husband first and then he told her to call the police.
 
2022-06-23 1:12:00 PM  

Hey Nurse!: I have a code arranged with all of my kids. If they text "I'm going to be later than usual", watch daddy turn into Liam Neeson.


Qui-Gon Jinn?
 
2022-06-23 1:24:10 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: Hey Nurse!: I have a code arranged with all of my kids. If they text "I'm going to be later than usual", watch daddy turn into Liam Neeson.

Qui-Gon Jinn?


i.chzbgr.comView Full Size


*2022 years
 
2022-06-23 1:28:14 PM  
But did the police bring the food order?

I'm marking that restaurant down three stars if they didn't.
 
2022-06-23 1:40:37 PM  

Pert: "NYPD officers responded to the address about an hour later and arrested 32-year-old Kemoy Royal at the scene."

Kemoy Quarter-Pounder, surely?


I read the article and tried to come up with a joke along these lines.  Couldn't think of one, yours is very well done.
 
2022-06-23 1:57:21 PM  
Big farking gamble. The delivery folk never read that shiat
 
2022-06-23 1:59:10 PM  

Malenfant: Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."


Hey, in the mid-90's a young woman I knew was working late at a Dunkin Donuts that was being robbed, Cops came in for donuts, she wrote "HELP STORE BEING ROBBED" on the tops of the cups... and nothing.  It doesn't matter how quick you think when the cops are always one step behind.
 
2022-06-23 2:01:21 PM  

mekkab: Chemlight Battery: That's not going to arrive in 30 minutes or less.

I mean, it's the cops...

NYPD officers responded to the address about an hour later


Wow, they must have been just outside when they got the call!
 
2022-06-23 2:03:27 PM  

Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.


The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.
 
2022-06-23 2:05:19 PM  

big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.


Well, for starters, she met the rapist dude on a dating site, so she was off cheating on hubby when she got kidnapped.

Probably needed to have them call hubby to confirm she was actually missing.

Hopefully divorced soon too.
 
2022-06-23 2:18:59 PM  

houstondragon: big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.

Well, for starters, she met the rapist dude on a dating site, so she was off cheating on hubby when she got kidnapped.

Probably needed to have them call hubby to confirm she was actually missing.

Hopefully divorced soon too.


How misogynist are you that you think the delivery driver called the victim's husband
and spun it into a tale about the victim being at fault for getting raped?
How the fark would the delivery driver have the victim's phone number? The driver called her own husband.

What the fark is wrong with you? On like three different levels what the fark?
 
2022-06-23 2:20:06 PM  
*victim's husband's phone number

fark
what the fark though
what the fark
 
2022-06-23 2:20:41 PM  

big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.


LarryDan43: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

Well she had to call her husband first and then he told her to call the police.


RTFA... the restaurant called her husband.. he told them to call the police.
 
2022-06-23 2:22:55 PM  

big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.


No.... the restaurant called her husband.. he told them to call the police...  from TFA..
 
2022-06-23 2:42:54 PM  

OlderGuy: big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.

No.... the restaurant called her husband.. he told them to call the police...  from TFA..


The restaurant was married?
 
2022-06-23 3:06:14 PM  
Of all the things I feel guilty about, the incandescent rage I experience when people write "his" when they mean "he's" is one of the most shameful.
 
2022-06-23 3:34:39 PM  

OlderGuy: big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.

No.... the restaurant called her husband.. he told them to call the police...  from TFA..


No... a female employee called her own husband, asking what she should do in the situation where a customer asked the restaurant to call the police. The employee's husband had to tell the employee that yes, duh, she should call the police. Luckily, the employee did in fact then call the police.
 
2022-06-23 3:37:30 PM  

moothemagiccow: houstondragon: big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.

Well, for starters, she met the rapist dude on a dating site, so she was off cheating on hubby when she got kidnapped.

Probably needed to have them call hubby to confirm she was actually missing.

Hopefully divorced soon too.

How misogynist are you that you think the delivery driver called the victim's husband
and spun it into a tale about the victim being at fault for getting raped?
How the fark would the delivery driver have the victim's phone number? The driver called her own husband.

What the fark is wrong with you? On like three different levels what the fark?


Or you could read the article:

"The unidentified woman, who had agreed to meet up with a man she had previously been chatting with on a dating app, was allegedly assaulted and later raped."
 
2022-06-23 3:38:13 PM  
I appreciate the slow approach, but I have twice been the "I don't want to go with that man" gorilla.
 
2022-06-23 3:40:06 PM  

houstondragon: moothemagiccow: houstondragon: big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.

Well, for starters, she met the rapist dude on a dating site, so she was off cheating on hubby when she got kidnapped.

Probably needed to have them call hubby to confirm she was actually missing.

Hopefully divorced soon too.

How misogynist are you that you think the delivery driver called the victim's husband
and spun it into a tale about the victim being at fault for getting raped?
How the fark would the delivery driver have the victim's phone number? The driver called her own husband.

What the fark is wrong with you? On like three different levels what the fark?

Or you could read the article:

"The unidentified woman, who had agreed to meet up with a man she had previously been chatting with on a dating app, was allegedly assaulted and later raped."


Actually, i retract the snark. I misread thinking it was her husband, instead of the delivery driver's.

Good she was rescued safely.
 
2022-06-23 3:50:44 PM  

nytmare: OlderGuy: big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.

No.... the restaurant called her husband.. he told them to call the police...  from TFA..

No... a female employee called her own husband, asking what she should do in the situation where a customer asked the restaurant to call the police. The employee's husband had to tell the employee that yes, duh, she should call the police. Luckily, the employee did in fact then call the police.


FTFA: Alice Bermejo, one of the restaurant's owners, told CNN Wednesday that an employee who saw the note called her husband, who then advised them to call the police.

The way I read it, the employee called the restaurant owner, whose husband answered the phone and told the employee to call the cops.

Or: Misti (the restaurant employee) called her secret lover James (the owner's husband) directly, and he told her to call the police. Alice, who was listening in on the extension phone, is using the money for an island vacation with Rooster the ex-con dishwasher.
 
2022-06-23 4:25:09 PM  
I'll just never understand how someone this evil gets f-ing bail. God help us.
 
2022-06-23 4:39:23 PM  

felching pen: nytmare: OlderGuy: big pig peaches: Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.

The fsct she had to check with her husband first stood out to me.

No.... the restaurant called her husband.. he told them to call the police...  from TFA..

No... a female employee called her own husband, asking what she should do in the situation where a customer asked the restaurant to call the police. The employee's husband had to tell the employee that yes, duh, she should call the police. Luckily, the employee did in fact then call the police.

FTFA: Alice Bermejo, one of the restaurant's owners, told CNN Wednesday that an employee who saw the note called her husband, who then advised them to call the police.

The way I read it, the employee called the restaurant owner, whose husband answered the phone and told the employee to call the cops.

Or: Misti (the restaurant employee) called her secret lover James (the owner's husband) directly, and he told her to call the police. Alice, who was listening in on the extension phone, is using the money for an island vacation with Rooster the ex-con dishwasher.


I like this version..
 
2022-06-23 5:24:18 PM  

Hey Nurse!: I have a code arranged with all of my kids. If they text "I'm going to be later than usual", watch daddy turn into Liam Neeson.


If you think about it, Liam Neeson was kinda of an awful dad on Taken. He makes a cool phone threat that starts out by saying 'I'm not rich'

But his daughter's step dad was rich. The other girl's fam was rich too. If instead of trying to look badass, he'd negotiated a hostage return, he'd gotten back both girls unharmed. But asking the step dad for help would had shrunk his D.
 
2022-06-23 5:40:03 PM  
NYPD officers responded to the address about an hour later and arrested 32-year-old Kemoy Royal at the scene.

Still faster than if he was shooting up a school.
 
2022-06-23 6:44:10 PM  

Malenfant: Grubhub said Wednesday that their COO reached out to Bermejo Wednesday morning to offer $5000 "that she can invest in her business as our way of recognizing her and (her family) for their quick thinking."

Being functional enough to call the cops when asked to is now "quick thinking."
Our standards are too low.


It sounded better than "he's a little ching ching for that invaluable PR you gave us".
 
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