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(Reader's Digest)   What items would you bury that will cause a panic when future archeologists discover them?   (rd.com) divider line
    More: Survey, Qin Shi Huang, Antikythera mechanism, Stone Age, Neolithic, Hierakonpolis Online, ancient humans, ancient mysteries researchers, showed signs  
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424 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 18 Jun 2022 at 11:20 PM (15 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-06-18 7:26:34 PM  
Future archeologists will find remains of piercings. 00 gauge plugs and shiat like that.

Remote car starters

Whippet containers, duster cans.

Eye glasses

Dentures

These things will be mysterious to people 500 years in the future.
 
2022-06-18 7:42:23 PM  
Donnie, Donnie Jr., Eric, Ivanka, Jared, Tucker, Hannity
 
2022-06-18 7:42:25 PM  
Me? I want to see Adam Savage's entire warehouse committed as a time capsule with NO labels or literature. Just tons of tweaked out space guns, choppy robots, costumes,  space ships and models. Just bury his entire collection, and take away the provenance, and let future archaeologists sort it out.

Think of it, Kari Byron's butt-mold could make it to the future.
 
2022-06-18 7:46:31 PM  
Can of Surströmming
Bottle of Malört
Weaponized Anthrax stored in four sealed Canopic jars
a complete DVD set of Keeping Up with the Kardashians
Lemarchand's Lament Configuration box
Framed picture of Bea Arthur naked
a fruitcake
 
2022-06-18 7:48:51 PM  
A chunk of plutonium?
 
2022-06-18 7:51:10 PM  
Three Mile Island and four other things.
 
2022-06-18 7:56:02 PM  
Better, a chunk of radioactive cesium. As soon as it reacts with air or water, BOOM!
 
2022-06-18 7:56:13 PM  
Vial of smallpox should do the trick.
 
2022-06-18 8:23:56 PM  
6 unidentifiable devices
1 note that describes how finding all 7 devices is necessary to prevent an imminent disaster triggered by opening the box.
 
2022-06-18 8:34:44 PM  
Fat Man and Little Boy.
 
2022-06-18 8:40:58 PM  
IKEA furniture, unassembled, minus instructions.

An empty box with a note inside that reads "Contents lethal, do not open"

Three seashells.

A random assortment of codpieces.

A copy of that Abraham Lincoln "Anything can be a dildo" meme etched in solid gold.
 
2022-06-18 8:53:09 PM  
Adirondack chair and a six-pack of Busch.
 
2022-06-18 9:05:46 PM  
They will most definitely think a sous vide immersion circulator is a sex toy.
 
2022-06-18 9:13:50 PM  
Mummified mice in a tiny sarcophaguses, a bunch of Mickey Mouse memorabilia and human bones from cadavers so they think we were a mouse cult sacrificing humans to Mickey.
 
2022-06-18 9:52:35 PM  
We were reenacting a Rev War battle at Fort Ticonderoga, NY.  This is the real site of the battle, hallowed ground, dead soldiers buried under our feet all over.  We're running through the woods.  Alex stops, "Hell, I lost my bayonet!"  Mark laughs, "Well, you'll make some future archaeologist spring a woody 300 years from now."  I added, "Except then someone will remind him/her, 'No, it's probably a fake from those damned 20th century reenactors!'"
 
2022-06-18 10:04:17 PM  
Your mom's dildo collection
 
2022-06-18 11:12:15 PM  

SoupGuru: Your mom's dildo collection


media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-18 11:31:06 PM  
I made a big decision a little while ago.
I don't remember what it was, which prob'ly goes to show
That many times a simple choice can prove to be essential
Even though it often might appear inconsequential.

I must have been distracted when I left my home because
Left or right I'm sure I went. (I wonder which it was!)
Anyway, I never veered: I walked in that direction
Utterly absorbed, it seems, in quiet introspection.

For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray.
And that is how I got to where I find myself today.

Explorers are we, intrepid and bold,
Out in the wild, amongst wonders untold.
Equipped wit our wits, a map, and a snack,
We're searching for fun and we're on the right track!

My mother has eyes on the back of her head!
I don't quite believe it, but that's what she said.
She explained that she'd been so uniquely endowed
To catch me when I did Things Not Allowed.
I think she must also have eyes on her rear.
I've noticed her hindsight is usually clear.

At night my mind does not much care
If what it thinks is here or there.
It tells me stories it invents
And makes up things that don't make sense.
I don't know why it does this stuff.
The real world seems quite weird enough.

What if my bones were in a museum,
Where aliens paid good money to see 'em?
And suppose that they'd put me together all wrong,
Sticking bones on to bones where they didn't belong!

Imagine phalanges, pelvis, and spine
Welded to mandibles that once had been mine!
With each misassemblage, the error compounded,
The aliens would draw back in terror, astounded!

Their textbooks would show me in grim illustration,
The most hideous thing ever seen in creation!
The museum would commission a model in plaster
Of ME, to be called, "Evolution's Disaster"!

And paleontologists there would debate
Dozens of theories to help postulate
How man survived for those thousands of years
With teeth-covered arms growing out of his ears!

Oh, I hope that I'm never in such manner displayed,
No matter HOW much to see me the aliens paid.

I did not want to go with them.
Alas, I had no choice.
This was made quite clear to me
In threat'ning tones of voice.

I protested mightily
And scrambled 'cross the floor.
But though I grabbed the furniture,
they dragged me out of the door.

In the car, I screamed and moaned.
I cried my red eyes dry.
The window down, I yelled for help
To people we passed by.

Mom and Dad can make the rules
And certain things forbid,
But I can make them wish that they
Had never had a kid.

Now I'm in bed,
The sheets pulled to my head.
My tiger is here making Zs.
He's furry and hot.
He takes up a lot
Of the bed and he's hogging the breeze

- Bill Watterson
 
2022-06-18 11:49:27 PM  
KWM-2A
 
2022-06-19 12:19:58 AM  
I don't think I own anything that could cause a panic. If I had the money to buy something that would cause a panic, I would probably not buy that thing. Why would I want a panic-inducing item?
 
2022-06-19 12:42:48 AM  
A computer rigged with seismic sensors to detect digging, a printer, and thermite charges. The computer keeps track of what the year is, when it detects digging nearby it prints out a document dictating a bunch of random predictions of doom after the current date, but starting with "This document is found in the year X" where X is the year when the capsule is being dug near, then sets off the thermite destroying the computer/printer but leaving the paper untouched.
 
2022-06-19 12:57:38 AM  

theteacher: Future archeologists will find remains of piercings. 00 gauge plugs and shiat like that.

Remote car starters

Whippet containers, duster cans.

Eye glasses

Dentures

These things will be mysterious to people 500 years in the future.


They won't be mysterious at all, because it's all well-documented.
 
2022-06-19 1:32:41 AM  
Metal, plastic, textiles, all degrade. They'll probably wonder how we managed without stone tools.
 
2022-06-19 8:08:20 AM  
A broken container with a bio-hazard label on it.
Add a dead rat or crow.
 
2022-06-19 9:02:10 AM  
Leftover whisky. A bottle with about an inch left in the bottom. They will look at each other and ask what disaster could have possibly prevented someone from finishing it.
 
2022-06-19 9:24:58 AM  
A cheap plastic skeleton dressed in human flesh.
 
2022-06-19 10:02:25 AM  

theteacher: Future archeologists will find remains of piercings. 00 gauge plugs and shiat like that.

Remote car starters

Whippet containers, duster cans.

Eye glasses

Dentures

These things will be mysterious to people 500 years in the future.


Ubiquitous items like jewelry and glasses won't be a mystery to archaeologists
 
2022-06-19 10:29:14 AM  

Rage Against the Thorazine: Mummified mice in a tiny sarcophaguses, a bunch of Mickey Mouse memorabilia and human bones from cadavers so they think we were a mouse cult sacrificing humans to Mickey.


Just because it hasn't happened yet?
 
2022-06-19 10:33:00 AM  

KB202: theteacher: Future archeologists will find remains of piercings. 00 gauge plugs and shiat like that.

Remote car starters

Whippet containers, duster cans.

Eye glasses

Dentures

These things will be mysterious to people 500 years in the future.

They won't be mysterious at all, because it's all well-documented.


Unless we get emp pulsed to the stone age by a solar flare or thermal nuclear exchange.
 
2022-06-19 10:43:52 AM  

bigdog1960: KB202: theteacher: Future archeologists will find remains of piercings. 00 gauge plugs and shiat like that.

Remote car starters

Whippet containers, duster cans.

Eye glasses

Dentures

These things will be mysterious to people 500 years in the future.

They won't be mysterious at all, because it's all well-documented.

Unless we get emp pulsed to the stone age by a solar flare or thermal nuclear exchange.


Yeah I'm sure the eyeglasses will just disappear from photos and paintings. And I'm sure there's absolutely no paper documentation about dentures or anything else on that list.

What a weird thing to say.
 
2022-06-19 10:57:28 AM  

slantsix: bigdog1960: KB202: theteacher: Future archeologists will find remains of piercings. 00 gauge plugs and shiat like that.

Remote car starters

Whippet containers, duster cans.

Eye glasses

Dentures

These things will be mysterious to people 500 years in the future.

They won't be mysterious at all, because it's all well-documented.

Unless we get emp pulsed to the stone age by a solar flare or thermal nuclear exchange.

Yeah I'm sure the eyeglasses will just disappear from photos and paintings. And I'm sure there's absolutely no paper documentation about dentures or anything else on that list.

What a weird thing to say.


It's like people think we're totally ignorant about the 1500s
 
2022-06-19 12:07:08 PM  

theteacher: Future archeologists will find remains of piercings. 00 gauge plugs and shiat like that.

Remote car starters

Whippet containers, duster cans.

Eye glasses

Dentures

These things will be mysterious to people 500 years in the future.


I'm only at 31 pieces of metal in my body...
 
2022-06-19 12:17:31 PM  

qorkfiend: slantsix: bigdog1960: KB202: theteacher: Future archeologists will find remains of piercings. 00 gauge plugs and shiat like that.

Remote car starters

Whippet containers, duster cans.

Eye glasses

Dentures

These things will be mysterious to people 500 years in the future.

They won't be mysterious at all, because it's all well-documented.

Unless we get emp pulsed to the stone age by a solar flare or thermal nuclear exchange.

Yeah I'm sure the eyeglasses will just disappear from photos and paintings. And I'm sure there's absolutely no paper documentation about dentures or anything else on that list.

What a weird thing to say.

It's like people think we're totally ignorant about the 1500s


These people are Farkers. Seems likely.
 
2022-06-20 9:22:04 AM  
An active nuclear weapon would probably cause a little distress... just throwing it out there.
 
2022-06-20 10:54:08 AM  

W_Scarlet: An active nuclear weapon would probably cause a little distress... just throwing it out there.


An active nuclear weapon would not panic future researchers. It will cause panic in a few milliseconds. Would you rather throw an armed nuclear weapon?
 
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