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(Deslidefied)   You'll sadly never get to enjoy these 14 candies ever again   (deslide.clusterfake.net) divider line
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1507 clicks; posted to Food » on 14 Jun 2022 at 5:42 AM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-06-14 12:51:04 AM  
13. Sugar-Free Haribo Gummy Bears

No!  Now I won't be able to buy them for my unsuspecting enemies.
 
2022-06-14 1:04:30 AM  

aleister_greynight: 13. Sugar-Free Haribo Gummy Bears

No!  Now I won't be able to buy them for my unsuspecting enemies.


Just order yourself some maltilol and bake some brownies.
 
2022-06-14 1:25:48 AM  

ryebread: aleister_greynight: 13. Sugar-Free Haribo Gummy Bears

No!  Now I won't be able to buy them for my unsuspecting enemies.

Just order yourself some maltilol and bake some brownies.


But it won't be gummy bears then.  I just have this soft spot in my heart for something a person reviewed as "Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears"
 
2022-06-14 2:09:10 AM  

aleister_greynight: ryebread: aleister_greynight: 13. Sugar-Free Haribo Gummy Bears

No!  Now I won't be able to buy them for my unsuspecting enemies.

Just order yourself some maltilol and bake some brownies.

But it won't be gummy bears then.  I just have this soft spot in my heart for something a person reviewed as "Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears"


Give sugar free brownies a chance!

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-14 3:07:47 AM  
Submitter sounds fat and sad.
 
2022-06-14 3:09:50 AM  
At least we'll always have
external-preview.redd.itView Full Size
 
2022-06-14 4:16:12 AM  
I clicked the link hoping to find circus peanuts and/or candy corn on this list and am leaving disappointed.  It's not enough knowing I don't have to buy or eat them.  The thought that future archaeologists may come upon these monstrosities and use them to judge us poorly keeps me up at night.
 
2022-06-14 5:39:54 AM  
I liked Butterfinger BBs. I wish they would bring those back.
 
2022-06-14 6:07:24 AM  
Whew, Zagnut still safe.
 
2022-06-14 6:07:30 AM  
My chain-smoking mother had piles of Velamints around all through the 80s.  I guess the brand is now rehabilitated somehow.  Sorbitol iimmoderation produces a very distinct kind of osmotic crap almost instantaneously.  Velamints were/are a crime against confection.

As far as this listicle goes, these candies are all less than unnecessary.  That's why they are going away and nobody ought to be heartbroken about it.
 
2022-06-14 6:10:03 AM  
...and not a thing of value was lost...
 
2022-06-14 6:24:40 AM  
external-content.duckduckgo.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-14 6:26:09 AM  
Sadly? I never knew half of them existed, and never ate the other half.
 
2022-06-14 6:26:49 AM  

Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]


Those things paired perfectly with candy corn.
 
2022-06-14 6:45:33 AM  
Sour life savers holes were awesome.
 
zez
2022-06-14 7:02:50 AM  
That's the wrong marathon bar. They meant this one.

Marathon Candy Bar Commercial (1975)
Youtube Evp187KImq4
 
2022-06-14 7:10:06 AM  
With helpful pic of what a Reggie bar did not look like.
 
2022-06-14 7:11:59 AM  

Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]


My dad started smoking at 16 (1940) and continued until his massive heart attack at 53; lived healthy.
and tobacco free until lung cancer at 78 took him away,

Pall Mall was his brand
 
2022-06-14 8:01:55 AM  

Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]


They sell those here in town
 
2022-06-14 8:21:47 AM  

zez: That's the wrong marathon bar. They meant this one.

[YouTube video: Marathon Candy Bar Commercial (1975)]


Available in the UK as Curly Wurly.
 
2022-06-14 8:31:58 AM  

zez: That's the wrong marathon bar. They meant this one.

[YouTube video: Marathon Candy Bar Commercial (1975)]


I miss those
 
2022-06-14 8:41:37 AM  

aleister_greynight: 13. Sugar-Free Haribo Gummy Bears

No!  Now I won't be able to buy them for my unsuspecting enemies.


"It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade.
After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep.
My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck.
And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free.
"What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards.
As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus.
I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam.
"I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?"
The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs.
After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened.
It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon.
By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse.
By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach.
I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads.
At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief.
I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat.
It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life.
After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears.
I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface."

https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC
 
2022-06-14 8:54:59 AM  
I've had one out of 14 and most of them I've never heard of.
 
2022-06-14 9:07:46 AM  
Altoids sours were great. Life Savers holes were ok, but silly.

Butterfinger BB's didn't feature enough of the inside of a Butterfinger so the ratios were all wrong.

Those are my reviews of the three things on this list I ever tried.
 
2022-06-14 9:18:01 AM  
I remember Marathon and Wonka bars, but not the rest.
 
2022-06-14 9:20:53 AM  

MrBallou: Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]

My dad started smoking at 16 (1940) and continued until his massive heart attack at 53; lived healthy.
and tobacco free until lung cancer at 78 took him away,

Pall Mall was his brand


You know, punctuation is important.
 
2022-06-14 9:33:46 AM  

IAmRight: Altoids sours were great.


Those things were awesome.  I wish they would bring them back.  It would help me break my addiction to regular Altoids.
 
2022-06-14 9:39:22 AM  
Goldenberg's Peanut Chews still safe!!!
 
2022-06-14 9:42:22 AM  

Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]


You can buy candy cigarettes at Cracker Barrel.  (well, you could the last time I went to a Cracker Barrel, which was about 4 years ago.)
 
2022-06-14 10:16:31 AM  

vudukungfu: Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]

They sell those here in town


Really?? I thought the FDA banned those years ago. I even found an article about the ban. That's so weird. They quit selling them around.
https://www.tobaccofreekids.org/press-releases/id_1176https://www.fda.gov/tobacco-products/rules-regulations-and-guidance/family-smoking-prevention-and-tobacco-control-act-overview
 
2022-06-14 10:17:50 AM  

zez: That's the wrong marathon bar. They meant this one.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/Evp187KImq4]


Man, that thing must have pulled out at least 3 of my baby teeth
 
2022-06-14 10:18:27 AM  

Rage Against the Thorazine: vudukungfu: Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]

They sell those here in town

Really?? I thought the FDA banned those years ago. I even found an article about the ban. That's so weird. They quit selling them around here.


https://www.tobaccofreekids.org/press-releases/id_1176

https://www.fda.gov/tobacco-products/rules-regulations-and-guidance/family-smoking-prevention-and-tobacco-control-act-overview

(I don't know why everything got mangled)
 
2022-06-14 10:21:58 AM  

Tyrone Slothrop: MrBallou: Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]

My dad started smoking at 16 (1940) and continued until his massive heart attack at 53; lived healthy.
and tobacco free until lung cancer at 78 took him away,

Pall Mall was his brand

You know, punctuation is important.


I don't think Dad is very pedantic about punctuation anymore.
 
2022-06-14 10:48:56 AM  

exqqqme: zez: That's the wrong marathon bar. They meant this one.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/Evp187KImq4]

Man, that thing must have pulled out at least 3 of my baby teeth


/CSB

I remember when they first introduced Marathon bars.  One weekend, they put a coupon for a free one in the Sunday comics of the local newspaper.

Enterprising me, (about 7 years old) immediately set off on a door-to-door excursion of the neighborhood, asking if I could have the household's copy of the comics.   Some folks just handed it over, others were curious as to why... and as I recall I think I gave them a line of BS about needing it for a school project.

I ended up with about 60 coupons.  I think my buddies and I managed to redeem about 10 of them before the local shopkeepers got tired  of 7 year olds waving coupons around and told us to fark off.
 
2022-06-14 11:26:20 AM  

Rage Against the Thorazine: vudukungfu: Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]

They sell those here in town

Really?? I thought the FDA banned those years ago. I even found an article about the ban. That's so weird. They quit selling them around.
https://www.tobaccofreekids.org/press-releases/id_1176https://www.fda.gov/tobacco-products/rules-regulations-and-guidance/family-smoking-prevention-and-tobacco-control-act-overview


I recently saw them being sold in a tobacco shop. No idea where or who is making them.
 
2022-06-14 11:41:58 AM  
I've had Butterfinger BBs, long ago. They were fine, just not better than an actual candy bar. I guess it was a way to do portion control, instead of eating an entire candy bar. But of course, you just end up eating all the BBs anyway, probably the equivalent of a candy bar RE calories and fat, so basically just a slightly less messy way of eating the same amount of food.

The rest of the group ... meh. Almost none of those appeal to me. I guess I'm not alone there.
 
2022-06-14 11:59:19 AM  

MrBallou: Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]

My dad started smoking at 16 (1940) and continued until his massive heart attack at 53; lived healthy.
and tobacco free until lung cancer at 78 took him away,

Pall Mall was his brand


My dad started smoking in 2nd grade. No, really. He got busted smoking in the bathroom with a friend in 2nd grade. In 6th grade, he got his first tattoo. In his cub scout den, one of the kids brought a tattoo gun to a meeting, and they started giving tattoos of their patrol mascot, an owl, to each of the kids. They got caught when my dad was in the middle of his, and he now has half of a crudely drawn and very poorly tattooed owl on his arm. Some time between those two events, he jumped off of their rabbit hutch, and he bit his tongue off (It was reattached, but is now comically short). He also pulled one of those giant mail storage boxes that used to be on corners over on his head, as well as a stone bird bath.

I'm not sure where exactly I was going with this story, but kids are different now.

/Yes, he's still alive and kicking, and almost 70. He's beaten colon cancer and a myriad of other health issues.
 
2022-06-14 12:03:10 PM  

IAmRight: Altoids sours were great. Life Savers holes were ok, but silly.


UberDave: IAmRight: Altoids sours were great.

Those things were awesome.  I wish they would bring them back.  It would help me break my addiction to regular Altoids.


I haven't tried them, but have been watching them develop these on their youtube channel.

https://www.pd.net/products/tangerine-sours-secret-pre-order
 
2022-06-14 12:25:18 PM  

lindalouwho: Rage Against the Thorazine: vudukungfu: Rage Against the Thorazine: [external-content.duckduckgo.com image 630x436]

They sell those here in town

Really?? I thought the FDA banned those years ago. I even found an article about the ban. That's so weird. They quit selling them around.
https://www.tobaccofreekids.org/press-releases/id_1176https://www.fda.gov/tobacco-products/rules-regulations-and-guidance/family-smoking-prevention-and-tobacco-control-act-overview

I recently saw them being sold in a tobacco shop. No idea where or who is making them.


Oh maybe you just can't just sell them to kids anymore. I didn't think about adults buying them.
 
2022-06-14 12:57:55 PM  
img-s-msn-com.akamaized.netView Full Size


I never heard of The Nestle Wonder Ball before.

I'd guess the fact that it came with molly inside is why they don't sell it anymore?

Me?  I prefer to keep my pills in an empty Altoid Sours tin than in a chocolate shell
 
2022-06-14 1:29:54 PM  
"Again"?
 
2022-06-14 1:34:10 PM  
I love cinnamon, and it just seems that finding anything cinnamon-flavored is getting harder and harder.
 
2022-06-14 2:12:18 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Found Necco Wafers at Tractor Supply of all places.
 
2022-06-14 2:21:47 PM  

Madison_Smiled: With helpful pic of what a Reggie bar did not look like.


i0.wp.comView Full Size


Ezekiel remembers
 
2022-06-14 2:22:31 PM  

Colour_out_of_Space: [Fark user image 418x358]

Found Necco Wafers at Tractor Supply of all places.


Brent Spiner in the role that made him famous.
Youtube jrLvtoKZfxY


They ate the Necco wafers
 
2022-06-14 3:28:05 PM  
The only one that should come back is Butterfinger BB's. Those were farking good.
 
2022-06-14 6:19:42 PM  

KJUW89: I love cinnamon, and it just seems that finding anything cinnamon-flavored is getting harder and harder.


Yep, I really like cinnamon sugarless gum. I can't find it any more
 
2022-06-14 6:24:45 PM  
"Sugar-free Haribo gummy bears were discontinued because they had laxative effects." Is that what we're calling explosive, lava diarrhea now?
 
2022-06-14 6:35:12 PM  

blondambition: KJUW89: I love cinnamon, and it just seems that finding anything cinnamon-flavored is getting harder and harder.

Yep, I really like cinnamon sugarless gum. I can't find it any more


Huh? Cinnamon Trident is still a thing. Target's got it in 3-packs on the candy aisle, along with a couple other brands IIRC.
 
2022-06-14 7:33:34 PM  

Spanky McStupid: "Sugar-free Haribo gummy bears were discontinued because they had laxative effects." Is that what we're calling explosive, lava diarrhea now?


I thought the problem with Sugar-free Haribo Gummy Bears was well known for some time, but got a lot more negative attention when people posted about sending some to the Branch Dildonians during The Occupation after they sent out a plea for food...or at least snacks.
 
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