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(Slate)   "I thought my ex-husband was a deadbeat dad but it turns out, he had money and was just a dickhead"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Want, Need, dog walkers, R. Eric Thomas, father of my children, old hurt, small amounts of child support, small talk  
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611 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 08 Jun 2022 at 6:05 AM (25 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



27 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
433 [TotalFark]
2022-06-08 4:20:01 AM  
The question about the dual birthday party for two six year olds and 10 guests in a small NYC apartment led by a drag queen princess is way more interesting than bitter divorcees.  You have to pay for Prudence Plus or something to get those replies.
 
2022-06-08 6:11:45 AM  

433: The question about the dual birthday party for two six year olds and 10 guests in a small NYC apartment led by a drag queen princess is way more interesting than bitter divorcees.  You have to pay for Prudence Plus or something to get those replies.


It's still "Butt stuff", even at the premium tiers.
 
2022-06-08 6:53:06 AM  
The lead letter sucks, but there is nothing the LW can do about it except call the kids in for a meeting. It wasn't said, but I'd guess they don't have warm feelings for their biodonor anyway and everyone stays on the same page.
 
2022-06-08 8:09:30 AM  
I've never though "deadbeat dad" = poor.  Is that what everyone thinks?  Jason Miller is a deadbeat dad.
 
2022-06-08 8:11:25 AM  
FTFA: I don't know how to tell my kids, and I don't want them to find out from a random headline, especially because he apparently went to great lengths just to avoid financial contribution to their childhoods.

Why are you protecting a deadbeat assclown "father" like this? I'd be attending the trial just so I could point at him and laugh.
 
2022-06-08 8:24:14 AM  

Barricaded Gunman: FTFA: I don't know how to tell my kids, and I don't want them to find out from a random headline, especially because he apparently went to great lengths just to avoid financial contribution to their childhoods.

Why are you protecting a deadbeat assclown "father" like this? I'd be attending the trial just so I could point at him and laugh.


It isn't protecting the father, but having consideration for the children that is the driving force here though.

It isn't as if they could only react in a positive and constructive manner to the news that their father farked them over. Since not-knowing isn't going to realistically change anything for them, it is a proper choice to consider how to tell them what is going on.
 
2022-06-08 8:25:59 AM  

FrancoFile: I've never though "deadbeat dad" = poor.  Is that what everyone thinks?  Jason Miller is a deadbeat dad.


Right, "deadbeat" means he doesn't pay.  It could be because he genuinely can't afford it (in which case there may be some sympathy, depending on why they can't afford it), or it could be like this case where he's both a deadbeat and a dickhead.  It's definitely not an either/or, it can certainly be both.
 
2022-06-08 8:38:22 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-06-08 8:44:18 AM  

FrancoFile: I've never though "deadbeat dad" = poor.  Is that what everyone thinks?  Jason Miller is a deadbeat dad.


Exactly, I always thought of a deadbeat dad as some shiathead who doesn't pay his fair share because he is a pos, rather than broke.
 
2022-06-08 9:12:25 AM  
Coworker is raising her son on her own. The father makes mid six figures and just had his 4th kid by his second wife (still married, supports those kids). Doesn't pay for his first son at all, sees him once a year.

Serious commitment to being an asshole.
 
2022-06-08 9:29:35 AM  
"Hey Kids, you remember that asshole who wouldn't pay child support?  Well, apparently he was working so hard to avoid paying child support that he participated in a criminal conspiracy that's going to land his deadbeat ass in prison!"
 
2022-06-08 9:32:51 AM  
th.bing.comView Full Size
 
2022-06-08 9:33:18 AM  
th.bing.comView Full Size


Yes, I know an example or two of this.
 
2022-06-08 10:24:54 AM  

kdawg7736: [th.bing.com image 500x621]

Yes, I know an example or two of this.


I know an example or 2, also.

One of the hardest things you learn as you get older is that about 40% of humans are stupid, self-centered a-holes.
 
2022-06-08 10:50:21 AM  

realmolo: kdawg7736: [th.bing.com image 500x621]

Yes, I know an example or two of this.

I know an example or 2, also.

One of the hardest things you learn as you get older is that about 40% of humans are stupid, self-centered a-holes.


CSB: I dated a woman who was getting regular payments from the guy who thought he was the father of her child, since she was living with him when she got pregnant.  He never asked for visitation, but paid regularly.  She found out the real father landed some cushy job and a rich wife, so went after him and got child support from him... as well.... never told the first guy he wasn't the father.  After I noped out of the relationship, (she cheated on me...shocking, I know) she told me she was pissed because the real father and his wife wanted to meet his son, and she felt he didn't have the right....

End CSB
 
2022-06-08 11:18:42 AM  
1) Papa Was A Rolling Stone: Short version, get your claim in for back child support from the asset part of this.  Pay some people back, throw a party.  As for the kids, they are adults, let them know what you learned.

2) Rows Of Houses That Are All The Same And No One Seems To Care: So you've failed to establish boundaries.  Fix that.  Then if they are violated, tell them to STFU and MYOB.

3) Think Of Me What You Will.  I've Got A Lot Of Space To Fill: Don't tell them to take a flying leap.  Tell them to FRO.  I agree your spouse probably should be the one to do it, but since they don't like you already, how are you gonna make it worse?

4) Under The Blade: It's medical.  Define the problem, make it clear surgery is the correction and otherwise tell her to STFU and MYOB.

5) Tell Your Dog I Said "Hi!": Tell your partner to STFU and GTHOI.  They're good dogs.
 
2022-06-08 11:26:42 AM  
not defending the dad or claiming the mom is writing in bad faith but based on some the absolutely batshiat child-support requirements some of my divorced friends have gotten saddled with raises the possibility that he was dodging the income trail because he wanted really crazy stuff like to live indoors with electricity, eat twice a day and harbor the dream of retirement before age 85.
 
2022-06-08 11:40:53 AM  
realmolo One of the hardest things you learn as you get older is that about 40% of humans are stupid, self-centered a-holes.


Only 40% where you live? I'm moving to Iowa!
 
2022-06-08 11:58:15 AM  

tom baker's scarf: not defending the dad or claiming the mom is writing in bad faith but based on some the absolutely batshiat child-support requirements some of my divorced friends have gotten saddled with raises the possibility that he was dodging the income trail because he wanted really crazy stuff like to live indoors with electricity, eat twice a day and harbor the dream of retirement before age 85.


I don't know every story. I do know that nearly every guy I've ever heard of who had to pay child support thinks he was bled dry. I'm highly doubtful anyone was reduced to eating dog food in a van down by the river while the children and mother dined on lobster thermidor.

I have no kids of my own. My wife does. There were periods when he paid her support, and periods when she paid him support. We never breathed a word about it to the kids either way. He sobbed and moaned to them, in *both* cases, that he *wanted* them to have bigger vacations and new cellphones and cars, but he couldn't, and it was all because of their greedy mom, who demanded too much money from him or paid too little to him. Plus look at your stepdad! He has money! He should give you more money! You deserve his money!

Support payments are set by the courts. If you have a complaint, take it to the court. If you take it out on an ex, or the kids, or you poison the kids against the ex, you're a raging asshole. If you hide income, you're breaking the law and you will get caught.
 
2022-06-08 12:28:38 PM  
The "kids" are in their 20s now, past the point of childish delusions that daddy is gonna show up on their birthday with a new bike.

Don't sugarcoat. Don't dredge up the past. Just tell them the facts.
 
2022-06-08 12:49:45 PM  
I had a 'friend' who got his girlfriend pregnant, insisted that she keep the baby because he was trying out being catholic, dumped her two months later for some bimbo he was with for about 6 months, then tried to hide his income to avoid child support.

He wasn't my friend for long after that.
 
2022-06-08 2:01:18 PM  
"However, my house is on the corner and gets a lot of traffic, . . . . Because of the placement of my house, I have no privacy in my front yard, backyard, or side yard.

Yet, my real estate agent is shocked that I refuse to view a house on a corner lot.
 
2022-06-08 2:01:29 PM  
We were in Best Buy a few days ago. An impulse buy near the checkout was a coffee mug, with a little heating pad it sits on. Labeled as a "smart" heating pad. $130 for a freakin' coffee mug. We were there to get a video cable, at $26, and that's too damn expensive if you ask me.

Today I went to marketwatch.com, as I do, oh, maybe 150 times a day, and there's an ad for a "headphones amplifier." Price: $1700.

I do not get people.
 
2022-06-08 2:21:14 PM  
*sigh*

wrong thread
 
2022-06-08 2:27:33 PM  

Scanty Em: *sigh*

wrong thread


I assumed you were making excuses for not paying your child support...
 
2022-06-08 3:07:25 PM  

Scanty Em: tom baker's scarf: not defending the dad or claiming the mom is writing in bad faith but based on some the absolutely batshiat child-support requirements some of my divorced friends have gotten saddled with raises the possibility that he was dodging the income trail because he wanted really crazy stuff like to live indoors with electricity, eat twice a day and harbor the dream of retirement before age 85.

I don't know every story. I do know that nearly every guy I've ever heard of who had to pay child support thinks he was bled dry. I'm highly doubtful anyone was reduced to eating dog food in a van down by the river while the children and mother dined on lobster thermidor.

I have no kids of my own. My wife does. There were periods when he paid her support, and periods when she paid him support. We never breathed a word about it to the kids either way. He sobbed and moaned to them, in *both* cases, that he *wanted* them to have bigger vacations and new cellphones and cars, but he couldn't, and it was all because of their greedy mom, who demanded too much money from him or paid too little to him. Plus look at your stepdad! He has money! He should give you more money! You deserve his money!

Support payments are set by the courts. If you have a complaint, take it to the court. If you take it out on an ex, or the kids, or you poison the kids against the ex, you're a raging asshole. If you hide income, you're breaking the law and you will get caught.


like you said you don't have much experience with this. i didn't either but when i kept hearing the same stories from my friends i figure someone must be missing something started looking into the child support rules and they are completely bonkers.

i have friends paying over half their incomes (pretax) to child support because they worked to get a good job, took promotions for the money for their families despite the extra stresses but their SAH exes decided they never wanted to take on anything more taxing than Mary Kay or working part time at Walmart.  these aren't women who don't have other options.  Every single one of them has a professional, marketable degree but the child support is based on how much you are making not how much you could make so there is a negative incentive for them to do much of anything.  after all they are getting a huge, tax free, deposit each month.  Also the exes moved far enough away that they the dads only see the kids about 10% of the time but still need to maintain a house or apt with enough bedrooms for each kid 100% of the time.

If the ex wants to make dad miserable there are all kinds of things they can do that aren't included in child support. The dads are also paying at all the medical insurance and at least half of the medical bills, clothes, school trips, etc. though they have no control over what their exes pick out. Kid has an iPhone 10 but mom "buys" them the newest model because she only has to pay for 30% of it so she gets to be the hero and dad gets rooked.  Kiddo needs braces, well there is a place 5 miles away that cost 2x as much as the one 15 miles away but since she's only paying a tiny percentage she's not driving the extra 20 miles.  one friend's ex sends their kids with only the clothes on their backs because technically he is supposed to provide clothes while they are with him. Never mind he pays 90% of the total child support obligation (not 90% of his obligation but 90% of the total cost of the kids), he has to buy them clothes for the few weeks a year they are with him too.

Yes the courts set the amount but the equations they use are wildly out of date and excruciatingly punitive to the non-custodial parent and the judges almost never deviate from it even though everyone knows it is  crushing many dads financially.

there are irresponsible and shiatty parents out there for sure but the child support system is fundamentally and functionally broken.  it won't be changed because anyone who tries or even brings it up gets labeled as anti-woman, anti-kid and a deadbeat.

the only thing that will change it is when the majority of child support is paid by women to their exes.
 
2022-06-08 3:09:55 PM  

wax_on: I had a 'friend' who got his girlfriend pregnant, insisted that she keep the baby because he was trying out being catholic, dumped her two months later for some bimbo he was with for about 6 months, then tried to hide his income to avoid child support.

He wasn't my friend for long after that.


good move on your part.  people who do that can't be trusted no matter how long you've known them.  they just haven't gotten around to screwing you yet, but if you stick with them they will.
 
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