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(Microsoft)   📎 "It looks like you're trying to organize a union. Would you like to ○ Hold an NLRB election ○ Negotiate an alternative election ☐ Don't inquire about our employee organizing again"   (blogs.microsoft.com) divider line
    More: Cool, Employment, Trade union, best approach, Microsoft's leaders, labor organizations, company's own collaborative experiences, Economy of the United States, nature of work  
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856 clicks; posted to Business » on 03 Jun 2022 at 6:05 AM (25 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



11 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-06-03 7:03:22 AM  
Helpful pic of the new Microsoft "Collective Bargaining Division"
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2022-06-03 7:44:24 AM  
Greetings Troubleshooter Mike-R-Osoft!

Congratulations! You have been selected to implement the following classifiers for ComCom! Don't let the name scare you -- that's just to fool the Commie Pinko Mutant Traitors lurking among you. ComCom actually stands for "Communications Compliance" and Friend Computer is pleased to announce the following classifiers for Communications Compliance for all subscribers to Alpha Complex 365!

Any suggestion that the linked article has anything to do with recent public controversy over "MC387035 -- Additional classifiers for Communications Compliance for Alpha Complex 365" -- could be classified as a disparagement of the dedicated efforts of the High Programmers and their efforts to support IntSec's ongoing campaign to root out insider threats. In short, any and all such suggestions are treason, and Friend Computer's AI classifiers have already been adjusted to trigger suitable alerts upon policy matches. Not all policy matches are treason; your use of the COOL tag, for example, has been noted, and you have been granted one Loyalty Credit for your unsolicited co-operation. If you accumulate sufficient Loyalty Credits, you may be eligible for an increase in your security clearance level! Your team's Loyalty Officer will be participating in today's online scrum, so be sure to show gratitude!

Now let's get on with today's mission briefing, by reviewing the latest offerings of the High Programmers - a preview of the latest classifiers for ComCom!


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The following new classifiers will soon be available in public preview for use with your Communication Compliance policies.


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Leavers: The leavers classifier detects messages that explicitly express intent to leave the organization, which is an early signal that may put the organization at risk of malicious or inadvertent data exfiltration upon departure.


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Corporate sabotage: The sabotage classifier detects messages that explicitly mention acts to deliberately destroy, damage, or destruct corporate assets or property.


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Gifts & entertainment: The gifts and entertainment classifier detect messages that contain language around exchanging of gifts or entertainment in return for service, which may violate corporate policy.

Money laundering: The money laundering classifier detects signs of money laundering or engagement in acts design to conceal or disguise the origin or destination of proceeds. This classifier expands  Communication Compliance's scope of intelligently detected patterns to regulated customers such as banking or financial services who have specific regulatory compliance obligations to detect for money laundering in their organization.

Stock manipulation: The stock manipulation classifier detects signs of stock manipulation, such as recommendations to buy, sell, or hold stocks in order to manipulate the stock price. This classifier expands Communication Compliance's scope of intelligently detected patterns to regulated customers such as banking or financial services who have specific regulatory compliance obligations to detect for stock manipulation in their organization.


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Unauthorized disclosure: The unauthorized disclosure classifier detects sharing of information containing content that is explicitly designated as confidential or internal to certain roles or individuals in an organization.

Workplace collusion: The workplace collusion classifier detects messages referencing secretive actions such as concealing information or covering instances of a private conversation, interaction, or information. This classifier expands Communication Compliance's scope of intelligently detected patterns to regulated customers such as banking, healthcare, or energy who have specific regulatory compliance obligations to detect for collusion in their organization.


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Further resources for your mission briefing can be found at entry MC387035: Microsoft Purview: Additional classifiers for Communication Compliance (preview) via https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/microsoft-365/compliance/communication-compliance?view=o365-worldwide

(You do have clearance to read MC387035, don't you, Citizen Mike-R-Osoft?)

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(Oh dear.)

Greetings Troubleshooter Miker-O-Soft!

Congratulations! Your prior clone's loyal service to Friend Computer has resulted in an upgrade in your security clearance from Red to Orange! And to make today even better, you have been selected to implement the following classifiers for ComCom. Don't let the name scare you...
 
2022-06-03 8:27:09 AM  
Filthy communists.  Nothing good ever came from a Union, other than better wages, work place safety rules, job security, and a dependable pension.
 
2022-06-03 9:01:26 AM  
As big giant corporations go, they seem fairly reasonable ....

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2022-06-03 9:27:58 AM  
So does this mean they are trying to do it the way the Germans do it. When the company and the union work together to make things better and not fight it out?
 
2022-06-03 10:08:40 AM  

groppet: So does this mean they are trying to do it the way the Germans do it. When the company and the union work together to make things better and not fight it out?


Yeah, they reference work councils. But under American law that would require an independent union, due to company unions being outlawed due to past issues with that.
 
2022-06-03 10:40:44 AM  
NLRB elections every time. If the company offers voluntary recognition, it's a trap. Starbucks was unionized in the 80s under VR. The next CEO withdrew the VR and busted every other attempt at organizing. NLRB elections can't be undone by the company like that. If you have the support to organize make sure you do it properly. The NLRB is considering reverting to pre-1972 rules but unless that happens go the NLRB election route every damned time.
 
2022-06-03 11:28:24 AM  
F*ck you Clippy!  If I want help, I'll ask that one guy in accounting.

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2022-06-03 1:44:04 PM  
The dystopian slide continues
 
2022-06-03 7:06:50 PM  

zeroflight222: F*ck you Clippy!  If I want help, I'll ask that one guy in accounting.

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I'll ask the hot (but airhead) chick in Accounting.
 
2022-06-04 12:50:57 AM  
Identify problem.
Create a membership to solve problem.
Bring about a solution.
Then convince everyone that must maintain membership or the problem will reappear.
 
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