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Fark NotNewsletter: Graduation time
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2022-05-25 11:11:58 AM (47 comments) | Permalink
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774 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 May 2022 at 8:15 PM (11 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

There have been a few times in the past almost-25 years where comedic news isn't the right fit for the news cycle. Unfortunately we're in another one.  I'm really struggling this time.  I think it's because Storm is graduating from high school this weekend.

His school does a fun thing where the graduating kids get to go back to their elementary schools wearing caps and gowns and visit their old teachers and meet the younger kids.  Storm's elementary is already out for summer but we're going back there in a few hours so he can walk around and reminisce all he wants.  The principal's been kind enough to open it for him and another classmate who also went there with him.

I have tons of memories of him at that school.  The first day I dropped him off, he just took off, no tears at all, as if he'd been there all along and knew exactly what he was doing.  I remember him riding a tricycle around the play area, playing baseball with his friends, and generally just being a kid.

I'm incredibly sad today that there are so many parents who will never get to see their children do these things.

We'll keep on keeping on over here. Meanwhile, be kind to each other.  If you need respite from all this on Fark, the STEM tab is where you want to be.  Could use some more D'awww submissions as well if anyone wants some easy greenlights.

No livestream this week, it's not a good time for it right now.
________________________

End Drew transmission
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
foo monkey pretended to be confused about the "hanger reflex"
EvilEgg learned something when testing the hanger reflex
Ghastly really gets into gardening
max_pooper dreamed of romance
Bootleg pointed out the sacrifice a man made when he burned his family's Olivia Rodrigo concert tickets
Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs knew where you could get baby formula and your family's medication
Cthulhu Theory showed that marriage has its ups and downs
aleister_greynight explained how a gun that was stolen from an Alaskan state trooper in the '70s recently ended up in a South Carolina middle schooler's backpack
Serious Post on Serious Thread needed some recipes because of a current shortage
NateAsbestos reacted to the trailer for "She-Hulk: Attorney at Law"

Smart:
Fart And Smunny provided interpretations of Elon Musk's behavior regarding Twitter
IRestoreFurniture learned that terrible people often hide their awfulness until they assume it's safe to reveal it
hubiestubert shared what it's like to survive and aortic dissection
shoegaze99 told us how a friend became an ex-friend
Ivo Shandor had a suggestion to make Amber Alerts more effective
shoegaze99 pointed out evidence that racist people know they're crap
Ghastly blamed twisted metal on meat

CSB Sunday Morning themeWhat things do you like that your SO just does NOT understand?
Smart2fardownthread's partner loves "Americans' sense of humor"
Funnythe unabomber was right buys cels

Politics Funny:
JerseyTim applied for a job
BigMax reassured Alex Jones that there isn't a secret globalist/soda plot shrinking men's genitals
bearded clamorer envisioned abortion clinics circumventing state laws by setting up on tribal land like casinos
maybeyoushould shared a story about Geraldo Rivera craving some Coke
Notabunny figured out the cause of every crime committed since the end of January

Politics Smart:
bostonguy pointed out the kind of thinking that makes Sen. Bill Cassidy think Black women shouldn't count in maternal death rates
nmrsnr suggested President Biden should try making a bureaucratic error
BizarreMan discussed America's relationship with Cuba
OptionC thought the "hardcore litigation department" Elon Musk is assembling for Tesla might cause problems for him
hubiestubert described how Russian soldiers are right to be afraid


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week

Photoshops:
Autoerotic Defenestration used an automobile to make an automatic vacuum cleaner
RedZoneTuba reversed the roles of artist and artwork
RedZoneTuba gave the queen a glass of milk
bugdozer showed us that Mars isn't so different from Earth
Redwing restyled Batman's symbol
bugdozer turned to the royal dark side
kabloink stirred up dust with a real Wienermobile
Yammering_Splat_Vector cooled down with a leathery fan
bugdozer noticed that this stage was sending a message
RedZoneTuba got a battoo

Farktography themeThe Birds and the Bees
This Farktography ended in a tie between Circusdog320's perky Steller's jay and kittyhas1000legsstrolling sandhill crane


Fark Headlines of the Week

A selection of some of the top headlines from last week

Baltic states welcome NATO applications by Finland and Sweden, extend invitations to build cheap houses and hotels

Today is National Pack Rat Day, a day to celebrate the musical talents of Martin Dean, Sinatra Frank, and Davis Sammy, Jr

By the power of Grayskull, where's He-Man?

How to piss off fans of Johnny Cash

Wake up, Vangelis. Time to die

Pete Davidson breaks up with SNL, will soon be dating some ridiculously hot show you also wouldn't have a chance with

Five Finger Death Punch wounded by stage laser eye zap

In a sign of optimism, prosecutors seek a five-year jail term for a 101-year-old Nazi guard

Elon Musk announces the creation of his latest venture: The Law Firm of Dunning & Kruger

Oil prices skyrocket. Not to worry, they will also crater. Not to worry, crater is up there on a meteor. Not to worry, meteor is hurtling towards earth, will end up cratering. Not to worry, the material kicked up from that crater will skyrocket

The concept of "personal space" applies only to "persons," thus it doesn't apply to these "pets"

You can take my Nutter Butters from my cold, flabby arms after I'm dead. Admittedly, you could probably take them now from my cold, flabby arms. My circulation and grip strength aren't what they used to be

Today is National Cherry Cobbler Day, so let's all celebrate the skills required to make tiny shoes out of cherry skins

Bernard Bigot, French scientist leading nuclear fusion project ITER, dies at 72. Funeral expected to be no more than twenty years from now

Marine scientists accidentally discover that disco lights kill scallops by making them more susceptible to trap fishing, boogie fever


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on this week's Quiz, where I learned that cats determine their minions more so than humans determine their cats. No one made the 1000 club, which sucks because I was going to give everyone who did a free kitten so I could be done with them. freakingmoron was anything but with a first place score of 987, followed by scrumpox with 968 and Tailspin Tommy in third with 960. BigChad made fourth with 955, and timoth1 made it into the top 5 with 938,

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about a beer maker getting into the latest cash cow - not having cows. Only 36% of quiztakers caught the article about Molson Coors and their new Golden Wing Barley Milk, which they should probably start spelling "barleymilk" without the space in order to not upset the dairy people. For the record, AB InBev is the world's largest producer of beer, and Heineken is second. No word on whether Starbucks will be upcharging for it or risking more gluing incidents.

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which notorious criminal from the past few years has been released from prison five years early. 89% of quiztakers knew that it was "Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli who was out early from his sentence for securities fraud. I'm gonna guess his new crypto investment strategy will be released very soon.

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which famous scientist is now hawking underwear for an Australian sustainable clothing manufacturer. Only 51% of quiztakers had heard that Dame Jane Goodall had appeared in a spot for Boody, albeit with her clothes on, but surrounded by folks not wearing much more than the chimpanzees she is famous for studying. 

The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about the deadliest volcanic eruption in recorded United States history. 95% of quiztakers remembered the Mount St. Helens disaster of 1980, where 57 people lost their lives. Since then, we've become increasingly able to predict eruptions and warn people before they occur. For what it's worth, there are 161 potentially active volcanoes in the United States, the most well-known of which is Mauna Loa in Hawai'i. 

If you missed out last week, it's a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again on Friday.
· · ·

47 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-05-25 11:40:43 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Welcome to Fark.
 
2022-05-25 11:45:24 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
Congratulations to Storm. My son is graduating this weekend too. 🎉
 
2022-05-25 11:49:39 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-05-25 11:55:09 AM  
"No livestream this week..."

*flips dishpan*

IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT YOU, YOU KNOW!!!
 
2022-05-25 11:59:58 AM  
My oldest is graduating elementary school next week.  She's already been to the high school (yeah, they go directly there in 7th grade) once, and is going again before the school year ends.  I was just so incredibly sad about what happened yesterday.  I have three children, and it is always in the back of my head that some nutjob will do something.
 
2022-05-25 12:17:42 PM  
Storm is graduating high school? I remember when his birth was announced on here. Time flies.
 
2022-05-25 12:24:49 PM  

Walker: Storm is graduating high school? I remember when his birth was announced on here. Time flies.


Ultrasound thread was my boobies;)


https://www.fark.com/comments/518559/3690166#c3690166
 
2022-05-25 12:40:24 PM  

Whack-a-Mole: Walker: Storm is graduating high school? I remember when his birth was announced on here. Time flies.

Ultrasound thread was my boobies;)


https://www.fark.com/comments/518559/3690166#c3690166


Those were some pretty amazing Photoshops.
 
2022-05-25 12:50:04 PM  
Graduation from RN school two weeks ago. Took me 17 years to get the dang thing, but I got it now. Still not as old as my grannie when she graduated, she was 50 (I'm 37)
 
2022-05-25 12:50:51 PM  
Congratulations on Storm graduating high school!

I like that idea of revisiting the elementary school too.
 
2022-05-25 1:06:11 PM  
Holy sh*t, Storm is graduating high school. Where does the time go?
 
2022-05-25 1:08:03 PM  

cheap_thoughts: Graduation from RN school two weeks ago. Took me 17 years to get the dang thing, but I got it now. Still not as old as my grannie when she graduated, she was 50 (I'm 37)


Congratulations! My grandmother was also an RN.

And thank you - healthcare workers can never get enough appreciation from their management, their patients, or the public.
 
2022-05-25 1:10:43 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2022-05-25 1:20:44 PM  
Congratulations Storm. And congratulations mom and dad. You all done good.
 
2022-05-25 1:33:59 PM  

clintster: [Fark user image image 425x318]Congratulations to Storm. My son is graduating this weekend too. 🎉


Mine had graduation last weekend. Poor guy. 'Welding' come last alphabetically and he was last in that group alphabetically because of our obviously dutch family name.

Yep. He was the last person to walk across the aisle.
 
2022-05-25 1:37:54 PM  
hang in there, man.
let (hell, MAKE) the good parts fill your heart. as previously mentioned, y'all done damn good.
 
2022-05-25 1:40:03 PM  
Remember to throw the cap forward, not up. You have a better chance of hitting the musical director in the head. If I ever regretted anything, it would be that.
 
2022-05-25 1:45:25 PM  

yuthinasia: Remember to throw the cap forward, not up. You have a better chance of hitting the musical director in the head. If I ever regretted anything, it would be that.


My high school (Graduated in 1970) didn't allow us to toss our caps for some reason.  Maybe they've changed since then, but the only thing we were allowed cap-wise is the move the tassel from the right side to the left after receiving our diplomas.
 
2022-05-25 1:46:23 PM  
I feel it too Drew.

Good decision about the livestream.

We are human even if we are Farkers.

Also I gotta say that hS and college graduations were the biggest anti climaxes of my life.
 
2022-05-25 2:16:04 PM  
Congratulations, Drew!  As others have mentioned,I remember reading/hearing the good news. You done good.  Be proud of Storm, and yourself.
 
2022-05-25 2:20:46 PM  
It's been hard to make jokes for a while now, but I'm out of actual words at this point.
 
2022-05-25 2:30:48 PM  
Where's the SpaceX launch thread?
 
2022-05-25 2:51:33 PM  
I started losing my hair right after graduating. I blame the hats.

Fark user imageView Full Size


Congratulations to those graduating.
 
2022-05-25 2:56:27 PM  
Could use some more D'awww submissions as well if anyone wants some easy greenlights.

It's true. Submitted two to D'awww after reading that, got two greenlights.
 
2022-05-25 3:55:36 PM  
Pretended?
 
2022-05-25 6:03:23 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-05-25 6:05:44 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-05-25 6:15:20 PM  
Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.
 
2022-05-25 6:18:48 PM  

Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.


That line there. It's new.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-05-25 6:24:32 PM  

Spectrum: Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.

That line there. It's new.
[Fark user image image 425x334]


Lineception.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-05-25 6:26:14 PM  

Spectrum: Spectrum: Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.

That line there. It's new.
[Fark user image image 425x334]

Lineception.
[Fark user image 425x705]


Someone's been doing too many lines...
 
2022-05-25 6:32:06 PM  

Spectrum: Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.

That line there. It's new.
[Fark user image 425x334]


I don't have that. You can try contacting Farkback.
 
2022-05-25 7:11:19 PM  

Spectrum: Spectrum: Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.

That line there. It's new.
[Fark user image image 425x334]

Lineception.
[Fark user image 425x705]


Me too!

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-05-25 7:18:55 PM  

foo monkey: Spectrum: Spectrum: Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.

That line there. It's new.
[Fark user image image 425x334]

Lineception.
[Fark user image 425x705]

Me too!

[Fark user image image 576x920]


Nice!
 
2022-05-25 7:19:13 PM  

Non Sequitur Man: Spectrum: Spectrum: Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.

That line there. It's new.
[Fark user image image 425x334]

Lineception.
[Fark user image 425x705]

Someone's been doing too many lines...


"Too many."

Piffle.
 
2022-05-25 7:26:35 PM  

Spectrum: Spectrum: Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.

That line there. It's new.
[Fark user image image 425x334]

Lineception.
[Fark user image image 425x705]


Hey! That's Minus 1 Kelvin's schtick!
 
2022-05-25 8:07:52 PM  

clintster: Spectrum: Spectrum: Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.

That line there. It's new.
[Fark user image image 425x334]

Lineception.
[Fark user image image 425x705]

Hey! That's Minus 1 Kelvin's schtick!


That f*cker has gotten me so many times
 
2022-05-25 8:10:24 PM  
I'm not gonna lie. This news cycle, possibly combined with the work cycle I'm in, has left me feeling really not okay. I hope I get some rest this weekend and it does something, anything for me.
 
2022-05-25 8:34:34 PM  
freakingmoron was anything but with a first place score of 987...

What's it say about this place when a moron is the smartest Farker ; ) Heh, I had a lot of free time.

This week is the first time I can recall that I did NOT get one of the hardest/easiest questions in the NotNewsletter. I'm aware that the questions for each user are taken randomly from a pool and that we don't see all of them but I don't remember it ever happening before. I probably would have got the Mount St Helens one.
 
2022-05-25 9:09:41 PM  
I will always disagree with this type of sentiment. I never play the personal card but we were taught that there was some sort of salvation in hiding under a schoolroom desk. Really? From nuclear bombs that not only existed but we're the most likely scenario. Dude! That one movie wrecked me. Most will know which one so to spare some I will not utter the name.

This dumb Farker has weathered the attacks of my beliefs and learned the views of others counter or adjacent and have continued to return for my deserved  "beatings" for shallow, ill-conceived or blatantly counter arguments with open arms. Oh and the political word battle is odd to this "correct pronoun". I prefer at this moment to be identified as this words for, ummm, the next 7.5 minutes because it is not important and a waste of time.

Seriously, Drew, please, don't give up. So many thinkers have been reborn here. We have all told you you would never be rich giving a field to play in and this thing I inhabit understands the suck of the world and the struggle of maintaining a "foot print" permitted amongst the marketers and "others" and "family". Like it or not you have a "family" without your choice.

Back on topic, this Farker thinks is the point, why did we have to hide under desks under Kennedy? Why did this continue for decades? Why is it that now when the "AI" is close to taking control, if it hasn't already, are we to fear at some greater level?

10 to 1 on the ground from tanks. 3 to 1 in the air for combat jets!. Seems it's all lies. Fulda Gap? Bull?

So many lies.
So much money.

A place to possibly change the mind of one that thinks and can weather the storm against ones own beliefs and laugh.  Well, sir, that is beautiful place and deserves to exist. This place will exist, with your grace sir.

What do I need to do to help?
 
2022-05-25 9:32:21 PM  

cheap_thoughts: Graduation from RN school two weeks ago. Took me 17 years to get the dang thing, but I got it now. Still not as old as my grannie when she graduated, she was 50 (I'm 37)


Congratulations to another Fark RN, there are at least a half dozen of us that I know of.
 
2022-05-25 9:34:40 PM  

freakingmoron: freakingmoron was anything but with a first place score of 987...

What's it say about this place when a moron is the smartest Farker ; ) Heh, I had a lot of free time.

This week is the first time I can recall that I did NOT get one of the hardest/easiest questions in the NotNewsletter. I'm aware that the questions for each user are taken randomly from a pool and that we don't see all of them but I don't remember it ever happening before. I probably would have got the Mount St Helens one.


Indeed.
 
2022-05-25 9:39:12 PM  

feckingmorons: freakingmoron: freakingmoron was anything but with a first place score of 987...

What's it say about this place when a moron is the smartest Farker ; ) Heh, I had a lot of free time.

This week is the first time I can recall that I did NOT get one of the hardest/easiest questions in the NotNewsletter. I'm aware that the questions for each user are taken randomly from a pool and that we don't see all of them but I don't remember it ever happening before. I probably would have got the Mount St Helens one.

Indeed.


Moronception.
 
2022-05-25 10:04:12 PM  
Just on the general topic of lines... in cycling, there's a lot of concern about painted lines on the road when rain comes down. They are among the slipperiest places on the road and sometimes you have to cross them at an angle... very sketchy...

On the other hand, sometimes it's dry in a straight line and they are the smoothest, fastest spots on the road... there are some places I can actually get 2 miles of unbroken line, and I ride in that... and I think of this song.
Grandmaster Melle Mel - White Lines (Don't Don't Do It) (Official Video)
Youtube DwRXI-y6M9o
 
2022-05-25 10:31:03 PM  

foo monkey: Spectrum: Spectrum: Spectrum: Anybody else seeing this? Wait, I'll show you what I mean.

That line there. It's new.
[Fark user image image 425x334]

Lineception.
[Fark user image 425x705]

Me too!

[Fark user image image 576x920]


ZOMYGODTHESCREENSHOTSARECOMINGFROMINSIDETHETHREAD!!!
 
2022-05-26 9:08:45 AM  
scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.netView Full Size
 
2022-05-26 12:42:30 PM  

kdawg7736: [scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net image 640x521]


Oof, let's hope not. Two years and counting of pandemic and the violence earlier this week show just how much worse they have it than we did. :(
 
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