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(Bored Panda)   "A falling knife has no handle" and other pearls of wisdom from the usual impeccable authorities   (boredpanda.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Cooking, Taste, Food, Flavor, delicious food, One-note flavors, different uses of butter, Overcooked pasta  
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1082 clicks; posted to Food » on 22 May 2022 at 10:53 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



44 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-05-22 5:39:42 PM  
A SHOUTY LISTICLE has no readers.
 
2022-05-22 6:14:13 PM  
"Do not disable your ad blocker."
 
2022-05-22 7:27:04 PM  
#1 Wash your Goddamn hands: Yup. Seriously, you filthy animals.

#2 A falling knife has no handle: It will also skewer your foot through your shoe so let it go.

#3 No matter what you're pan frying, don't crowd the pan: Pretty much. You don't get a sear, you are just steaming or boiling it.

#4 When you're cooking burgers with any method, make a small dent on the top of the patty (right in the center) with your thumb: Or use a burger press.

#5 Clean up your station (or kitchen) as you go!
This is something that used to drive my ex-wife nuts, because when she cooked, there was Sofa King much for clean up. I'd have the pots cleaned a few minutes after I set the table. A clean station is an efficient station.

#6 Sofa King basic why is it on this list?

#7 Stop lifting the lid off of a pot of rice.
It shouldn't have to be said, but in general, cooking is the gentle art of leaving sh*t the f*ck alone. Don't fiddle. Let things boil, let them simmer, let them bake. Just stop messing with stuff so much. Trust the process.

#8 Sofa King obvious that it's IN the recipes.

#9 Buy local!
Unless you can't. You can show me where to get local mangos and dragonfruit, I'm all in, along with clementines, that's great, but sometimes local isn't going to give you what you need. But when you can, it's generally better to keep the money IN your local economy and give your neighbors a hand. Plus, fresh stuff.

#10 Dull knives are more dangerous than sharp knives. Should be obvious, but can't be emphasized enough.

#11 Salads are hard to make absolutely delicious without lots of dressing, but when you chop up juicy vegetables for a salad - like tomatoes, peppers, or cucumber - salt them before you add them to the salad.Not a bad tip, depending on the salad. It depends hits a lot of these hints.

#12 Season everything.Or rather, season at every point you add stuff. Adjust your sails as you go.

#13 If your cutting board keeps slipping around the counter, put a wet towel or paper towel under it to keep it in its place.I am amazed at how often people don't do this. Seriously.

#14 Peel your carrots: It depends on the carrot and how thick the skin is and what you're doing with it. Stock? F*ck that sh*t.

#15 A chef taught me that sprinkling pepper onto strawberries makes them taste like strawberry-flavoured candy. Black pepper on pretty much anything sweet can enhance flavor, like black pepper on watermelon. Just enough, and the sweet overwhelms the sensation of the pepper, but the nerves still get triggered, so the brain interprets it as enhanced sweetness. The key is to not use too much.

#16 Always, ALWAYS taste your food while cooking. Pretty much. If you don't taste a dish, you don't know what's going on in there, unless it's something you've made a few hundred times. Recently.

#17 Food doesn't have to be fancy or complicated to taste good. Simplicity is not a factor in quality. A simple dish executed perfectly beats a complicated dish executed meh.

#18 Seriously? No f*cking sh*t.

#19 Cooking with softened butter and melted butter yield entirely differently results.
True enough. It depends is always a good rule in cooking.

#20 If you're using raw, chopped onions in a dish, soak them in cold water first to draw out some of that bite:OK, Karen. We get it, you don't really like onions overly much.

#21 The Roux - Probably one of the most useful things in cooking.Roux has its place. So does a cornstarch slurry. Or simply emulsified butter. Roux is something to learn though, and it can be the difference between an amazing Lobster bisque and an OK one.

#22 Not even worth commenting on they're so frippin' mundane--and in the case of pasta, actually kind of wrong.

#23 Learning proper knife safety and knife skills:
Cannot be emphasized enough. You can cut quickly, safely and quietly. I was taught that if the knife makes a bang, that's energy wasted. That is just a chance to dull your knife a bit more, and tire yourself out if you are going to cut up 50#s of onions or taters.

#24 Steaks *continue* to cook even off the grill. Let those li'l bastards rest a sec before plating.

#25 Garlic makes everything better: OK, Edgelord...

#26 Use dried spices as early as possible when cooking as they need time to rehydrate. Use fresh spices at the end immediately before serving: Kinda.Sometimes you want to toast your spices, sometimes you want them to deliver their flavor in a sear. It depends. On the spices and herbs.

#27 When making pork chops cut the ribbon of fat so that it is in pieces instead of one long piece.Scoring fat is not a bad way to go.

#28 Peanut butter can really round out the flavour in sauces and stew-like dishes:it can. It can also cause anaphylaxis to someone who wasn't expecting peanut butter in a sauce or stew. You have to be careful here.

#29 SALT. My god salt your food. If there is one mistake that home cooks make, and then wonder why it doesn't taste as good as a restaurant, it is usually too little salt. Seriously. Salt and fat is where the flavor is. And often for OTHER reasons, like crusting salt on a baked potato to draw out moisture to make a nice fluffy tater.

#30 Perfect cake - weigh however many eggs you need. (2 or 3 generally) everything else should be the same weight (marg, flour, sugar etc) It's not a bad ratio. It depends on the recipe and the cake though. Baking is Debbil Magick though. I leave it to the experts. I stick to breads and confections, and the occasional foray into puff pastry and pie shells.
 
2022-05-22 7:34:04 PM  

hubiestubert: #21 The Roux - Probably one of the most useful things in cooking.Roux has its place. So does a cornstarch slurry. Or simply emulsified butter. Roux is something to learn though, and it can be the difference between an amazing Lobster bisque and an OK one.


Just use mayonnaise.  Duke's is best.
 
2022-05-22 7:37:15 PM  
Never heard of the 'pepper on strawberries' thing before.
 
2022-05-22 8:36:58 PM  
A lot. But #7

I used to wonder why my food didn't thicken or come together or boil down or whatever. And it was always because I just wasn't leaving it alone.

And the knives. A sharp knife will go through clean for the ER and surgeons to fix.
 
2022-05-22 8:43:37 PM  
I need a color for chefs. Any chefs got a preference for a farky color?
 
2022-05-22 9:00:50 PM  

foo monkey: hubiestubert: #21 The Roux - Probably one of the most useful things in cooking.Roux has its place. So does a cornstarch slurry. Or simply emulsified butter. Roux is something to learn though, and it can be the difference between an amazing Lobster bisque and an OK one.

Just use mayonnaise.  Duke's is best.


Duke's on a steak before it hits the broiler.
 
2022-05-22 9:40:19 PM  
Stop using chicken breasts
 
2022-05-22 9:40:32 PM  

hubiestubert: #27 When making pork chops cut the ribbon of fat so that it is in pieces instead of one long piece.Scoring fat is not a bad way to go.


Also, cook them medium rare. The most delicious chop I've ever had was made for me by hubiestubert.
 
2022-05-22 9:49:52 PM  

Deveyn: hubiestubert: #27 When making pork chops cut the ribbon of fat so that it is in pieces instead of one long piece.Scoring fat is not a bad way to go.

Also, cook them medium rare. The most delicious chop I've ever had was made for me by hubiestubert.


See, here I was hoping the sushi and the unagi no Tare tilapia would have stuck. But we cooked a LOT that weekend.
 
2022-05-22 9:53:25 PM  

hubiestubert: See, here I was hoping the sushi and the unagi no Tare tilapia would have stuck. But we cooked a LOT that weekend.


The chop stuck in my mind because my mother used to cook them to just shy of charcoal. I've always cooked loin/chops medium rare since then and I have to go through the same convincing with people that you had to do with me. :-)
 
2022-05-22 10:01:57 PM  

Deveyn: hubiestubert: See, here I was hoping the sushi and the unagi no Tare tilapia would have stuck. But we cooked a LOT that weekend.

The chop stuck in my mind because my mother used to cook them to just shy of charcoal. I've always cooked loin/chops medium rare since then and I have to go through the same convincing with people that you had to do with me. :-)


Pork standards are Sofa King much better than when our folks were growing up. You know, so long as you have a decent butcher shop, or you know where your market or restaurant gets their pork from. Some greasy spoon in the sticks, you might want to go careful with.
 
2022-05-22 11:17:21 PM  
dvo.comView Full Size

Strain and save your grease in the fridge!
The Jar of Fat - Everybody Loves Raymond
Youtube aOOnV7hu9Hg
 
2022-05-22 11:42:10 PM  
Always cut toward the customer.

/words of wisdom from the man who taught me how to build guitars
 
2022-05-22 11:43:17 PM  

hubiestubert: I stick to breads and confections, and the occasional foray into puff pastry and pie shells.


Pie crust even scares the devils I swear.  Was one of my absolute epic weaknesses.  Not that I was doing this for a living but still, it bugged.  Other stuff I can do, what's up with this curse?

/yeah, have had the competent attempt to teach it
//doesn't help
///I was horribly cruel to shortcrust in a past life or something?  I dunno
 
2022-05-22 11:46:09 PM  
Nothing in the list is truly cruicial (except maybe the salt thing), some things irrelevant, a few things are wrong.

Example: Not crowding the pan.  Crowding is suboptimal, but it won't ruin the meal.
 
2022-05-23 12:01:49 AM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Pie crust even scares the devils I swear.  Was one of my absolute epic weaknesses.  Not that I was doing this for a living but still, it bugged.  Other stuff I can do, what's up with this curse?


Helps to have a granite countertop. Keeps the fat in the crust dough from melting. And applejack for your liquid.
 
2022-05-23 12:17:23 AM  

wildcardjack: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Pie crust even scares the devils I swear.  Was one of my absolute epic weaknesses.  Not that I was doing this for a living but still, it bugged.  Other stuff I can do, what's up with this curse?

Helps to have a granite countertop. Keeps the fat in the crust dough from melting. And applejack for your liquid.


See now that's a suggestion - enough applejack and I won't care when it inevitably goes south!
 
2022-05-23 12:36:54 AM  
At first I thought the "falling knife" one was a stock market reference.
 
2022-05-23 1:01:57 AM  
The secret is to butter the knife handle, then it always falls butter-side down.

/taps temple
 
2022-05-23 1:24:02 AM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: hubiestubert: I stick to breads and confections, and the occasional foray into puff pastry and pie shells.

Pie crust even scares the devils I swear.  Was one of my absolute epic weaknesses.  Not that I was doing this for a living but still, it bugged.  Other stuff I can do, what's up with this curse?

/yeah, have had the competent attempt to teach it
//doesn't help
///I was horribly cruel to shortcrust in a past life or something?  I dunno


Can you describe how your crusts fail?
 
2022-05-23 1:43:30 AM  

hubiestubert: #4 When you're cooking burgers with any method, make a small dent on the top of the patty (right in the center) with your thumb: Or use a burger press.


This.

And don't overwork the meat.  If you're mixing spices and condiments into the meat, you're overworking it.

Lay the ground beef on a cutting board.  Karate chop it with your hand into burger weight pieces.  Press it once to the thickness you need, then tap around the edges.  You're done.

Season the outside.  Salt and pepper for sure.  Garlic powder, maybe a little.  Anything else is a fetish.

Think it's going to fall apart if you don't slam it together and roll it into a ball and then hammer it flat?  No.  Well, it will if you flip it too soon.  If you let it sear and release from the pan/grill before flipping, it'll be fine.

/and don't press it with the spatula!
//and if you're having a party, stand authoritatively at the grill
///some idiot WILL walk over, flip the burgers, and press on them
 
2022-05-23 1:57:51 AM  
Everything in that article is about fixing desserts being "too sweet" as if there is such a thing.
 
2022-05-23 1:59:00 AM  
#13 is actually several tips:

Peel your carrots.

I prefer to buy young, tender carrots, scrubbing them vigorously with a stiff brush to clean.  No peeling necessary, and they taste far, far better.

Not everything needs to be on high heat.

If you need to be taught this... well, I guess everyone learns it sooner or later.

Wait.  Check that.  I have lived with roommates who have never learned it.

A good chef knife will be the only tool you really need for home cutting.

Food processors are for people who don't know how to use a knife.  I can prep a mountain of mirepoix in the time it takes me to clean a fkkn food processor, plus I can control the uniformity of the prepared pieces.

Save your bacon fat.

Meh.  There are a few recipes that use a lot, but generally I like to render my fat when I need it.  If you do save it, cover it with saran wrap, press the air out so the wrap sits on the surface, cover the container, and refrigerate it.  Otherwise you'll wind up with rancid fat.

Soups are the best way to use leftovers.

More dubious generalizations.  Leftover carcasses, hell yea.  Leftover garlic aioli, wtf?  Just dip fresh veggies in it tomorrow.

/I always make too much aioli
//but it always gets eaten
 
2022-05-23 2:12:05 AM  
Here's some more tips:

Need softened butter for that grilled cheese but all you have is a stick in the fridge?  Use a sharp steak knife to cut thin slices, and lay them out on a piece of wax paper.  By the time you've selected a pan, gotten the bread, and unwrapped some cheese, it'll be soft enough to spread.

Keep your cutting board clean when peeling onions by putting down a sheet of paper towel first.  Set the peeled onions aside.  After peeling, pick up the corners of the paper towel, wad it up and throw it in your waste bag.  Voila, no more picking off skins stuck to the board.

You do keep a waste bag (or bowl) at your work station, right?

Sharp knife, cold onion, no tears.

Mince garlic easily
without a press by peeling the clove using the firm slap under the side of the knife blade method.  Don't slam it so hard the clove disintegrates, just enough to cause the skin to split.  Pinch the pointy tip of the clove, twist and pull.  The clove should pop out.  Now use the tip of the blade to make slits from just below the stem end of the clove - keep it intact, but make "fingers" that you can then splay out on the cutting board with your off hand and mince with the blade.

Clean the garlic smell off your fingers by rubbing them against the side of your chef's knife under cold running water.  The iron in the blade reacts with the sulfur compounds in the garlic and renders them inoffensive.

Learn common natural emulsifiers (mustard, honey, egg yolk, etc.) and how to use them.  You will never need to buy your salad dressings or marinades again.  And you'll find that foods made without artificial emulsifiers are more satisfying.
 
2022-05-23 2:50:17 AM  
#18
Fark user imageView Full Size

Always, ALWAYS taste your food while cooking.

Huh? This looks like a young girl eating a bite of beef with herbs for dinner, not someone tasting while cooking.

An image search shows this photo used a lot -  from articles along the lines of "don;t chew with your mouth open making loud noises" and "always chew your food thoroughly to lose weight".

The first result the search returned was
https://www.medicaldaily.com/concocting-food-sign-binge-eating-disorder-244188
Concocting Food a Sign of Binge Eating Disorder
Eating many different kinds of food together like mashed potatoes and Oreos may represent binge eating, according to a new study


That article did caption the photo as: Las Vegas restaurant marked for food poisoning outbreak. Joshua Rappeneker/Flickr.

With that name I found the photo: (silent about food poisoning)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/joshua/3475111855
Eat!
Minae digs in.

which is part of a small series

https://www.flickr.com/photos/joshua/albums/72157617334120810
Home cooking
Stuff made at home


which includes the photo

Fark user imageView Full Size

Beef!
Beef on the plate.
(Beef with coriander and grilled capsicum sauce)
Sunday lunch at home.


[ "Minae" seems to be an adult East-Asian woman ]
https://www.flickr.com/photos/joshua/3318674106
 
2022-05-23 4:56:27 AM  

Gubbo: I need a color for chefs. Any chefs got a preference for a farky color?


I dunno your color scheme.  I use purple for people who tend to talk about their trades.  I'm not in Hubie's grade, but I have time in.  A lot of us fell into the industry after studying/trying something else.  Case in point, I have a couple Bio degrees I'm not using, and I personally know a lot of accomplished people that have knocked around the hospitality industry for decades.  Many people would be surprised by what some random professional cook or bartender you talk to has as hobbies or backgrounds.
 
2022-05-23 5:13:44 AM  

rosekolodny: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: hubiestubert: I stick to breads and confections, and the occasional foray into puff pastry and pie shells.

Pie crust even scares the devils I swear.  Was one of my absolute epic weaknesses.  Not that I was doing this for a living but still, it bugged.  Other stuff I can do, what's up with this curse?

/yeah, have had the competent attempt to teach it
//doesn't help
///I was horribly cruel to shortcrust in a past life or something?  I dunno

Can you describe how your crusts fail?


It's been some years, as I'm too wrecked up to cook sensibly anymore without paying for it for a week, but I had them come out like thin, sharp, and fragmenting bits, I had them more or less disintegrate into randomly shaped hunks, I had one memorable occasion where it looked good and the texture was right visually, but it tasted/felt like I'd made it out of coarse grit sandpaper.  My personal favorite was one that pretty much turned into powder while cooking and formed a sort of cherry slurry casserole - 3 people said it was great on ice cream though

/seriously I'm pretty sure there was no rhyme or reason, it was the specific culinary equivalent of black thumb
//the sheer variety of weird problems was kind of indicative
///I mean I'm not normally THAT incompetent in the kitchen - it was achievement unlocked even for me
 
2022-05-23 5:51:57 AM  
Why is everyone always so concerned about not catching a knife and ignoring that it might bounce and land in their foot?
 
2022-05-23 7:16:55 AM  

lifeslammer: Why is everyone always so concerned about not catching a knife and ignoring that it might bounce and land in their foot?


You GTFO so that doesn't happen.  It drops, step/scurry back/whatever - get out the way.  Just do have some idea what's behind you
 
2022-05-23 9:00:46 AM  
Bonus words of wisdom:  Umami is the "secret ingredient" you add to provide that extra flavor and depth to many dishes.

Whether it be a small amount of anchovy paste, soy or worcestershire sauce, tomato paste or fish sauce, it's that little extra that will help the dish go from good to great.
 
2022-05-23 9:05:22 AM  
Oh and your dish won't taste of anhovies or tomato paste or fish sauce.  Just an added layer of depth to your food.  (no, not when you're making chocolate mousse you guys)
 
2022-05-23 9:34:54 AM  
I have a couple....eat Kit-Kats one by one....

scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.netView Full Size
 
2022-05-23 9:35:33 AM  
Also don't go in water with anything yellow in your swimsuit....

scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.netView Full Size
 
2022-05-23 10:30:54 AM  
The extra time spent caring for decent non-stainless knives isn't half as irritating as having to bust out the whetstone every five minutes for stainless.
 
2022-05-23 11:03:12 AM  

gas giant: The extra time spent caring for decent non-stainless knives isn't half as irritating as having to bust out the whetstone every five minutes for stainless.


There are stainless steels with good edge retention. But you will pay a lot for them
 
2022-05-23 11:26:55 AM  

gas giant: The extra time spent caring for decent non-stainless knives isn't half as irritating as having to bust out the whetstone every five minutes for stainless.


If you need a stone for your edge that often stop using your knife to cut trees down
 
2022-05-23 1:37:17 PM  

lifeslammer: If you need a stone for your edge that often stop using your knife to cut trees down


Where's the fun in that?
 
2022-05-23 5:25:19 PM  

lifeslammer: gas giant: The extra time spent caring for decent non-stainless knives isn't half as irritating as having to bust out the whetstone every five minutes for stainless.

If you need a stone for your edge that often stop using your knife to cut trees down


Until last week, I didn't realize why the knives at the family's shared compound always needed so much attention.  We had some overlap with one of my brother's adult children.  She made a nice grilled chicken, brought it in to the kitchen on a metal "Well-and-tree" platter, then proceeded to hack it apart with the chef's knife (that I sharpened last fall before closing for the winter)  while the bird was still on the metal platter. There are not many sounds as grating as that of a kitchen knife striking metal.

For years, I had thought gremlins had been invading the cottage and messing with the cutlery over the winter.  There have actually been times when I've pulled a knife out of the rack and had to double-check that I was using the correct edge.
 
2022-05-23 11:02:45 PM  

Gubbo: I need a color for chefs. Any chefs got a preference for a farky color?


Hubie"s been bright green for me forever
 
2022-05-23 11:21:42 PM  
Don't try to make an egg cook faster.
 
2022-05-24 1:24:34 AM  

Gubbo: I need a color for chefs. Any chefs got a preference for a farky color?


I like green, because I like to cook with greens.
 
2022-05-24 1:27:08 AM  

FloridaWombat: Gubbo: I need a color for chefs. Any chefs got a preference for a farky color?

I dunno your color scheme.  I use purple for people who tend to talk about their trades.  I'm not in Hubie's grade, but I have time in.  A lot of us fell into the industry after studying/trying something else.  Case in point, I have a couple Bio degrees I'm not using, and I personally know a lot of accomplished people that have knocked around the hospitality industry for decades.  Many people would be surprised by what some random professional cook or bartender you talk to has as hobbies or backgrounds.


I worked in IT for 2 decades, transitioned to the food world about 5 years ago.
 
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