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(CBS News)   The Oscars announces rule changes for next year's event. Rule #1: No slapping the sh*t out of presenters   (cbsnews.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Academy Award, Academy of Motion Picture Arts, theatrical motion picture release, first public exhibition, Academy Awards, rule changes, Sciences Wednesday, Award  
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965 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 May 2022 at 6:30 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-05-19 6:40:26 AM  
Great. Can we also have a rule that presenters can't have a go at someone's physical disability, however trivial it might seem to them?
 
2022-05-19 6:54:18 AM  

Stands With A Tiny Fist: Great. Can we also have a rule that presenters can't have a go at someone's physical disability, however trivial it might seem to them?


I propose that we have no jokes at all for fear of possibly offending or triggering someone. What if my neurodiversity makes the sound of laughter physically painful?

/bring back Bob Hope as host
 
2022-05-19 7:01:38 AM  

blackminded: Stands With A Tiny Fist: Great. Can we also have a rule that presenters can't have a go at someone's physical disability, however trivial it might seem to them?

I propose that we have no jokes at all for fear of possibly offending or triggering someone. What if my neurodiversity makes the sound of laughter physically painful?

/bring back Bob Hope as host


Like him, his jokes fall a little flat these days.
 
2022-05-19 7:10:30 AM  

Stands With A Tiny Fist: Great. Can we also have a rule that presenters can't have a go at someone's physical disability, however trivial it might seem to them?


Are mental disabilities ok?
 
2022-05-19 7:14:40 AM  
*puts away the Slap-o-matic 5000*
 
2022-05-19 7:21:38 AM  
They can trickle urine as a result of the blow but if anyone poops, you're out of the Academy.
 
2022-05-19 7:24:36 AM  
"...unless it's Andy Dick..." is an important qualifier, and I think it needs to be codified.
 
2022-05-19 8:03:21 AM  

Stands With A Tiny Fist: Great. Can we also have a rule that presenters can't have a go at someone's physical disability, however trivial it might seem to them?


Balding or being bald is not a disability. I don't give a f what fancy name you give it. Furthermore, when you made the stupid joke just a week or two before, you definitely better not whine about it.
 
2022-05-19 8:08:49 AM  
Idea: No more comics; just have actors present awards to other actors and wrap it up in 2 hours. Only best movie, best director, best actor and best actress get to have speeches with a strict 3 minute time limit. Every other winner comes up, says thank you and sits back down. Maybe set up a website where they can put up their speeches for us to read.
 
2022-05-19 8:10:09 AM  
Ok, so the movie just has to play one night in a "theater" which could be a 20 person shack in Butte Montana.
Seems like an easy hurdle.
 
2022-05-19 8:26:14 AM  
They already do this.  Oscar bait movies premiere in art houses in NYC and LA during Christmas week all the time.
 
2022-05-19 8:28:04 AM  
Yeah, it was total bullshiat that Coda won Best Picture. Obvious Oscar bait.

Dune would have won it had this rule been in place.
 
2022-05-19 8:37:05 AM  

Gooch: Idea: No more comics; just have actors present awards to other actors and wrap it up in 2 hours. Only best movie, best director, best actor and best actress get to have speeches with a strict 3 minute time limit. Every other winner comes up, says thank you and sits back down. Maybe set up a website where they can put up their speeches for us to read.


3 minutes is way too long. Thank everyone and their dog in one minute then fark off.
 
2022-05-19 8:42:37 AM  
It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.
 
2022-05-19 8:45:04 AM  

cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.


Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.
 
2022-05-19 8:48:41 AM  

WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.


America in a nutshell.

"I find this boring. I know, let's add violence"
 
2022-05-19 8:50:41 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.

America in a nutshell.

"I find this boring. I know, let's add violence"


Yes, that's America in a nutshell.

Also, America banged your mom.
 
2022-05-19 8:55:27 AM  
I thought Rule #1 was "no poofters."
 
2022-05-19 8:55:42 AM  

cabbyman: Peter von Nostrand: WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.

America in a nutshell.

"I find this boring. I know, let's add violence"

Yes, that's America in a nutshell.

Also, America banged your mom.


Then you for sloppy seconds.
 
2022-05-19 9:14:07 AM  

blackminded: Stands With A Tiny Fist: Great. Can we also have a rule that presenters can't have a go at someone's physical disability, however trivial it might seem to them?

I propose that we have no jokes at all for fear of possibly offending or triggering someone. What if my neurodiversity makes the sound of laughter physically painful?

/bring back Bob Hope as host


The jokes were always so bland and lame, nobody was going to get hurt from laughing.
/Tina Fey and Amy Pohler, maybe
//fark it, go full Bo Burnham
 
2022-05-19 9:18:02 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: cabbyman: Peter von Nostrand: WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.

America in a nutshell.

"I find this boring. I know, let's add violence"

Yes, that's America in a nutshell.

Also, America banged your mom.

Then you for sloppy seconds.


I would happily accept America's huge, throbbing member as a testament to how much I love freedom!!!
 
2022-05-19 9:20:04 AM  

The Reverend Sam Hill: I thought Rule #1 was "no poofters."


Well it clearly wasn't rule #6...
 
2022-05-19 9:20:42 AM  
How about a rule where they nominate good movies instead of the crap they usually do?
 
2022-05-19 9:24:36 AM  

baronbloodbath: Yeah, it was total bullshiat that Coda won Best Picture. Obvious Oscar bait.

Dune would have won it had this rule been in place.


Remember, the best way to win an Oscar is to have your movie be about the Holocaust, the movie industry, or a disabled person (but not full-disabled).
 
2022-05-19 9:25:54 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.

America in a nutshell.

"I find this boring. I know, let's add violence"


Well obviously we can't add nudity or sex, that would be offensive!
 
2022-05-19 9:26:42 AM  

The Reverend Sam Hill: I thought Rule #1 was "no poofters."


That's the Australian Oscars.
 
2022-05-19 9:29:49 AM  
IMHO it requires more than one slap to slap the shiat out of someone. Presenters or otherwise.
 
2022-05-19 9:33:37 AM  

cabbyman: Peter von Nostrand: cabbyman: Peter von Nostrand: WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.

America in a nutshell.

"I find this boring. I know, let's add violence"

Yes, that's America in a nutshell.

Also, America banged your mom.

Then you for sloppy seconds.

I would happily accept America's huge, throbbing member as a testament to how much I love freedom!!!


Touché
 
2022-05-19 9:37:58 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: cabbyman: Peter von Nostrand: cabbyman: Peter von Nostrand: WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.

America in a nutshell.

"I find this boring. I know, let's add violence"

Yes, that's America in a nutshell.

Also, America banged your mom.

Then you for sloppy seconds.

I would happily accept America's huge, throbbing member as a testament to how much I love freedom!!!

Touché


Dude there's no reason to call me a touche!!!

This is the internet... let's be civil!  Future generations will see this...
 
2022-05-19 9:48:32 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.

America in a nutshell.

"I find this boring. I know, let's add violence"


So, hockey?
 
2022-05-19 9:57:42 AM  

cabbyman: Peter von Nostrand: WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.

America in a nutshell.

"I find this boring. I know, let's add violence"

Yes, that's America in a nutshell.

Also, America banged your mom.


Once.  We are NOT the father in this particular instance.
 
2022-05-19 10:00:17 AM  

Tyrone Slothrop: The Reverend Sam Hill: I thought Rule #1 was "no poofters."

That's the Australian Oscars.


That would be the Australian Bruces not Oscars.
 
2022-05-19 10:08:37 AM  

LazyPredator: Australian Bruces


like this one?

external-content.duckduckgo.comView Full Size
 
2022-05-19 10:09:38 AM  

WhippingBoi: cabbyman: It would actually be a more enjoyable show if the nominees for each award were brought on stage to slap-fight it out, winner take all style.

Exactly. That slap was the most interesting thing to happen in quite some time.


I think all presenters should be stand-up comics, each one competing to goad a Best Actor nominee into storming the stage and kicking the comedian right in the balls.

/ Gilbert Gottfried would have been perfect for this. RIP
// Taken away too soon
/// TOO SOON???
 
2022-05-19 10:17:08 AM  

baronbloodbath: Yeah, it was total bullshiat that Coda won Best Picture. Obvious Oscar bait.

Dune would have won it had this rule been in place.


Especially because Coda was a cash grab of songs that Led Zeppelin didn't think were good enough to release on previous albums.
 
2022-05-19 10:30:42 AM  

The Reverend Sam Hill: I thought Rule #1 was "no poofters."


Ahhhhhh.... ummmm.... errrr....
 
2022-05-19 10:53:20 AM  
I have never watched the Oscar's but if it was just 2 hours of celebrities  slapping each other then I'm in, that's entertainment
 
2022-05-19 11:16:32 AM  
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Wednesday announced that films must debut in theaters to qualify for award consideration.

They sat down and collectively decided to ignore any techological progress made in the last forty years.
 
2022-05-19 11:55:24 AM  

Russ1642: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Wednesday announced that films must debut in theaters to qualify for award consideration.

They sat down and collectively decided to ignore any techological progress made in the last forty years.


Direct to video has been a thing for decades.  This rule isn't going to shut out streaming films.  They'll just do their  token limited theatrical release like they were doing pre-covid.
 
2022-05-19 12:01:04 PM  

Optimus Primate: Ok, so the movie just has to play one night in a "theater" which could be a 20 person shack in Butte Montana.
Seems like an easy hurdle.


not quite...

(2 of the stipulations)

for paid admission in a commercial motion picture theater in one of the six qualifying U.S. metro areas: Los Angeles County; City of New York [five boroughs]; the Bay Area [counties of San Francisco, Marin, Alameda, San Mateo and Contra Costa]; Chicago [Cook County, Illinois]; Miami [Miami-Dade County, Florida]; and Atlanta [Fulton County, Georgia],

for a theatrical qualifying run of at least seven consecutive days in the same commercial motion picture theater, during which period screenings must occur at least three times daily, with at least one screening beginning between 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. daily,
 
2022-05-19 12:07:05 PM  
I hope Andrew Schulz hosts this year
 
2022-05-19 12:09:16 PM  

Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: Russ1642: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Wednesday announced that films must debut in theaters to qualify for award consideration.

They sat down and collectively decided to ignore any techological progress made in the last forty years.

Direct to video has been a thing for decades.  This rule isn't going to shut out streaming films. They'll just do their  token limited theatrical release like they were doing pre-covid.


No, that's exactly what it'll do.
 
2022-05-19 12:16:24 PM  

Russ1642: Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: Russ1642: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Wednesday announced that films must debut in theaters to qualify for award consideration.

They sat down and collectively decided to ignore any techological progress made in the last forty years.

Direct to video has been a thing for decades.  This rule isn't going to shut out streaming films. They'll just do their  token limited theatrical release like they were doing pre-covid.

No, that's exactly what it'll do.


No it won't.  You didn't read the rest apparently.
 
2022-05-19 12:22:24 PM  

Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: Russ1642: Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: Russ1642: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Wednesday announced that films must debut in theaters to qualify for award consideration.

They sat down and collectively decided to ignore any techological progress made in the last forty years.

Direct to video has been a thing for decades.  This rule isn't going to shut out streaming films. They'll just do their  token limited theatrical release like they were doing pre-covid.

No, that's exactly what it'll do.

No it won't.  You didn't read the rest apparently.


"Films that, in any version, receive their first public exhibition or distribution in any manner other than as a theatrical motion picture release will not be eligible for Academy Awards in any category," according to the rules posted by the Academy Tuesday.

It's a move to force people to put their movies in theatres for no farking good reason. None.
 
2022-05-19 12:29:54 PM  

Russ1642: "Films that, in any version, receive their first public exhibition or distribution in any manner other than as a theatrical motion picture release will not be eligible for Academy Awards in any category," according to the rules posted by the Academy Tuesday.

It's a move to force people to put their movies in theatres for no farking good reason. None


Yes, and like was done before Covid, Netflix/Amazon/Apple/etc. will run it in an LA or NYC theater for a week to qualify.  This isn't necessarily new.

And they're doing this to throw theaters a bone, which still represent a significant part of their industry.
 
2022-05-19 12:51:13 PM  

Russ1642: Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: Russ1642: Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: Russ1642: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Wednesday announced that films must debut in theaters to qualify for award consideration.

They sat down and collectively decided to ignore any techological progress made in the last forty years.

Direct to video has been a thing for decades.  This rule isn't going to shut out streaming films. They'll just do their  token limited theatrical release like they were doing pre-covid.

No, that's exactly what it'll do.

No it won't.  You didn't read the rest apparently.

"Films that, in any version, receive their first public exhibition or distribution in any manner other than as a theatrical motion picture release will not be eligible for Academy Awards in any category," according to the rules posted by the Academy Tuesday.

It's a move to force people to put their movies in theatres for no farking good reason. None.


Scale matters, you can do things w/ sound and picture on a 100ft+ screen that you can't do on a farking phone, even if you manage to figure out how to turn said phone sideways.
 
2022-05-19 1:58:23 PM  
I disagree.
I think we need more slapping.
Have a whole bit where Neil Patrick Harris gets the shiat slapped out of him by every Actor from HIMYM.
 
2022-05-19 2:32:45 PM  
All host presenters will be armed.

/only then would I be tempted to watch
//especially later in the program as more attendees have had more drinks
 
2022-05-19 3:39:15 PM  

Trocadero: Russ1642: Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: Russ1642: Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: Russ1642: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Wednesday announced that films must debut in theaters to qualify for award consideration.

They sat down and collectively decided to ignore any techological progress made in the last forty years.

Direct to video has been a thing for decades.  This rule isn't going to shut out streaming films. They'll just do their  token limited theatrical release like they were doing pre-covid.

No, that's exactly what it'll do.

No it won't.  You didn't read the rest apparently.

"Films that, in any version, receive their first public exhibition or distribution in any manner other than as a theatrical motion picture release will not be eligible for Academy Awards in any category," according to the rules posted by the Academy Tuesday.

It's a move to force people to put their movies in theatres for no farking good reason. None.

Scale matters, you can do things w/ sound and picture on a 100ft+ screen that you can't do on a farking phone, even if you manage to figure out how to turn said phone sideways.


The academy is saying that it's not a movie unless it's shown in theatres. They're officially declaring that they're completely out of touch with reality.
 
2022-05-19 4:04:50 PM  
Did the Academy contact Martin Scorcese to determine what movies are eligible?
 
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