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(Miami New Times)   Atheist Florida Man acting under Chapter 2022-21 petitions eight FL school districts to ban the Christian Bible from classrooms and libraries, citing age inappropriateness, social-emotional learning, mentions of bestiality and rape, and "wokeness"   (miaminewtimes.com) divider line
    More: Florida, High school, Broward County, Florida, Florida, Miami-Dade County, Florida, South Florida metropolitan area, various school districts, ban books, Miami-Dade County Public Schools  
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2239 clicks; posted to Politics » on 22 Apr 2022 at 3:06 PM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-04-22 2:09:59 PM  
Somehow GOP politicians did not see that this might happen.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-04-22 2:23:13 PM  
wow, we really seem to be talking rather a lot about the bag of 200 severed penises lately.

/Saul made David eat every single last one
//as a condition of marrying Michal
///EABOD!
 
2022-04-22 2:40:25 PM  

tintar: wow, we really seem to be talking rather a lot about the bag of 200 severed penises lately.

/Saul made David eat every single last one
//as a condition of marrying Michal
///EABOD!


In the story, it was foreskins, not whole penises.

I don't enjoy being the "ACKSHUALLY" guy here, but I bring it up for two reasons:

1. Eating 200 foreskins is way easier than eating 200 whole dongs.
2. This is how David gets credit for inventing a dish known as "Canaan Calamari."
 
2022-04-22 2:57:46 PM  
I can't wait until I'm asked for my favorite Bible verses. I give you Ezekiel 23 (NIV):

Two Adulterous Sisters
23The word of the Lord came to me: 2 "Son of man, there were two women, daughters of the same mother. 3 They became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed. 4 The older was named Oholah, and her sister was Oholibah. They were mine and gave birth to sons and daughters. Oholah is Samaria, and Oholibah is Jerusalem.
5 "Oholah engaged in prostitution while she was still mine; and she lusted after her lovers, the Assyrians-warriors 6 clothed in blue, governors and commanders, all of them handsome young men, and mounted horsemen. 7 She gave herself as a prostitute to all the elite of the Assyrians and defiled herself with all the idols of everyone she lusted after. 8 She did not give up the prostitution she began in Egypt, when during her youth men slept with her, caressed her virgin bosom and poured out their lust on her.
9 "Therefore I delivered her into the hands of her lovers, the Assyrians, for whom she lusted. 10 They stripped her naked, took away her sons and daughters and killed her with the sword. She became a byword among women, and punishment was inflicted on her.
11 "Her sister Oholibah saw this, yet in her lust and prostitution she was more depraved than her sister. 12 She too lusted after the Assyrians-governors and commanders, warriors in full dress, mounted horsemen, all handsome young men. 13 I saw that she too defiled herself; both of them went the same way.
14 "But she carried her prostitution still further. She saw men portrayed on a wall, figures of Chaldeans[a] portrayed in red, 15 with belts around their waists and flowing turbans on their heads; all of them looked like Babylonian chariot officers, natives of Chaldea.[b] 16 As soon as she saw them, she lusted after them and sent messengers to them in Chaldea. 17 Then the Babylonians came to her, to the bed of love, and in their lust they defiled her. After she had been defiled by them, she turned away from them in disgust. 18 When she carried on her prostitution openly and exposed her naked body, I turned away from her in disgust, just as I had turned away from her sister. 19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.[c]
22 "Therefore, Oholibah, this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I will stir up your lovers against you, those you turned away from in disgust, and I will bring them against you from every side- 23 the Babylonians and all the Chaldeans, the men of Pekod and Shoa and Koa, and all the Assyrians with them, handsome young men, all of them governors and commanders, chariot officers and men of high rank, all mounted on horses. 24 They will come against you with weapons,[d] chariots and wagons and with a throng of people; they will take up positions against you on every side with large and small shields and with helmets. I will turn you over to them for punishment, and they will punish you according to their standards. 25 I will direct my jealous anger against you, and they will deal with you in fury. They will cut off your noses and your ears, and those of you who are left will fall by the sword. They will take away your sons and daughters, and those of you who are left will be consumed by fire. 26 They will also strip you of your clothes and take your fine jewelry. 27 So I will put a stop to the lewdness and prostitution you began in Egypt. You will not look on these things with longing or remember Egypt anymore.
 
2022-04-22 3:04:23 PM  
Nice subtle slant in the article.

political stunt activist

I'd consider passing laws to address made-up problems to be political stunts but I don't see the writer using that language when referring to the Florida legislature or the law itself.
 
2022-04-22 3:07:23 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: tintar: wow, we really seem to be talking rather a lot about the bag of 200 severed penises lately.

/Saul made David eat every single last one
//as a condition of marrying Michal
///EABOD!

In the story, it was foreskins, not whole penises.

I don't enjoy being the "ACKSHUALLY" guy here, but I bring it up for two reasons:

1. Eating 200 foreskins is way easier than eating 200 whole dongs.
2. This is how David gets credit for inventing a dish known as "Canaan Calamari."


Using a Cajun rub n tug, perhaps
 
2022-04-22 3:08:24 PM  
Whar, hero tag, whar?
 
2022-04-22 3:09:15 PM  
TIL david ate a bag of dicks
 
2022-04-22 3:10:24 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: tintar: wow, we really seem to be talking rather a lot about the bag of 200 severed penises lately.

/Saul made David eat every single last one
//as a condition of marrying Michal
///EABOD!

In the story, it was foreskins, not whole penises.

I don't enjoy being the "ACKSHUALLY" guy here, but I bring it up for two reasons:

1. Eating 200 foreskins is way easier than eating 200 whole dongs.
2. This is how David gets credit for inventing a dish known as "Canaan Calamari."


no, no, you are the best kind of correct! and I appreciate it. I really non-/s do.

plus David never had to eat them, I just keep making that same stupid joke (at least I'm pretty sure he did not, lol. altho' this is the bible we're talkin' 'bout, so...)

/also-also, your calamari bit had me Urkel-snorting beer out my nose and I will be chuckling the rest of the entire day
//so, tyty for that!
///sree
 
2022-04-22 3:10:43 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: tintar: wow, we really seem to be talking rather a lot about the bag of 200 severed penises lately.

/Saul made David eat every single last one
//as a condition of marrying Michal
///EABOD!

In the story, it was foreskins, not whole penises.

I don't enjoy being the "ACKSHUALLY" guy here, but I bring it up for two reasons:

1. Eating 200 foreskins is way easier than eating 200 whole dongs.
2. This is how David gets credit for inventing a dish known as "Canaan Calamari."


If he had made the calamari out of pig anuses, it would not had been kosher.
 
2022-04-22 3:11:13 PM  
Not all heroes wear capes.  And very few wear priest garments.
 
2022-04-22 3:11:24 PM  
And let me guess, Republicans are going to act indignant that people are not using the law the way its intended too. Saying that we're not taking the issue of "protecting children" seriously enough.
 
2022-04-22 3:11:44 PM  
Number of times CRT, Abortion, or child molestation is mentioned in the bible: 0.

Number of deaths in the bible: A total of 2,821,364 deaths are specifically enumerated in scripture as either directly orchestrated by God, or carried out with his assistance or approval. Satan, on the other hand, notches up only 10 kills.
 
2022-04-22 3:11:47 PM  

raz4446: TIL david ate a bag of dicks


nah, Martian_Astronomer was actually-factually correct, it was a bag of post-mortem circumcisions.
 
2022-04-22 3:12:17 PM  
Plus points for naming his LLC shield "SchadenBoner"
 
2022-04-22 3:12:27 PM  

abb3w: Somehow GOP politicians did not see that this might happen.

[Fark user image image 500x667]


If the point is to kill public education this still helps get them there.
 
2022-04-22 3:14:13 PM  

tintar: plus David never had to eat them, I just keep making that same stupid joke (at least I'm pretty sure he did not, lol. altho' this is the bible we're talkin' 'bout, so...)


No, there's nothing about eating them in the story, I'm just trying not to be *that* pedantic.
 
2022-04-22 3:15:05 PM  

SurfaceTension: I can't wait until I'm asked for my favorite Bible verses.



Isaiah 16:11
Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh.

Its the biblical equivalent of "I fart in your general direction!"
 
2022-04-22 3:15:22 PM  

SurfaceTension: I can't wait until I'm asked for my favorite Bible verses. I give you Ezekiel 23 (NIV):

Two Adulterous Sisters
23The word of the Lord came to me: 2 "Son of man, there were two women, daughters of the same mother. 3 They became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed. 4 The older was named Oholah, and her sister was Oholibah. They were mine and gave birth to sons and daughters. Oholah is Samaria, and Oholibah is Jerusalem.
5 "Oholah engaged in prostitution while she was still mine; and she lusted after her lovers, the Assyrians-warriors 6 clothed in blue, governors and commanders, all of them handsome young men, and mounted horsemen. 7 She gave herself as a prostitute to all the elite of the Assyrians and defiled herself with all the idols of everyone she lusted after. 8 She did not give up the prostitution she began in Egypt, when during her youth men slept with her, caressed her virgin bosom and poured out their lust on her.
9 "Therefore I delivered her into the hands of her lovers, the Assyrians, for whom she lusted. 10 They stripped her naked, took away her sons and daughters and killed her with the sword. She became a byword among women, and punishment was inflicted on her.
11 "Her sister Oholibah saw this, yet in her lust and prostitution she was more depraved than her sister. 12 She too lusted after the Assyrians-governors and commanders, warriors in full dress, mounted horsemen, all handsome young men. 13 I saw that she too defiled herself; both of them went the same way.
14 "But she carried her prostitution still further. She saw men portrayed on a wall, figures of Chaldeans[a] portrayed in red, 15 with belts around their waists and flowing turbans on their heads; all of them looked like Babylonian chariot officers, natives of Chaldea. 16 As soon as she saw them, she lusted after them and sent messengers to them in Chaldea. 17 Then the Babylonians came to he ...


It's a metaphor. Check out Judges 19 if you want some literal prostitute dismemberment.
 
2022-04-22 3:15:27 PM  
Lot's daughters date-raped him.
 
2022-04-22 3:16:31 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: tintar: plus David never had to eat them, I just keep making that same stupid joke (at least I'm pretty sure he did not, lol. altho' this is the bible we're talkin' 'bout, so...)

No, there's nothing about eating them in the story, I'm just trying not to be *that* pedantic.


and I appreciate that as well!

but I'ma still keep trying to make EABOD into A Thing!
 
2022-04-22 3:18:28 PM  

Ms. Hushpuppy: It's a metaphor


I... that seems to happen far too often with bible-handwavery.

"it's a metaphor! it's a parable! except when we don't want it to be!"
 
2022-04-22 3:19:24 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: tintar: wow, we really seem to be talking rather a lot about the bag of 200 severed penises lately.

/Saul made David eat every single last one
//as a condition of marrying Michal
///EABOD!

In the story, it was foreskins, not whole penises.

I don't enjoy being the "ACKSHUALLY" guy here, but I bring it up for two reasons:

1. Eating 200 foreskins is way easier than eating 200 whole dongs.
2. This is how David gets credit for inventing a dish known as "Canaan Calamari."


Reminds me of a joke:

A Mohel goes to a tailor and says, "After all these years I am retiring.  I've collected thousands of foreskins and I'd like you to make me something nice."   After a week the mohel returns and says "well, what have you got?"   The tailor smiles and hands him a wallet.  "I give you thousands of foreskins and all you hand me is a wallet?", says the mohel.  To which the tailor replies, "Just rub it up and down and it will turn into a suitcase."
 
2022-04-22 3:19:28 PM  

vudukungfu: Martian_Astronomer: tintar: wow, we really seem to be talking rather a lot about the bag of 200 severed penises lately.

/Saul made David eat every single last one
//as a condition of marrying Michal
///EABOD!

In the story, it was foreskins, not whole penises.

I don't enjoy being the "ACKSHUALLY" guy here, but I bring it up for two reasons:

1. Eating 200 foreskins is way easier than eating 200 whole dongs.
2. This is how David gets credit for inventing a dish known as "Canaan Calamari."

Using a Cajun rub n tug, perhaps


That something like when you're cutting up a bunch of jalapeño peppers and then take a whiz without thinking of washing your hands first?
 
2022-04-22 3:19:39 PM  

LeoffDaGrate: Number of times CRT, Abortion, or child molestation is mentioned in the bible: 0.

Number of deaths in the bible: A total of 2,821,364 deaths are specifically enumerated in scripture as either directly orchestrated by God, or carried out with his assistance or approval. Satan, on the other hand, notches up only 10 kills.


Oh, abortion is mentioned alright. Read about God's own abortion clinics in Numbers 5!
 
2022-04-22 3:20:36 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: 1. Eating 200 foreskins is way easier than eating 200 whole dongs.


oh I don't think you know my ex wife...
 
2022-04-22 3:21:04 PM  
The problem is, this plays right into the hands of the psycho Trumper republicans.

"See? Liberals are trying to ban the Bible! We dun told ya!" and the frothing hordes of morons will froth even more.
 
2022-04-22 3:23:20 PM  
He is doing God's work.  Since any real God would disapprove of rape, incest, bestiality, and all the other stuff that the Bible does 100x times.
 
2022-04-22 3:24:01 PM  

toraque: The problem is, this plays right into the hands of the psycho Trumper republicans.

"See? Liberals are trying to ban the Bible! We dun told ya!" and the frothing hordes of morons will froth even more.


Everything makes them froth even more. At least this is interesting
 
2022-04-22 3:24:14 PM  

King Something: Lot's daughters date-raped him.


Didn't Noah's son Ham watch him jack off?
 
2022-04-22 3:24:16 PM  
21And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.

22And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.

23And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness.

24And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.

And as I was taught in Bible school, Ham and his descendants were cursed with dark skin for having sex with Noah.
 
2022-04-22 3:24:20 PM  

tintar: wow, we really seem to be talking rather a lot about the bag of 200 severed penises lately.

/Saul made David eat every single last one
//as a condition of marrying Michal
///EABOD!


The war has had me away from the 'food' tab. I didn't know you could sous vide with condoms.
 
2022-04-22 3:24:28 PM  
imgs.search.brave.comView Full Size
 
2022-04-22 3:24:47 PM  
He's got the Kristians there on all counts.

Ancient Rabbis did not allow young men to read certain parts of the canonical Old Testament until they were late twenty-somethings.

They knew it could give them the wrong ideas. NOT FOR CHILDREN should be printed on all Christian literature.
 
2022-04-22 3:25:13 PM  

DonkeyDixon: King Something: Lot's daughters date-raped him.

Didn't Noah's son Ham watch him jack off?


I was taught he had sex with Noah, and as a result, his skin was turned dark.
 
2022-04-22 3:25:22 PM  

LeoffDaGrate: Number of times CRT, Abortion, or child molestation is mentioned in the bible: 0.

Number of deaths in the bible: A total of 2,821,364 deaths are specifically enumerated in scripture as either directly orchestrated by God, or carried out with his assistance or approval. Satan, on the other hand, notches up only 10 kills.


Akshully, abortion is in the Bible. Women suspected of being unfaithful and pregnant could be taken to the temple where the priests would have her drink the "bitter water" which would either cause her to miscarry or just give her a bad gut cramp. So yeah, it's there, and they were totally fine with it.
 
2022-04-22 3:26:02 PM  

tintar: Ms. Hushpuppy: It's a metaphor

I... that seems to happen far too often with bible-handwavery.

"it's a metaphor! it's a parable! except when we don't want it to be!"


Just staying, why go X when you could go XXX?
 
2022-04-22 3:26:50 PM  
Judge: Nice try, but it wasn't written by a black American.
 
2022-04-22 3:27:07 PM  

TedCruz'sCrazyDad: DonkeyDixon: King Something: Lot's daughters date-raped him.

Didn't Noah's son Ham watch him jack off?

I was taught he had sex with Noah, and as a result, his skin was turned dark.


No I think what happened is that he stared into Noah's b-hole
 
2022-04-22 3:30:41 PM  

LeoffDaGrate: Number of times CRT, Abortion, or child molestation is mentioned in the bible: 0.


I mean, the bible is rife with child brides. Mary is canonically 15-ish when she spawned the Baby Jesus™.
 
2022-04-22 3:31:38 PM  

Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs: Nice subtle slant in the article.


DIFFICULTY :

Fark user imageView Full Size

If you say you're ordained ON ANOTHER PLANET and you named your company "SCHADENBONER" maybe you are looking not to be taken all that seriously.
 
2022-04-22 3:31:39 PM  

Marcos P: Martian_Astronomer: 1. Eating 200 foreskins is way easier than eating 200 whole dongs.

oh I don't think you know my ex wife...


In a row?
 
2022-04-22 3:32:46 PM  
Atheist Florida Man doing God's work.
 
2022-04-22 3:33:22 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: tintar: wow, we really seem to be talking rather a lot about the bag of 200 severed penises lately.

/Saul made David eat every single last one
//as a condition of marrying Michal
///EABOD!

In the story, it was foreskins, not whole penises.

I don't enjoy being the "ACKSHUALLY" guy here, but I bring it up for two reasons:

1. Eating 200 foreskins is way easier than eating 200 whole dongs.
2. This is how David gets credit for inventing a dish known as "Canaan Calamari."


Le Telepathé - Cyanide & Happiness Shorts (VOSTFR)
Youtube 84gRtae8yHY
 
2022-04-22 3:34:49 PM  

ketkarsa: Since any real God would disapprove of rape, incest, bestiality, and all the other stuff that the Bible does 100x times.


The Jewish community often points out that the Biblical text not only teaches what to do, but gives a plethora of teachings by example of what not to do. There is a difference between halacha and aggadah.

/not Jewish
 
2022-04-22 3:35:26 PM  

tintar: Martian_Astronomer: tintar: plus David never had to eat them, I just keep making that same stupid joke (at least I'm pretty sure he did not, lol. altho' this is the bible we're talkin' 'bout, so...)

No, there's nothing about eating them in the story, I'm just trying not to be *that* pedantic.

and I appreciate that as well!

but I'ma still keep trying to make EABOD into A Thing!


As long as we're differentiating...I get enough crap for the foreskins.
 
2022-04-22 3:35:58 PM  
Jesus woke AF
 
2022-04-22 3:37:04 PM  

SurfaceTension: I can't wait until I'm asked for my favorite Bible verses. I give you Ezekiel 23 (NIV):

Two Adulterous Sisters


Wow, those two seem fun. I mean, not long term, but maybe a crazy weekend every now and again.
 
2022-04-22 3:38:09 PM  

The Fireman: Get em.


And then the murders began
 
2022-04-22 3:38:33 PM  
"Though book-banning incidents have been recorded in seven Florida school districts, none has been documented in South Florida's school districts."Quit preaching to the choir. Hit on the seven school districts that have done it.
 
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