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(The Sun)   The Sun's top 10 funniest gags   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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60869 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Nov 2004 at 12:30 PM (17 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

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2004-11-15 10:44:28 AM  
WHY did the jelly baby go to school?

Because he wanted to be a smarty.

WTF does that even mean?
2004-11-15 10:46:44 AM  
It's about candy I think.
2004-11-15 11:03:07 AM  
"Smarties" known as "Rockets" in Canada. Like Mini Sweet Tarts without the Tart.

[image from too old to be available]
2004-11-15 11:24:27 AM  
If Jo Ann Worley had been British, these would've been in her routine.

(For the young'uns: JAW was the worst female comic of the 60s & 70s)
2004-11-15 11:30:24 AM  
These are the worst jokes I've ever been subjected to.
2004-11-15 12:35:42 PM  
I don't get half of them and the other half are just dumb..
2004-11-15 12:35:57 PM  
wow, these are some great gags.

2004-11-15 12:36:26 PM  
Ugh, give me my two minutes back please.
2004-11-15 12:37:05 PM  
smarties are small chocolate candys coated in sugar.
2004-11-15 12:37:27 PM  
Could someone now explain the extasy one please? I assume it's another case of Brit slang going over my head.
2004-11-15 12:37:27 PM  
SmallManTalksBig sez: Do I have to be Breeteesh to geet number 5?
2004-11-15 12:37:30 PM  
Really funny stuff... for a four-year-old.
2004-11-15 12:37:56 PM  
Jokes not good. Mmmmm Jo Ann Worley. How about a Jo Ann Worley and Goldie Hawn threesome?
2004-11-15 12:38:01 PM  
CLUBBERS in Yorkshire have taken to using dental syringes to inject Ecstasy directly into their mouths.

This dangerous practice is known as "E by gum".

Can someone translate this for me?
2004-11-15 12:38:05 PM  
huh ??
2004-11-15 12:38:24 PM  
so a horse walks into a bar...
2004-11-15 12:38:34 PM  
"So he opened the window, snapped off the aerial and started whipping her with it."

aerial = Antenna??????
2004-11-15 12:38:35 PM  

and yeah i'm going to pretend i never saw this. This isn't the Fark i married...
2004-11-15 12:38:43 PM  
dumbest. jokes. EVAR!
2004-11-15 12:39:34 PM  
BACK OFF OF JO ANN WORLEY! She's no Avery Schreiver, but she's good.
2004-11-15 12:39:56 PM  
British Humour << British Dentistry

/teh suXX0r5
2004-11-15 12:40:12 PM  
Isn't "by gum" an old 1800's prospector lingo. Ton sarnit, dag nabit, etc.
2004-11-15 12:40:23 PM  
I got 9 out of 10, but most were lame...

What the "E by gum" thing?
2004-11-15 12:40:29 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

This is what I know as Smarties. Pretty much identical to plain M&M's
2004-11-15 12:41:00 PM  
Only the very best gags make The Sun Online and below we've selected our brand new top ten to give you a good chuckle.

These are the BEST!?
#4 and 8 are mildly funny. The rest are just bad.
2004-11-15 12:41:11 PM  
I believe that in the UK, smarties are actually similar to M&Ms.
2004-11-15 12:41:13 PM  
later on a string walks into a bar...
2004-11-15 12:41:18 PM  
This dangerous practice is known as "E by gum".

Please help me with this phrase. I am suffering from "If it hadn't been for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college" syndrome.
2004-11-15 12:41:18 PM  
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's
mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and
tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite
words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean
up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in
the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions
and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about
to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior,
the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"
2004-11-15 12:41:28 PM  
The Yankee says Gee Wiz
The Scotsman says 'Ood-aye
The Welshman says Indeed You Goodness
Goodness knows just why
In Lancashire and Yorkshire
Ever since the world began
This is the expression of a strong and silent man
'Ee By Gum, 'Ee-hee By Gum
The only thing he ever says is 'Ee By Gum
2004-11-15 12:41:54 PM  
Those were the worst jokes I've heard in a long while...
2004-11-15 12:41:56 PM  
More proof that the British are truly useless.
2004-11-15 12:42:08 PM  
The posts by confused non-Brits are actually more amusing than the gags.
2004-11-15 12:42:23 PM  
Well? That certainly made me GAG.
2004-11-15 12:42:46 PM  
Idle: Top-hole. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.

Jones: Er, I'm afraid I don't quite follow you, Squadron Leader.

Idle: It's perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.

Jones: No, I'm just not understanding banter at all well today. Give us it slower.

Idle: Banter's not the same if you say it slower, Squiffy.
2004-11-15 12:42:56 PM  
"E by gum" is just an expression, "by gum" being a corrupton of "by god" and "E" being an interjection, like the Candian "Eh".

/obscure: Those of us who watched "Danger Mouse" on Nickelodeon back in the early '80s recall an episode with an alien with a strong Welsh accent, who kept commenting about another character: "E, by gum 'es a bad'un!"
2004-11-15 12:42:59 PM  

n. A radio antenna, especially one suspended in or extending into the air.
2004-11-15 12:43:44 PM  
Ha ha, so "E by gum" is a pun on a nonsense phrase. Smashing!
2004-11-15 12:44:07 PM  
Will Sun be there to cover how badly these jokes suck?
2004-11-15 12:44:09 PM  
I'll never understand British humor, cuisine or why they still have royalty.
2004-11-15 12:44:12 PM  
well, it looks like Major-Blagger cleared it all up with that poem.

/not reall
2004-11-15 12:44:25 PM  
"E by gum" is just an expression, "by gum" being a corrupton of "by god" and "E" being an interjection, like the Candian "Eh".

Oh! So it's not at all funny in any way? I get it! Well, why didn't someone just say that?
2004-11-15 12:44:35 PM!?

Fark needs a "Sucking" tag for this kind of thing.
2004-11-15 12:44:44 PM  
Where was the SUN on this one?
2004-11-15 12:45:07 PM  
MK-Ultra71, I agree. WTF mates?
2004-11-15 12:45:53 PM  
Well, the joke "works" by playing off the fact that Ecstacy is called "E" so that injecting it in the mouth would literally be "E by gum," like the nonsensical phrase.

No, it's not terribly funny.
2004-11-15 12:46:16 PM  
The only one remotely funny was the pharmacist/cyanide one. The others just sucked.

"If it wasn't for my horse. I wouldn't have spent that year in college."
2004-11-15 12:46:28 PM  
It's a fap!

How I miss DM.
2004-11-15 12:47:12 PM  
Darkhop ...and I suppose you think you're funnier?
/Yeah, she was right up there w/ruth buzzi
2004-11-15 12:47:24 PM  
No, it's not terribly funny.

No, its just terrible.
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