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(Metro)   Cobra called in to assist British residents during Storms Eunice and Dudley as GI Joe is useless as a croissant vibrator   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Followup, England, Northern Ireland, United Kingdom, northern England, Met Office, rare red alert, Devon, emergency Cobra meeting  
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1588 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Feb 2022 at 9:05 AM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



33 Comments     (+0 »)
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2022-02-17 9:04:04 AM  
Nobody would ever use a croissant as a vibrator, subby. That would require extensive electrical modifications that just don't make any sense when easier options are readily available.

But perhaps you meant to suggest using a croissant as a dildo? In that case, then you're right in one regard. A freshly baked croissant would make a pretty useless dildo.

However, if you leave that croissant out on the counter for a few days, that's a different calculation entirely. You're always going to have to worry about flaking, of course, but that potential could actually open up new and tasty doors for you and your partner.
 
2022-02-17 9:10:31 AM  

Pocket Ninja: Nobody would ever use a croissant as a vibrator, subby. That would require extensive electrical modifications that just don't make any sense when easier options are readily available.

But perhaps you meant to suggest using a croissant as a dildo? In that case, then you're right in one regard. A freshly baked croissant would make a pretty useless dildo.

However, if you leave that croissant out on the counter for a few days, that's a different calculation entirely. You're always going to have to worry about flaking, of course, but that potential could actually open up new and tasty doors for you and your partner.


Maybe it's a device that vibrates croissants?
 
2022-02-17 9:15:51 AM  
GI Joe is useless as a croissant vibrator

Buttery males.
 
2022-02-17 9:17:27 AM  
these storm names are utterly useless
 
2022-02-17 9:19:00 AM  
You're the disease.  I'm the cure...
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-02-17 9:19:14 AM  

RolfBlitzer: GI Joe is useless as a croissant vibrator

Buttery males.


Don't give him the stick.
 
2022-02-17 9:21:41 AM  
Pocket Ninja:However, if you leave that croissant out on the counter for a few days, that's a different calculation entirely. You're always going to have to worry about flaking, of course, but that potential could actually open up new and tasty doors for you and your partner.

It would explain the smile on Scarlett's face.
 
2022-02-17 9:23:38 AM  
Who left the cake out in the rain?
 
2022-02-17 9:24:59 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


I realize it's the angle but the people in this photo look doomed.
 
2022-02-17 9:30:38 AM  
I still find it deeply amusing that the name of the emergency committee meetings in the Uk being Cobra makes it sound like it's deliberately over the top, when it's actually just an acronym of "cabinet office board room A".

(Which is the bullet proof one at 10 Downing Street, thanks to the IRA)
 
2022-02-17 9:38:38 AM  

Hendawg: You're the disease.  I'm the cure...
[Fark user image 425x239]


He won't deal with psychos though.
 
2022-02-17 9:55:23 AM  
Should be a pretty breezy morning for me, 60-70 mph winds.  Luckily, I have a case of beer, 46 bottles of wine, three bottles of vodka, one bottle of Highland Park and lots of ice.  Should be okay until lunchtime.
 
2022-02-17 9:56:45 AM  
Who wants a body massage?

/Pork sandwiches!!!
//Stop all the downloading
///Last one there is a penis pump
 
2022-02-17 10:42:18 AM  
So the government pays Cobra extra money for services related to a weather disaster? Hmmmm...

encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2022-02-17 10:43:03 AM  

Cyrene Valantion: I still find it deeply amusing that the name of the emergency committee meetings in the Uk being Cobra makes it sound like it's deliberately over the top, when it's actually just an acronym of "cabinet office board room A".

(Which is the bullet proof one at 10 Downing Street, thanks to the IRA)


and where are they when we need them?
 
2022-02-17 10:45:39 AM  
I feel like "croissant vibrator" is a real sex toy, but I'm not searching for it at work.
 
2022-02-17 11:04:17 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Keep calm & have a cuppa

/both movies gave me the warm & fuzzies
//the upper lip trembled
///Paddington Bear is my spirit animal
 
2022-02-17 11:40:41 AM  
By Subby's logic, Cobra is *useful* as a croissant vibrator.

I think Subby failed going for a simile and ended up with a terrible metaphore. "GI Joe is as useless as a croissant vibrator." makes sense  Or maybe croissant is a reference to the French people and Cobra will shake them up. IDK
 
2022-02-17 11:52:09 AM  
Veep - Like using a croissant as a dildo
Youtube 2X0xWkeYnxk
 
2022-02-17 12:03:48 PM  
If you've been affected by red wind get your arse to the doctor.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-02-17 12:16:27 PM  

IRS.Agent.009: these storm names are utterly useless


These are storms with significant risk to life, property and infrastructure. And it really helps communication in terms of getting the message to prepare for them out. Also it helps make clear which one you're referring to when they're close together, like Malik and Corrie were on a Saturday and Sunday, now Dudley and Eunice are close, too.

/Malik was named by the Danish meteorological service, hence why it's out of alphabetical order.
 
2022-02-17 1:10:16 PM  
Cobra warning in effect

S-s-s-s-s-s-s-stay out of the S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-storms-s-s-s-s-s-s
 
2022-02-17 1:13:39 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Nobody would ever use a croissant as a vibrator, subby. That would require extensive electrical modifications that just don't make any sense when easier options are readily available.

But perhaps you meant to suggest using a croissant as a dildo? In that case, then you're right in one regard. A freshly baked croissant would make a pretty useless dildo.

However, if you leave that croissant out on the counter for a few days, that's a different calculation entirely. You're always going to have to worry about flaking, of course, but that potential could actually open up new and tasty doors for you and your partner.


I think you're going into the weeds, needlessly..

The fact that a croissant can't be a vibrator without a lot of modifications does little to detract that it is, in fact, useless as a vibrator.

:)
 
2022-02-17 2:28:11 PM  
Little known fact, Destro is Boris Johnson's great uncle.
 
2022-02-17 3:51:49 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-02-17 3:55:09 PM  
Ya'll realize "weather dominator" was a euphemism, right?
 
2022-02-17 7:36:55 PM  
So, wait, croissant shaped or made from croissant pastry?
 
2022-02-17 9:48:00 PM  

FarkingReading: [Fark user image 425x283]

I realize it's the angle but the people in this photo look doomed.


It looks like a microscope image of white bread is about to fall on them. Which gives me vertigo, which is not a personal weakness I ever considered. And now I learned something about myself today. If I am in a knife fight inside a food laboratory, my opponent will have the upper hand merely by reaching for a binder and scattering pages of bread close-ups in my face. Now I have to reconsider my...plans. So thank you, for this serendipitous revelation.
 
2022-02-17 9:50:22 PM  

Pocket Ninja: That would require extensive electrical modifications that just don't make any sense when easier options are readily available.


Well it would be simple to do, though. The crumbs are probably the salient issue.

How to Make a Simple Toy Bristlebot (Toothbrush Robot)
Youtube JnSsMI9ov7s
 
2022-02-17 10:05:27 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

I should imagine the croissant shape is ideal for neck massage therapy.
 
2022-02-18 7:16:19 AM  

iron de havilland: IRS.Agent.009: these storm names are utterly useless

These are storms with significant risk to life, property and infrastructure. And it really helps communication in terms of getting the message to prepare for them out. Also it helps make clear which one you're referring to when they're close together, like Malik and Corrie were on a Saturday and Sunday, now Dudley and Eunice are close, too.

/Malik was named by the Danish meteorological service, hence why it's out of alphabetical order.


there's apparently evidence that naming the storms also makes people pay attention to and remember the warnings.

"It's going to be dangerously windy tomorrow" doesn't seem to stick as well as "storm Eunice is going to try and kill you tomorrow".

It's really windy here right now. I hate it.
 
2022-02-18 8:41:58 AM  
I think we should ask Piph about this. NSFW.
 
2022-02-18 9:10:45 AM  

Pocket Ninja: Nobody would ever use a croissant as a vibrator, subby...


Yeah, it would be a pretty crumby sex toy.
 
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