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(Seattle Times)   Generally, though, lecturing people who have to be told when they should be ashamed of themselves is a lost cause   (seattletimes.com) divider line
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4517 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2022 at 6:05 PM (15 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-01-27 6:09:05 PM  
Sound and succinct advice.
 
2022-01-27 6:09:43 PM  
This article is weird. Why not just unionize, so that there is a constructive way to deal with every part of this problem, from the jerks to the scolds, and we can have useful articles instead of 750 words of "Shhhh..."
 
2022-01-27 6:14:02 PM  
Or...you can turn up the white noise generator to max, change the code, keep the keys and relabel the box to "internet switch" then quit. My ex-coworker told me it took them 6 months to figure it out.
 
2022-01-27 6:14:38 PM  
Uh, this. People who bully/harass others (in any context) don't care about the feelings of other people.

They care about THEIR feelings. They don't give a shiat about yours.
 
2022-01-27 6:16:35 PM  

Bennie Crabtree: This article is weird. Why not just unionize, so that there is a constructive way to deal with every part of this problem, from the jerks to the scolds, and we can have useful articles instead of 750 words of "Shhhh..."


Yeah, this workplace absolutely sounds like it's ripe for unionization. LOL
 
2022-01-27 6:18:51 PM  
You gotta act just a little bit crazy at the workplace so people have some reservation about interacting with you
 
2022-01-27 6:19:53 PM  
IMO you have to deal with this stuff as it happens.
supervisor, owner, no matter who they are, stand up for yourself and your actions, it's very seldom anyone else will. document everything and get yourself a mediocre lawyer.
fortunately, we laborers do still have some protections (at least here in CA) so stab back at the beast fer Christ sake.
 
2022-01-27 6:21:15 PM  
Headline reminds me of the sexual harassment training I just had to go through.

But to be fair, I did learn a few new pickup lines that just might work.
 
2022-01-27 6:21:55 PM  
FTFA: "you'd just be handing your bullies a "kick me" sign to pin to your back."

Listen, and understand. That bully is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

You don't hand someone ammunition and then turn your back.
 
2022-01-27 6:23:13 PM  

Isitoveryet: IMO you have to deal with this stuff as it happens.
supervisor, owner, no matter who they are, stand up for yourself and your actions, it's very seldom anyone else will. document everything and get yourself a mediocre lawyer.
fortunately, we laborers do still have some protections (at least here in CA) so stab back at the beast fer Christ sake.


Definitely document and complain and document the complaints. The question and answer were about revenge on the way out.  Venting would not help.
 
2022-01-27 6:26:54 PM  

lysdexic: revenge on the way out.


heck, i think leaving is the greatest revenge anyone could ask for.
all those other jerks have to go back there on Monday.
 
2022-01-27 6:31:41 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-27 6:35:51 PM  

Bennie Crabtree: This article is weird. Why not just unionize, so that there is a constructive way to deal with every part of this problem, from the jerks to the scolds, and we can have useful articles instead of 750 words of "Shhhh..."


Funny you should ask. Tech work in silicon valley is high paying and not union. Here, changing jobs frequently is not frowned on. Running into co-workers from a previous employer at a new job isn't uncommon. That's why you don't burn bridges. Can bite you in the ass down the road.
 
2022-01-27 6:36:35 PM  
That's what "Glassdoor" is for

Name names, call names and YELL on the way out.

Always call them frat-bros, but also closet-cases

i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2022-01-27 6:36:54 PM  
If s/he's that concerned, sue the company for creating a hostile work environment. It will be expensive but it will be on the record and probably not worth it.

Otherwise, walk away and live better.
 
2022-01-27 6:37:50 PM  
Should I tell the Seattle Times my feelings about them bullying me about my adblocker?
 
2022-01-27 6:43:26 PM  

Isitoveryet: IMO you have to deal with this stuff as it happens.
supervisor, owner, no matter who they are, stand up for yourself and your actions, it's very seldom anyone else will. document everything and get yourself a mediocre lawyer.
fortunately, we laborers do still have some protections (at least here in CA) so stab back at the beast fer Christ sake.


Also worth mentioning that even in an 'at will' state, there's a concept of 'constructive discharge'.

Basically, if you're being harassed in your workplace, and you quit over it, you may be able to sue your employer for having a hostile workplace.

So if you can document it, it might be worth talking to a lawyer.
 
2022-01-27 6:44:13 PM  

MBooda: Should I tell the Seattle Times my feelings about them bullying me about my adblocker?


Poor Baby
 
2022-01-27 6:46:13 PM  
What bullies hate the most is a lack of reaction. You should respond the same way as you do when encountering the mental ill person fondling their private parts who recently peed themselves.  By not making eye contact and crossing to the other side of the street.
 
2022-01-27 6:46:18 PM  
I broke up with my ex who was horrible.
Should I write them a letter explaining how I still don't like them?
 
2022-01-27 6:46:26 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Uh, this. People who bully/harass others (in any context) don't care about the feelings of other people.

They care about THEIR feelings. They don't give a shiat about yours.


Yeah, I think I lot of people have it in their head that when they finally get the bravery to stand up to bullies everyone will jump to their feet in cheering unison and the bully will slink off, abashed and ashamed

/real life ain't a fairy tale
//and Andy didn't fight the good fight
 
2022-01-27 6:48:39 PM  

TomDooley: What bullies hate the most is a lack of reaction. You should respond the same way as you do when encountering the mental ill person fondling their private parts who recently peed themselves.  By not making eye contact and crossing to the other side of the street.


This is true. Basically every reaction, from silently taking it to righteous rage and perfect put downs is proof that you are a rotten asshole that deserves everything they dish out.
 
2022-01-27 6:53:33 PM  
Put sugar in one of their gas tanks and make it look like the other two did it.


Promotion!
 
2022-01-27 6:56:00 PM  
My boss is squarely on my shart list and from here on out:
I refuse to listen to him complain about anything or anyone that I have no direct control over
I will not have any conversations behind a closed door with him
All emails from me will be boilerplate
I will not allow him to interject himself into a conversation he was not a part of
I will cardswipe in and out every day at any available door in my building even though I am salaried - to keep a forever record of my time on the property
I may just join the local union to have someone watching my back cause it sure as hell is not him
 
2022-01-27 6:56:02 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Uh, this. People who bully/harass others (in any context) don't care about the feelings of other people.

They care about THEIR feelings. They don't give a shiat about yours.



I think you get it wrong, slightly wrong.
A bully that gets no tears from you, no confirmation of their power and how the did totally get to you. Gets no satisfaction and soon seeks new targets.

They do "care" what you feel, their feels are unrelated to sympathy or concern for your well being.
More like any parasite does care that they feed on a worth while host.


But the truth of them is, they do it for your bad feels, your pain is proof of their power. So it is best to not let them know if they caused you any distress, discomfort, or pain of any kind, because that was their whole goal.
Once you fed them, and they satisfaction, expect them to come for more.
 
2022-01-27 6:56:33 PM  

TomDooley: What bullies hate the most is a lack of reaction. You should respond the same way as you do when encountering the mental ill person fondling their private parts who recently peed themselves.  By not making eye contact and crossing to the other side of the street.


Sometimes they hate it enough to escalate and that's how you end up in court over it.
 
2022-01-27 7:06:44 PM  

Begoggle: I broke up with my ex who was horrible.
Should I write them a letter explaining how I still don't like them?


Yes.
Post the result on Fark.
 
2022-01-27 7:08:45 PM  
It would seem that every other person working that job besides the author was a bully and abusive and an assholeand an active part of the conspiracy to rid the jobsite of the author befo0re and despite no replacement for the author  having been hire or appointed yet. And the author  has proof of the conspiracy because  an accidental in formant told him in as many words. Whats more not a single one of the authors 6+ grievances filed with huma resources during the authors 2 years of loyal service during this  stressful pandemic  was enough to get any of the co-conspiritors punished, nor demoted, nor retrained in people skills nor fired despite their many and constant trespasses against the author and everyone like the author employed there..


If true then burn the business down and salt the earth where it once stood It deserves no better

However if the story is false or self inflicted or the deranged rambling of a delusional frigtht6ened Aaron or Karen with an uncertain income and a passion for stirring shiat to get attention while looking busy...Them give the management team and the authors fellow  proles all medals and letters of commendation and  an extra weeks vacation this yea5 for being Saints who put up with the author for two farking years during a pandemic without resorting to mob violence.
 
2022-01-27 7:09:59 PM  
I'm semi-retired now. I work part time mostly to keep my sanity and for beer money. The physical requirements for my old position got to be too much, so I took a substantial pay cut 3 months ago to do a job that lets me get off my feet. Management just sent out a memo basically saying staffing crisis, teamwork, pitch in, blah blah. I took a $7.50 an hour pay cut and now they want me to 'temporarily' go back and do my old job, but at my new pay rate. I'm chewing on that this evening but I'm 99% sure I'm going to show my ass at work tomorrow and quit. I'm financially able to quit and the more beer I drink tonight, the more it sounds like a good plan. My dad always used to tell me 'never make a life-changing decision sober'. My dad was a very wise man
 
2022-01-27 7:23:11 PM  
I'm 43, and with all the jobs I've had, there is only one asshole I wanted to punch.
 
2022-01-27 7:23:35 PM  

Too Pretty For Prison: I'm semi-retired now. I work part time mostly to keep my sanity and for beer money. The physical requirements for my old position got to be too much, so I took a substantial pay cut 3 months ago to do a job that lets me get off my feet. Management just sent out a memo basically saying staffing crisis, teamwork, pitch in, blah blah. I took a $7.50 an hour pay cut and now they want me to 'temporarily' go back and do my old job, but at my new pay rate. I'm chewing on that this evening but I'm 99% sure I'm going to show my ass at work tomorrow and quit. I'm financially able to quit and the more beer I drink tonight, the more it sounds like a good plan. My dad always used to tell me 'never make a life-changing decision sober'. My dad was a very wise man


This sounds like the beginning of a Legendary story!
Considering your name, I'm guessing the exit strategy can't be 'that' crazy, but you should let us make some suggestions for the exit. Like bringing durian for lunch, and microwaving it until an evacuation is needed.
 
2022-01-27 7:24:18 PM  
Maybe the real bullies are the friends we made along the way.
 
2022-01-27 7:24:35 PM  

Begoggle: I broke up with my ex who was horrible.
Should I write them a letter explaining how I still don't like them?


I ended a 4 1/2 year relationship with a phone call....which made it quite clear how I felt.
 
2022-01-27 7:27:00 PM  

The_Sponge: I'm 43, and with all the jobs I've had, there is only one asshole I wanted to punch.



you're not an asshole Mr. The_Sponge
 
2022-01-27 7:27:07 PM  

phishrace: Bennie Crabtree: This article is weird. Why not just unionize, so that there is a constructive way to deal with every part of this problem, from the jerks to the scolds, and we can have useful articles instead of 750 words of "Shhhh..."

Funny you should ask. Tech work in silicon valley is high paying and not union. Here, changing jobs frequently is not frowned on. Running into co-workers from a previous employer at a new job isn't uncommon. That's why you don't burn bridges. Can bite you in the ass down the road.


Ugghhh :/
 
2022-01-27 7:27:57 PM  

Dave2042: Maybe the real bullies are the friends we made along the way.


Some people see bullies and think "let's just be friends". Me? I think "let's just be enemies."
 
2022-01-27 7:28:04 PM  

Too Pretty For Prison: I'm semi-retired now. I work part time mostly to keep my sanity and for beer money. The physical requirements for my old position got to be too much, so I took a substantial pay cut 3 months ago to do a job that lets me get off my feet. Management just sent out a memo basically saying staffing crisis, teamwork, pitch in, blah blah. I took a $7.50 an hour pay cut and now they want me to 'temporarily' go back and do my old job, but at my new pay rate. I'm chewing on that this evening but I'm 99% sure I'm going to show my ass at work tomorrow and quit. I'm financially able to quit and the more beer I drink tonight, the more it sounds like a good plan. My dad always used to tell me 'never make a life-changing decision sober'. My dad was a very wise man


What beers are you sipping tonight fellow St. Louisan?
 
2022-01-27 7:29:13 PM  

The_Sponge: Begoggle: I broke up with my ex who was horrible.
Should I write them a letter explaining how I still don't like them?

I ended a 4 1/2 year relationship with a phone call....which made it quite clear how I felt.


Now that's a burned bridge! Surprising it didn't go something like...

s3.amazonaws.comView Full Size
 
2022-01-27 7:30:10 PM  

Private_Citizen: Some people see bullies and think "let's just be friends". Me? I think "let's just be enemies."


I read that in Louise Belcher's voice.
 
2022-01-27 7:31:13 PM  
You can't fight back in retrospect. I was subjected to workplace harassment. I put in my two weeks notice with a letter to HR chronicling the cycle of abuse with dates and times. It was right before Thanksgiving.  The new HR director investigated and found my complaint had merit, because my supervisor was a loudmouthed extortionist piglady.
They paid me full time through January and I didn't even have to work.  She got fired.

Vengeance must be swift and immediate, and it's always good to have it in writing. Keep a record.
Hurt feelings don't mean squat to anybody. Especially if you're already out.
 
2022-01-27 7:38:35 PM  

Isitoveryet: The_Sponge: I'm 43, and with all the jobs I've had, there is only one asshole I wanted to punch.


you're not an asshole Mr. The_Sponge


Heh...thanks.
 
2022-01-27 7:39:06 PM  

Bennie Crabtree: The_Sponge: Begoggle: I broke up with my ex who was horrible.
Should I write them a letter explaining how I still don't like them?

I ended a 4 1/2 year relationship with a phone call....which made it quite clear how I felt.

Now that's a burned bridge! Surprising it didn't go something like...

[s3.amazonaws.com image 480x360]


I chuckled.

At least it wasn't via text.
 
2022-01-27 7:39:48 PM  

The_Sponge: I'm 43, and with all the jobs I've had, there is only one asshole I wanted to punch.


Wait, as in tongue punch?
 
2022-01-27 7:46:18 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Uh, this. People who bully/harass others (in any context) don't care about the feelings of other people.

They care about THEIR feelings. They don't give a shiat about yours.


I can tell you that they care very much when you whisper to them in the bathroom that nothing would give you more pleasure than breaking every single bone in their bodies. Just make sure there are no witnesses
 
2022-01-27 7:47:34 PM  

Oneiros: Isitoveryet: IMO you have to deal with this stuff as it happens.
supervisor, owner, no matter who they are, stand up for yourself and your actions, it's very seldom anyone else will. document everything and get yourself a mediocre lawyer.
fortunately, we laborers do still have some protections (at least here in CA) so stab back at the beast fer Christ sake.

Also worth mentioning that even in an 'at will' state, there's a concept of 'constructive discharge'.

Basically, if you're being harassed in your workplace, and you quit over it, you may be able to sue your employer for having a hostile workplace.

So if you can document it, it might be worth talking to a lawyer.


I tried to claim a constructive dismissal when a supervisor threatened to kill me over a mistake they'd made.  The state denied it stating I could have moved to another branch. The next closest branch was two time zones away. The state didn't care.

As far as the unemployment office is concerned, if your workplace is so abusive that it's causing you harm, you should be suing them, not filing for unemployment. And really, most businesses lawyers offer a free consultation. And from experience, it does help mentally to speak to one just to be told that you were wronged.

Now, 'negligent hiring' and 'negligent retention' are the things I wish I'd known about when I was younger. Those are great things to start a case with.
 
2022-01-27 7:48:35 PM  

Too Pretty For Prison: I'm semi-retired now. I work part time mostly to keep my sanity and for beer money. The physical requirements for my old position got to be too much, so I took a substantial pay cut 3 months ago to do a job that lets me get off my feet. Management just sent out a memo basically saying staffing crisis, teamwork, pitch in, blah blah. I took a $7.50 an hour pay cut and now they want me to 'temporarily' go back and do my old job, but at my new pay rate. I'm chewing on that this evening but I'm 99% sure I'm going to show my ass at work tomorrow and quit. I'm financially able to quit and the more beer I drink tonight, the more it sounds like a good plan. My dad always used to tell me 'never make a life-changing decision sober'. My dad was a very wise man


Or just say, "No."  Show up and work your job then leave.  What are they gonna do?  Fire you during a staffing crisis?
 
2022-01-27 7:54:45 PM  

johnny_vegas: The_Sponge: I'm 43, and with all the jobs I've had, there is only one asshole I wanted to punch.

Wait, as in tongue punch?


I LOL'd.
 
2022-01-27 8:07:45 PM  

MBooda: Should I tell the Seattle Times my feelings about them bullying me about my adblocker?


Generally, lecturing website owners and DUMBASS FARK SUBMITTERS who should know better, is a lost cause.

Instead, it falls to us to ask "Why does so much of this shiat get past uBlock Origin lately?"
 
2022-01-27 8:24:26 PM  
Stoic philosopher Epictetus had some things to say about this. Basically, they're gonna do what they're gonna do, and you have no control over that, so understand and accept it. You have control over you: it's up to you to plot your own course.
 
2022-01-27 8:27:08 PM  
Tell me about it. I made it 200 posts deep into the gas stove thread.
 
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