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(Buzzfeed News)   There's gold in them thar prayers   (buzzfeednews.com) divider line
    More: Murica, Privacy, app users' names, Prayer, Political party, prayer apps, worst year of Katie, Data, Privacy policy  
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4452 clicks; posted to Main » and Business » on 25 Jan 2022 at 2:50 AM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2022-01-24 8:16:54 PM  
God wouldn't have named them sheep if He didn't want them to be fleeced.
 
2022-01-24 9:04:19 PM  

oldernell: God wouldn't have named them sheep if He didn't want them to be fleeced.


Shepard's pie isn't made out of shepherds...
 
2022-01-24 9:14:34 PM  
How far can you run a grift? Let's find out!
 
2022-01-24 9:33:36 PM  
"I just have no idea why they would need that," she said.

You're a product, Katie.
A stupid, stupid product.
 
2022-01-24 9:38:35 PM  
Using religion to fleece the rubes?  That's a new one on me.
 
2022-01-24 10:02:39 PM  
Thanks to Pray.com, Katie found solace in a community of what she calls "prayer warriors" - thousands of people who share their deepest fears and hopes in a public Facebookesque feed of prayers and prayer requests.

------

I think the next evolution is creating a website that just does the praying for you, rather than try to subcontract randos on the internet. Just submit a prayer request, and somewhere in the cloud a process prays a detailed, personalized prayer for you 100,000 times. We'll call it CloudPrayerTM.

"Wait," you say, "isn't that less effective than a real person praying for you?" First of all, you can't prove it isn't. Second of all, even if our CloudPrayersTM were somehow only 50% as effective as manual praying, you're still getting thousands of times more prayers than you would if you were subcontracting gig prayer warriors on some app - clearly you win in volume.

"Now, hold on," you might argue, "It's not about the number of times you pray, it's about a thinking, feeling being taking a request to God with all the full emotional intensity, hopefulness, tenacity, and nuance of their being."

Not to worry! Each CloudPrayerWarriorTM process on CloudPrayerTM is a full-featured prayer AI with at least as much mental complexity as the average Pray.com user, and is can be fully customized to deliver your prayer with the desired level of emotional intensity, hopefulness, tenacity, and nuance.

Subscribe today and pray with CloudPrayerTM - For  the prayer of a righteous app avails much.

(Guaranteed to be just as effective as the prayers of the most devout saints throughout history, or your money back!)
 
2022-01-24 10:24:02 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: Thanks to Pray.com, Katie found solace in a community of what she calls "prayer warriors" - thousands of people who share their deepest fears and hopes in a public Facebookesque feed of prayers and prayer requests.

------

I think the next evolution is creating a website that just does the praying for you, rather than try to subcontract randos on the internet. Just submit a prayer request, and somewhere in the cloud a process prays a detailed, personalized prayer for you 100,000 times. We'll call it CloudPrayerTM.

"Wait," you say, "isn't that less effective than a real person praying for you?" First of all, you can't prove it isn't. Second of all, even if our CloudPrayersTM were somehow only 50% as effective as manual praying, you're still getting thousands of times more prayers than you would if you were subcontracting gig prayer warriors on some app - clearly you win in volume.

"Now, hold on," you might argue, "It's not about the number of times you pray, it's about a thinking, feeling being taking a request to God with all the full emotional intensity, hopefulness, tenacity, and nuance of their being."

Not to worry! Each CloudPrayerWarriorTM process on CloudPrayerTM is a full-featured prayer AI with at least as much mental complexity as the average Pray.com user, and is can be fully customized to deliver your prayer with the desired level of emotional intensity, hopefulness, tenacity, and nuance.

Subscribe today and pray with CloudPrayerTM - For  the prayer of a righteous app avails much.

(Guaranteed to be just as effective as the prayers of the most devout saints throughout history, or your money back!)


This takes it to the platinum level. I'll be deeply disappointed if you don't follow through on it.
 
2022-01-24 11:15:02 PM  
angryflower.comView Full Size


The trick is to find a god that few people actually care about anymore. On a per-worshipper basis, they're more generous that way.
 
2022-01-25 12:04:16 AM  
Pray.com

Nah, it's more like Prey.com.
 
2022-01-25 2:50:39 AM  
I remember when the Catholic Church did that.

It ended up creating Protestantism.
 
2022-01-25 2:52:25 AM  
Can I mine bitcoin by praying for them?
 
2022-01-25 2:52:55 AM  
So....let me get this straight

Religious nuts, who are one of the only groups of people who can be statistically expected to mert in small or midsize groups to share painful experiences in order to move on, have started using apps to replace the human contact and are shocked when the app isnt on the level and uses them?
 
2022-01-25 2:59:09 AM  
If they're paying for prayers I can give them a bundle deal , one for the price of three ,.
 
2022-01-25 3:03:06 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-25 3:05:23 AM  
We're the light in your screens, we're the lead in your veins
Then you wake from your dreams so we can sell them again
In the light we distract with the shiny and new
So you're blind to the fact that the product is you
So let your brain dance and replay the dream
But don't drown in the data stream
We see where you are and we see where you go
We know what you own and we own what you know
 
2022-01-25 3:19:46 AM  

Mantour: oldernell: God wouldn't have named them sheep if He didn't want them to be fleeced.

Shepard's pie isn't made out of shepherds...


So you say...
 
2022-01-25 3:20:30 AM  
What a great way to fleece the rubes. I'm so disappointed in myself for not thinking of it first.
 
2022-01-25 3:22:06 AM  
There's no way this information could be used by bad actors to criminally compromise people.
 
2022-01-25 3:43:43 AM  

Boondock3806: What a great way to fleece the rubes. I'm so disappointed in myself for not thinking of it first.


Cryptocurrency scams ain't dead...

Yet.
 
2022-01-25 3:59:49 AM  

Nonrepeating Rotating Binary: There's no way this information could be used by bad actors to criminally compromise people.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-25 4:05:07 AM  

Nonrepeating Rotating Binary: There's no way this information could be used by bad actors to criminally compromise people.


These are the good leads in Glengarry Glen Ross. They will be used used to fleece these gullible suckers. No criminal activity needed if they just hand over their life savings.
 
2022-01-25 4:06:51 AM  
That's the most straightforward cynicism I'm disappointed I didn't get in on at the front.
 
2022-01-25 4:10:19 AM  
When you wish upon a star
Uni-Lever knows where you are
Pray to an angel to cure your ills
GSC can Emails you about pills
Download the moronic app
Get targeted ads for holy crap
 
2022-01-25 4:16:48 AM  
Reminds me of the pastor who died but when given money, she came back to life.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2022-01-25 4:19:54 AM  
Is there anyone here who can say one simple thing and make all religion disappear in a puff of logic?  I see that often but I haven't yet seen it here.
 
2022-01-25 4:49:41 AM  
People only exist to make money for the rich.
 
2022-01-25 5:16:12 AM  
It's like Robert Tilton on an app.
 
2022-01-25 5:59:08 AM  
It's understandable. If the merchants in the Jewish temple had better predictive biographical data on worshipers, they could have barred that mouthy sovereign citizen terrorist Yeshu ben Yosef before he vandalized their holy marketplace.

Turned out the guy was certifiable.  They eventually had to pay out 30 big ones to one of his associates to have him identified to local law enforcement.  Even then, he ranted about how he was going to level the buildings.
 
2022-01-25 6:29:31 AM  
Replace pray.com with therapy.com.

You'd end up in the same place. The data is too valuable not to package.
 
2022-01-25 6:35:18 AM  

Izunbacol: It's understandable. If the merchants in the Jewish temple had better predictive biographical data on worshipers, they could have barred that mouthy sovereign citizen terrorist Yeshu ben Yosef before he vandalized their holy marketplace.

Turned out the guy was certifiable.  They eventually had to pay out 30 big ones to one of his associates to have him identified to local law enforcement.  Even then, he ranted about how he was going to level the buildings.


Yeah, dude was screwy. Jewish man in his 30s should have learned a trade, married, and settled down.

Instead, he convinced, like, a dozen slackers to quit their jobs, hung out with hookers, reportedly threw huge parties with quantities of booze and fish sammiches of uncertain provenance.

Shouldn't be a surprise he did the contemporary equivalent of shooting up a synagogue. #sad. *twirls finger by ear*
 
2022-01-25 6:35:40 AM  

Mantour: oldernell: God wouldn't have named them sheep if He didn't want them to be fleeced.

Shepard's pie isn't made out of shepherds...


Yours isn't.
 
2022-01-25 7:08:40 AM  
I couldn't get into the article.  Is it anything more than "religion is dumb" and "free apps are making  money off your personal information?"

No?

Okay.

Carry on.
 
2022-01-25 7:26:18 AM  
Seems relevant:

smbc-comics.comView Full Size
 
2022-01-25 7:37:28 AM  

Mantour: oldernell: God wouldn't have named them sheep if He didn't want them to be fleeced.

Shepard's pie isn't made out of shepherds...


Really?

Oh....

/awkwardly attempts to block the chest freezer from view/

How about some pizza!
 
2022-01-25 8:07:13 AM  

Gordon Bennett: [Fark user image 474x201]


Can you be more... specific?
 
2022-01-25 8:09:29 AM  
I don't normally pray, but when I do I post my prayers on mook.com-it's the only website that verifies the authenticity of its members using last year's tax return.  Credit checks are more reliable than blue checks every day of the year!
 
2022-01-25 8:13:09 AM  

Twilight Farkle: [angryflower.com image 787x416]

The trick is to find a god that few people actually care about anymore. On a per-worshipper basis, they're more generous that way.


You could just have hookers outside the temple like the Romans used to do.
 
2022-01-25 8:15:08 AM  

Martian_Astronomer: Thanks to Pray.com, Katie found solace in a community of what she calls "prayer warriors" - thousands of people who share their deepest fears and hopes in a public Facebookesque feed of prayers and prayer requests.

------

I think the next evolution is creating a website that just does the praying for you, rather than try to subcontract randos on the internet. Just submit a prayer request, and somewhere in the cloud a process prays a detailed, personalized prayer for you 100,000 times. We'll call it CloudPrayerTM.

"Wait," you say, "isn't that less effective than a real person praying for you?" First of all, you can't prove it isn't. Second of all, even if our CloudPrayersTM were somehow only 50% as effective as manual praying, you're still getting thousands of times more prayers than you would if you were subcontracting gig prayer warriors on some app - clearly you win in volume.

"Now, hold on," you might argue, "It's not about the number of times you pray, it's about a thinking, feeling being taking a request to God with all the full emotional intensity, hopefulness, tenacity, and nuance of their being."

Not to worry! Each CloudPrayerWarriorTM process on CloudPrayerTM is a full-featured prayer AI with at least as much mental complexity as the average Pray.com user, and is can be fully customized to deliver your prayer with the desired level of emotional intensity, hopefulness, tenacity, and nuance.

Subscribe today and pray with CloudPrayerTM - For  the prayer of a righteous app avails much.

(Guaranteed to be just as effective as the prayers of the most devout saints throughout history, or your money back!)


Can I buy in early? This is a sure fire profit bearer.
 
2022-01-25 8:25:30 AM  

433: Is there anyone here who can say one simple thing and make all religion disappear in a puff of logic?  I see that often but I haven't yet seen it here.


God told me that he doesn't exist.
 
2022-01-25 8:27:05 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Let us be thankful we have an occupation to fill. Work hard, increase production, prevent accidents, and be happy.
 
2022-01-25 8:30:19 AM  
What part of .com do you idiots not understand?
 
2022-01-25 8:33:51 AM  
Sounds like somebody should have prayed in the closet, in secret, like their holy text tells them to.
 
2022-01-25 8:53:47 AM  
One's attention is directed to the Templeton study which concluded "patients who knew they were being prayed for had a higher rate of post-operative complications like abnormal heart rhythms, "
 
2022-01-25 9:05:37 AM  

saywhonow: Can I buy in early? This is a sure fire profit prophet bearer.


FTFY

also
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2022-01-25 9:11:21 AM  
memegenerator.netView Full Size



cefm: What part of .com do you idiots not understand?


This should really be in the .con domain.

IAmRight: Seems relevant:

[smbc-comics.com image 684x1151]


Prayer Macros are essentially what these little gadgets are:
thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
2022-01-25 9:22:08 AM  

DogParkSniper: Boondock3806: What a great way to fleece the rubes. I'm so disappointed in myself for not thinking of it first.

Cryptocurrency scams ain't dead...

Yet.


What we really need is a way to get prayers on the blockchain. Non-Fungible Thoughts, maybe?
 
2022-01-25 9:47:18 AM  
ajournalofmusicalthings.comView Full Size
 
2022-01-25 10:05:05 AM  

IgG4: How far can you run a grift? Let's find out!


I'm waiting for the Republican Congress to fund research into Prayer Weapons.
 
2022-01-25 10:22:21 AM  

J_Kushner: IgG4: How far can you run a grift? Let's find out!

I'm waiting for the Republican Congress to fund research into Prayer Weapons.


Didn't South Park already do that?

/They definitely nuked the imagination.
 
2022-01-25 10:26:59 AM  
I don't understand the whole idea of praying, besides the fact that god is imaginary. If a god existed, it knows the future already as it has predestined the whole shebang. Do these morons think that praying will change god's mind? But if god changes his mind then he didn't know what was going to happen, so god isn't omniscient...and on and on...
 
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