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(Boston Magazine)   I play golf annually with dad bros I met at a job 20 years ago so you should immediately stop working from home and get back to the office like your middle managers say   (bostonmagazine.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Friendship, Interpersonal relationship, hybrid work models, only gaggle of good friends, middle of the office, brave new world of virtual work, Tsedal Neeley, way people  
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1143 clicks; posted to Business » on 19 Jan 2022 at 4:10 PM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



44 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2022-01-19 3:26:34 PM  
I have made several friends working fully remotely. We've only had a couple chances to hang out in person so far (we're all fully vaxxed and boosted, agreed to only go to places that were checking vax records at the door and enforcing mask mandates, and only when the case rates were low in our area), but have plans for a lot more of that when we can.

There may be some benefits to running into people and the halls or break rooms or whatever, but those are far outweighed by, you know, not choking to death on lung butter. To act like that is the only way to get to know people is just flat out wrong.
 
2022-01-19 3:33:15 PM  
When I was in the office, I got over the "eating alone in public" thing because I sure as hell didn't want another hour with those idiots babbling about whatever those people do. So I ate by myself and got a free hour of quiet.

Some of us don't want to be friends with work. We keep our stuff separated like oil and water. I don't want work people knowing what I actually do on the weekend. Not that it's terrible, but they'd want to talk more...
 
2022-01-19 3:37:49 PM  
I stopped trying to make "friends" at the office a decade ago. When I first started out in sales at age 21, everybody there partied with each other, a lot of them got married to each other...we vacationed with each other. It was fun, sort of college plus.

It got more complicated, though. I got married at 25 and moved into banking. The flirting significantly decreased, others were also getting married, having kids. There was more pressure. We were still social, but not the freewheeling good times of days past.

In my 30s, the job became more serious, more cutthroat. Relationships at work were less about "being buddies" and more about "I trust you slightly more than our openly psychotic boss." Happy hours were fewer and much more reserved. Work trips became a drag versus a time to cut loose on the expense account. As the last few holdover friends from the early days left or moved away, office friendliness became more a courtesy than something sought after.

I left that job in 2014 after 12 years, and headed into a buzzsaw of awfulness for two years, meeting exactly one genuinely decent person out of the hundreds I worked with. I left that company and came to where I am now, a mid-sized financial company with actually great people working here.

I feel like investing in work "friendships" that have anything to do with life outside of work is a bad choice. I want to be friendly and cordial at work, and be easy enough to work with that people are comfortable around me. But nothing beyond. I don't want to be buddies with everyone...they quit, get fired, move away, die or retire, which is bad enough, emotionally. But, when your trusted confidants in the workplace change roles that are at odds with your own goals, things get weirder and more dangerous than they should.

I have friends outside of work. From grade school, college and involvement in various things over the years. They all "get me" and have no agenda or conflicts with my career. I'm comfortable keeping it that way.
 
2022-01-19 3:37:59 PM  
Masshole says something stupid
 
2022-01-19 3:42:10 PM  
Oh look the people that like to call meetings that should have just been an email are upset that they can't call meetings for no reason at all anymore.

Oh noes, however will work get done?????
 
2022-01-19 4:07:00 PM  
I am friendly and chatty at work to the point where people like working with me and do me favors (and vice versa) to the general benefit of all. I don't even acknowledge the existence of work when I am not there.

CSB: I once abandoned my shopping cart at the grocery store and left rather than 'run into' one of my team members. I ask a lot of my team at the office and have high expectations of performance... but I don't want them to even have to think about work in their off time. I sure don't.
 
2022-01-19 4:19:49 PM  
I don't want to be friends with people from the office. I want to be friendly, but not friends.
 
2022-01-19 4:26:08 PM  
I've never played golf. Maybe that's why I'm not a conservative douche.
 
2022-01-19 4:28:36 PM  

Tr0mBoNe: I am friendly and chatty at work to the point where people like working with me and do me favors (and vice versa) to the general benefit of all. I don't even acknowledge the existence of work when I am not there.

CSB: I once abandoned my shopping cart at the grocery store and left rather than 'run into' one of my team members. I ask a lot of my team at the office and have high expectations of performance... but I don't want them to even have to think about work in their off time. I sure don't.


I mean, that CSB is a little extreme.  You ought to be able to handle a "Oh, hey Rusty" when you're out at the grocery store.  I'm not trying to make my life a streak of happy hours with the office folk, but a casual greeting and maybe some shallow pleasantries are fine.
 
2022-01-19 4:28:42 PM  

GardenWeasel: I've never played golf. Maybe that's why I'm not a conservative douche.


While I did in my childhood (pretty much because my parents designated it as "something you would like"), I'd much rather throw plastic at chains.
 
2022-01-19 4:29:02 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Doesn't get it either. Well done fellas.
 
2022-01-19 4:32:14 PM  

GardenWeasel: I've never played golf. Maybe that's why I'm not a conservative douche.


One of the guys in my foursome is a socialist.  Another is an environmental and public transit lobbyist.
 
Juc [TotalFark]
2022-01-19 4:32:17 PM  
My office is moving from a relatively big one to a much smaller place with the company figuring a bunch of us will stay home most days.
if they start demanding everybody come into the office they're gonna need to figure out some parking real quick though, and invest in bunk desks.
 
2022-01-19 4:36:00 PM  

GardenWeasel: I've never played golf. Maybe that's why I'm not a conservative douche.


the fact you get out of breath just eating has nothing to do with it though
 
2022-01-19 4:38:05 PM  

Combustion: When I was in the office, I got over the "eating alone in public" thing because I sure as hell didn't want another hour with those idiots babbling about whatever those people do. So I ate by myself and got a free hour of quiet.


I got over that at 17, when I worked in a mall. Is this really a thing?
 
2022-01-19 4:38:52 PM  
I've had varying views on the subject and I've settled fairly strongly on the "stay out of my private life" side.  I had the obligatory job after college where we were genuinely friends and hung out together.  Hell, I was literally most of the group's boss and we were friends (and got invited to stuff after I quit so they weren't just sucking up).  I've had a job where I could barely stand saying hello to those assholes in the morning.

I'm happiest when I rarely go to company events and talk to these people.  Roughly once a quarter and the smaller the dose the better.  My current company runs a little over, but not by much.  No one's asking me to go to happy hour or trivia every [insert day of the week].  It's not pushy and there isn't mandatory bullshiat like "teambuilding" or a company picnic.
 
2022-01-19 4:44:18 PM  

Rapmaster2000: GardenWeasel: I've never played golf. Maybe that's why I'm not a conservative douche.

One of the guys in my foursome is a socialist.  Another is an environmental and public transit lobbyist.


And this group worked at magazines 20 years ago. So they are probably raging moderates.

Who can't get anything done on time and got kicked out of theater club.
 
2022-01-19 4:44:29 PM  

Rapmaster2000: GardenWeasel: I've never played golf. Maybe that's why I'm not a conservative douche.

One of the guys in my foursome is a socialist.  Another is an environmental and public transit lobbyist.


I don't think those groupings are allowed in Indiana.
 
2022-01-19 4:52:02 PM  
Golf sucks. The game sucks, the clothes suck, the little conservative rich boy attitudes suck.

F*ck golf 'til the end of time.
 
2022-01-19 5:05:09 PM  
I f**king hate golf and one benefit of this pandemic is not having to play it at all with idiots that like to talk business on the golf course.

I'd rather pay a homeless guy twenty bucks to pull out my fingernails one by one than every have to play golf again to get a contract...
 
2022-01-19 5:06:57 PM  

Dr Dreidel: Combustion: When I was in the office, I got over the "eating alone in public" thing because I sure as hell didn't want another hour with those idiots babbling about whatever those people do. So I ate by myself and got a free hour of quiet.

I got over that at 17, when I worked in a mall. Is this really a thing?


I think sitting at a table for multiple people for a sit-down dinner is kinda awkward. But that doesn't extend to lunch, nor does it apply to finding a seat at a bar.
 
2022-01-19 5:12:54 PM  

inglixthemad: I f**king hate golf and one benefit of this pandemic is not having to play it at all with idiots that like to talk business on the golf course.

I'd rather pay a homeless guy twenty bucks to pull out my fingernails one by one than every have to play golf again to get a contract...


media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2022-01-19 5:22:29 PM  

beezeltown: I stopped trying to make "friends" at the office a decade ago. When I first started out in sales at age 21, everybody there partied with each other, a lot of them got married to each other...we vacationed with each other. It was fun, sort of college plus.

It got more complicated, though. I got married at 25 and moved into banking. The flirting significantly decreased, others were also getting married, having kids. There was more pressure. We were still social, but not the freewheeling good times of days past.

In my 30s, the job became more serious, more cutthroat. Relationships at work were less about "being buddies" and more about "I trust you slightly more than our openly psychotic boss." Happy hours were fewer and much more reserved. Work trips became a drag versus a time to cut loose on the expense account. As the last few holdover friends from the early days left or moved away, office friendliness became more a courtesy than something sought after.

I left that job in 2014 after 12 years, and headed into a buzzsaw of awfulness for two years, meeting exactly one genuinely decent person out of the hundreds I worked with. I left that company and came to where I am now, a mid-sized financial company with actually great people working here.

I feel like investing in work "friendships" that have anything to do with life outside of work is a bad choice. I want to be friendly and cordial at work, and be easy enough to work with that people are comfortable around me. But nothing beyond. I don't want to be buddies with everyone...they quit, get fired, move away, die or retire, which is bad enough, emotionally. But, when your trusted confidants in the workplace change roles that are at odds with your own goals, things get weirder and more dangerous than they should.

I have friends outside of work. From grade school, college and involvement in various things over the years. They all "get me" and have no agenda or conflicts with my career. I'm comfortable keeping it that ...


Yes. This is the way.

Be friendly at work. Have "work friends". But don't think that they are your "real" friends. Some of them might be, but you'll be able to tell the difference. And it won't happen often.

The downside of it all is that as you get older, it's a hell of a lot harder to meet new people outside of work. You eventually get "too old for the club", and have to figure out new activities to meet people. You have to step outside of your comfort zone and do things you normally wouldn't really enjoy. You suck it up in the name of having a social life, and if you get lucky, you find something you *do* enjoy.
 
2022-01-19 5:27:04 PM  
I wouldn't come back to the office full time even if it came with daily hand jobs. Well, maybe if they came from Charlize Theron, but I'd need a raise, too. I LOVE WFH.
 
2022-01-19 5:36:02 PM  

Rapmaster2000: GardenWeasel: I've never played golf. Maybe that's why I'm not a conservative douche.

One of the guys in my foursome is a socialist.  Another is an environmental and public transit lobbyist.



But what does polyamory have to do with golf?
 
2022-01-19 6:14:56 PM  
Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University who's been studying loneliness for years, the heightened risk of mortality from loneliness equals that of smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic,

👀 the Mormon has to interject how bad cigarettes and alcohol are compared to not having friends.  If only there was a church you could join that would  provide the solution.
 
2022-01-19 6:22:08 PM  

inglixthemad: I f**king hate golf and one benefit of this pandemic is not having to play it at all with idiots that like to talk business on the golf course.

I'd rather pay a homeless guy twenty bucks to pull out my fingernails one by one than every have to play golf again to get a contract...


Same but what's worse is when they don't want to talk work. If we're not discussing pricing and inventory I have literally nothing in common with some of those people and I'm not going to follow college basketball just to make conversation with people I hate.
 
2022-01-19 6:32:09 PM  

realmolo: The downside of it all is that as you get older, it's a hell of a lot harder to meet new people outside of work.


Take up running - you'll meet more awesome people than you'll know what to do with...YMMV depending on how far you run.
 
2022-01-19 7:02:22 PM  

Elzar: realmolo: The downside of it all is that as you get older, it's a hell of a lot harder to meet new people outside of work.

Take up running - you'll meet more awesome people than you'll know what to do with...YMMV depending on how far you run.


Food bank will save your knees. Not recommended for bootstrappers.
 
2022-01-19 7:24:54 PM  

DoBeDoBeDo: Oh look the people that like to call meetings that should have just been an email are upset that they can't call meetings for no reason at all anymore.

Oh noes, however will work get done?????


Too late, I'm retired.
 
2022-01-19 7:43:36 PM  
The writer should have included a disclaimer.  'Not applicable to miserable loners and/or anthropophobiacs.'
 
2022-01-19 8:49:52 PM  
I think I may take some of that time I'm saving from not being forced to commute for hours a week and get to know my neighbors & local community

But yeah - keep telling me how my lack of office involvement is just terrible
 
2022-01-19 8:52:38 PM  
Work friends? LMAO fark no. I barely like being around people when I'm getting paid.
A person spends more time with work people than their significant other. That's already enough socializing with those weirdos.
 
2022-01-19 9:52:46 PM  

Marshmallow Jones: The writer should have included a disclaimer.  'Not applicable to miserable loners and/or anthropophobiacs.'


Just not all of us work at Pro Shops.
 
2022-01-19 10:00:04 PM  
I'm 100% work from home but only because my boss is one of the best bosses I've ever had. As long as I get my shiat done he doesn't care when or where I do it.

We had a conversation a few months back and both agreed that the only thing either of us missed about going in to the office was when our group went out together for lunches.
 
2022-01-19 10:31:23 PM  
Last time I golfed, I broke eighty.
That's a lot of clubs for one round.

And I did about the same on the back nine.
 
2022-01-19 10:54:27 PM  
Most people would rather not maintain an third or fourth social circle of 'friends' outside :

- their family
- their real friends
- their neighbors and community

Demanding the workers be 'friends' is awful
 
2022-01-19 11:55:57 PM  

Moose out front: I'm 100% work from home but only because my boss is one of the best bosses I've ever had. As long as I get my shiat done he doesn't care when or where I do it.

We had a conversation a few months back and both agreed that the only thing either of us missed about going in to the office was when our group went out together for lunches.


My boss is a honestly good guy and I've been working for him by one definition or another for over 30 years.  When the pandemic started almost two years ago we both decided that the best thing for me to do is to work from home (barring the one day every couple of months or so when I actually need to deal with some physical stuff in the office).

The only downside?  The God Damn leaf blowers in my neighborhood!  I swear to god that our neighbors on the street behind us all use the same gardener, but on different days of the week, and the guy has a leaf blower powered by a drag racer engine.
 
2022-01-20 1:32:49 AM  

realmolo: beezeltown: I stopped trying to make "friends" at the office a decade ago. When I first started out in sales at age 21, everybody there partied with each other, a lot of them got married to each other...we vacationed with each other. It was fun, sort of college plus.

It got more complicated, though. I got married at 25 and moved into banking. The flirting significantly decreased, others were also getting married, having kids. There was more pressure. We were still social, but not the freewheeling good times of days past.

In my 30s, the job became more serious, more cutthroat. Relationships at work were less about "being buddies" and more about "I trust you slightly more than our openly psychotic boss." Happy hours were fewer and much more reserved. Work trips became a drag versus a time to cut loose on the expense account. As the last few holdover friends from the early days left or moved away, office friendliness became more a courtesy than something sought after.

I left that job in 2014 after 12 years, and headed into a buzzsaw of awfulness for two years, meeting exactly one genuinely decent person out of the hundreds I worked with. I left that company and came to where I am now, a mid-sized financial company with actually great people working here.

I feel like investing in work "friendships" that have anything to do with life outside of work is a bad choice. I want to be friendly and cordial at work, and be easy enough to work with that people are comfortable around me. But nothing beyond. I don't want to be buddies with everyone...they quit, get fired, move away, die or retire, which is bad enough, emotionally. But, when your trusted confidants in the workplace change roles that are at odds with your own goals, things get weirder and more dangerous than they should.

I have friends outside of work. From grade school, college and involvement in various things over the years. They all "get me" and have no agenda or conflicts with my career. I'm comfortable keeping it that ...

Yes. This is the way.

Be friendly at work. Have "work friends". But don't think that they are your "real" friends. Some of them might be, but you'll be able to tell the difference. And it won't happen often.

The downside of it all is that as you get older, it's a hell of a lot harder to meet new people outside of work. You eventually get "too old for the club", and have to figure out new activities to meet people. You have to step outside of your comfort zone and do things you normally wouldn't really enjoy. You suck it up in the name of having a social life, and if you get lucky, you find something you *do* enjoy.


This is part of why gays go to bars, regardless of age. That, and because meeting other gays at work is generally not all that successful.
 
2022-01-20 8:19:55 AM  

DecemberNitro: Golf sucks. The game sucks, the clothes suck, the little conservative rich boy attitudes suck.

F*ck golf 'til the end of time.


Then don't use those clothes and don't play with people you don't like.
 
2022-01-20 8:38:16 AM  
Golfed a bit in the late 90s when I thought it would be good for my career. Then I got a job in the city, where golfing gave way to partying.

I ended up saving money. Golfing is a long, expensive day in the NYC metro area. I was happier when I decided to spend the money on booze, drugs and tickets to shows / games.

Nowadays I just go to the range by me (Bogota NJ) and try to hit cars on I-80.

/John Daly couldn't hit a car on 80 from that range, but it's fun to try
 
2022-01-20 9:15:11 AM  

beezeltown: I stopped trying to make "friends" at the office a decade ago. When I first started out in sales at age 21, everybody there partied with each other, a lot of them got married to each other...we vacationed with each other. It was fun, sort of college plus.

It got more complicated, though. I got married at 25 and moved into banking. The flirting significantly decreased, others were also getting married, having kids. There was more pressure. We were still social, but not the freewheeling good times of days past.

In my 30s, the job became more serious, more cutthroat. Relationships at work were less about "being buddies" and more about "I trust you slightly more than our openly psychotic boss." Happy hours were fewer and much more reserved. Work trips became a drag versus a time to cut loose on the expense account. As the last few holdover friends from the early days left or moved away, office friendliness became more a courtesy than something sought after.

I left that job in 2014 after 12 years, and headed into a buzzsaw of awfulness for two years, meeting exactly one genuinely decent person out of the hundreds I worked with. I left that company and came to where I am now, a mid-sized financial company with actually great people working here.

I feel like investing in work "friendships" that have anything to do with life outside of work is a bad choice. I want to be friendly and cordial at work, and be easy enough to work with that people are comfortable around me. But nothing beyond. I don't want to be buddies with everyone...they quit, get fired, move away, die or retire, which is bad enough, emotionally. But, when your trusted confidants in the workplace change roles that are at odds with your own goals, things get weirder and more dangerous than they should.

I have friends outside of work. From grade school, college and involvement in various things over the years. They all "get me" and have no agenda or conflicts with my career. I'm comfortable keeping it that way.


I read that as i am an asshole to the people I work with, over the years fewer and fewer people tolerated my asshole behavior.

Could be the sector you work in though.
 
2022-01-20 9:32:57 AM  

jayphat: beezeltown:

I read that as i am an asshole to the people I work with, over the years fewer and fewer people tolerated my asshole behavior.

Could be the sector you work in though.


I'm nice to everybody I work with. There's a world of difference between being an asshole to people and not actively trying to be "close friends" with people you work with. It's certainly possible to be arms-length friendly without being an asshole, regardless of the business you're in.
 
2022-01-20 11:48:59 AM  
You know, I could never really understand the Farkers that were dead set against the idea of being friends with your colleagues at work.  Seriously, before the pandemic, I spent the majority of my waking hours in the presence of my co-workers.  If I couldn't be at least casual friends with them, I would have gone insane.

If you loathe being around your work colleagues and view casual conversations with them with same enthusiasm you reserve for root canal surgery, then you need to quit your job and find a new one.  I guarantee your coworkers are as miserable with your existence as you are with theirs.
 
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