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(Yahoo)   Small out-of-touch town hopes to attract out-of-touch residents with free land near a swamp, 10 minutes of free beer, and free subscriptions to whatever Cable TV and newspapers are   (news.yahoo.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Marshall County, Minnesota, Thief River Falls, Minnesota, Pennington County, Minnesota, Thief River, Middle River, Hunting, Duck, National Wildlife Refuge  
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2958 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jan 2022 at 8:54 PM (1 day ago)   |   Favorite   |   Watch    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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‘’ 1 day ago  
It's probably gorgeous in the summer. Heck, you'd practically get Canadian citizenship.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
Sounds extremely Caucasian.

Extremely.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
I've never been so tempted to move to Minnesota.

/s
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
A 100-300ft plot of land?  What are they expecting to build on that?  O.o
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
Northern winters make me suicidal
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
I'm just here for the goose fest.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
I've never been tempted to move to Minnesota.

/cold hard fact
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
Well, it's no Spectre, Alabama, but it still sounds pretty cool for those that like that scene.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
If it came with a house already?  Maybe.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

edmo: It's probably gorgeous in the summer. Heck, you'd practically get Canadian citizenship.


Yes.

I'd love to have a framed picture of it, while I'm in civilization.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
They have cable TV there?  That's more than my place way the crap up north has.  Wait.  I do have non-satellite, non-dial up internet.  Does that mean cable is offered there as you usually go together?

/Indian reservation
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
Their newspaper "The Honker"

Ok, that made me laugh.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
This is what the Republicans want.  To warehouse everyone out in the middle of nowhere where there's no internet or any other entertainment and you are forced to drive everywhere and it takes like five hours for the cops to arrive so you have to buy your own bullets.  Plus there's no garbage service.  And no sewer so your poop is sprayed all over the backyard via a sprinkler.

Nothing but methheads, stagnant housing prices, bible thumpers, zero opportunity and a dying economy.  Count me out.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
No one is holding a gun to your head to move there if the lifestyle isn't to your taste. I can think of a lot of people who would enjoy it, though I'm not sure what kind of house you can build on a five figure income even if the land is free.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

SpaceyCat: A 100-300ft plot of land?  What are they expecting to build on that?  O.o


That is 30,000 square feet. About triple the size of an average lot in a denser subdivision. Should fit a house just fine.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

stevenvictx: Their newspaper "The Honker"

Ok, that made me laugh.


thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
I would like to see a tiny goose though.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
You know what they need......"The World's Biggest" something...

th.bing.comView Full Size


/ big dirty hoe
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

Billy Liar: You know what they need......"The World's Biggest" something...

[th.bing.com image 850x566]

/ big dirty hoe


You leave my mom out of this!
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

edmo: It's probably gorgeous in the summer.


I imagine mosquitos and Canadian Soldiers... I was thinking about it for a second. Then I looked on the map to see where the closest 'big city' is. It's Winnipeg. All I know about Winnipeg comes from a song called 'I Hate Winnipeg'. Do they even still have a hockey team?
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
The goose Capital? You couldn't pay me to move next door to them

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
It was a cute story. No way I'd move back to Minnesota, but good luck to them.

"Cervantes understands Marshall County inside and out because of his full-time job as a deputy sheriff. In his opinion, Middle River ranks No. 1 in the county for livability."

Dude, it's your opinion, tell them it ranks No. 1 in the world for livability!
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

stevenvictx: Their newspaper "The Honker"

Ok, that made me laugh.


to be fair, it's classier and more formal than "Honky".
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

TomDooley: This is what the Republicans want.  To warehouse everyone out in the middle of nowhere where there's no internet or any other entertainment and you are forced to drive everywhere and it takes like five hours for the cops to arrive so you have to buy your own bullets.  Plus there's no garbage service.  And no sewer so your poop is sprayed all over the backyard via a sprinkler.

Nothing but methheads, stagnant housing prices, bible thumpers, zero opportunity and a dying economy.  Count me out.


er...

also includes a one-year membership to the local Sportsmen's Club, a free building permit, two free years of municipal water and sewer, free electric hookup, three months of free cable TV, a $100 gift certificate to the local tavern, and a free, 12-month subscription to The Honker, the community's newspaper.

Sounds like they have municipal water and sewer and if they have cable tv it means they have cable internet.

I feel like if the lot was not super tiny it might be a neat wilderness oriented option for some remote worker who likes cold and swampy.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

The_Homeless_Guy: SpaceyCat: A 100-300ft plot of land?  What are they expecting to build on that?  O.o

That is 30,000 square feet. About triple the size of an average lot in a denser subdivision. Should fit a house just fine.


It's 2/3rds of an acre -- you can put up your single-wide mobile home and there will still be room to spare for your meth lab, a few old refrigerators and couple of cars on blocks.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
I want land where I can sit down in a chair on my front porch and hunt from right there.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
Here's the flyer showing everything they're offering in the deal:

middlerivermn.govoffice3.comView Full Size
They have churches AND girl scouts!!!
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
I did not know that goose hunting was a thing, but it makes sense as nobody likes those birds.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

neongoats: TomDooley: This is what the Republicans want.  To warehouse everyone out in the middle of nowhere where there's no internet or any other entertainment and you are forced to drive everywhere and it takes like five hours for the cops to arrive so you have to buy your own bullets.  Plus there's no garbage service.  And no sewer so your poop is sprayed all over the backyard via a sprinkler.

Nothing but methheads, stagnant housing prices, bible thumpers, zero opportunity and a dying economy.  Count me out.

er...

also includes a one-year membership to the local Sportsmen's Club, a free building permit, two free years of municipal water and sewer, free electric hookup, three months of free cable TV, a $100 gift certificate to the local tavern, and a free, 12-month subscription to The Honker, the community's newspaper.

Sounds like they have municipal water and sewer and if they have cable tv it means they have cable internet.

I feel like if the lot was not super tiny it might be a neat wilderness oriented option for some remote worker who likes cold and swampy.


Super tiny? Normal suburban  lots are 40x100.  Or smaller.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

Moose out front: Here's the flyer showing everything they're offering in the deal:

[middlerivermn.govoffice3.com image 850x1081]They have churches AND girl scouts!!!


Free fire extinguisher is a nice touch since I don't think that they have a fire department.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

Moose out front: Here's the flyer showing everything they're offering in the deal:

[middlerivermn.govoffice3.com image 850x1081]They have churches AND girl scouts!!!


Goose Festival in ALL CAPS is a nice touch.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

Lexx: neongoats: TomDooley: This is what the Republicans want.  To warehouse everyone out in the middle of nowhere where there's no internet or any other entertainment and you are forced to drive everywhere and it takes like five hours for the cops to arrive so you have to buy your own bullets.  Plus there's no garbage service.  And no sewer so your poop is sprayed all over the backyard via a sprinkler.

Nothing but methheads, stagnant housing prices, bible thumpers, zero opportunity and a dying economy.  Count me out.

er...

also includes a one-year membership to the local Sportsmen's Club, a free building permit, two free years of municipal water and sewer, free electric hookup, three months of free cable TV, a $100 gift certificate to the local tavern, and a free, 12-month subscription to The Honker, the community's newspaper.

Sounds like they have municipal water and sewer and if they have cable tv it means they have cable internet.

I feel like if the lot was not super tiny it might be a neat wilderness oriented option for some remote worker who likes cold and swampy.

Super tiny? Normal suburban  lots are 40x100.  Or smaller.


In what suburb?  Those sound like city lots.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

The_Homeless_Guy: SpaceyCat: A 100-300ft plot of land?  What are they expecting to build on that?  O.o

That is 30,000 square feet. About triple the size of an average lot in a denser subdivision. Should fit a house just fine.


Yep. I've a quarter-acre, and that lot's far larger than mine.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

Moose out front: They have churches AND girl scouts!!!


It's a small town in the north, which means you get your choice of Catholic or Lutheran.

Frankly I'm impressed they have one of each. Some of them this size only have one or the other.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

RogermcAllen: In what suburb? Those sound like city lots.


I cannot speak for Minnesota, but suburban Chicago lots = city lots usually.  Some have double lots.  And the further away you get (like in a different county) anything goes, but that is exurbia.  Hell, you can have horse stables out there.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
But they closed the good middle school though

Pass
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

bbcard1: I would like to see a tiny goose though.


They probably have size issues and are worse assholes than regular geese.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
A $100 gift certificate for the local bar AND a free fire extinguisher? Hell, I could have a pretty good Wednesday night with that.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

Moose out front: Here's the flyer showing everything they're offering in the deal:

[middlerivermn.govoffice3.com image 850x1081]They have churches AND girl scouts!!!


Yeah, no. Looked at that town's stats, and it paints a grim picture of a town with an aging, poor population and no real incentives other than giving away land. Around 300 residents, with a median age more than a decade older than that of Minnesota itself, a median household income less than half that of the state's median, and a median house value that's about a third of the state's median. 9% of the town's residents live below the poverty line. The town's entire budget is around just half a million dollars, and they're paying out more than they're pulling in at this point.

You're going to have to do more than just move there; you're either committing (and contributing) to that town's continued survival, or you're going to go down with the town, I suspect.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

The_Homeless_Guy: SpaceyCat: A 100-300ft plot of land?  What are they expecting to build on that?  O.o

That is 30,000 square feet. About triple the size of an average lot in a denser subdivision. Should fit a house just fine.


I find myself questioning your architectural acumen for some inscrutable reason...
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
seems obvious this is for part time hunting cabins and long week end get-aways. you dolts.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

sinko swimo: seems obvious this is for part time hunting cabins and long week end get-aways. you dolts.


Not that that's apparent, but, even if it was... why would that matter? The town's revenue is driven by property taxes - they don't care if you build a house on the lot and never go there again, as long as you're paying property taxes & other charges. The town appears desperate for two things - revenue and population. Their population hasn't changed appreciably in over a decade. Their revenue's dropped like a rock. With the closing of their school, they're even less likely to attract families.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
What is a sliding hill?  Is that like a slow landslide?
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

somniferous sloth: The_Homeless_Guy: SpaceyCat: A 100-300ft plot of land?  What are they expecting to build on that?  O.o

That is 30,000 square feet. About triple the size of an average lot in a denser subdivision. Should fit a house just fine.

I find myself questioning your architectural acumen for some inscrutable reason...


That's over 2/3 of an acre...
 
‘’ 1 day ago  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

jtown: somniferous sloth: The_Homeless_Guy: SpaceyCat: A 100-300ft plot of land?  What are they expecting to build on that?  O.o

That is 30,000 square feet. About triple the size of an average lot in a denser subdivision. Should fit a house just fine.

I find myself questioning your architectural acumen for some inscrutable reason...

That's over 2/3 of an acre...


(Pssst, check the op's handle)
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

somniferous sloth: jtown: somniferous sloth: The_Homeless_Guy: SpaceyCat: A 100-300ft plot of land?  What are they expecting to build on that?  O.o

That is 30,000 square feet. About triple the size of an average lot in a denser subdivision. Should fit a house just fine.

I find myself questioning your architectural acumen for some inscrutable reason...

That's over 2/3 of an acre...

(Pssst, check the op's handle)


Er, not op...the dude I responded too
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

FormlessOne: you're either committing (and contributing) to that town's continued survival


I should have thought that was assumed.

You're not allowed to be anonymous in small town life. A lot of these people are giving you gifts, you should expect to be friendly with them, be seen around town, go to church and the local stores and gas station, etc.

It's obviously not for everyone, but it's very right for the kind of people they actually want to get (i.e. not the kind of people who hang out on Fark) and enough such people exist that the land won't go wanting.
 
‘’ 1 day ago  

thehellisthis: What is a sliding hill?  Is that like a slow landslide?


I assume there aren't any nearby mountains or hills tall enough to ski on, so it may be limited to sleds and innertubes.  Northern Minnesota in January...sounds like a lot of fun.
 
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