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(Satire Wire)   US promises to consult allies before doing what it was going to do anyway   ( satirewire.com) divider line
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2255 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2002 at 1:51 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

77 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-02-20 01:51:48 AM  
Ah, I love the smell of flamewar in the morning! *grabs popcorn before someone else steals my line*
2002-02-20 01:56:10 AM  
What if they threw a flamewar and nobody came?
2002-02-20 01:56:51 AM  
This also just in: "Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden promise to apprise U.N. and rest of world before doing what they are going to do anyway."
2002-02-20 01:58:40 AM  
The real trick is to start a pentagon program to feed lies to their media. That'll really make 'em love us.
2002-02-20 02:00:02 AM  
It's funny because it's so true. This is what American's expect their president to do anyway...
2002-02-20 02:00:18 AM  
Well, can we just get someone besides Bush to talk to the press about these things? I think he's already done enough damage to the Yen and the english language at large.
2002-02-20 02:08:57 AM  
Newsflash: Bush jr still an idiot.

The thing is the presidency is so castrated and powerless these days that it may just be the safest place for a moron like El Shrub.
2002-02-20 02:31:16 AM  
Wow quick1 You grab the popcorn thing. Hey we all have goals. I will aim higher. Dumb Ass.
2002-02-20 02:31:53 AM  
2002-02-20 02:33:11 AM  
did this dumbass end tag?
2002-02-20 02:33:56 AM  
yes I did. I will move on
2002-02-20 02:34:14 AM  
It's better not to think of them as "allies" think of them more as "our biatches"
2002-02-20 02:39:44 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
US promises to consult their biatches before doing what it was going to do anyway

Now thats a headline
2002-02-20 02:47:12 AM  
That was a damn funny article. And so true. Somehow I think the yanks are going to start with the "you'd be speaking German bla bla bla bla" shiat soon. I suppose they think we won't notice that they haven't addressed the issue if they insult us enough. Yeh, Jerry Springer contestant logic strikes again...
2002-02-20 02:56:50 AM  
Well, not yanks so much as Fb_ etc. Apologies to the intelligent ?% out there. My country's also full of conservative wankers.
2002-02-20 03:00:43 AM  
LOL at Randy Johnson
man, I hate it when that happens.
2002-02-20 03:04:35 AM  
is anyone watching farrakhan's diatribe on c-span right now? it's really bad -- bad meaning bad.
2002-02-20 03:05:57 AM  
It appears that some of you might consider me a troll and to you I say: Colin Powell
2002-02-20 03:06:44 AM  
A few weeks ago a SA newspaper published a few letters from Americans responding to the paper's critical views on the treatemnt of war criminals. They all had the same tone, but one writer said "If it weren't for the US you'd all be speaking german, so show some respect" another wrote, "Remember, you need us, we don't need you". And Americans still wonder why the rest of the world hates them? It's the arrogance, folks. Arrogance and crap movies.
2002-02-20 03:14:06 AM  
Zapikes: It might sound arrogant but its the truth
2002-02-20 03:23:00 AM  
Top 11 things international leaders already call George W. Bush behind his back

1.Not-Nearly-Curious-Enough George
2.The Guy Running Against President Gore
3.The Americanian (Bush has refered to Greeks as "Greecians" and Kosovars as "Kosarvarians")
4.That Son-Of-A-Bush
6.Limousine Cowboy
7.Forrest Bush (they liked the cartoon)
8.The Smugly American
9.The Global Village Idiot
10.Beer Warmer
11.The Future Governor of Texas!
2002-02-20 03:41:56 AM  
To: Not_Enginerd: Not sounds arrogant - it *is* arrogant. And it may well be the truth, but why is it the truth? That's the real interesting question, if you want to talk policics. However, I was just bringing up the topic of basic dipolmacy. Anyway, there are a lot of true things you can say that make you sound like a complete prick. Whether you choose to say them or not depends a lot on who you are.
2002-02-20 04:27:06 AM  
This article has the wrong tag- should be OBVIOUS. Zapikes raises a good point, though. Us Americanians do tend to be damn arrogant.
2002-02-20 04:40:16 AM  
America is funny. Stamps all over the world, when someone hits back it goes "What? What did I do?"

It's like a sort of Big Foot with a nuclear weapons arsenal and a paranoid stare.
2002-02-20 04:40:58 AM  
I really wish people would stop submitting links to SatireWire and BBSpot.

Their idea of 'satire' is a stale and watered down version of the Onion.

Were Mark Twain still alive, he would jab their writers in the eye with his pipe.
2002-02-20 04:44:55 AM  
Chill out Sang-Froid.

Haha! See what I did there?

"Chill out Sang-FROID"! Clever, eh? Haha!

Sorry. I'll get me coat.
2002-02-20 04:46:45 AM  
Bling bling?
2002-02-20 04:54:11 AM  
Zapikes: calling us arrogant??... LOL why don't you try fixing the social issues in your ass backwards country before you start pointing a finger at how bad the US is. farking tard.
2002-02-20 05:01:48 AM  
The US is arrogant. It can afford to be with that amount of weaponery.

But the US, with it's promoting all the bollocks about freedom and rights, means that it's citizens come to expect their freedoms and rights wherever they go.

Being such a geographically big place, and so financially and commercially successful means that it's citizens can also afford to be largley ignorant of the rest of the world. This coupled with the above leads to lots of beaten up tourists.

This I find particularly funny.
2002-02-20 06:13:39 AM  
Ahh my dear Goatman264/ Social commentary from the people who brought us the Crusades. Still treats the Irish, Or better yet her own subjects like shiat. Let's not even mention the Scotts. Oh and what the British bulldog had in the Falklands.. another shinning star on your chest huh?? Or the way you dealt with that trouble maker Ghandi and his ilk in India. Getting beat up over food. farking goats next to train tracks. No wonder you can sit on your high horse and thumb your nose at the US. But what do I know. I am just largly ignorant of the rest of the world. And silly us for promoting Freedoms and rights. WTF were we thinking? Who in thier right mind wants to be free?? You don't think you farkin idiots come here and expect the same socialist bullshiat you have on your island?

What I find funny is sitting up on your ivory branch looking down on us, You call us arrogant. In short fark you.
2002-02-20 06:14:39 AM  
I know it's unfair, but when I think of "the typical American", it's not the mostly decent yanks it meet. It's someone like Hello_Kthullu - who appears to be trying a bit too desparately to prove my point. How come it's always the total LOSERS who are proud to be what they are, be it white, black, American, whatever? It's because they've got bugger-all else to be proud about. That's why! But hey, what would I know? I'm just some "tard from an ass backwards country" hunting tigers for food in the jungle. Hope I don't run into any rattlesnakes or kangaroos!
2002-02-20 06:19:43 AM  
We do what we want, when we want. Face facts, we are the globe's only Super Power. We act in out best interests and will continue to do so. Deal with it hippies.
2002-02-20 06:20:10 AM  
Hello Kthullu seems to think that we would defend those actions of British Imperialism, far from it.

here is a piece form the New York times (Cant link as you need a password)

ASHINGTON -- We're the white hats, but we're planning a "black" propaganda campaign against the axis - and even the allies.

People at the Defense Department and elsewhere are cringing at the news that the Pentagon's shadowy new Office of Strategic Influence is plotting to plant deliberately false stories in the foreign press, with both feral and friendly nations.

Covert disinformation activities have always been the province of the C.I.A. But Brig. Gen. Simon Worden, the head of the O.S.I., envisions a mission of psychological operations, or psyops, that "goes from the blackest of black programs to the whitest of white," as a senior Pentagon official told The Times.

William Cohen, defense secretary under President Bill Clinton, said on CNN that "We are talking about deceiving the media and the public in general in foreign countries, and that would be a mistake." Our government shouldn't need to lie to justify its increasingly broad and intricate war against terrorism. Holy Gulf of Tonkin!

Besides, there's enough real bad stuff about the bad guys - they're Evildoers, after all. We don't need to make up stuff to pin on them.

But let's look on the sunny side. At least the Bush administration is trying to disseminate information, even if it's fictional. Usually it's trying to suppress information, even if it's consequential.

The Bushes and anyone they allow into the club like to govern and conduct their wars behind closed doors. Dick Cheney is making an effort to get out, popping up at the Council on Foreign Relations and on Jay Leno last night. But he remains so hush-hush on what we really want to know, he's The Man Who Wasn't There.

Karen Hughes and Karl Rove keep a childproof cap on even the most anodyne information.

That's exasperating in normal times. But it's a whole lot more troubling when we're hatching so many schemes around the globe and when Americans may be asked to kill and to die in the service of these objectives.

The Pentagon owes us accurate civilian casualty counts as it targets all the extra-tall men in the mountains of Afghanistan, and the Justice Department needs to let us know who is being rounded up and detained and why.

If the Bush inner circle had a higher regard for journalism, and for the role of truth in public affairs, it would understand how repellent it is for the American government to hide the truth, delay the facts or peddle phony stories to news organizations overseas.

It should immediately nix the Pentagon scams about disinformation. And while it's at it, it should curb all the other ways the White House disses information

So to summerise, the US govt is planning to lie to you, and I bet Hello_Kthullu will still deny they do
2002-02-20 06:21:41 AM  
Poor Fb, he is a failure as a human being so he gets some second hand glory because his rulers have the capacity to kill lots of people.

Must be some compensation for you embarrising shortfall in other depts Fb, being a bombhugger makes up for having no-one else to hug?
2002-02-20 06:22:58 AM  

Nope. I just enjoy reaping the benefits of being a citizen of the most powerful and influential country on the face of the earth.
2002-02-20 06:32:05 AM  
I suppose you have nothing much else going for you so go right ahead.

Personally I enjoy the things I achieve for myself not those handed to me as an accident of birth.

But as I said if you had to rely on that you would be a bit lost.
2002-02-20 06:44:37 AM  

I'd rather be a young, good looking, gainfully employed guy living in the Caribbean than a pissed off little wanker in Scotland who's hilight of his day is pretending to be intellectual on a message board.

2002-02-20 06:48:31 AM  
I'd like to be under the sea in an octopus' garden, in the shade.
2002-02-20 06:49:31 AM  
Don't you like being in Scotland Fb-?
2002-02-20 06:52:27 AM  
I didn't know Fb- was Scottish, me. Is that true? I thought he was a young, good looking, gainfully employed guy living in the Caribbean.
2002-02-20 06:59:45 AM  
Really? Damn what am I thinking?
2002-02-20 07:03:43 AM  
Maybe I should stop thinking about the ginger "snap" dwarf of boss I want .. I need .. I must have.
2002-02-20 07:03:55 AM  
Maybe I was thinking of someone else...
2002-02-20 07:06:45 AM  
2002-02-20 07:12:27 AM  
No, me.
2002-02-20 07:26:35 AM  
Glad to know i'm not the only one going insane around here.
2002-02-20 07:28:53 AM  
"I'd rather be a young, good looking,"

I think you forget we saw your picture.

As for "Gainfully employed" what exactly is it you do? Oh and do you do jumbo fries?
2002-02-20 07:34:49 AM  
That was pretty good, but I still think this brief is funnier:

Lay Takes the Fifth, 6-1, 3-6, 4-6, 7-5, 6-0

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Asked by a Congressional panel Tuesday if he was aware of Enron's intricate and impenetrable accounting practices, former Enron Chairman Kenneth Lay, speaking through an attorney for a Caribbean subsidiary of a joint venture created with money from an investment partnership that was partially owned by an internal offshore hedge fund that originally acted as a shell corporation for a second investment partnership spun off from three separate private partnerships created with stock and options from the first partnership which enabled the fourth partnership to record losses unattributable to the Caribbean subsidiary of the joint venture corporation, refused to answer.
2002-02-20 07:36:14 AM  
(POSTED 19 02 02) George W Bush, the ludicrous unelected redneck sneermeister, has apologised to Japan for nearly causing its stock market to crash. Bush grinned "that's the trouble with bein' President an all, folks seem to think I know what I'm sayin'. What you gotta unerstan' is, ah'm jest like a kinda front man for the Pentagon. They write the words - I read em out. Hope that clears things up y'all. So, as they say in Japan, ciao for now!"

2002-02-20 07:42:29 AM  
Anyone heard of No Gun Ri?

U.S. planes in South Korea strafed columns of refugees because of suspected "communist" infiltrators. They killed 100 people.

When they gathered under a bridge to hide from the planes. American machine gunners killed 300 innocent people for three days as they cowered in fear, including woman and children.

The U.S. covered this up for 50 years, yet the North Korean's have the monopoly on evil.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0805066586/qid=1014208340/sr=1-​1/ref=sr _1_1/102-6731543-8217754

You can read about it in this book. Lists all the people killed including their age. Lots of children. Why would the Korean's hate the U.S.!?!
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