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(Slate)   "My husband was a serial cheater who ruined our family, and he comes back every Christmas to remind us how much better we are without him. How can I keep him from returning?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Marriage, If You Have to Ask, Family, Wife, Husband, oldest son, married woman, work keeps  
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791 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 13 Dec 2021 at 6:05 AM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



42 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-12-12 11:52:28 PM  
Change the locks call the cops if he doesn't leave
 
2021-12-13 12:18:48 AM  
Poison?
 
2021-12-13 12:55:18 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-13 2:33:44 AM  
Arm Santa
 
2021-12-13 3:48:16 AM  

Circusdog320: Change the locks call the cops if he doesn't leave


yeah this.

don't invite him, make clear he's not welcome, tell him to leave if he turns up, if that doesn't work tell him you'll call the cops, and if that doesn't work call em without any messing about.

dnrtfa
inrtfa
 
2021-12-13 6:14:56 AM  
1. Send the kids to a relative's house for Xmas
2. Invite his dad over a little early
3. Make sure you're in the process of farking his dad when he shows up.
 
2021-12-13 6:16:28 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-13 6:17:41 AM  
shotgun/rocksalt?
 
2021-12-13 6:18:26 AM  

eKonk: 1. Send the kids to a relative's house for Xmas
2. Invite his dad over a little early
3. Make sure you're in the process of farking his dad when he shows up.


eww?
 
2021-12-13 6:29:58 AM  
Response:

Dear Melania...
 
2021-12-13 6:39:32 AM  
Sometimes the old-fashioned ways are best...
u2log.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-13 6:53:18 AM  
Have Christmas somewhere else.
 
2021-12-13 7:15:01 AM  
No interest in divorce?

Screw him. Get the papers served as soon as you can, then put out a TPO. You also might consider moving and leave no forwarding address.
 
2021-12-13 7:17:37 AM  
At first you were afraid you were petrified
 
2021-12-13 7:57:23 AM  
Hire a bouncer.
 
2021-12-13 7:59:22 AM  
This advice is almost the opposite of what the lettter is asking
 
2021-12-13 8:08:07 AM  
1) divorce him
2) remove him from your lives as much as possible

This means primary custody of kids, of course, bit if you're lucky not even every other weekend

There is absolutely nothing wrong with cutting a toxic person out of your life, even "family."
 
2021-12-13 8:13:39 AM  
I don't know, but it feels like fire should be involved somehow...
 
2021-12-13 8:14:06 AM  
Be richer, so you can hire an attorney.  Duh.
 
2021-12-13 8:14:54 AM  
Regarding the letter about the work tickler.

Years ago here was a man at work who would sneak up behind people in the break room and do a really loud pig snort, startling them.

He did it to me a few times.  Each time I politely asked him to stop.  Third time he did it to me, I had a reflexive action, moving my elbow back swiftly until it made contact with his nethers.  I apologized for my startled reaction, and he never did it again. Or at least he never did it in my presence.
 
2021-12-13 8:16:20 AM  

Another Government Employee: No interest in divorce?
Screw him. Get the papers served as soon as you can, then put out a TPO. You also might consider moving and leave no forwarding address.


Can't do that if there's kids involved.  At least, you're not supposed to be able to do that.  But I think it probably depends on your lawyers, and their lawyers.

/family court is the worst time of your life
 
2021-12-13 8:18:31 AM  
PPO.
 
2021-12-13 8:35:17 AM  

cryinoutloud: Another Government Employee: No interest in divorce?
Screw him. Get the papers served as soon as you can, then put out a TPO. You also might consider moving and leave no forwarding address.

Can't do that if there's kids involved.  At least, you're not supposed to be able to do that.  But I think it probably depends on your lawyers, and their lawyers.

/family court is the worst time of your life


If you can prove the Ex is a direct danger to you and the kids, it can sometimes be accomplished (I had a few employees who had to disappear when I worked payroll). 

In the (probably fake) letter here, I would seriously consider it. Ex as described is a ticking time bomb.
 
2021-12-13 8:38:13 AM  

BizarreMan: Regarding the letter about the work tickler.

Years ago here was a man at work who would sneak up behind people in the break room and do a really loud pig snort, startling them.

He did it to me a few times.  Each time I politely asked him to stop.  Third time he did it to me, I had a reflexive action, moving my elbow back swiftly until it made contact with his nethers.  I apologized for my startled reaction, and he never did it again. Or at least he never did it in my presence.


Sounds like a problem I had with a guy in kitchen that liked to shove his thumb up in people's butts.  For some reason when he did this to me while cutting vegetables my reaction of turning around holding a very large kitchen knife and talking while gesticulating that he was to keep his hands to himself worked.
 
2021-12-13 8:50:13 AM  
I misread that as serial killer.  Too early and with too little coffee.
 
2021-12-13 9:10:58 AM  
He has abandoned all of you, yet apparently shows up once a year to play paterfamilias...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-13 9:35:29 AM  

Circusdog320: Change the locks call the cops if he doesn't leave


shows up.

Don't bother telling him to leave.  Just call the cops as soon as he sets foot on the property.
 
2021-12-13 10:05:29 AM  
Although we're still married and he has no interest in a divorce

Step one is to divorce him. Doesn't matter WTF he has an "interest in."
 
2021-12-13 10:45:54 AM  

Another Government Employee: If you can prove the Ex is a direct danger to you and the kids, it can sometimes be accomplished (I had a few employees who had to disappear when I worked payroll).
In the (probably fake) letter here, I would seriously consider it. Ex as described is a ticking time bomb.


Good luck with that.  I hope she has hospital records.
Yelling about abuse is about as common as hostility  in family court.  Judges never buy it.
 
2021-12-13 10:59:49 AM  
let it slip to him that you are doing christmas at a the Wisconsin Dells.   Obviously you don't go and you've condemned him to spending some about of time in the Wisconsin Dells.
 
2021-12-13 11:19:14 AM  
Surprisingly, you can get a restraining order against someone you're (still) legally married to - time for that.

/ Or if you won't do that, then change the day/time you actually celebrate so when your ex comes over the kids have already eaten and they're playing with their new gifts.  Then sit and have a drink and listen to music - your job is done.
 
2021-12-13 1:51:22 PM  

Father_Jack: shotgun/rocksalt?


He's not a demon, just a deadbeat.
 
2021-12-13 1:53:22 PM  
"Although we're still married and he has no interest in a divorce, he lives with the child and her mother"

In most states you can get a divorce by publication. When my wife and I separated she stopped responding to any sort of communication, wouldn't sign papers, nothing. Get a lawyer who will publish an article in the local paper of his/her last known location for 30 days. It's essentially "I divorce thee, I divorce thee, I divorce thee". If they don't respond judgement is you ain't no longer a thing. I think mine cost $600.

/Also was the reason I quit Facebook. It recommended my divorce lawyer as a possible friend
//We had never sent emails. Everything was over the phone or in person.
///Slashies
 
2021-12-13 2:08:32 PM  

TheReject: In most states you can get a divorce by publication. When my wife and I separated she stopped responding to any sort of communication, wouldn't sign papers, nothing. Get a lawyer who will publish an article in the local paper of his/her last known location for 30 days. It's essentially "I divorce thee, I divorce thee, I divorce thee". If they don't respond judgement is you ain't no longer a thing. I think mine cost $600.
---


Just curious, but since your Ex went zero contact, how did you (or your lawyer) know she was still alive?
 
2021-12-13 2:15:09 PM  

nanim: TheReject: In most states you can get a divorce by publication. When my wife and I separated she stopped responding to any sort of communication, wouldn't sign papers, nothing. Get a lawyer who will publish an article in the local paper of his/her last known location for 30 days. It's essentially "I divorce thee, I divorce thee, I divorce thee". If they don't respond judgement is you ain't no longer a thing. I think mine cost $600.
---

Just curious, but since your Ex went zero contact, how did you (or your lawyer) know she was still alive?


She posts on her Facebook. Apparently one of her songs got published in one of the Dance Dance Revolution games after our separation, so that's good.
 
2021-12-13 2:41:19 PM  
TheReject: ... When my wife and I separated ...


Username checks out.

/ I keed.  :)
 
2021-12-13 3:43:40 PM  

Another Government Employee: No interest in divorce?

Screw him. Get the papers served as soon as you can, then put out a TPO. You also might consider moving and leave no forwarding address.


He's obviously providing for her living expenses.  Divorce means she would have to get a job.
 
2021-12-13 4:11:59 PM  

mcreadyblue: He's obviously providing for her living expenses.


misogynist-like typing detected

not one thing in the article supports the conclusion that is so obvious to you.
 
2021-12-13 6:04:26 PM  
What in God's name is WITH these men who won't just go away??

Tell him you don't want him around. If he doesn't cooperate, get a restraining order. Doesn't sound like the kids will mind. If you don't want the expense of suing him for divorce, at least get a legal separation in the books.

Get rid of him.
 
2021-12-13 7:26:11 PM  
Try harder Slate.
 
2021-12-14 6:25:40 AM  
Sounds like my ex.  Her mom and sister would engage in the annual masochistic ritual of hosting their estranged narcissistic father on Christmas Eve.  Every year they ended up in tears over the evening.

Or so I was told.  Since I can remember, the stress of the holidays drove my parents to drink and fight more than usual.  We had all the trimmings a middle middle class family should have and then some, and couldn't enjoy a f*cking minute of it.  So I refuse to be part of any more dysfunctional holidays.
 
2021-12-14 8:30:42 AM  
i love the one sided stories.  next week - "My ex-wife won't let me see my kids on Christmas"
 
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