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(Slate)   "My sister-in-law expects me to be complicit in her big lie to her children; I feel it borders on abuse and want no part of it. But every year at Christmas, she tells her children Santa is real and I don't want to pretend anymore. What do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Black people, White people, white lady, Puerto Rico, Christmas, jolly ol' St. Nick, bunch of other options, next time  
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340 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 08 Dec 2021 at 2:20 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



40 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-12-08 7:18:06 AM  
Not a problem, Santa does exist.
 
2021-12-08 8:16:39 AM  
Santa won Maricopa County. look into it, sis.
 
2021-12-08 8:45:14 AM  
This world sucks bad enough as it is.  Let the kids have some fun and believe in Santa for a few years.  At least until they have to go off to school in a bulletproof vest and attend daily "active shooter" drills
 
2021-12-08 9:25:16 AM  
Not my holiday, but why lie to your kids about Santa to start off with???
 
2021-12-08 2:22:46 PM  
I don't normally do care and feeding responses.  But in this case a big ol' STFU and MYOB.

/Just doing the first letter because it's in my wheelhouse.
 
2021-12-08 2:22:55 PM  

growinthings: Not my holiday, but why lie to your kids about Santa to start off with???


Because playing make-believe with children is fun.

I mean, it's bad if you punish them or something for disbelieving in Santa, but fun things are fun.
 
2021-12-08 2:23:48 PM  
STFU & mind your own P's & Q's?

They're not your children & you're not the declared harbinger of truth in this situation.
 
2021-12-08 2:28:37 PM  
Pterry said it best:

"All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little-"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET-Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point-"

MY POINT EXACTLY."
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
 
2021-12-08 2:29:13 PM  
I just feel that she should go along with it until the kids realize the situation.

/I hope that's not wrong
 
2021-12-08 2:30:01 PM  
If you celebrate ANY religious Holiday...you are lying to yourself and your kids/family.

/as per Progressives.
 
2021-12-08 2:35:47 PM  
Easy.  If the kids ask you, you tell them the truth, since that's what you value.  If the kids don't ask you, you let them live in their fantasy.

When my nieces and nephews started pouring out of my siblings I had this conversation with myself.  Took about 15 seconds.
 
2021-12-08 3:05:32 PM  
I find Elf on the Shelf to be way more creepy than Santa for some reason. Even though Santa is also basically Big Brother, just having a physical doll around increases the creep factor for me.

/ No, I don't have kids
// Nor will I tell other people's kids Santa / Elf on the Shelf are not real
/// Though, when they inevitably find out, I don't mind saying remember everything you learned about Santa and maybe think about what you've been told about God
 
2021-12-08 3:05:37 PM  

BeotchPudding: If you celebrate ANY religious Holiday...you are lying to yourself and your kids/family.

/as per Progressives.


That's why I just pay lip-service to God on religious holidays while still celebrating the booze, food, and presents.

It's honest.  I get to have the fun parts and ignore the pointless crap like "giving thanks" for food I paid for myself and wasting an hour in church.
 
2021-12-08 3:11:13 PM  
You may be right but if there is one thing I've learned by being around my siblings who have kids is never EVER say anything remotely critical about how your sibling raises her kids.

That's about one of the easiest way to cause a family get together meltdown.
 
2021-12-08 3:11:25 PM  
Take the stick out of your ass and let them enjoy the fantasy.
 
2021-12-08 3:11:58 PM  
This can be an opportunity to start giving a child basic critical thinking skills

Never say it's real nor agree if asked if it's real. Just repeat the question back and ask for their evidence "hmm, I wonder..". Is the evidence conclusive? What are the alternatives, and why?

Also, when they finally do realize Santa's not real, explain to them this was meant to teach them to not always blindly accept anything others say, ESPECIALLY when an explanation sounds strange or "magical". Even when other adults are sure something is real, they are sometimes wrong, so you always need to ask questions and think about it for yourself too
 
2021-12-08 3:14:45 PM  
I mean... at what point do you consider this abuse?  Are the kids teens and mom is shrieking that Santa is real and won't bring them presents if they're naughty?
 
2021-12-08 3:18:59 PM  

ChibiDebuHage: This can be an opportunity to start giving a child basic critical thinking skills

Never say it's real nor agree if asked if it's real. Just repeat the question back and ask for their evidence "hmm, I wonder..". Is the evidence conclusive? What are the alternatives, and why?

Also, when they finally do realize Santa's not real, explain to them this was meant to teach them to not always blindly accept anything others say, ESPECIALLY when an explanation sounds strange or "magical". Even when other adults are sure something is real, they are sometimes wrong, so you always need to ask questions and think about it for yourself too


The biggest fantasy that Santa revelations should shatter for children isn't that Santa isn't real.
The biggest revelation should be that adults in this often lie or believe things that aren't (proven) true, so you should question any "facts" that sound magical or fishy
 
2021-12-08 3:22:45 PM  
My brothers made me keep up the illusion of believing in Santa because we all got more presents that way.
 
2021-12-08 4:33:40 PM  

Harry Wagstaff: My brothers made me keep up the illusion of believing in Santa because we all got more presents that way.


Yep, Santa brings the cool, unwrapped stuff while parents wrap useful, boring stuff like clothes.  My 20 year old asked me last week how soon did Santa need a list.  I said, "I know your sizes."  The kid says, "exactly, that's why you need a Santa list.". Smart kid
 
2021-12-08 5:06:05 PM  
How many kids are devastated when they find out Santa isn't real. My kids weren't. My siblings and I weren't. I don't know anyone who was.

I think claiming you were "shattered" by finding out is just another way some try to blame all there personal problems in their parent instead of taking personal responsibility. It's like when obese people complain they're only fat because mom made them finish their peas.
 
2021-12-08 5:58:33 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-08 6:03:50 PM  
Slate had good advice to that 'drama-sourpuss': ''sorry that finding out the truth about Santa Claus scarred you for life and "shattered" (their word!) the trust you had for your mom. However, I'll go out on a steady limb by stating that the overwhelming majority of kids don't experience your reaction''

I'm betting their sibling keeps including Sourpuss in their family fun out of kindness.   Sourpuss should return the favor by not spoiling fun for their kid.
 
2021-12-08 6:14:34 PM  

The_Philosopher_King: [Fark user image 480x338]


A few years back I had a friend that was dating a girl that had recently let her sister move in to get away from her abusive husband. I could tell she didn't have a lot of money to give the kids Christmas presents so I bought them both a few presents. I insisted that they come from Santa because I didn't want the kids to think some random guy their aunt knew gave them better presents than their parents.
 
2021-12-08 6:33:57 PM  
i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-08 7:41:11 PM  
Perhaps a gift is in order.
 
2021-12-08 8:56:16 PM  

miscreant: I find Elf on the Shelf to be way more creepy than Santa for some reason. Even though Santa is also basically Big Brother, just having a physical doll around increases the creep factor for me.

/ No, I don't have kids
// Nor will I tell other people's kids Santa / Elf on the Shelf are not real
/// Though, when they inevitably find out, I don't mind saying remember everything you learned about Santa and maybe think about what you've been told about God


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-08 9:16:59 PM  
I have a nine year old daughter. every morning she gets up excited to see where Corky (the elf) made it to this morning. a few days ago he showed up and the kid said "daddy - did you see who's back?". and I came out and looked and screamed "hey Corky - where's that ten bucks you owe me?". and the kid looked at me and said "he doesn't owe you ten bucks. stop teasing him". and I smiled, pointed at him, and said "I'm watching you".

when she finds out - she finds out. until then, I'm just enjoying the time and having fun along with her. I love watching her grow up, but I'm in no hurry
 
2021-12-08 9:29:25 PM  

nanim: Slate had good advice to that 'drama-sourpuss': ''sorry that finding out the truth about Santa Claus scarred you for life and "shattered" (their word!) the trust you had for your mom. However, I'll go out on a steady limb by stating that the overwhelming majority of kids don't experience your reaction''

I'm betting their sibling keeps including Sourpuss in their family fun out of kindness.   Sourpuss should return the favor by not spoiling fun for their kid.


Yep. Myself and my friends, Tarrant Jr. and his friends, all figured out Santa was their parents...presumably because they hadn't had a traumatizing head injury that "shattered" them.

And as Harry Wagstaff said, I think we all tried to keep up the facade an extra year or 2 at least, trying for more presents.
 
2021-12-08 10:34:56 PM  

ChibiDebuHage: This can be an opportunity to start giving a child basic critical thinking skills

Never say it's real nor agree if asked if it's real. Just repeat the question back and ask for their evidence "hmm, I wonder..". Is the evidence conclusive? What are the alternatives, and why?

Also, when they finally do realize Santa's not real, explain to them this was meant to teach them to not always blindly accept anything others say, ESPECIALLY when an explanation sounds strange or "magical". Even when other adults are sure something is real, they are sometimes wrong, so you always need to ask questions and think about it for yourself too


The day they figure it out on their own, tell them this:
"Congratulations, you discovered the secret. Grownups are actually Santa Claus. It's a special club we get to belong to. Santa is the spirit of giving without expecting in return. Now that you are part of the secret, you get to pick someone to give a present to, in the name of Santa Claus."
 
2021-12-08 10:36:58 PM  

big pig peaches: How many kids are devastated when they find out Santa isn't real. My kids weren't. My siblings and I weren't. I don't know anyone who was.

I think claiming you were "shattered" by finding out is just another way some try to blame all there personal problems in their parent instead of taking personal responsibility. It's like when obese people complain they're only fat because mom made them finish their peas.


It really seems that way.
 
2021-12-08 11:58:09 PM  
When I figured out Santa wasn't real, my mother explained that my younger siblings still believed and asked me to pretend to still believe so as not to ruin everyone's fun. She also pointed out that we got presents from Santa and from our parents, and that would end as soon as the younger ones figured out the truth. So it didn't scar me for life - as soon as I knew, I also knew it was done to make people happy.
 
2021-12-09 6:25:51 AM  
Way late to this, however when our kids were little I never lied to them about Santa ... I just told them the truth in an outrageous tone of voice/manner.

"Santa? Why 'I' am Santa Claus..."
"Yeah right dad, quit trying to take credit for things. You don't even have a beard."
 
2021-12-09 8:02:14 AM  
She sounds like an insufferable biatch. When people say things like "It's abuse to have your 9 year-old believe in Santa!" it really cheapens the meaning and impact of the word "abuse".
 
2021-12-09 12:33:18 PM  
Only 1 of my 4 still believes, Pretty soon, he'll figure it out. The older kids feel like they're in on something cool and will help move Elf on the Shelf around at night etc.

You're a long time an adult. While kids are kids, let them be kids. It's magical for them.

/BIL took it very badly when he found out apparently.
 
2021-12-09 12:33:25 PM  

Unknown Subject: She sounds like an insufferable biatch. When people say things like "It's abuse to have your 9 year-old believe in Santa!" it really cheapens the meaning and impact of the word "abuse".


Exactly. All I hear is this: 

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-09 12:36:50 PM  

big pig peaches: How many kids are devastated when they find out Santa isn't real. My kids weren't. My siblings and I weren't. I don't know anyone who was.

I think claiming you were "shattered" by finding out is just another way some try to blame all there personal problems in their parent instead of taking personal responsibility. It's like when obese people complain they're only fat because mom made them finish their peas.


Mrs stellarossa tells a story of her little brother, the youngest of all the cousins who'd get together at Christmas. He at the bottom of the stairs, having just found out, yelling 'tell me the truth, Dad!' He felt a real chump, mainly because everyone else already knew.
 
2021-12-09 1:04:04 PM  

stellarossa: Only 1 of my 4 still believes, Pretty soon, he'll figure it out. The older kids feel like they're in on something cool and will help move Elf on the Shelf around at night etc.


We "believe" in the original Sinterklaas. My oldest knows, but doesn't spill the secret because he still shares in the gifts.
 
2021-12-09 1:55:53 PM  

stellarossa: big pig peaches: How many kids are devastated when they find out Santa isn't real. My kids weren't. My siblings and I weren't. I don't know anyone who was.

I think claiming you were "shattered" by finding out is just another way some try to blame all there personal problems in their parent instead of taking personal responsibility. It's like when obese people complain they're only fat because mom made them finish their peas.

Mrs stellarossa tells a story of her little brother, the youngest of all the cousins who'd get together at Christmas. He at the bottom of the stairs, having just found out, yelling 'tell me the truth, Dad!' He felt a real chump, mainly because everyone else already knew.


media0.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-09 10:22:01 PM  
The Santa lie really does fly against the "You can trust us, your parents, all the time" bit. I'd be more comfortable with it if we treated Santa like any other beloved fictional character. Instead, parents, sappy movies, books, songs, all tell children to BELIEVE BELIEVE BELIEVE.
 
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