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(US Department of Justice)   Subby's friend's husband was just busted for possession and distribution of child pron. Need any advice to help her through so she can survive and know what to expect   (justice.gov) divider line
    More: Sad, Child pornography, Images of child pornography, Undeveloped film, child pornography, visual depiction, United States, federal law, United States Code  
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357 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 06 Dec 2021 at 5:20 PM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



43 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-12-06 12:29:15 PM  
Empty all join accounts, start divorce proceedings, move and go back to maiden name. Leave flyers from the hemlock society or similar for the hubby.
 
2021-12-06 12:29:33 PM  
Get thee to a good divorce lawyer, stat.

There will be a lot to sort of as far as separating financial accounts and assets and selling any homes. And more.
 
2021-12-06 12:30:04 PM  
tell her to tell Matt Gaetz he can die in a fire.
 
2021-12-06 12:30:40 PM  
And keep in mind that the friend's husband might not last long in prison on a charge like that.
 
2021-12-06 12:30:45 PM  
Be thankful you don't have children. I hope you don't.
 
2021-12-06 12:41:32 PM  
Um, time out for a second...

Context *really* matters here. Is this like "got caught in a sting and/or they found it on his laptop" or "tried to report it but mangled the process and is now caught on a technicality"?

/Back when I did IT security, we had to take a course on "how to report and investigate a child porn accusation without *you* going to jail over it as well".
//That course came in handy.
///Twice.
 
2021-12-06 12:54:05 PM  

BretMavrik: Um, time out for a second...

Context *really* matters here. Is this like "got caught in a sting and/or they found it on his laptop" or "tried to report it but mangled the process and is now caught on a technicality"?

/Back when I did IT security, we had to take a course on "how to report and investigate a child porn accusation without *you* going to jail over it as well".
//That course came in handy.
///Twice.


This isn't a topic I follow closely, but I remember a chilling interview with an investigator during one of the FB hearings a few years ago.

There is so much CP being shared and distributed on the internet it's shocking. FB actually reports it, but since they are about the only service that does, they look like the worst place for it. Dropbox and other file sharing sites don't report. LE only has the resources to prosecute those cases which are so terrible or where the child is so young that they know they won't have to fight a long court case.

It's really bad.
 
2021-12-06 12:57:23 PM  

exqqqme: FB actually reports it, but since they are about the only service that does, they look like the worst place for it. Dropbox and other file sharing sites don't report.


There is no legal requirement to report potential serious felonies -- like farking child porn -- when they are discovered? I find that absolutely shocking and disturbing.

And not to mention compliance departments just saying, "Nah, we're going to pretend we never knew about those files before we deleted them."
 
2021-12-06 12:58:16 PM  

bostonguy: exqqqme: FB actually reports it, but since they are about the only service that does, they look like the worst place for it. Dropbox and other file sharing sites don't report.

There is no legal requirement to report potential serious felonies -- like farking child porn -- when they are discovered? I find that absolutely shocking and disturbing.

And not to mention compliance departments just saying, "Nah, we're going to pretend we never knew about those files before we deleted them."


If I were still an investigative journalist, I'd dive into this and go for a Pulitzer.
 
2021-12-06 1:01:43 PM  

bostonguy: bostonguy: exqqqme: FB actually reports it, but since they are about the only service that does, they look like the worst place for it. Dropbox and other file sharing sites don't report.

There is no legal requirement to report potential serious felonies -- like farking child porn -- when they are discovered? I find that absolutely shocking and disturbing.

And not to mention compliance departments just saying, "Nah, we're going to pretend we never knew about those files before we deleted them."

If I were still an investigative journalist, I'd dive into this and go for a Pulitzer.


It's all about the prize, isn't it?

/kidding
//this is serious
///too many sick people out there
 
2021-12-06 1:06:57 PM  

bostonguy: exqqqme: FB actually reports it, but since they are about the only service that does, they look like the worst place for it. Dropbox and other file sharing sites don't report.

There is no legal requirement to report potential serious felonies -- like farking child porn -- when they are discovered? I find that absolutely shocking and disturbing.

And not to mention compliance departments just saying, "Nah, we're going to pretend we never knew about those files before we deleted them."


At an individual level, there is no incentive and every disincentive to report something like that. The only reason I got to take the training was because I did security, but 99.99% of IT people never get that training. Since improper reporting or handling can land one in a total employment and/or legal shiatstorm, the approach for most people is "delete it or move on, but either way pretend you never saw it".

Departments/companies can come up with whatever policies they want, but it's largely CYA for them... not the actual people involved. And it won't get better unless the laws change to offer something akin to whistleblower protection.
 
2021-12-06 1:08:43 PM  
So, she's single now and has bad taste in men?  Tell her to call me.
 
2021-12-06 1:10:25 PM  

BretMavrik: bostonguy: exqqqme: FB actually reports it, but since they are about the only service that does, they look like the worst place for it. Dropbox and other file sharing sites don't report.

There is no legal requirement to report potential serious felonies -- like farking child porn -- when they are discovered? I find that absolutely shocking and disturbing.

And not to mention compliance departments just saying, "Nah, we're going to pretend we never knew about those files before we deleted them."

At an individual level, there is no incentive and every disincentive to report something like that. The only reason I got to take the training was because I did security, but 99.99% of IT people never get that training. Since improper reporting or handling can land one in a total employment and/or legal shiatstorm, the approach for most people is "delete it or move on, but either way pretend you never saw it".

Departments/companies can come up with whatever policies they want, but it's largely CYA for them... not the actual people involved. And it won't get better unless the laws change to offer something akin to whistleblower protection.


Just really curious. Say it was not child porn, but an IT department saw a saved video of someone murdering someone and admitting on the video that he did it. Cut and dry case.

There's no legal requirement to report that? Would companies report it or just bury it as well? This is all news to me...
 
2021-12-06 1:14:29 PM  
Just remind her that it's not her fault. Really. It's not her fault and she's not a bad person because of this.

Because I'm willing to be she thinks that.

Just be there. That's all you can do.
 
2021-12-06 1:39:04 PM  

NewportBarGuy: Just remind her that it's not her fault. Really. It's not her fault and she's not a bad person because of this.

Because I'm willing to be she thinks that.

Just be there. That's all you can do.


THIS, but the separating financially thing may also be important. I ain't no law-talking feller, but there may be criminal penalties and victim restitution that could eat up your money along with his.
 
2021-12-06 1:46:18 PM  

exqqqme: BretMavrik: Um, time out for a second...

Context *really* matters here. Is this like "got caught in a sting and/or they found it on his laptop" or "tried to report it but mangled the process and is now caught on a technicality"?

/Back when I did IT security, we had to take a course on "how to report and investigate a child porn accusation without *you* going to jail over it as well".
//That course came in handy.
///Twice.

This isn't a topic I follow closely, but I remember a chilling interview with an investigator during one of the FB hearings a few years ago.

There is so much CP being shared and distributed on the internet it's shocking. FB actually reports it, but since they are about the only service that does, they look like the worst place for it. Dropbox and other file sharing sites don't report. LE only has the resources to prosecute those cases which are so terrible or where the child is so young that they know they won't have to fight a long court case.

It's really bad.


Not to mention, some of it is so bad that Facebook mods in particular suffer from PTSD after only so much time on the job. The company sucks, but there are people there who are doing their best and suffering for it.

I farking hate humanity.
 
2021-12-06 1:47:41 PM  

BretMavrik: At an individual level, there is no incentive and every disincentive to report something like that. The only reason I got to take the training was because I did security, but 99.99% of IT people never get that training.


When I was sysadminning for an academic research lab, a bunch of us in the same boat got a presentation from one of the central IT people who was also a deputy sheriff.  Gist of it was, normal porn that we stumbled across in our normal work was between us and our specific work area.  Depending on who  it was, what it was, how comfortable we felt with our supervisors, whatever, we had a wide latitude and the only real constraint was what we thought the effect on our own job security was.

Kiddie porn on the other hand (or anything that looked like it might be) was absolutely required to be reported to the campus police instantly.  Any response that didn't include that would put us in serious legal jeopardy ourselves.

I'd be amazed if there were jurisdictions where someone in a job that might discover it didn't have that required notification law.
 
2021-12-06 2:03:48 PM  
Is it barely legal models who turned out to be on the wrong side of the age limit or was it obvious children?

Distribution meaning he was selling or did he trade/post one thing?

Need clarification
 
2021-12-06 3:40:15 PM  

bostonguy: BretMavrik: ...

Just really curious. Say it was not child porn, but an IT department saw a saved video of someone murdering someone and admitting on the video that he did it. Cut and dry case.

There's no legal requirement to report that? Would companies report it or just bury it as well? This is all news to me...


Companies/departments/whatever can't report anything unless a person reports something. Companies have armies of lawyers on retainer to cover their asses; people don't. Companies don't go to jail; people go to jail. So, given that, when you break it down to the individual level... "Report what? I didn't see anything."

/I don't know the answer. I know it's a problem, but I also know that there are legitimate concerns for the very people who could actually help mitigate the problem.
 
2021-12-06 5:01:17 PM  

BretMavrik: Um, time out for a second...

Context *really* matters here. Is this like "got caught in a sting and/or they found it on his laptop" or "tried to report it but mangled the process and is now caught on a technicality"?

/Back when I did IT security, we had to take a course on "how to report and investigate a child porn accusation without *you* going to jail over it as well".
//That course came in handy.
///Twice.


I mean, " distribution " seems to imply just that. He wasn't just snooping around and got popped, he was sending stuff (I assume if he was *making* it that would have been in the headline).
 
2021-12-06 5:28:19 PM  
Get herself new electronic devices to replace any has had any access to, and do not give him any of the passwords.
Phones, tablets, computers, all of it.
Remember all hired assasins online are cops.
 
2021-12-06 5:28:35 PM  

Squid_for_Brains: exqqqme: BretMavrik: Um, time out for a second...

Context *really* matters here. Is this like "got caught in a sting and/or they found it on his laptop" or "tried to report it but mangled the process and is now caught on a technicality"?

/Back when I did IT security, we had to take a course on "how to report and investigate a child porn accusation without *you* going to jail over it as well".
//That course came in handy.
///Twice.

This isn't a topic I follow closely, but I remember a chilling interview with an investigator during one of the FB hearings a few years ago.

There is so much CP being shared and distributed on the internet it's shocking. FB actually reports it, but since they are about the only service that does, they look like the worst place for it. Dropbox and other file sharing sites don't report. LE only has the resources to prosecute those cases which are so terrible or where the child is so young that they know they won't have to fight a long court case.

It's really bad.

Not to mention, some of it is so bad that Facebook mods in particular suffer from PTSD after only so much time on the job. The company sucks, but there are people there who are doing their best and suffering for it.

I farking hate humanity.


Our house motto:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-06 5:32:53 PM  

Sliding Carp: BretMavrik: At an individual level, there is no incentive and every disincentive to report something like that. The only reason I got to take the training was because I did security, but 99.99% of IT people never get that training.

When I was sysadminning for an academic research lab, a bunch of us in the same boat got a presentation from one of the central IT people who was also a deputy sheriff.  Gist of it was, normal porn that we stumbled across in our normal work was between us and our specific work area.  Depending on who  it was, what it was, how comfortable we felt with our supervisors, whatever, we had a wide latitude and the only real constraint was what we thought the effect on our own job security was.

Kiddie porn on the other hand (or anything that looked like it might be) was absolutely required to be reported to the campus police instantly.  Any response that didn't include that would put us in serious legal jeopardy ourselves.

I'd be amazed if there were jurisdictions where someone in a job that might discover it didn't have that required notification law.


University employees are usually Mandatory Reporters. I don't know if what he said would apply to IT staff generally (but probably should).
 
2021-12-06 5:36:48 PM  
Subby, help her find a good therapist and good divorce lawyer. Even if she somehow doesn't choose to leave him the lawyer will be able to give advice on how to protect herself and any kids they have, and she may be too stressed to do the calling around that's necessary to find good help.
 
2021-12-06 5:41:15 PM  

puffy999: BretMavrik: Um, time out for a second...

Context *really* matters here. Is this like "got caught in a sting and/or they found it on his laptop" or "tried to report it but mangled the process and is now caught on a technicality"?

/Back when I did IT security, we had to take a course on "how to report and investigate a child porn accusation without *you* going to jail over it as well".
//That course came in handy.
///Twice.

I mean, " distribution " seems to imply just that. He wasn't just snooping around and got popped, he was sending stuff (I assume if he was *making* it that would have been in the headline).


Subby here. He works from home and one day the local cops, county sheriff and state police were at the door with a warrant. He was caught up in a sting and had been monitoring him for a while. He had been sharing in chats files of kids under 13. We don't know boys, girls or both, if it's pictures or videos or both. They took his computers and phone. They also went to his work (he remotes into his work computer) and found that it was clean. He claims he's never touched any kids.

She, of course is devastated and horrified. When she asked him why he did it he actually said that, "It's beautiful, like a work of art." Hearing that he said that almost made me throw up.

She bailed him out on $100k bond and they are supposed to see his attorney tomorrow. We told her that we'll always back her but we're sure she'll divorce him. I think it will be a matter of timing if she'll do it before he goes on trial, which can take up to a year from now, or after. Their son is in college and finals are coming up so he's a mess. He's already said that he might change his last name.

Besides the divorce, is there anything she can do to protect herself financially? Can she work with the college to help him (they've been paying for his college with no loans)?

This is such a freaking mess. He's always been a little squirrely but we wrote it off that he's a computer nerd (apparently not that great at it) and somewhere on the spectrum. We're sure he's going to be fired any day now and, while they do have a tidy nest egg for when they were going to retire in a couple years I'm sure they're going to be plowing through it.

Thanks for any suggestions and any ideas of what happens next legally. She needs all the help she can get.
 
2021-12-06 5:48:55 PM  
As a parent, and spouse to a mental health worker, give thean his day in court. If guilty, drop his ass on an island with folks with similar proclivities.  Sink any boat or aircraft approaching the island.
 
2021-12-06 5:54:28 PM  

Nick Nostril: As a parent, and spouse to a mental health worker, give thean his day in court. If guilty, drop his ass on an island with folks with similar proclivities.  Sink any boat or aircraft approaching the island.


Good point , in my life I have known someone who accused many people I knew of being child molesters. In the end it turned out the accuser was doing it.

Poor kids,
 
2021-12-06 6:22:53 PM  
Gotta stand by yo man
 
2021-12-06 6:29:56 PM  
Have her go over all cash withdrawals. Especially those in the last seven days before enod
 
2021-12-06 6:33:21 PM  
end of the month.  If there is a pattern the scumbag may have a Store-All unit or safe deposit box.

Encourage her to be pro-farking-active with all possible due diligence.
 
2021-12-06 6:54:01 PM  

Slypork: She bailed him out on


She was supposed to do the other kind of bail.
 
2021-12-06 6:57:42 PM  

Slypork: Slypork: Subby here. He works from home and one day the local cops, county sheriff and state police were at the door with a warrant. He was caught up in a sting and had been monitoring him for a while. He had been sharing in chats files of kids under 13. We don't know boys, girls or both, if it's pictures or videos or both. They took his computers and phone. They also went to his work (he remotes into his work computer) and found that it was clean. He claims he's never touched any kids.

She, of course is devastated and horrified. When she asked him why he did it he actually said that, "It's beautiful, like a work of art." Hearing that he said that almost made me throw up.

She bailed him out on $100k bond and they are supposed to see his attorney tomorrow. We told her that we'll always back her but we're sure she'll divorce him. I think it will be a matter of timing if she'll do it before he goes on trial, which can take up to a year from now, or after. Their son is in college and finals are coming up so he's a mess. He's already said that he might change his last name.

Besides the divorce, is there anything she can do to protect herself financially? Can she work with the college to help him (they've been paying for his college with no loans)?

This is such a freaking mess. He's always been a little squirrely but we wrote it off that he's a computer nerd (apparently not that great at it) and somewhere on the spectrum. We're sure he's going to be fired any day now and, while they do have a tidy nest egg for when they were going to retire in a couple years I'm sure they're going to be plowing through it.

Thanks for any suggestions and any ideas of what happens next legally. She needs all the help she can get.


If he really said that, she should have already contacted a good divorce attorney and started protecting her assets. And line up a good therapist for her and the son.

It's not gonna get any better.
 
2021-12-06 7:18:45 PM  

puffy999: Slypork: She bailed him out on

She was supposed to do the other kind of bail.


We couldn't believe she did it and should have let him rot but she thought that as long as he's still employed that he should work so they can bank all they can now.
 
2021-12-06 7:19:51 PM  
He kept it separated from his work and his wife, so he knew without a doubt it was illegal.  No quarter.

The vast majority of us try to keep our personal stuff off work computers, but it's there.  We may log out, clear cookies and browser history, but traces of our private stuff still show up on public or business gear.  For his work to be completely clean, he was extremely focused on keeping it safely hidden.

Burn him, right now.  Never should have bailed him out, but time to cut the losses.  Get the maiden name back and help the son legally change his as well.
 
2021-12-06 7:20:08 PM  

Slypork: She, of course is devastated and horrified. When she asked him why he did it he actually said that, "It's beautiful, like a work of art." Hearing that he said that almost made me throw up.


this is not someone who is going to get better. she should not have spent a dime to bail him out.
 
2021-12-06 7:33:23 PM  
A guy I knew in the AF got busted for that in OK. His wife divorced him. It doesn't get better.  Just move on because the guy is not who you thought he was and it ain't getting better.
 
2021-12-06 8:22:24 PM  
Can she bake?
I suggest making him a nice batch of almond cookies.
 
2021-12-06 8:35:10 PM  

Slypork: She, of course is devastated and horrified. When she asked him why he did it he actually said that, "It's beautiful, like a work of art." Hearing that he said that almost made me throw up.


There's the smoking gun. She should take steps to personally distance herself, but otherwise:

1. Offer her whatever personal support you can.
2. Recommend that she get an attorney for herself and then do exactly what they tell her. This is a situation where "trying to help" can make things far worse. The last thing she needs is to do something trying to protect herself but ends up giving the prosecution grounds to rope her in as well.

/Also, it would have been nice to have had these details several hours ago when TFH was submitted.
 
2021-12-06 8:52:12 PM  

Slypork: puffy999: Slypork: She bailed him out on

She was supposed to do the other kind of bail.

We couldn't believe she did it and should have let him rot but she thought that as long as he's still employed that he should work so they can bank all they can now.


Oof. If/when he's fired tomorrow, that's gonna sting hard.
 
2021-12-06 9:19:57 PM  

BretMavrik: Slypork: She, of course is devastated and horrified. When she asked him why he did it he actually said that, "It's beautiful, like a work of art." Hearing that he said that almost made me throw up.

There's the smoking gun. She should take steps to personally distance herself, but otherwise:

1. Offer her whatever personal support you can.
2. Recommend that she get an attorney for herself and then do exactly what they tell her. This is a situation where "trying to help" can make things far worse. The last thing she needs is to do something trying to protect herself but ends up giving the prosecution grounds to rope her in as well.

/Also, it would have been nice to have had these details several hours ago when TFH was submitted.


Sorry I couldn't give more right off the bat. I'm not a Total Farmer so could t do more than submit a headline and couldn't update with more details until/if it was green lit. I also have other things going on so couldn't just keep jumping in.

I do appreciate the input and suggestions that people have offered. It will help her if she asks for ideas. We have told her to get her own attorney so she can cover herself and prepare for a future without him.
 
2021-12-06 10:22:27 PM  
She needs to get her own lawyer right now. Yes, going with her husband to talk to his lawyer is fine, but she needs her own as well. Please stress the importance of that to her. She should start divorce proceedings as well - it sounds like her husband is not even denying the charges. She can help her husband to the extent she feels is ethical, but even bailing him out was too much, IMO. She is horrified, and she doesn't want people to think she supports his behavior. She also has to think of her future, and protect her share of their assets.
 
2021-12-06 10:54:01 PM  

bostonguy: bostonguy: exqqqme: FB actually reports it, but since they are about the only service that does, they look like the worst place for it. Dropbox and other file sharing sites don't report.

There is no legal requirement to report potential serious felonies -- like farking child porn -- when they are discovered? I find that absolutely shocking and disturbing.

And not to mention compliance departments just saying, "Nah, we're going to pretend we never knew about those files before we deleted them."

If I were still an investigative journalist, I'd dive into this and go for a Pulitzer.


Here's a cautionary tale before you decide to do that.

tl;dr In an investigation into child porn on Facebook the BBC was doing, the BBC contacted FB for comment on the images. FB asked the BBC to send them the offending pictures. FB then reported the BBC to police for distributing child porn.

What a scummy bunch of asshats.
 
2021-12-07 9:38:01 AM  
Thank you to everyone for your suggestions and ideas. I would also like to thank xrayspx for the kind gift of Total Fark.

My friend is struggling with the emotional turmoil. Here's a man that she has loved and been married to for almost 30 years. She swings between screaming about him, to crying over the betrayal, stunned silence, horror and disgust and so on. She will say both that she loved him and that she loves him. At one point she talks about prison and the next saying he should just kill himself becuase it will remove the ongoing cloud and stigma. How do you turn off the love and affection overnight? You can't and that's really hurting her. A man that she shared a life, love, hopes, dreams, and so much more has totally shredded her to her very soul.

She's already told him that it's not fair that he be in the house when their son comes home for Christmas break. She's given him until this weekend to find another place to live (his brother is apparently being supportive and will let him stay there) but in the meantime he's still around. They've taken away his FOID and his brother has taken away his gun.

I've had other friends who have gotten divorced. I've known a few couples where porn was a point of contention; he liked it and she was bothered by it and so they went to counseling. I have one friend where her husband was into extreme S&M porn and had been hiding it from her. We discovered it after he killed himself (he was in major financial debt and had hidden that he was over $100k  in the hole) and she asked me to go through his computers. I didn't show her the images but gave her a vague description of what I found. She said to me, "At list it wasn't kiddie stuff."

This has got to be the worst situation I've ever been involved in. If, for some ungodly reason, she stays with him then I don't know how we can stay friends with her. Even if we meet with her alone, the fact that she didn't leave him means that at some level she forgives what he did. If she leaves him it will be hard to not look at her and see her as a victim and think about what he did. He's destroyed so many lives and I hate this man who I once considered a good friend.

What a farking mess. Merry Farking Christmas.
 
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