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(Lifehacker)   You're holiday cactus-ing wrong, you incorrigible animal   (lifehacker.com) divider line
    More: Facepalm, Cactus, Christmas cacti, Christmas cactus, Cacti, Christmas cactus blooms, Thanksgiving cacti, late fall, early winter  
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3031 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Dec 2021 at 9:50 AM (24 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



38 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-12-06 8:52:03 AM  
Mine's blooming halfway between Christmas and Thanksgiving.  WHAT NOW ASSHOLES?
 
2021-12-06 9:52:17 AM  
DAMMIT JIM, I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A CACTUS EXPERT!
 
2021-12-06 9:58:54 AM  
Why it matters

It doesn't.
 
2021-12-06 10:01:55 AM  
No Paige, don't?
 
2021-12-06 10:02:59 AM  
also... the correct term is "holiday cactus."
 
2021-12-06 10:03:13 AM  
I'm amazed how much effort went into this piece of drivel.
 
2021-12-06 10:03:38 AM  
This article brought to you by Big Cactus.
 
2021-12-06 10:04:03 AM  
Thank you, Lifehacker, for that minimally informative article with no helpful pics.

Whatever that thing is in the pot on my windowsill, it's currently healthy and blooming like hell, and that's all that matters.
 
2021-12-06 10:06:18 AM  
What an amazing "life hack"!
 
2021-12-06 10:08:38 AM  
Any cactus can be a Christmas Cactus...
 
2021-12-06 10:12:16 AM  

iheartscotch: Any cactus can be a Christmas Cactus...


If you're brave enough?
 
2021-12-06 10:14:21 AM  
Huh. And I thought food nazis were bad.
 
2021-12-06 10:17:30 AM  
The cactus you want to find while hiking.

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2021-12-06 10:27:16 AM  

Evil Mackerel: The cactus you want to find while hiking.

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you monster!  Jerboa's prize winning chili must not, cannot be mild!

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it is as fierce and daring as she!
 
2021-12-06 10:38:51 AM  

rainbowbutter: Evil Mackerel: The cactus you want to find while hiking.

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you monster!  Jerboa's prize winning chili must not, cannot be mild!

[th.bing.com image 380x298]

it is as fierce and daring as she!


We call that one Maud'Dib
 
2021-12-06 10:40:16 AM  
Mine blooms on the feast of the Assumption.
 
2021-12-06 10:42:20 AM  
How do I tell if a cactus is dead? A friend gave me some of those dyed cacti a while back and if they died I'm not sure I'd know.
 
2021-12-06 10:46:23 AM  
media4.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-06 11:03:20 AM  
i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-06 11:07:08 AM  
Luckily, the one in my dining room window has both varieties rooted in the same pot...
 
2021-12-06 11:08:26 AM  
By Elizabeth Yuko
and women complain about not being taken seriously
 
2021-12-06 11:18:58 AM  
Anybody else mildly unsettled by the woman in the video on the sidebar? I feel like if I look too long in her eyes, she'll steal my soul.
 
2021-12-06 11:29:34 AM  

Koodz: How do I tell if a cactus is dead? A friend gave me some of those dyed cacti a while back and if they died I'm not sure I'd know.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-06 11:32:15 AM  
It is nice to see a Lifehacker article in the main tab. Now the rest of Fark knows how us Food tabbers suffer.
 
2021-12-06 11:33:27 AM  
Next you gonna tell me Jeebus dint have no poinsettias?!
 
2021-12-06 11:43:15 AM  

McGrits: It is nice to see a Lifehacker article in the main tab. Now the rest of Fark knows how us Food tabbers suffer.


Oh, great.  Why am I supposed to put mayonnaise on houseplants?
 
2021-12-06 12:18:21 PM  
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2021-12-06 12:26:22 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Mine's blooming halfway between Christmas and Thanksgiving.  WHAT NOW ASSHOLES?


It's a Hanukkactus.
 
2021-12-06 12:27:30 PM  

TheGreenMonkey: I'm amazed how much effort went into this piece of drivel.


Why the hell did you read it then? The subject of the article wasn't a secret, so if it didn't interest you, why did you bother? And don't blame your double-digit IQ, that's already been factored in.
 
2021-12-06 12:29:49 PM  

zimbomba63: TheGreenMonkey: I'm amazed how much effort went into this piece of drivel.

Why the hell did you read it then? The subject of the article wasn't a secret, so if it didn't interest you, why did you bother? And don't blame your double-digit IQ, that's already been factored in.


Reading modern journalism is like going to a grade school play.  It's terrible but you want to encourage the little tykes.
 
2021-12-06 12:30:37 PM  
Most people would never write this sort of article.  I'm glad this author grew a spine.
 
2021-12-06 2:21:27 PM  
McPedro calls bullshiat on this nonsense

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2021-12-06 3:09:12 PM  
would you like me to do better than the entire article? here:

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and the most important thing to getting it to rebloom is just to make sure it experiences total natural darkness. as in in do NOT let artificial lights shine upon it after natural sunset.

since i live where it can be outside year round i'm very spoiled, just stuck it on the front balcony and never turn on my porch light! (and my neighbor very nicely agreed to to the same 2 years ago. if the neighbors DO have their porch lights on i just throw a pillowcase over mr cactus at sunset.)

anyway, the part about them being long-lived is true! when my old downstairs neighbor moved she chucked her plants out to the curb and i saved her holiday cactus.

it is about to bloom for the 2nd time under my care. and i'm pretty proud of it. it was a sunburned, shriveled wreck when i saved it.

now that you're educated, can you tell me which of the 3 "holiday cacti" this beast is? (16oz water for scale)

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2021-12-06 3:15:49 PM  
also, i WANT an "easter cactus"

anybody got any Schlumbergera gaertneri (formerly Hatiora gaertneri) cuttings they want to share?

the flowers are a very different form from the tubular ones on my "thanksgiving cactus", see below:


this is the guy i'm looking for:
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2021-12-06 3:59:16 PM  
Wife had a friend that would send her plants for her birthday, so we have two large pots of both Christmas and Thanksgiving cacti, and they bloom every year, sometimes they'll start around Halloween. Oh, and they are about 10 to 15 years old, which is the nice thing about cacti, they can easily outlive you.  Also, got an orchid from the woman, but, I really have no expertise in them like I do for cacti and succulents, and it has bloomed several times, but, not every year.
 
2021-12-06 8:19:53 PM  

luna1580: would you like me to do better than the entire article? here:


Wow. An actually useful plant guide.
 
2021-12-07 3:19:29 PM  

Encyclopedist Bioluminesica: luna1580: would you like me to do better than the entire article? here:

Wow. An actually useful plant guide.


It needs to be narrated in an exaggerated pseudo-Chicago accent.
 
2021-12-07 5:44:31 PM  

noitsnot: Encyclopedist Bioluminesica: luna1580: would you like me to do better than the entire article? here:

Wow. An actually useful plant guide.

It needs to be narrated in an exaggerated pseudo-Chicago accent.


"Now, ya got yer, what the shiat, Christmas heppenin here, an I'm gunna help ya blow that up. Just BLOW that up. I'm not gunna help you withat because let's be honest I'm not the good mood holiday cheer kinda guy - I think everyone who watches this channel knows that already. So blowing your shiat up and educating - EDUCATING, I really am good for that, good fer something - is what I'm really good fer. Now as you all know I know nothing about acksplosives, so what do I mean by 'blow up' yous ask. You ask. Or whatever, pardon my grammar. So today for today's Youtube experience I'm gunna teach you which Christmas cacti you should have bought because of their fun, mind altering, neuroreceptor poisoning properties, and which you will be getting for next year's Santa Claus Roman torture festival after the boring disaster will be this year's Christmas disaster at your house. ...And if you're Chanukkah, I don't even know how to say that, Jewish, if you're having Chanukkah, whatever I'm trying to walk troo da store while telling yalls this, if you are of some other faith... y'know... too bad because I'm uneducated and I don't know how that works. Buy someting dat says 'Christmas' and cut the labels off of it or whatever the shiat. Anyway..."
 
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