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(Local10 WPLG)   Much like teenage boys, the tegu will eat anything   (local10.com) divider line
    More: Florida, Florida, South Florida's amenable subtropical climate, white tegu, South Florida metropolitan area, Florida Fish, Wildlife officials, federal officials, recent report  
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3943 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Dec 2021 at 3:26 PM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



48 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-12-05 1:31:30 PM  
Do they eat pythons?
 
2021-12-05 2:49:45 PM  
I came to say not to worry the pythons will keep them in check.

/ might eat a baby python but snack sized for a big one.
 
2021-12-05 3:17:27 PM  
oh big deal, a cute little lizard...

Tegus raised from hatchlings are considered household pets by some reptile fans. They can be housetrained and "like to be hugged," Mazzotti said.

They also have sharp teeth and claws and can grow to a length of 4.5 feet.



holy fark.
 
2021-12-05 3:22:28 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 3:27:42 PM  
But how do you BBQ them?
 
2021-12-05 3:30:08 PM  
direct.rhapsody.comView Full Size


I misread that as tengu at first and thought Florida had these guys.
 
2021-12-05 3:31:30 PM  
Depending on how you read it, that can be a seriously disgusting headline.
 
2021-12-05 3:34:03 PM  
I've got the strategy to eliminate the suckers.  With Christmas season here, just salt the woods with fruitcakes and hope they really do eat everything.  Let's see what their digestive system does with caramelized cement and neon green Chernobyl cherries.
 
2021-12-05 3:34:07 PM  

Majin_Buu: But how do you BBQ them?


Slowly on a spit.
 
2021-12-05 3:36:45 PM  

jaivirtualcard: Depending on how you read it, that can be a seriously disgusting headline.


That just leaves more teenage girls for the native reptiles...

1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 3:38:52 PM  
So, this is like a lot of pets. People see the baby, decide it's adorable, and buy it without having any goddamn clue how big it will get, or how much the adult will cost to feed.

And a tegu? Basically the lizard equivalent of buying a goddamn mastiff puppy and not realizing it'll hit 150 pounds plus.

Tegu get BIG, and are not cheap to feed. Yeah they eat everything, but feeding one right? Ho boy. You think a bearded dragon's a pain in the ass?

Fark user imageView Full Size


So like the giant constrictors, pythons and boas, they get released. And Florida, especially in the face of global warming, is a surprisingly welcoming home to invasive reptiles.

Right now they can't get out of the panhandle because the hard freeze can kill them off (see the fact that it rains iguanas whenever it freezes in Florida), but as the world gets warmer, their invasive line will spread, and it will devastate wildlife.

TLDR: irresponsible pet owners are the worst.
 
2021-12-05 3:43:26 PM  

Majin_Buu: But how do you BBQ them?


For the Tegu, I'd go with Lizard on a Stick.  For the teenage boys, pulled pork sandwiches on French bread.
 
2021-12-05 4:03:36 PM  

SoundOfOneHandWanking: oh big deal, a cute little lizard...

Tegus raised from hatchlings are considered household pets by some reptile fans. They can be housetrained and "like to be hugged," Mazzotti said.

They also have sharp teeth and claws and can grow to a length of 4.5 feet.


holy fark.


Yep, had a pet Tegu in high school. It loved raw chicken, yaw eggs, chop meat you name it.

It was 4ft long and about 15lbs. Can climb anything. Mine learned its name and would come to me if I called it. They can make excellent and fascinating pets, shame so many dipshiats turned them loose in a tropic environment were they can thrive and harm the eco system.
 
2021-12-05 4:05:03 PM  
I've always been a fan of teenage boys who will put anything in their mouths.
 
2021-12-05 4:07:31 PM  

edmo: Do they eat pythons?


And then we can send in gorillas to deal with the tegu.
 
2021-12-05 4:12:05 PM  

NeoCortex42: edmo: Do they eat pythons?

And then we can send in gorillas to deal with the tegu.


But the gorillas won't freeze in Florida winters. They will just vote Republican
 
2021-12-05 4:14:58 PM  

Kalyco Jack: I've always been a fan of teenage boys who will put anything in their mouths.


Haveaseatoverthere.jpeg

As for this story, I think it's safe to say that by introducing all these species to each other we are simply hastening God's design.   There can be only one...
 
2021-12-05 4:21:03 PM  
What about Rogu?

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 4:24:34 PM  
This is why my Florida cat stays inside the house. No tabby appetizers for the Tegu.
 
2021-12-05 4:32:35 PM  

poopyhead: This is why my Florida cat stays inside the house. No tabby appetizers for the Tegu.


Is Florida Cat as notorious as Florida Man?
 
2021-12-05 4:34:48 PM  

Majin_Buu: But how do you BBQ them?



/Same as an Iguana
//Like they do in Tijuana
///I'm on a Mexican Radio
 
2021-12-05 4:40:38 PM  
Why no bounty. Send us a picture to report you saw one? How about bring us a lizard good for one steak dinner.
 
2021-12-05 4:47:25 PM  
Are they good eating?  They seem pretty easy to kill.
 
2021-12-05 4:54:45 PM  
So get the teenage boys to eat the lizards...

Tell them not to, under any circumstances, EVER eat lizards.

Ta Da!
 
2021-12-05 4:56:05 PM  
I heard a rumor that eating tegus will get you high, it just takes a while to kick in.

Keep eating, when it hits it will be EPIC!
 
2021-12-05 5:00:05 PM  

Ringshadow: Right now they can't get out of the panhandle because the hard freeze can kill them off (see the fact that it rains iguanas whenever it freezes in Florida), but as the world gets warmer, their invasive line will spread, and it will devastate wildlife.


bad news: they've been detected in georgia for over a year now, and south carolina since this august.

they were comfy down in florida-like-climes BEFORE global warming, now they will just keep going north if we can't kill them all.

i like reptiles and have 4 captive-bred pet turtles. but there should probably be a federal law that keeping ANY reptile pet requires a permit. and getting the permit requires passing a detailed written test about their adult size, growth rate, diet, and appropriate housing conditions -including humane tank/tub/cage sizes at different animal sizes and ages, UV and basking requirements, humidity, etc.

my cousin called me excitedly last summer that her kids had found a hatchling painted turtle at the farm pond by her house and wanted to keep it.

i was like "ok. can you drop $200-300 on turtle care tomorrow?" she was confused "can't it live in a rubbermaid from the kitchen? it's the size of a quarter."

and i was like "no. sigh. start with a tank and go big (you don't want to rebuild the habitat every damn year) nothing less than a 29 gallon with a stand, this will last a few years and females grow faster than males, you might have either! now you need a large external canister filter. and you should get some supplemental bio media for that filter, ceramic rings or matrix. and build or buy a basking area. now you need both heat and Uv B "lights" i use a mercury vapor light w/ceramic ballasted housing for hatchlings (a bulb you need to replace yearly even if it's producing visible light, and the bulb alone is $60). in Illinois, for hatchlings, you should get a water heater too. and you need turtle food. and you need a water conditioner (i recommend safe or prime by seachem). and plan to feed greens like turnip or collard leaves every or every-other day, but do some research on calcium/phosphorus ratios for reptiles before you just throw veggies in the tank.........

so no, a random plastic bin and one lettuce leaf is not gonna cut it. and this normally goes without saying, but you have 7 kids (i know!) 3 under age 5, and they need to NOT be kissing, licking, or cuddling the turtle. they need to wash their hands after they do anything to the turtle tank, including feedings.

OH -and plan on the turtle living 50+ years if it makes it through year one! and plan on cleaning the huge filter at least once a month for all of that time, the big kids won't want to, and the little kids are not physically able to."

she very wisely got her girls to "free" the baby turt back where they found it, in the morning. then went out and bought them a syrian hamster instead!
 
2021-12-05 5:08:06 PM  

luna1580: bad news: they've been detected in georgia for over a year now, and south carolina since this august.


shiat, today I learn.

That's not great. Hate to say it, but they should probably be kill on sight honestly. Like invasive wild boar.

/reptiles, especially the big ones, are expensive to care for
//hell I had a beardie and costs spiral fast
 
2021-12-05 5:46:35 PM  
can we feed them anti-vaxxers?
 
2021-12-05 5:57:09 PM  
Nevermind that feral housecats are larger in number, far wider spread, and literally orders of magnitude more destructive to natural ecosystems on an individual basis than Tegus could ever hope to be...
 
2021-12-05 6:01:55 PM  

luna1580: you have 7 kids (i know!) 3 under age 5, and they need to NOT be kissing, licking, or cuddling the turtle. they need to wash their hands after they do anything to the turtle tank, including feedings.


Turtles have cooties? Poor April.

/would actually want to know why
 
2021-12-05 6:10:37 PM  

zbtop: Nevermind that feral housecats are larger in number, far wider spread, and literally orders of magnitude more destructive to natural ecosystems on an individual basis than Tegus could ever hope to be...


just because feral cats and "outside cats" are psychotic mass murders of birds, and small mammals. and insects, and lizards, and may spread feline diseases to native wild cats (like bobcats), does NOT make tegus harmless.

they are both allowed to be recognized as dangerous invasive species. they both should be eliminated.

you want a pet cat? fine. you want a pet giant lizard? fine. but you should only be bonding with one if you can understand that if it escapes your human home it's gonna get shot on sight, trapped, poisoned, or otherwise eliminated. and if that idea disturbs you just get a dog and supervise it on a leash when you are out and about with it instead. my parents have a neighbor who walks his house cat on a leash twice a day. sure, it looks weird but i support that. cat gets "outside time" and he still prevents it from killing local wildlife, or being injured by cars, so that's a win-win.
 
2021-12-05 6:26:30 PM  

Resident Muslim: luna1580: you have 7 kids (i know!) 3 under age 5, and they need to NOT be kissing, licking, or cuddling the turtle. they need to wash their hands after they do anything to the turtle tank, including feedings.

Turtles have cooties? Poor April.

/would actually want to know why


because turtles, especially wild-caught turtles, carry salmonella. lots of reptiles and birds can.

actually getting ill from handling a turtle is almost unheard of (literally, i challenge you to find ANY confirmed cases in the US or canada in the past 30 years), but somehow the US government become SO concerned about it that they banned the sale of all live pet turtles under 4" straight carapace length. this is why they never have fresh hatchlings at pet stores. and it's why you CAN buy fresh hatchlings at reptile shows and from specialty breeders, you just have to claim you are buying them for "educational purposes" if the government bothers to ask.

so yeah, keeping a pet turtle is FAR less likely to give your kid salmonella than raw chicken cross contaminating a cutting board you also use to chop salad tonight, BUT tiny turtles are still bad pets for small kids. if your kid thinks kissing the turtle is a cute thing to do the kid is too young to keep turtles. if your kid (or you) can't commit to cleaning the filter and doing water changes FOREVER an aquatic turtle is a bad pet for any age. box turtles and russian tortoises (non-water dwellers) are MUCH easier from a happy habitat standpoint.

and oh yeah, that "they grow to the size of the container" myth is a sadistic lie. turtles grow to whatever size their species grows to (and females are usually significantly bigger), even if a human forces them to dwell in an unfiltered 10 gallon poop puddle. think of THAT like trying to keep a husky or yellow lab confined to a bathroom stall, filled with its excrement, for its entire life. only a sicko would treat a mammal like that and still claim it was a pet....
 
2021-12-05 7:02:56 PM  

luna1580: zbtop: Nevermind that feral housecats are larger in number, far wider spread, and literally orders of magnitude more destructive to natural ecosystems on an individual basis than Tegus could ever hope to be...

just because feral cats and "outside cats" are psychotic mass murders of birds, and small mammals. and insects, and lizards, and may spread feline diseases to native wild cats (like bobcats), does NOT make tegus harmless.

they are both allowed to be recognized as dangerous invasive species. they both should be eliminated.

you want a pet cat? fine. you want a pet giant lizard? fine. but you should only be bonding with one if you can understand that if it escapes your human home it's gonna get shot on sight, trapped, poisoned, or otherwise eliminated. and if that idea disturbs you just get a dog and supervise it on a leash when you are out and about with it instead. my parents have a neighbor who walks his house cat on a leash twice a day. sure, it looks weird but i support that. cat gets "outside time" and he still prevents it from killing local wildlife, or being injured by cars, so that's a win-win.


Didn't say Tegus weren't harmless or that there weren't very real problems associated with them, as you note there are.

Just pointing out the sensationalism involved and the differences we perceive from different creatures.
 
2021-12-05 7:04:32 PM  
I just wanna know if they're tasty deep fried in beer batter.

Mean it works for frog legs and I've had grilled and deep fried gator, grilled rattlesnake.

If it is? Just import some Louisiana coonasses. They'll go out there and gig themselves some Tegu and pythons and have a feast.

Torrential downpours? Not a problem. Hurricanes? They know about those. Gigging all matter of critters? Damn Skippy. Will even take care of some of that racoon population.
 
2021-12-05 7:29:49 PM  
Hey, Mikey!

 
2021-12-05 8:05:30 PM  

Rattlesnake Rattles Me: poopyhead: This is why my Florida cat stays inside the house. No tabby appetizers for the Tegu.

Is Florida Cat as notorious as Florida Man?


Among gators and tegu...yes
 
2021-12-05 9:47:32 PM  

Someone Else's Alt: SoundOfOneHandWanking: oh big deal, a cute little lizard...

Tegus raised from hatchlings are considered household pets by some reptile fans. They can be housetrained and "like to be hugged," Mazzotti said.

They also have sharp teeth and claws and can grow to a length of 4.5 feet.


holy fark.

Yep, had a pet Tegu in high school. It loved raw chicken, yaw eggs, chop meat you name it.

It was 4ft long and about 15lbs. Can climb anything. Mine learned its name and would come to me if I called it. They can make excellent and fascinating pets, shame so many dipshiats turned them loose in a tropic environment were they can thrive and harm the eco system.


What did you name your tegu?
 
2021-12-05 10:12:47 PM  

Axeofjudgement: I just wanna know if they're tasty deep fried in beer batter.


Free range, eco-friendly boots and belts, sounds like.
 
2021-12-05 10:15:21 PM  

Axeofjudgement: I just wanna know if they're tasty deep fried in beer batter.

Mean it works for frog legs and I've had grilled and deep fried gator, grilled rattlesnake.

If it is? Just import some Louisiana coonasses. They'll go out there and gig themselves some Tegu and pythons and have a feast.

Torrential downpours? Not a problem. Hurricanes? They know about those. Gigging all matter of critters? Damn Skippy. Will even take care of some of that racoon population.


YES you can eat tegu. they are indigenous to south america and are hunted for meat in their native range.

i didn't see any in the iquitos belen market, but that doesn't mean no one eats them. (although i had absolutely fabulous caiman grilled over wood in a little stall and served with jungle fruit salsas. it was WAY better than any north american gator i've had. think of an actually juicy chicken breast crossed with the sweet flakey nature of crab. and it was not muddy tasting or "fishy". it was also technically illegal to eat, as i'm pretty sure it was a black caiman -the foot was still attached- which, just like native turtles, is supposed to be protected from hunting in peru. but sometimes you eat what your native friends are eating.)

however, wild ones pretty much always test positive for salmonella (as opposed to captive-bred pets only sometimes). so skin and clean carefully, then treat it like raw chicken and make sure it's cooked to a safe temp, just like chicken.
 
2021-12-05 10:38:29 PM  
Send them up here. We have plenty of foxes, hawks and coyotes who would love a slow moving meal.
 
2021-12-05 10:40:05 PM  

farkitallletitend: Why no bounty. Send us a picture to report you saw one? How about bring us a lizard good for one steak dinner.


I made a lot of pocket money in high school off of nutria tails.

Didn't really slow down the nutria too much but it sharpened my rifle skills, and it was better than a real job
 
2021-12-05 11:46:58 PM  
luna1580:

i like reptiles and have 4 captive-bred pet turtles. but there should probably be a federal law that keeping ANY reptile pet requires a permit. and getting the permit requires passing a detailed written test about their adult size, growth rate, diet, and appropriate housing conditions -including humane tank/tub/cage sizes at different animal sizes and ages, UV and basking requirements, humidity, etc.

my cousin called me excitedly last summer that her kids had found a hatchling painted turtle at the farm pond by her house and wanted to keep it.

i was like "ok. can you drop $200-300 on turtle care tomorrow?" she was confused "can't it live in a rubbermaid from the kitchen? it's the size of a quarter."

and i was like "no. sigh. start with a tank and go big (you don't want to rebuild the habitat every damn year) nothing less than a 29 gallon with a stand, this will last a few years and females grow faster than males, you might have either! now you need a large external canister filter. and you should get some supplemental bio media for that filter, ceramic rings or matrix. and build or buy a basking area. now you need both heat and Uv B "lights" i use a mercury vapor light w/ceramic ballasted housing for hatchlings (a bulb you need to replace yearly even if it's producing visible light, and the bulb alone is $60). in Illinois, for hatchlings, you should get a water heater too. and you need turtle food. and you need a water conditioner (i recommend safe or prime by seachem). and ...


You're right about the time and money investment.

Just recently acquired a Red Ear Slider that was being kept in a bowl from someone that was moving out of state.
little guy is in a 10 gallon tank now that's set up properly for now. Luckily I could source most of the parts from family and stuff I have.
29 gallon Metaframe tank, Canister Filter needs a seal kit and new hoses, stand in storage, sitting for the future.

I used to have a 45g tank for Tokay Geckos that had a waterfall.

Water was easy, pulled some off my 100 gallon tank.
 
2021-12-06 12:13:23 AM  
Madaynun:

Good luck with him! My boys are almost 2 now, they say hi!

Fark user imageView Full Size


Fark user imageView Full Size


Tiny is the midlands painted, Tank is the ouachita map. They both turned out to be boys and are still pretty small, still fine in a 29g. But even a single male small turt (like a 5 inch painted) will need no less than a well filtered 40g breeder tank at full size.
 
2021-12-06 12:19:40 AM  
Madaynun

and honestly adult sliders (esp. girls) need a tank in excess of 100g, often a livestock water tank or outdoor pond set up.

how big is the RES? by 3" SCL you should be able to figure the gender. a male will have a much longer tail and front nails than a female.
 
2021-12-06 1:49:40 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Tiny Turtle, tank has been/still being  upgraded.
FYI added you to my favorites. (Illinois, and Turtles.)
 
2021-12-06 2:04:10 AM  
Nuke. Orbit. Only way.

Yes, I mean all of Florida.
 
2021-12-06 2:51:37 AM  
Do Tegu eat iguanas?
 
2021-12-06 5:55:24 AM  

luna1580: Resident Muslim: luna1580: you have 7 kids (i know!) 3 under age 5, and they need to NOT be kissing, licking, or cuddling the turtle. they need to wash their hands after they do anything to the turtle tank, including feedings.

Turtles have cooties? Poor April.

/would actually want to know why

because turtles, especially wild-caught turtles, carry salmonella. lots of reptiles and birds can.

actually getting ill from handling a turtle is almost unheard of (literally, i challenge you to find ANY confirmed cases in the US or canada in the past 30 years), but somehow the US government become SO concerned about it that they banned the sale of all live pet turtles under 4" straight carapace length. this is why they never have fresh hatchlings at pet stores. and it's why you CAN buy fresh hatchlings at reptile shows and from specialty breeders, you just have to claim you are buying them for "educational purposes" if the government bothers to ask.

so yeah, keeping a pet turtle is FAR less likely to give your kid salmonella than raw chicken cross contaminating a cutting board you also use to chop salad tonight, BUT tiny turtles are still bad pets for small kids. if your kid thinks kissing the turtle is a cute thing to do the kid is too young to keep turtles. if your kid (or you) can't commit to cleaning the filter and doing water changes FOREVER an aquatic turtle is a bad pet for any age. box turtles and russian tortoises (non-water dwellers) are MUCH easier from a happy habitat standpoint.

and oh yeah, that "they grow to the size of the container" myth is a sadistic lie. turtles grow to whatever size their species grows to (and females are usually significantly bigger), even if a human forces them to dwell in an unfiltered 10 gallon poop puddle. think of THAT like trying to keep a husky or yellow lab confined to a bathroom stall, filled with its excrement, for its entire life. only a sicko would treat a mammal like that and still claim it was a pet....


Understood.
Thank you for the detailed explanation (and thank you for caring, in general).
 
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