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1786 clicks; posted to Food » on 05 Dec 2021 at 2:02 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



45 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-12-05 10:24:20 AM  
Isn't that water?
 
2021-12-05 10:35:07 AM  
Gluten free is nice but what about organic?
 
2021-12-05 10:36:06 AM  
This is like making love in a canoe with deleted canoe.
 
2021-12-05 10:40:41 AM  
I can maybe see non-alcoholic wine, but what the hell is the point of non-alcoholic vodka?  What's next, non-alcoholic Everclear?
 
2021-12-05 10:51:53 AM  

BizarreMan: Isn't that water?


They prefer the term "homeopathic alcohol".

It's a clear, flavourless and colourless liquid that contains none of the active ingredient (although I think you are allowed about 0.5% alchohol in non-alchoholic beverages such as fruit juices.

Homeopathic remedies are deamed stronger the more they are diluted (unlike allopathic remedies where strength increases if the remedy actually contains the active ingredientsI) so presumably if you drink distilled sea water you will automatically be cured of everything that ails you. Mind you, this is true of un-distilled sea water.
 
2021-12-05 10:54:47 AM  
The number of suckers born every minute so that they is a 2:1 ratio of con artists to take them implies that a very large percentage of suckers are also con artists, fooling themselves as badly as they fool the suckers.

I imagine the term homeopathic applies to the number of people sellling these snake oil products and faith-based solutions, such as faith healing and Republican medicine.
 
2021-12-05 11:04:36 AM  

snocone: Gluten free is nice but what about organic?


Artisanal or GTFO
 
2021-12-05 11:59:27 AM  
Reminds me of this guy's experiments in redistilling whisky

Re-distilling cheap supermarket scotch whisky
Youtube zfJjicQkYsU
 
2021-12-05 12:49:47 PM  
lparchive.orgView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 12:54:44 PM  
How commercial vodka is made: A rail tanker car filled with industrial ethanol is unloaded into mixing tanks, watered down to 80 proof and then it is transferred into product-specific tanks were flavoring is added, and yes the cheap shiat is intentionally given a less appealing flavor profile. It then gets bottled, labelled, boxed and loaded into train box cars to head off to distributors. There is no craft or artisanal magic involved, and you are a sucker for believing marketing hype if you think there is.
 
2021-12-05 1:33:56 PM  
Why?  Because stupid people will buy it, that's why.
 
2021-12-05 2:04:38 PM  

fragMasterFlash: How commercial vodka is made: A rail tanker car filled with industrial ethanol is unloaded into mixing tanks, watered down to 80 proof and then it is transferred into product-specific tanks were flavoring is added, and yes the cheap shiat is intentionally given a less appealing flavor profile. It then gets bottled, labelled, boxed and loaded into train box cars to head off to distributors. There is no craft or artisanal magic involved, and you are a sucker for believing marketing hype if you think there is.


Ladies night (bottom shelf alcohol) night always leads to the men's room being rendered unusable by the end of the night, that can't be a coincidence. The cheap stuff tends to lead to a bad case of the shiats.
 
2021-12-05 3:22:32 PM  
Sounds fantastic.  I wonder if they sell it in dehydrated form.
 
2021-12-05 3:36:22 PM  

fragMasterFlash: How commercial vodka is made: A rail tanker car filled with industrial ethanol is unloaded into mixing tanks, watered down to 80 proof and then it is transferred into product-specific tanks were flavoring is added, and yes the cheap shiat is intentionally given a less appealing flavor profile. It then gets bottled, labelled, boxed and loaded into train box cars to head off to distributors. There is no craft or artisanal magic involved, and you are a sucker for believing marketing hype if you think there is.


But if you mix it in France and sell it in a frosted glass bottle you can charge double.
The guy that founded Gray Goose (died last year) did that and made a fortune. The more you know.
 
2021-12-05 4:08:26 PM  
Sad
 
2021-12-05 4:12:11 PM  
I got a pop-up offer saying if I ordered two bottles, they'd ship a third for free. That's some kind of sick joke, right?
 
2021-12-05 4:13:03 PM  

fragMasterFlash: How commercial vodka is made: A rail tanker car filled with industrial ethanol is unloaded into mixing tanks, watered down to 80 proof and then it is transferred into product-specific tanks were flavoring is added, and yes the cheap shiat is intentionally given a less appealing flavor profile. It then gets bottled, labelled, boxed and loaded into train box cars to head off to distributors. There is no craft or artisanal magic involved, and you are a sucker for believing marketing hype if you think there is.


red5ish: But if you mix it in France and sell it in a frosted glass bottle you can charge double.
The guy that founded Gray Goose (died last year) did that and made a fortune. The more you know.


yeah, the whole "our vodak is the most purest! also it is the best tasting!!!" thing always makes my eye twitch.
 
2021-12-05 4:20:19 PM  

brantgoose: BizarreMan:

It's a clear, flavourless and colourless liquid that contains none of the active ingredient (although I think you are allowed about 0.5% alchohol in non-alchoholic beverages such as fruit juices.


I see you didn't read the linked page...
 
2021-12-05 4:26:52 PM  
Alcohol free vodak, all the cringe and all the vomit with none of the buzz!
Available at WHY near you...

JFC make it stop.
 
2021-12-05 4:43:15 PM  
This Xmas serve non-alcoholic vodka with your plant-based sham-ham then fake an orgasm with your imaginary Canuckian girlfriend!
 
2021-12-05 4:59:49 PM  

BizarreMan: Isn't that water?


The leading non-water ingredient appears to be glycerol...

"When taken by mouth, glycerol can cause side effects including headaches, dizziness, bloating, nausea, vomiting, thirst, and diarrhea."

So, like actual vodak plus diarrhea. Shuddup and take my money!
 
2021-12-05 5:01:57 PM  

red5ish: fragMasterFlash: How commercial vodka is made: A rail tanker car filled with industrial ethanol is unloaded into mixing tanks, watered down to 80 proof and then it is transferred into product-specific tanks were flavoring is added, and yes the cheap shiat is intentionally given a less appealing flavor profile. It then gets bottled, labelled, boxed and loaded into train box cars to head off to distributors. There is no craft or artisanal magic involved, and you are a sucker for believing marketing hype if you think there is.

But if you mix it in France and sell it in a frosted glass bottle you can charge double.
The guy that founded Gray Goose (died last year) did that and made a fortune. The more you know.


Yep, that. Vodka is basically a Veblen good.
 
2021-12-05 5:40:32 PM  

oldfarthenry: This Xmas serve non-alcoholic vodka with your plant-based sham-ham then fake an orgasm with your imaginary Canuckian girlfriend...


...virtually. Welcome to the new world nothing-is-real order.
At first I larfed at your supposition, but then it just depressed me with it's accuracy.
 
2021-12-05 5:42:11 PM  

WordsnCollision: BizarreMan: Isn't that water?

The leading non-water ingredient appears to be glycerol...

"When taken by mouth, glycerol can cause side effects including headaches, dizziness, bloating, nausea, vomiting, thirst, and diarrhea."

So, like actual vodak plus diarrhea. Shuddup and take my money!


If you drink enough real vodak, the diarrhea is free.
Replying for a friend...
 
2021-12-05 5:53:24 PM  
Also coming soon; alcohol free gin

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 6:04:54 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 6:42:56 PM  
Well that is a horrible prank gift.
 
2021-12-05 6:52:43 PM  

Axeofjudgement: Well that is a horrible prank gift.


not quite as bad as ice9, but still yeah
 
2021-12-05 6:55:32 PM  
Maybe for enemas
 
2021-12-05 7:32:59 PM  
Because non-alcoholic wine was such a big hit?
 
2021-12-05 8:08:27 PM  
/meanwhile I'm waiting for alcohol drinks with CBD
 
2021-12-05 8:09:55 PM  
Lambskincoat:

Ladies night (bottom shelf alcohol) night always leads to the men's room being rendered unusable by the end of the night, that can't be a coincidence. The cheap stuff tends to lead to a bad case of the shiats.

Possibly let some more tails into the product. Worse hangover, worse taste, more intestinal upset.
 
2021-12-05 8:18:28 PM  
There are non-alcoholic booze substitutes which have good flavors. They don't fill exactly the same niche as liquor, but it's close enough that you can make mixed drinks which have interesting, balanced, flavor profiles. They're still awfully expensive, and the market is new, but I'm sure it will grow along with the market in other non-alcoholic flavored beverages. Point being that it's the interesting botanical flavors.

This sounds like selling dehydrated water.

If you want your own alcohol-free vodka just get a fancy glass bottle, pee in it, shake it out, and add water. Same effect for less money.
 
2021-12-05 8:22:34 PM  

brantgoose: BizarreMan: Isn't that water?

They prefer the term "homeopathic alcohol".

It's a clear, flavourless and colourless liquid that contains none of the active ingredient (although I think you are allowed about 0.5% alchohol in non-alchoholic beverages such as fruit juices.

Homeopathic remedies are deamed stronger the more they are diluted (unlike allopathic remedies where strength increases if the remedy actually contains the active ingredientsI) so presumably if you drink distilled sea water you will automatically be cured of everything that ails you. Mind you, this is true of un-distilled sea water.


Homeopathic alcohol would make you less drunk. Just put a drop of ethanol in a bottle, keep diluting until there isn't a single molecule left, "potentize" by shaking it 100 times in four directions plus up and down. It should cause instant sobriety.
 
2021-12-05 9:20:26 PM  

red5ish: fragMasterFlash: How commercial vodka is made: A rail tanker car filled with industrial ethanol is unloaded into mixing tanks, watered down to 80 proof and then it is transferred into product-specific tanks were flavoring is added, and yes the cheap shiat is intentionally given a less appealing flavor profile. It then gets bottled, labelled, boxed and loaded into train box cars to head off to distributors. There is no craft or artisanal magic involved, and you are a sucker for believing marketing hype if you think there is.

But if you mix it in France and sell it in a frosted glass bottle you can charge double.
The guy that founded Gray Goose (died last year) did that and made a fortune. The more you know.


Who do you mean? Sidney Frank died years ago; I know his daughter. François Thibault is still alive as far as I know.
 
2021-12-05 10:37:41 PM  
I don't even like vodka, and I'm still offended by this.

/vodka and gin, the only two spirits I can't stand
//so far
 
2021-12-05 11:45:46 PM  

dereksmalls: [Fark user image 850x1215]


I bought some instant water but I don't know what to add to it. - Steven Wright
 
2021-12-06 12:45:02 AM  
So its for stupid people?
 
2021-12-06 2:00:13 AM  

anuran: brantgoose: BizarreMan: Isn't that water?

They prefer the term "homeopathic alcohol".

It's a clear, flavourless and colourless liquid that contains none of the active ingredient (although I think you are allowed about 0.5% alchohol in non-alchoholic beverages such as fruit juices.

Homeopathic remedies are deamed stronger the more they are diluted (unlike allopathic remedies where strength increases if the remedy actually contains the active ingredientsI) so presumably if you drink distilled sea water you will automatically be cured of everything that ails you. Mind you, this is true of un-distilled sea water.

Homeopathic alcohol would make you less drunk. Just put a drop of ethanol in a bottle, keep diluting until there isn't a single molecule left, "potentize" by shaking it 100 times in four directions plus up and down. It should cause instant sobriety.


wait, wouldn't your body's act of diluting the homeopathic alcohol even further, increase its potency thus making you instantly drunk/dead?

/science how does it even work
 
2021-12-06 2:05:43 AM  

CFitzsimmons: red5ish: fragMasterFlash: How commercial vodka is made: A rail tanker car filled with industrial ethanol is unloaded into mixing tanks, watered down to 80 proof and then it is transferred into product-specific tanks were flavoring is added, and yes the cheap shiat is intentionally given a less appealing flavor profile. It then gets bottled, labelled, boxed and loaded into train box cars to head off to distributors. There is no craft or artisanal magic involved, and you are a sucker for believing marketing hype if you think there is.

But if you mix it in France and sell it in a frosted glass bottle you can charge double.
The guy that founded Gray Goose (died last year) did that and made a fortune. The more you know.

Who do you mean? Sidney Frank died years ago; I know his daughter. François Thibault is still alive as far as I know.


I heard the story on NPR a year or so ago. It must have been about Frank and I thought it was a recent event. Apparently he asked What vodka was the best and most expensive? They (did he have henchmen?) said Absolut. He said we'll double the price. And we'll make it in France because everybody thinks things that come from France are better. The frosted glass bottle will look great on the bar back with light shining through it. The early shipments went out in wooden crates padded with straw.
Genius.
 
2021-12-06 3:00:33 AM  

red5ish: But if you mix it in France and sell it in a frosted glass bottle you can charge double.
The guy that founded Gray Goose (died last year) did that and made a fortune. The more you know.


If they spent money on a fancy bottle they cut corners on the juice.
 
2021-12-06 11:55:45 AM  
If you want vodka flavored water, there are cheaper ways This stuff is About $6
This is an Ad:
Description
Vodka Essence flavoring is for a neutral spirit or moonshine alcohol. This essence has a full flavor typical of very popular vodkas which is similar to what you would find on the shelf at the liquor store. In addition, this flavoring is a favorite for many devoted vodka drinkers. You can easily add this essence alcohol flavoring to your own distilled spirit or moonshine. This flavoring can also be used to flavor a cheap vodka. It is always best to filter moonshine and neutral spirits with a carbon filter and then add different flavorings to make your own liquors. Finally, you can add this essence alcohol flavoring directly into a neutral spirit.
This collection of essences are available in 50ml bottles and in many flavors. Each bottle of essence makes 2.25 liters (4.75 US Pints) or 3 x 750ml bottles (3 x 26oz).
milehidistilling.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-06 5:29:11 PM  

fasahd: If you want vodka flavored water, there are cheaper ways This stuff is About $6
This is an Ad:
Description
Vodka Essence flavoring is for a neutral spirit or moonshine alcohol. This essence has a full flavor typical of very popular vodkas which is similar to what you would find on the shelf at the liquor store. In addition, this flavoring is a favorite for many devoted vodka drinkers. You can easily add this essence alcohol flavoring to your own distilled spirit or moonshine. This flavoring can also be used to flavor a cheap vodka. It is always best to filter moonshine and neutral spirits with a carbon filter and then add different flavorings to make your own liquors. Finally, you can add this essence alcohol flavoring directly into a neutral spirit.
This collection of essences are available in 50ml bottles and in many flavors. Each bottle of essence makes 2.25 liters (4.75 US Pints) or 3 x 750ml bottles (3 x 26oz).
[milehidistilling.com image 500x500]


lol, I had forgotten about those! for when you build your own continuous turbo fermenter/still in a 5gal bucket with an aquarium heater. "makes it taste just like your favorite whiskey/etc.!!!"

never got around to building one of those, so I used my turboyeast powers for good instead - making mead.

/did pick up some nuruk recently, next adventure will have to be makgeolli
 
2021-12-06 6:25:55 PM  
Kind of like drinking decaffeinated coffee.  Why?
 
2021-12-06 6:31:07 PM  

jackandwater: Kind of like drinking decaffeinated coffee.  Why?


name checks out
 
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