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(ESPN)   Texas football assistant sued over some serious monkey business   (espn.com) divider line
    More: Followup, The Jerry Springer Show, Danielle Thomas, Coach, Jerry Springer, Thomas' monkey bit, Pleading, Head coach, Training  
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4099 clicks; posted to Main » and Sports » on 05 Dec 2021 at 3:35 AM (24 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



42 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-12-05 1:28:15 AM  
A monkey is a wild animal. They would be hard to keep as pets. I don't think Pennsylvania where I live you are allowed to even have one as a pet.
 
2021-12-05 3:38:57 AM  
"A 11 /12 year old child should know better then to enter someone yard without permission and old enough to also follow the rules," she added. "The rules were when u get to the gate turn around and come back out for candy every other parent and child did so !"

Lady seems to be a complete liar and a grade A biatch.

Also monkeys are complete psychos. If they get mad they will fark you up before you even know they are farking you up.
 
2021-12-05 3:44:07 AM  
Could be worse.

So Cold... (The Simpsons)
Youtube eQykZB_zUZI
 
2021-12-05 3:52:22 AM  
I think the monkey just didn't like the name Clinkenbeard.
 
2021-12-05 3:54:51 AM  
Keeping a monkey is like having a living chainsaw with serious anxiety and depression.
 
2021-12-05 3:56:02 AM  
Thomas is also identified as "Pole Assassin" in the lawsuit, her stage name as a dancer. She once appeared on "The Jerry Springer Show" with the monkey.

She sounds nice.
 
2021-12-05 4:17:47 AM  
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2021-12-05 4:32:45 AM  
Has there ever been a pet monkey owner who wasn't a complete asshole?
 
2021-12-05 4:48:10 AM  

Krieghund: Thomas is also identified as "Pole Assassin" in the lawsuit, her stage name as a dancer. She once appeared on "The Jerry Springer Show" with the monkey.

She sounds nice.


That can't be a real quote. Fine, I'll read the article

Instead of giving a high five, Danielle Thomas's monkey aggressively bit down

I honestly did not expect it to get weirder than that
 
2021-12-05 4:51:32 AM  
"Where do you keep the monkey?"
"In the kids' room."
"Gee, it must be all smelly and disgusting."
"Yeah, but the monkey doesn't seem to mind."

/got nuthin'
 
2021-12-05 5:13:28 AM  
Thomas is also identified as "Pole Assassin" in the lawsuit, her stage name as a dancer. She once appeared on "The Jerry Springer Show" with the monkey.

* 'Pole Assassin' is the name of my Motley Crue cover band.
* Is 'appeared on "The Jerry Springer Show" with the monkey.'a euphemism?

/"She appeared on the Jerry Springer Show with the monkey, if you know what I mean and I think you do..."
 
2021-12-05 5:22:48 AM  
Clearly, that monkey needs to be spanked.
 
2021-12-05 5:29:35 AM  

Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: Clearly, that monkey needs to be spanked.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 5:35:08 AM  

TorpedoOrca: Krieghund: Thomas is also identified as "Pole Assassin" in the lawsuit, her stage name as a dancer. She once appeared on "The Jerry Springer Show" with the monkey.

She sounds nice.

That can't be a real quote. Fine, I'll read the article

Instead of giving a high five, Danielle Thomas's monkey aggressively bit down

I honestly did not expect it to get weirder than that


And then it did.

'Pole Assassin'

Geez.  What did Polish people ever do to her?
 
2021-12-05 5:53:08 AM  
Dude you are only supposed to hook up with strippers not leave your wife and kids for her and her monkey.
 
2021-12-05 6:04:37 AM  
"That's not my minkey."

/two references for the price of one
 
2021-12-05 6:14:14 AM  

groppet: Dude you are only supposed to hook up with strippers not leave your wife and kids for her and her monkey.


Yeah but according to her, Everybody's Got Something to Hide...
 
2021-12-05 6:41:11 AM  

bughunter: groppet: Dude you are only supposed to hook up with strippers not leave your wife and kids for her and her monkey.

Yeah but according to her, Everybody's Got Something to Hide...


c.tenor.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 7:20:47 AM  

Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: Clearly, that monkey needs to be spanked.


Peter Gabriel suggests a harsher punishment:
Peter Gabriel - Shock The Monkey
Youtube CnVf1ZoCJSo
 
2021-12-05 7:34:31 AM  
To build off her newfound fame, expect Danielle Thompson to be running for office next election cycle.

The monkey is probably better in bed than the coach is.
 
2021-12-05 7:55:20 AM  
This whole story was a gift to all us.  One of the weirdest CFB weekends.
 
2021-12-05 7:56:35 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 8:15:28 AM  
Skid Row - Monkey Business
Youtube T-MY44HAY4o
 
2021-12-05 8:22:35 AM  
My great-grandmother had a lot of pets, including a monkey. It was the meanest goddamn thing I ever saw. To be fair, it probably had a pretty shiatty life.
 
2021-12-05 8:40:43 AM  
When you hear the monkey's side of the story, the little bastard had it coming.
 
2021-12-05 9:30:08 AM  

chipaku: Has there ever been a pet monkey owner who wasn't a complete asshole?


Knew a monkey guy. Was an odd fellow and a bit of a hoarder. When the monkey died he kept it in the freezer, in a crown royal bag. When he died the monkey was given a proper burial, crown royal bag and all.
 
2021-12-05 9:30:36 AM  
WAT?

/And why isn't on the main page where I can get more eyeballs?
//It's not the slotted chair but it has potential.
///
 
2021-12-05 9:41:48 AM  

dbeshear: To build off her newfound fame, expect Danielle Thompson to be running for office next election cycle.

The monkey is probably better in bed than the coach is.


Ewwwww. Poor monkey
 
2021-12-05 9:57:24 AM  

wrenchboy: dbeshear: To build off her newfound fame, expect Danielle Thompson to be running for office next election cycle.

The monkey is probably better in bed than the coach is.

Ewwwww. Poor monkey


The Amazon triangle?

I believe I have broken rule 34... I hope.
 
2021-12-05 10:07:01 AM  

eclecticman666: WAT?

/And why isn't on the main page where I can get more eyeballs?
//It's not the slotted chair but it has potential.
///


Cause it's mostly a repeat. All this ran last month.
 
2021-12-05 10:07:16 AM  

chipaku: Has there ever been a pet monkey owner who wasn't a complete asshole?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 10:33:08 AM  
Everybody's got something to hide.
 
2021-12-05 10:42:27 AM  

AtlanticCoast63: Thomas is also identified as "Pole Assassin" in the lawsuit, her stage name as a dancer. She once appeared on "The Jerry Springer Show" with the monkey.

* 'Pole Assassin' is the name of my Motley Crue cover band.
* Is 'appeared on "The Jerry Springer Show" with the monkey.'a euphemism?

/"She appeared on the Jerry Springer Show with the monkey, if you know what I mean and I think you do..."


Wait, it was my understanding that she had been on Springer, and she had been on stage with the monkey, but the monkey had not been on Springer.

SB Nation summary, might be NSFW
 
2021-12-05 11:12:36 AM  
Missing from article: What was the child dressed as for Halloween that made the monkey want to attack him? Michael Jackson?
 
2021-12-05 11:20:55 AM  

UNC_Samurai: Wait, it was my understanding that she had been on Springer, and she had been on stage with the monkey, but the monkey had not been on Springer.


blogs.bmj.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 11:21:54 AM  

Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: Clearly, that monkey needs to be spanked.


No way. That would totally be a dick move!
 
2021-12-05 11:33:21 AM  
i.ndtvimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-05 12:30:52 PM  

chipaku: Has there ever been a pet monkey owner who wasn't a complete asshole?


Nope. They're like one of those bald guys in a tank top you used to see at music festivals, walking around with a big snake draped over his neck. It's just LOOK AT ME! in animal form.
 
2021-12-05 12:42:12 PM  
If you want to know if an exotic animal would make a good pet, go to the zoo and see which enclosures the keepers go into while the animal is there.

Snakes, birds, even alligators - the keepers will enter the enclosure with the animal.

Keepers never go into a primate enclosure while the animals are on exhibit. There's a reason for that. No matter how well-trained a monkey is, it can and will attack without warning.
 
2021-12-05 12:44:59 PM  
I expected this would take a racist turn based on the headline. Fark racism and fark people who own monkeys.
 
2021-12-05 12:45:24 PM  

jaivirtualcard: "A 11 /12 year old child should know better then to enter someone yard without permission and old enough to also follow the rules," she added. "The rules were when u get to the gate turn around and come back out for candy every other parent and child did so !"

Lady seems to be a complete liar and a grade A biatch.

Also monkeys are complete psychos. If they get mad they will fark you up before you even know they are farking you up.


I mean, she goes by "Pole Assasin" as her "dancer" name and was on Jerry Springer with the monkey. Her rationale for how the monkey does not have rabies was it bit her before and she lived.

So, yeah I can see why you might think she is not trustworthy.

Also, never trust anyone who cannot spell on social media.
 
2021-12-05 5:22:20 PM  

RepoManTSM: I expected this would take a racist turn based on the headline. Fark racism and fark people who own monkeys.


And don't even get me started on racists who own monkeys.
 
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